Believing the OCD thoughts?

[jesuslover94]

I suffer from the OCD too and it gets really bad to the point I sometimes believe the intrusive thoughts. When they happen I get confused, I start to panic and it's like I forget what's true and real. Like one time I was walking and I saw a couple kids, and I thought they were cute. Then my OCD spiked and I was getting thoughts that were telling me it's ok to kidnap kids. When it spikes it's like I get into an argument with myself trying to say it's wrong to kidnap kids. And it convinced me that it was ok to kidnap them. After awhile though I realize it's wrong, then it'll spike again at times. One time I was convinced I wanted to hurt/murder people. But in the past (and at times still do) I got bad thoughts about God and the Trinity. What if someone believes the bad thoughts for a little while? But realizes they're not true later? I got saved last March/April, but I didn't really know much about being a Christian. And I'm sure I got truly saved sometime this month, but the OCD spikes. And I've gone through times where I get bitter towards God and I don't know why. Can the OCD make you feel mad at God and make you feel like you don't want to be a Christian anymore?
I sometimes find it hard to love God, I've felt a great amount of love for God before, but it's not always there. I have depression and sometimes have blackouts where I tend to hurt myself and do stuff I normally wouldn't. I don't know if that has to do with anything. But I just get so worried though...

 

[kodadog1024]

I suffer from the OCD too and it gets really bad to the point I sometimes believe the intrusive thoughts. When they happen I get confused, I start to panic and it's like I forget what's true and real. Like one time I was walking and I saw a couple kids, and I thought they were cute. Then my OCD spiked and I was getting thoughts that were telling me it's ok to kidnap kids. When it spikes it's like I get into an argument with myself trying to say it's wrong to kidnap kids. And it convinced me that it was ok to kidnap them. After awhile though I realize it's wrong, then it'll spike again at times. One time I was convinced I wanted to hurt/murder people. But in the past (and at times still do) I got bad thoughts about God and the Trinity. What if someone believes the bad thoughts for a little while? But realizes they're not true later? I got saved last March/April, but I didn't really know much about being a Christian. And I'm sure I got truly saved sometime this month, but the OCD spikes. And I've gone through times where I get bitter towards God and I don't know why. Can the OCD make you feel mad at God and make you feel like you don't want to be a Christian anymore?
I sometimes find it hard to love God, I've felt a great amount of love for God before, but it's not always there. I have depression and sometimes have blackouts where I tend to hurt myself and do stuff I normally wouldn't. I don't know if that has to do with anything. But I just get so worried though...

This is by far by biggest fear right now and I find myself quite often "in-check" with it. I pray to God to fill my heart with love, patience and kindness in hopes that I will never act upon these thoughts. And it's usually only about my family which frightens me (well, almost gets me in a panic/ nausea state) and I find that anything can trigger it, especially when I'm starting to feel good and happy. I'll have thoughts like "well, this is it, I am going to go crazy and kill my whole family" and then I don't want to come home from work. Some days I never want to come home at all because I fear that I will act on these thoughts. It's exhausting. I thought I was over this pretty good and then one day it just flared up, I started worrying, and here I am again, back on these boards, saying the exact same things I said a year ago.

 

[jesuslover94]

I understand what you mean. One time when I had a mental breakdown, where I tend to black out and do stuff I normally wouldn't do, I thought I wanted to kill my family . But later on I calmed down and realized it's false, because I love them . But still, it's very scary, and I'm disgusted with myself especially about the bad thoughts about God.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Harming etc is common OCD themes. You will not act on them. It is only OCD fears saying otherwise.Yes, I think it is also common for OCD to affect your relationship with God. Definitely.

 

[Tucansam93]

I suffered from OCD for 5 years and it controlled my life completely. I know what it feels like to have delusions even though you don't believe them. They are extremely annoying, believe me. I let go of my OCD now after seeing a psychologist and using medication even though I still sometimes have "delusions". I treat them now as just annoying and I don't let them control me anymore. Just let go of it. Your mind shouldn't be in control, God should be.

 

[tripletiger1200]

OCD can make you fear that you're bitter towards God, especially if it's something you worry about. Regular people can be bitter and angry towards God too, it's part of being a fallen human. The really great news is that God knows this and has chosen to give us his very best, Jesus Christ, to pay for us when we were and are at our worst. God saves those who are in Christ, and is patient and kind with them, far more than we deserve and far more than I can comprehend. When I fear, I trust in the grace that I have been given because of what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross, and I trust in the fact that I know that God is patient and that he is love.

 

[jesuslover94]

Thanks I just get so scared of doing the unforgivable sin because of my OCD. Because it's like it's so strong I get confused and I can't tell if the bad thoughts are true or not. At times I think I cave into bad thoughts. One time I wanted to test the OCD out so I thought, "I don't want to lick a toilet seat." Then my OCD was making me think "Maybe I do want to lick a toilet seat." Then I get confused and think maybe I do want to lick one, because it feels like it. LOL I'm sorry gross example, but that's how strong it is, it convinces me of stuff.

 

[Riverz]

I am learning to be Christ like with OCd and wrote this the other day...it might inspire you...sounds like at the very least you can relate...thanks be to God.


Come Here. I have something to tell you.
Its the way I walk with God,
The way I talk with God,
The way I get all awkward with God
That let's me control, capture,
to take Hold...in a way
that thought that intrudes on me...in a way
that come in and out without asking...in a way
that distract me and keep me busy...in a way
Thoughts that never used to leave
the way I would like them to leave...
Quietly.
No, no no... LEAVING LOUDLY!!!
Always Making a scene...for EVeryone to see.

Leaving marks, marring up his masterpiece
Like a Shining, leaving a Trail
To Be Followed by Anything that is AFTER me.

Not anymore...I don't need to flee.
I was made for Greater...in a way
Just THIS WAY...This is how I am meant to be

I BELIEVE he has EMPOWERED me
To cause these thoughts to become more insight to see what could be
rather than whats to become of me.

And IF I AM to be OCD
Then let me be obsessed in He.
He that made me this way.
And Let my compulsions be In He,be Compelled by the things HE puts in me
and in the way of me.

Let He that is Perfect bring Order to this disorder.
Let He that is Perfect be perfect in me, To Perfect Me,
to Show me how to be JUST LIKE HE!

- Riverz 3-2012

 

[jesuslover94]

Thanks I just hope God uses the ocd to bring glory to Him, because I strongly dislike being weak like I get sometimes.

 

[dabro]

Nip this in the bud. Don't give it any validity. When the anxiety sets off a false alarm Just accept that you'll have anxieties and other feelings. After awhile it should pass on it's own. Thank you ERP!

 

[jesuslover94]

Thanks I've been taking Xanax when needed, but still...I get so depressed/bipolar it seems like. It makes me think I don't want to be a Christian anymore, but I do want to be a Christian.

 

[liviamazz]

You might want to look into a Christian treatment centers like Renewal Christian Care. I know that Renewal even has OCD treatment programs that can help you to overcome OCD and incorporate Christianity into treatment. Seems like a program like that would help you get closer to God and also help with OCD. Otherwise there are a lot of other treatment programs just for OCD too. Either way, maybe it's something you'd like to look into.