being unsure...

[Inperfected]

Hi, i gotta question...
Me and my bf have been going out about 1.5 months and we are real close... I love him a lot and thats based on friendship not the relationship... We've been best mates for 3 years ish and decided to take it further.... I'm struggling with being more at times tho... Tonite i will see him then not again for a week, and i just don't know what to do, but i know i need to make my decision now, not later...

I could see us being together forever but i just aren't 100% sure... Thing is, i'd be happy and i know that. It's weird coz the friendship, love and attraction is there, but i'm scared...

He's the best guy i've known, he'd go see my family, even if i wasn't tehre, and treats me and every other girl like queens. I have utmost respect for him and we know more about each other than anyone else...

I think the struggling question is do i see him as a long term prospect, or lifetime friend... And that is what i just can't answer.....

 

[JourneyRain]

I understand exactly what you are feeling. One thing is you are young and maybe you are just not ready to "settle down." So maybe you love him and want to be with him forever but not now.

You have doubt for a reason. It could be that forever is to long right now or it could be that you don't love him that way? Search inside your heart and you'll figure it out.

Just whatever you do be honest with him.

 

[Ginga]

Take your time and don't rush things. You don't have to decide on anything now, and i'm sure that he is going to wait for you to make you mind up. Pray to God, and seek both his councel and the councel of those around you that are more experienced in areas like this. I'm not talking about with your friends, but with older couples that you respect within your church that you know to have Godly relationships. But don't rush whatever you do. If this he is the "one" for you, then he will still be there in a week, month, or even a years time. If things happen, then that would be awesome. But it is better for things not to happen, and remain good friends, then to rush something and end up hating the person. So rely on God, and his timing, and everything will work out.

 

[lozzie]

What is it do you think you are scared of?

My boyfriend had become my best friend before we started going out. But a week or two later i realised i was scared that 'what happens if this doesn't work out and i loose him'. I'm glad i realised that, because in a way it showed me just how much he means to me... and made it easier to know i was doing the right thing with our relationship. I love him and if i'd just said, this scares me... then i'd be without such a great guy in my life. If for some reason things dont work out in the future, at least i will have given it a go.

So yeah, i guess what is it that you are scared of? Maybe it will help you answer how you see him?

 

[KristianJ]

Hi, i gotta question...
Me and my bf have been going out about 1.5 months and we are real close... I love him a lot and thats based on friendship not the relationship... We've been best mates for 3 years ish and decided to take it further.... I'm struggling with being more at times tho... Tonite i will see him then not again for a week, and i just don't know what to do, but i know i need to make my decision now, not later...

I could see us being together forever but i just aren't 100% sure... Thing is, i'd be happy and i know that. It's weird coz the friendship, love and attraction is there, but i'm scared...

He's the best guy i've known, he'd go see my family, even if i wasn't tehre, and treats me and every other girl like queens. I have utmost respect for him and we know more about each other than anyone else...

I think the struggling question is do i see him as a long term prospect, or lifetime friend... And that is what i just can't answer.....

I think it's good to pinpoint what you're scared of in particular - from reading your post, it seems that it could be the fact that you won't be seeing him for a week. It's perfectly understandable to not be truly sure whether what you're embarking on is mutually good for you and your S/O, but I think that as the time goes on and you build on your "best mates" knowledge of each other, you'll be able to feel more confident as to where the relationship is headed. Answers do not come in the blink of an eye - they come through a process that could take longer than you're expecting. But God will be there to guide you and help you make the right decisions for you and your bf

 

[Bullwinkle]

Relationships are a common theme in my posts (comes from the expereince of making huge relational mistakes). No-one buys a car or applies for a job without putting some time into thinking about what they are looking for. I wonder why when it comes to relationships, which are far bigger than cars or jobs, we spend so little time in thinking about what we are looking for. Without any forethought, we are tempted to accept what comes along because we are attracted to them and they seem nice enough. You know you require more from a life partner than just being attractive and nice.
Think about what you want first. Then see if this person might be worth investigating further. Dating someone who has been a great friend can be tricky if it doesn't work out but often in life gains are only achieved through some risk. Take your time. God will give you the opportunites to develop an idea of what you are looking for and the opportunites to meet people worth considering.

 

[charligirl]

You have only been dating him 6 weeks, no wonder you aren't sure.. and if I may say so I think it's too early to even be analysing and worrying about this.

Take your time, don't try and answer the question this early, seek God and don't get too heavy or exclusive too quickly, concetrate on the friendship part and not the romantic part. Focus on your relationship with God and he should be doing the same, don't keep trying to see if this is 'it' just let it grow naturally.

 

[Inperfected]

I guess even tho it has been 6 weeks, we've been insperateable for the last year nearly, and for both of us, getting into a relationship wasn't just a 'lets see where this can go' thing, but the admittance that we were quite serious about each otehr and loved each other...

It's quite hard to explain, from the otherside of the world i guess...

 

[charligirl]

I guess even tho it has been 6 weeks, we've been insperateable for the last year nearly, and for both of us, getting into a relationship wasn't just a 'lets see where this can go' thing, but the admittance that we were quite serious about each otehr and loved each other...

It's quite hard to explain, from the otherside of the world i guess...

I do understand how it is, I have been there. But I don't think that negates my advice to take it slow. Even though you have been friends for a year, your 'romantic' relationship is still only in it's infancy... hormones, attraction, feelings will be soaring and it is not the time to be deciding on whether you might marry him or not. You need to be a couple for some months before you need to make a decision on that. For now all you need to know is that, it looks really promising and you are happy together, and keep seeking God

 

[butterflyinchrist]

Wow I know exactly what you're going through. Recently I've gotten back together with my best friend/ex boyfriend and we've now decided to call it quits again. (we're still best friends)
It seems like we can't be together but we also can't not be together.
I think at the end of the day you need to make absolutely sure that God wants you to be together otherwise things will go wrong later on. There's nothing worse than seeing a couple who have realised that they're with the wrong people but can't say anything. Even if you think you'dbe happy if you spent the rest of your life with him, remember: only God knows that. He is the only one who knows who you should be with and I'm sure he'll tell you, you just need to be prepared for the answer to be no sometimes.

God bless

 

[Inperfected]

Um, ok ... i guess i haven't been telling it all really... even tho we've been together only 6 weeks, in reality we've been 'together' for about 9 months now... Done everything together, yeah stuff has happened, on and off for that long...

And don't tell me to end it because we'd done things before we went out...

Thanks guys...

 

[Tenorvoice]

Dear Imperfected,

Your posts have struck a never in my heart my dear. More than you probly will ever know. Your words express the way that I feel that my G/F is feeling right now. She has not said a word about it, but in her actions and body language, this is what it is speaking to me.

We have not spoek about it yet, but I sence that it is coming up soon. I want to express to her that I feel that she is doubting something and is scared of something, and I just want to know aht I could do to help it.

Hope that everything goes well.

God Bless

Tenorvoice

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Here's a major point that a lot of people need to hear:

If your significant other is going to be a long term prospect, he or she must be your lifelong best friend. Just because you're dating or engaged or married doesn't mean you can't be friends any more. On the contrary, your relationship needs to supplement your friendship, not the other way around