Being used..... again......

[aflower4God]

By the same guy, the reason I keep going back to him is cause of LONELINESS.
I even begged my mom tonight when I talked to her to move to where I live and I opened up to her about being so lonely that it is eating me up. Sadly mom can't move to my state And that guy was just using me to make sure that I didn't "ruin his good name" anymore to my dear close friends by venting about him. He didn't care for me, he is so in love with that girl he used me for. He is just a toxic guy and I am stupid YES I AM VERY STUPID to be his friend to want to even talk to him again, I bet that if I was not ugly or smart I would have been married now. But I am not only ugly I am stupid! Just ask that toxic guy who USES ME ALL THE TIME, he will tell you how STUPID I am and UGLY I am cause I don't have cat shaped eyes and I am not anorexic looking. Also I don't have a high IQ like he loves. FACE IT I am worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[TangoSprite]

There's an old saying, if you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten.

A man who is verbally abusive is punching you, assaulting you, with words. He's going deeper than a physical strike to your flesh by verbally word for word destroying you from the inside out.
Because what he says that his hurtful to you, and guy's who are depraved and assault women verbally, know where your holes are. They know where you're weakest. They know because when they first meet you they wiggle into your life saying they want to get to know you. They use all sorts of invitations to expose your heart and weak points. They'll say things like, I feel like I've known you forever.
Or, "You came out of left field. I wasn't expecting to feel like this." Which is designed to make you feel special and a bonded with him. Especially if he knows you believe in soul mates.

Then when you take to that, he'll press deeper. Something along the lines of, "I can see the pain in your eyes. Tell me why do you hurt?" And he'll look all sad and even have water in his eyes. Those are what I call the method actor predator.

And when you open to them and tell them that, they know you have no boundaries. They can ask you anything and learn how to work you because they know you'll volunteer it because all they had to do was say you were special.
And that tells them you have no or low self-esteem.

Emotional abusive predators look for your holes. And then they do whatever they have to to fill them up. And when they do that and you respond by feeling better for what they feed you, not for what you discover as worthy about yourself because they're giving you the 'quick fix' by saying what you need, and the keyword here is need, as in needy, they own you. They know that you'll do anything to keep getting that positive reinforcement.

And when they're tired of that false game of fish, their real side will come out. Because they already know where you're weak and how you can crumble. And that's when they go back to their true nature and start to whittle you down with hateful words. Not in one big storm, but slowly. They'll start to slowly erode with hateful negative remarks and behavior, what they built up with great care and frequency in positive reinforcement and compliments and tender care.

It's very important that you understand that that is the kind of predator you're being used by. You are feeding his sadistic nature. And it's very important that you realize it is not your fault. It is not you. It is not anything that you are, or have done, that makes him behave like this.
This that he's showing you now is who he was all along. Who he wasn't is the guy that was sweet and tender and caring at first.

Think about what he says to you in those acidic comments. He's telling you all about what he is. Because a man who loves himself doesn't do this. He doesn't take joy in hurting a woman. Physically or verbally.

When he's telling you all those hateful things as to how worthless, ugly, unworthy , etc.... that you are and you're in his company he's actually saying that that's what he deserves in a woman. While he's telling you that who he is is someone that likes to hurt a woman by saying hateful things so as to destroy her self-esteem on the inside and thereby make her see herself in the same way.

Now, you listen to me. I know what I'm talking about. I've been there. I've lived it. I knew a man like that and spent years with him. YOU will NEVER change him! But he can destroy you.

You are better off alone than with a man that beats you constantly with hateful words. The pain he inflicts word for word pulses from the inside out. It guts you, rips your heart out, makes your face hurt for the emotion that is there when his words about you, anything at all negative, puts your face on it. You see yourself face first when you look in the mirror and his hateful words that condemn who you are and what you look like makes you see your own reflection his way.

You are a child of God. You are a reflection of your ancestors on both sides of the family tree. Mother and Father. As well as creator God almighty. And God don't make ugly!

But God does know there is evil in this world and you know his first name!

GET AWAY!
STOP! Save yourself! Your mother can't help you. You need to get out of the house and meet people. Change your number, move if you can, get rid of this guy! Would you drink poison if a cup was labeled to warn you of it's contents prior to drinking?
Then why are you with a man you know is toxic to you and your sense of self.

Jesus saved the world from sin.
Only you can save yourself from this evil.
(HUGS) Be well my sister. I look forward to your update that he is no longer part of your life and you are on your way to a beautiful life.

 

[Jeshu]

By the same guy, the reason I keep going back to him is cause of LONELINESS.
I even begged my mom tonight when I talked to her to move to where I live and I opened up to her about being so lonely that it is eating me up. Sadly mom can't move to my state And that guy was just using me to make sure that I didn't "ruin his good name" anymore to my dear close friends by venting about him. He didn't care for me, he is so in love with that girl he used me for. He is just a toxic guy and I am stupid YES I AM VERY STUPID to be his friend to want to even talk to him again, I bet that if I was not ugly or smart I would have been married now. But I am not only ugly I am stupid! Just ask that toxic guy who USES ME ALL THE TIME, he will tell you how STUPID I am and UGLY I am cause I don't have cat shaped eyes and I am not anorexic looking. Also I don't have a high IQ like he loves. FACE IT I am worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Believing lies hurt deeply Flower, I suggest that you heed Jesus when it comes to who and what you are because He will never use you or hurt your feelings.

 

[RuthD]

I went through the same thing with a guy who used me and had another girl he loved. I finally told him off. Yes I was down right mean to him because I was sick of how he treated me. He is now out of my life and I am glad. You can get rid of him. Just tell him to leave you alone or whatever you want to get rid of him. With him gone you will have room for someone else in your life. You are not ugly or stupid. You are beautiful. I've seen your picture. And you are beautiful inside too. Don't let yourself be used. It's a waste of time and it hurts you too much. Praying you heal from him.

 

[Chococat]

By the same guy, the reason I keep going back to him is cause of LONELINESS.
I even begged my mom tonight when I talked to her to move to where I live and I opened up to her about being so lonely that it is eating me up. Sadly mom can't move to my state And that guy was just using me to make sure that I didn't "ruin his good name" anymore to my dear close friends by venting about him. He didn't care for me, he is so in love with that girl he used me for. He is just a toxic guy and I am stupid YES I AM VERY STUPID to be his friend to want to even talk to him again, I bet that if I was not ugly or smart I would have been married now. But I am not only ugly I am stupid! Just ask that toxic guy who USES ME ALL THE TIME, he will tell you how STUPID I am and UGLY I am cause I don't have cat shaped eyes and I am not anorexic looking. Also I don't have a high IQ like he loves. FACE IT I am worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop putting yourself down IMMEDIATELY. You are NOT repeat NOT stupid or ugly regardless of what Satan (who is the biggest liar going) and this guy or any other toxic people would have you believe. TangoSprite gave some excellent advice on how toxic people work. You are better off alone than with someone like that so you really need to cut yourself off from this guy NOW!!! I know it will hurt but it will hurt a lot more in the long run if you keep contact with him. I can relate to how you feel as I have been hurt by guys that I had feelings for in the past. Also I have had "friends" who have treated me the way Tango describes. People like that can suss out vulnerable people like us very easily and then they suck us in with flattery in order to make us feel special and then once they "have" us they start putting us down and making us feel about an inch tall. Yet often there is still something that keeps drawing us back to them for more of the same. We just need to be strong and realise we deserve better than this and abandon these narcissists even if it does mean being alone for a while. I'll pray God gives you the strength to cut contact from this guy as he did to me with my toxic "friends" in the past.

 

[Maka]

You're not worthless!! I'm praying God gives you the strength to cut this guy off completely.

 

[aflower4God]

(((((((((((((Maka)))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Chococat)))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((RuthD))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((Jeshu)))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((TangoSprite)))))))))))))))))
Thank you all for your love and support and Prayer.
Dear sweet sister's Chococat and RuthD thank you for your sweet words and I AM SO SORRY that you all had to go through the same issue, I don't think anyone should have to go through that kind of thing. I have seen your pic too sister Ruth D and I think you are a VERY pretty woman!
Dear Brother Jeshu, you are so right I believe in all my heart and have for a while now, if I love myself the way JESUS loves me, I would have a pretty darn high self esteem about myself, it is just getting there and learning NOT to listen to the lies of the evil one, Satan!
My dear sweet loving sis Tango, you are so right as well, a lot of things that you said about this man is so true, but he doesn't come out and say that I am ugly no, he makes me feel it by being so sweet to me and making time for me one day and the next day totally ignoring me, and when he talks about his feelings for that other woman (the skinny lady with cat shaped eyes). I think it is that kind of thing that hurts me deeply and you have TOTALLY decribed me in the manner how he gets me to open up with his "sweet words" and when I explain myself about how I feel hurt when he ignores me, he then ALWAYS found a way to blame me for all of his nasty behavior makes me feel that I NEED to totally change and he is totally fine, which obvously he is very toxic in this matter. Sure I need to work on myself and i admitted that to him and of course he used that against me later on. No this man can do no wrong aka meaning he cant admit to his wrongful doing he can't (and has not) ever admitted that he did use me cause of that woman he loves so much.
YES i think you all are right I just have to love myself like Jesus does and walk away from this guy, KNOWING that walking away from this man that I found so attractive will be the BEST for me in the long run. THANK YOU SO MUCH for your prayers on that matter.
Love you all

 

[Criada]

Praying that you find the strength to make a break, sweetie - and that God shows you how very precious you are to him

 

[aflower4God]

Praying that you find the strength to make a break, sweetie - and that God shows you how very precious you are to him

Awwww thank you so much my dear sweet loving sis that means the world to me, I HOPE I break away from that guy forever seeing how he is SO TOXIC in my life, so many people tell me that I need to forget him that he is TOTALLY BAD NEWS! LOVE YA LOTS sweet sis (((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))

 

[NumberOfStars]

you're in my prayers

 

[aflower4God]

you're in my prayers

Awww thank you so much my dear sweet sis, I really appreciate it.

I need prayers, it is an endless cycle with me. I think the problem is that I am lonely and that is no one's fault but my own cause of the circumstances that are in my life as of the last few years. And the fact that I haven't had a guy "flatter me" in so long one that I was really attracted to so I hung on the "good times" which were not many sadly. The thing is I failed to see all the bad things (emotional) things he does to me, the guessing games, the putting the blame on me making me feel so special one minute then the next like I am nothing. I feel that I am a reservation to him. He wants me to be there for him as a friend then he tells me that he can't be my friend. It is all like Tango described. It hurts. And being lonely SO VERY LONELY a lot of the time, I fall for the crap that he sends me when IN my heart I KNOW he doesn't really love and care for me, he just is trying to look good or something. Bottom line it is the same old cycle, he is sweet or he will say I can't talk to you anymore, or he will just leave me wondering. When I asked a lot of people about this they say a true friend does not do that to each other. I agree
Thank you for your prayers, HEAVEN KNOWS I NEED them.
I NEED THIS TO STOP as in What will tomorrow bring........will he ignore me? Will he lecture me and blame everything on me or will he say to me I can't talk anymore before I am the first one to tell him I can't talk to him.
I just wish I had enough self esteem to just walk away, FOREVER I wish I was not lonely!!!!!
All one can do is continue to pray

 

[Chococat]

Think of it this way Petal. You deserve MUCH better than this creep so PLEASE cut him off for good NOW!!! I know it's not easy as I have been where you are especially with a (female) online friend a few years ago. Obviously there were no romantic feelings involved as we are both straight (I am anyway) but she behaved in pretty much the same way to me as this guy is doing to me. It hurt to cut contact and was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as I was pretty lonely back then but I had to do it for my sanity's sake. The trouble with narcissists is that they tend to be pretty addictive rather like drugs or alcohol but like drugs or alcohol once we are free of them we feel better and can function a lot better without them.

 

[Winter]

Flower, when I have more time I will write you some more about this.

My heart goes out to you because I see you suffer so much. Hang in there. I'm praying for you.

 

[miss-a]

You know, Flower, it was only a few years ago that I had a guy string me along, a guy with a girlfriend I didn't know about. I'd seen them together and he was very vague about who she was. I was in a vulnerable place--not stupid, just vulnerable--so I allowed myself to believe she was, as he said, just a woman he worked with. It was terribly painful when I learned the truth. I'd put parts of my life on hold, holding out for him. So when it was all over I felt very stupid, unwanted and all the rest. And the guy did not have the grace or maturity to own up to what he did, and he hasn't to this day.

But here's the thing. Fast forward a few years. To me now it is like a lifetime ago. The Lord has healed me so much that the last time I was interested in a guy who did not return the interest, I was chatting with the Lord about it and said, "He's not interested but I know that has nothing to do with me..." I was about to continue talking when the Lord broke through, and I specifically heard Him say to my heart, "THAT'S what I needed you to get." And that's when I realized I was free from that whole dynamic of always thinking it was about me when someone seemingly rejected me. The particular guy I'd mentioned to the Lord just had to omuch going on in his life to have his interest be me. It wasn't about me at all.

I so hope and pray that you will take this as a message from the Lord. It really isn't about you. It's about the guy and whatever is going on with him that would cause him to treat you this way. I'm not saying his actions are right or righteous. What I'm saying is they are telling a story about him and his character, not about you and your worth.

At the risk of being long winded, I once heard a story of a teacher who was on the subway. Standing there waiting for the train to stop she didn't realize there was pick pocket nearby, so close the he picked the wallet from the bag of the woman next to her. Apparently, the thief's skills were not so good. His victim felt the wallet slide out of her purse, and her knee jerk reaction was to turn around and swing her fist through the air to hit the pick pocket, but she ended up hitting the teacher. The teacher's point was this. It would have made no sense at all for her to take that punch personally. The woman throwing the punch would have hit anyone who was standing there, and she happened to be standing there. She compare it to when people treat us badly. The people who hit us emotionally would have hit whomever was standing there, and we happened to be. It's not about us. It's about them. They would have it anybody.

I do hope that helps and I know the Lord will move you through this to victory and freedom.

Love you!
a

 

[LottyH]

I don't care what you look like and what your IQ is, you deserve the very very best!!! I pray that God will bring people in your life to support you and help you so that you don't feel so alone. I pray that you will see that you are no different to the rest of us, and that like us you deserve a man that will treat you with love and respect. Praying for you sweet Flower!! ((Hugs!!!))

 

[RuthD]

Flower, I am very lonely, too, and so many people are. Even people who have friends are lonely sometimes. Try giving yourself affirmations. Write down all of your good points which you have plenty of and believe them and believe in yourself. You have the strength to walk away from him. Someone real will come along one day and it may be sooner than you think. Everyone including me love you so much, we are your friends and will always be. Praying for God to heal you, give you strength and high self esteem.(((((hugs))))

 

[aflower4God]

(((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))) Thank you all for your awesome advice,

 

[aflower4God]

I forgot to add that I am so very sorry that happened to you my dear sweet sister MissA. I can see how you are right that I happened to be the unlucky soul when I met that guy that it could have been someone else. Since trying hard to take everyone's advice here that guy has been "sugary sweet" big time. AKA span his web and waiting for me to fly into his web of lies so he can hurt me. It is like you all opened my eyes big time to this super jerk.
I just can't wail til the day everything changes in my life. I can't wait til the day that I don't give this creep a second thought.
Yes as someone on here said he is VERY narcissistic and into looking good.
I just want to say that I have said a special prayer for those who have gone through and are going through knowing someone like this super creep of a guy who came into my life all that time ago.

 

[aflower4God]

Oh my gosh that creep sent me the nastiest email putting the blame all on me. Calling me all kinds of names like delusional and paranoid he was making fun of my condition and my OCD (what is sad is he had OCD big time...........). Sure I am not perfect but he is so evil, so horrible, I even now blame God for bring this toxic horrible evil MONSTER in my life. I know that I am HORRIBLE at keeping friends cause of my extreme sensitivity but this guy made it sound like I shouldn't be alive, then he sends me another email saying he still is my friend, yes that was 15 minutes after the first one. Like that is going to make up for all the hurt and damage he did to me. I canceled the email addy and have him on block on my phone.
He is the type of guy who has a way of "convincing others" to believe things his way, to see it his way and he has a way to make it look like he didn't do anything wrong. He even has a friend of his who does the same thing, try to get people to hate me and make him look like he is "mr. Innocent"
All of this hurts to no end. He is the biggest mistake in my life

 

[LottyH]

Oh my gosh that creep sent me the nastiest email putting the blame all on me. Calling me all kinds of names like delusional and paranoid he was making fun of my condition and my OCD (what is sad is he had OCD big time...........). Sure I am not perfect but he is so evil, so horrible, I even now blame God for bring this toxic horrible evil MONSTER in my life. I know that I am HORRIBLE at keeping friends cause of my extreme sensitivity but this guy made it sound like I shouldn't be alive, then he sends me another email saying he still is my friend, yes that was 15 minutes after the first one. Like that is going to make up for all the hurt and damage he did to me. I canceled the email addy and have him on block on my phone.
He is the type of guy who has a way of "convincing others" to believe things his way, to see it his way and he has a way to make it look like he didn't do anything wrong. He even has a friend of his who does the same thing, try to get people to hate me and make him look like he is "mr. Innocent"
All of this hurts to no end. He is the biggest mistake in my life

I'm sorry he's still hurting you so badly but I'm glad that you have realised that you don't need someone like that in your life!! He sounds very manipulating so blocking him on your phone is a very good move Well done Flower, really proud of you for taking that step Praying that you will get supportive, loving friends in your life that will bless you over and above what this man has taken from you. Jesus said that the world will hate us and persecute us, its a fight but I know you will get through this