Being 'the' leader

[Mapik]

So I am in some deep need of prayer, and I am seeking much advice and prayer here. Since I've moved I've moved, I've had no luck finding any christian friends, so there is really no one I can go to here.

Anyways, my fiance` has been nagging me to become the leader of our 'home' and relationship. Well she is much more educated about God and other topics, so it is hard for me to become the leader. How can I be the leader, show her I want to be the leader, and actually lead? HOW!?

Oh Lord, please help me.

Give me all and any advice, I am in need!

 

[mysparrow]

you become the leader of the relationship by allowing Jesus to lead you, in all things . Study what the word says on the subject , and remember that you are to love her as Christ loves the church, think about what that involves, i believe we can only lead when we learn properly to follow . And you didnt say whether your living together , or apart , that makes a difference also, id be in prayer asking God if he was pleased with that if you are together, and a wonderful practice for both of you to get started in is praying together , it will keep you both accountable and close in your relationship. Be Blessed

 

[fishstix]

So I am in some deep need of prayer, and I am seeking much advice and prayer here. Since I've moved I've moved, I've had no luck finding any christian friends, so there is really no one I can go to here.

Anyways, my fiance` has been nagging me to become the leader of our 'home' and relationship. Well she is much more educated about God and other topics, so it is hard for me to become the leader. How can I be the leader, show her I want to be the leader, and actually lead? HOW!?

Oh Lord, please help me.

Give me all and any advice, I am in need!

Follow Jesus' example of leadership. Jesus showed us that leadership is about servant-hood. In other words, a leader should become as a servant, putting the needs of others ahead of himself. Being a leader doesn't mean making all the decisions yourself or ordering others around. It also doesn't mean that you need to know all the answers. A good leader won't come across as a tyrant or a dictator. A really good leader will actually allow those around him to grow in their leadership abilities as well.

As has already been mentioned here, if you and your fiance are living together already, a really good step for you to take would be to take the initiative to find separate living arrangements until your wedding.

 

[bliz]

Does your finace have any scripture that says that men are to be the leaders in a marriage relationship? I've never seen any... and yet people seem to think this is a role men are to play. God is the head of our marriage, God is our leader.

 

[tryme]

You have gotten some good advice so I will offer prayers.

 

[madison1101]

You become the leader of the marriage relationship, which is scriptural, by following Christ. Scripture says that all of us are to read and obey God's word. Work on your relationship with the Lord. Get involved in a men's BIble study. Ask an older, mature Christian man to disciple you in your faith.

 

[madison1101]

Does your finace have any scripture that says that men are to be the leaders in a marriage relationship? I've never seen any... and yet people seem to think this is a role men are to play. God is the head of our marriage, God is our leader.

Scriptures say that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.

 

[bliz]

I asked about scriptures that say the husband is to lead the wife.

I believe the word "head" means source, as is "head waters" of a river. Adam was the source of Eve... God is the source of the church.

 

[Mapik]

Wow, thank you for all of the replies. I am and will try my best to lead, and follow Christ.
My fiance` and I are living in my parents house since we're young and moved thousands of miles. It's a pretty large house, and she lives on the top floor, and I two floors below that. We see eah other daily, but try to give each other space.

Are they some good writings on this in the Bible? I've come across a few, but not as many as I wished. Keep the 'debate' open, but throw some scripture in as well, that'd be great! Thanks again so far, and please pray for me.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I asked about scriptures that say the husband is to lead the wife.

Head, leader....same thing imo.

The relevant definitions of "head" from the dictionary....

"The foremost or leading position"
"A person who leads, rules, or is in charge; a leader, chief, or director: the head of the corporation."
"To be in charge of; lead: The minister headed the committee."

There is one that says source "To originate, as a stream or river; rise." Though I've never personally heard the word head used in such a way and typically hear it used to mean someone who's in charge, a leader....such as a head of a political party for example.

Anyway...onto the OP

Anyways, my fiance` has been nagging me to become the leader of our 'home' and relationship. Well she is much more educated about God and other topics, so it is hard for me to become the leader. How can I be the leader, show her I want to be the leader, and actually lead? HOW!?

One word that sticks out to me in this post is "nagging". Headship and submission is a two way street...both have a part to play. If you are to lead then she is to submit...imo if she's nagging she's hardly submitting to you. If I nag my husband then I'm trying to push things the way I want them to be and therefore he's not leading, I am. Though that said, the fact she's nagging does show this issue is frustrating her.

Anyway...you say you're fiance is more educated. Well great...what a wealth of knowledge you'll have to help you lead! Yes, that's right leading doesn't mean that you're on your own. There's two of you in the relationship right? Two people, two brains, two opinions...leading doesn't change that fact. Leading doesn't mean that she doesn't get to give her opinions on a matter. Yes, you make the final decision but that fact does not mean she is cut out of the equation. If you lead and are to lead well she'll need to give input too...so all this knowledge she has isn't going to go to waste.

My advice would be to talk to her, read the bible and pray. Talk to her about how she sees headship, talk to her about how she sees submission, read what the bible has to say and discuss it. No nagging, no arguing....a calm discussion about your views.

These links may also be of use...
One on headship - http://www.themarriagebed.com/pages/bible/says/headship.shtml
And one on submission - http://www.themarriagebed.com/pages/bible/says/submission.shtml

 

[Mapik]

Awesome post Starelda, very imformative. If you don't mind, could you expand on the nagging, submitting, leading issue you brought up. I somewhat understand what you are talking about, but if you could go into more detail that would be wonderful. Great links as well, helpful!

 

[LiberatedChick]

When I used to nag my husband I'd be constantly urging and pushing him to do something. It'd be a poor attempt at trying to lead things. An attempt to get things done *my* way and when *I* want them done. Basically, whether there's headship/submission in your relationship or not nagging isn't good, it's one person trying to get things done their way whilst annoying the other.

 

[Followers4christ]

Does your finace have any scripture that says that men are to be the leaders in a marriage relationship? I've never seen any... and yet people seem to think this is a role men are to play. God is the head of our marriage, God is our leader.

Here are some scriptures for you.

EPHESIANS 5:22-24 "Wives,submit to your husbands as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church of which he is the Savior.Now as the church submits to Christ,so also wives should submit to thier husbands in everything."
COLOSSIANS 3:18"Wives,submit to your husbands,as is fitting in the lord"
1 Tim 2:12-15" I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve . And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.
1 Corinthians 11:3"Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Peter 3:5-7"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

The bible says that when a man and a woman is married the man is head of the family.But the men are told to love thier wives as Christ loved His church(Ephesians 5:25) and do not be harsh with them(colossians 3:19).The men should never be harsh with thier wives that means they should never hit or curse thier wives (1 CORINTHIANS 7:5).God Bless

 

[ceedaisy]

When I used to nag my husband I'd be constantly urging and pushing him to do something. It'd be a poor attempt at trying to lead things. An attempt to get things done *my* way and when *I* want them done. Basically, whether there's headship/submission in your relationship or not nagging isn't good, it's one person trying to get things done their way whilst annoying the other.

EXACTLY. It is bossing around. She may need to read a few verses herself and pray. I really don't understand what there is to lead? You are not married and do not have a family. Seems like there is a deeper conflict going on. Is there something specific she is wanting? Some kind of commitment?

 

[bethdinsmore]

A leader has boundaries (hopefully set by following God). "Boundaries in Marriage," a Christian book, should help a lot.

And study Christ a lot - He is the best leader, He's a man in the best sense of the word, and He's a husband to the bride of Christ the Church.

1 Cor 11:3
3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
(NIV)
Eph 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--
30 for we are members of his body.
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
32 This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
(NIV)
Col 3:18-19
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
(NIV)
1 Pet 3:7
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
(NIV)

I have seen many, many households in which the man was a good leader except in the area of spiritual things. That area is especially important.
Gen 18:19
19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him."
(NIV)
Deut 6:5-7
5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.
7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
(NIV)

God bless you for caring, friend. Aloha in Jesus. I'll pray for you both.