Being single is terrible for me...

[circa02]

I'm 32 and I'm not only a virgin, but I've never even held a girls hand, let alone a kiss. This isn't by choice, well the latter isn't. I want to obey God and not have sex before marriage, but what if I never marry? I definitely DON'T have the gift of singleness. On top of having wanted to get married since forever, I'm constantly, un-endingly horny. I admit, I touch; I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I just relied on nocturnal emissions, that's how horny I always am. I've prayed about this everyday for many years, but God hasn't offered any solutions, and aside from just endlessly masturbating, what am I supposed to do?

 

[znr]

This too shall pass. Sometimes it boils down to Gods grace is sufficient.

 

[BFine]

Pray and seek a wife.

I prayed and sought a husband, I went to Christian events to
seek a potential someone, went on blind dates etc.
I met a LOT of men, didn't click with any of them (romantically speaking…
I did make many friends.)
I kept looking and praying and letting friends help me look for a Mr. who is
right for me.

Then one day I went to Christiancafe.com (online site)
back in the early part of 2002. Talked to a lot of men there,
weeded out the "fakes" and kept chatting up this one guy
who was the type of Christian I was seeking. He lived in
Canada and I lived in North Carolina (USA.)

End results-- We married within 3 months of meeting and have
been married for over 11 years.

 

[Arkose2211]

I struggle with my singleness. My most veracious desire is to be the husband of a wife. I have actual dreams of service and sacrifice in that position. My heart deeply yearns to love someone in that capacity. Yet God closes every door and isolates me so much that it seems close to cruelty. I am crushed by this paradox of purpose and reality. I feel destined for this loving commitment yet the God who gives keeps me from it and I don't understand it.

 

[TPeterY]

Celibacy bring blessings into a marriage while premarital sex brings a curse.

 

[parsley]

Use this time to work out your perceptions of marriage. A wife is not something handy that you release your pent-up drives on.

If you are approaching women with the intent to get something rather than give what they might need or want, then it could be a long wait. Think about business deals -- two companies will not agree on an exchange if one appears too desperate to take what the other has. Both parties need to approach the connection with a sensitivity to what the other wants.

There might be a woman with just as many physical drives as you, but you will still need to approach her with a generous, kind, supportive tone. The more media you take in, the less you will think women need tenderness and respect. If you want a woman to be drawn to you, train your mind to focus on the friendship aspects of relationships.

People are drawn to positive tones, hope, inner strength, and appreciation shown. They want to be known for their whole person -- their career goals, their past achievements, their interests and curiosities, passions and personality quirks, spiritual beliefs and convictions, and thoughts that don't fit inside labeled boxes.

That might not seem to answer your question, but I am shifting this from a fatalistic approach to finding practical solutions. Do we conclude that God stands in the way and puppeteers us-- or try to find out how to achieve our ends? You are asking for advice, and that is a good step.

People sometimes blame their appearances on their lack of relationships, but look around a public crowd -- most couples are not uber-glam. There are things we can change about ourselves, and things we can't. Rain falls on the just and unjust.

And also, rain falls in marriages -- half of them end up broken in bitterness, and many others continue in unhappiness. What can you do to avoid the sorrow that befalls mankind? How can you achieve what you want, and proactively keep it a positive experience?

 

[Albion]

what am I supposed to do?

I think that this requires more than general advice from strangers online. Yes, we appreciate the "no premarital sex" stance, but the "never a hand holding or kiss" part suggests shyness or something else that calls out for face-to-face assistance from someone who knows you.

 

[Tremic]

I'm 32 and I'm not only a virgin, but I've never even held a girls hand, let alone a kiss. This isn't by choice, well the latter isn't. I want to obey God and not have sex before marriage, but what if I never marry? I definitely DON'T have the gift of singleness. On top of having wanted to get married since forever, I'm constantly, un-endingly horny. I admit, I touch; I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I just relied on nocturnal emissions, that's how horny I always am. I've prayed about this everyday for many years, but God hasn't offered any solutions, and aside from just endlessly masturbating, what am I supposed to do?

Circa, I sympathize with your situation, but I fail to see what the big deal is with masturbating. And why do you think that it's wrong? I take the view that God created us and gave us all the necessary parts and the necessary sexual feelings in order to procreate. In an ideal world, two people meet, marry and procreate. End of.

But what about single people like you, circa? You obviously don't want to displease God, but like everybody else on this planet, you desperately need relief to the point of it driving you mad, and, being a Christian, you would never consider going out to find a "one-night stand". So, what do you do? Think of other things? Find something else to do? No chance. When one gets the urge, NOTHING else will do other than masturbation, and that's that!

Circa, there are roughly 7 BILLION souls on this planet. Do you think that ANY of them have NEVER succumbed to masturbation? On reflection, I suppose that it's possible....ANYTHING'S possible, I guess, but if there ARE any out there, in my view, they'll be in a VERY VERY small minority!!

Circa, the worry and upset that you're suffering over this situation could quite possibly make you ill. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure, according to the Bible, whether or not masturbation is a sin or not, so it would make sense to confess your actions to God and ask for forgiveness. I'm absolutely sure that God will understand your predicament and give you peace. He'll have heard it all before....you can count on it!!

God bless you, my friend.

 

[Kingsdotter]

I'm 32 and I'm not only a virgin, but I've never even held a girls hand, let alone a kiss. This isn't by choice, well the latter isn't. I want to obey God and not have sex before marriage, but what if I never marry? I definitely DON'T have the gift of singleness. On top of having wanted to get married since forever, I'm constantly, un-endingly horny. I admit, I touch; I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I just relied on nocturnal emissions, that's how horny I always am. I've prayed about this everyday for many years, but God hasn't offered any solutions, and aside from just endlessly masturbating, what am I supposed to do?

It seems your attitude towards women is not right. Women are not supposed to be vessels used to satisfy your seemingly insatiable sexual appetite. Very few women will appreciate a man who wants them mostly for sex. However I am glad you know that masturbation is wrong, i would advice you pray to God to help you overcome this habit. For now, I think you should get involved in positive activities like sports(if you are sporty), church service, anything positive that will help take your mind off sex for now. Most importantly, read your Bible as often as you can; this will help renew and transform your thinking.
God will send you a spouse if it's His will for you, but I think He hasn't sent you one yet because He knows your present attitude towards women is not the best for a lasting marriage(He hates divorce). God bless.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Well bible says it easiest (paraphrasing here), better to marry then to burn. MB can fix it, but its a temporary fix as you obviously have noticed since you need it often. With that said don't marry ONLY because you want to have sex. THat marriage will go south quick. Marry because you actually love someone. And make sure its in God timing and its someone God sent you.

Since the pots been stirred already... MB is not wrong as long as you are simply doing the act and not needing lustful things to fuel it. Like looking at inappropriate content, thinking of someone naked, looking at clothes people and...etc. But MB is a fiery topic around here so expect this thread to probably end up about that lol.

 

[Purge187]

But MB is a fiery topic around here so expect this thread to probably end up about that lol.

The fact that it comes up so often and has threads that are dozens of pages long just goes to show how "elusive" a subject it really is.

I was in a smiliar position that the OP was in not too long ago, and the depression about being single was the deepest I've been in, which is saying quite a bit. I asked God to either make it happen or to pass the cup from me altogether. He did the latter, and He blessed my finances in a big way, too.

Staying single and celibate sounds better as time goes on.

 

[christsoccer]

I'm 32 and I'm not only a virgin, but I've never even held a girls hand, let alone a kiss. This isn't by choice, well the latter isn't. I want to obey God and not have sex before marriage, but what if I never marry? I definitely DON'T have the gift of singleness. On top of having wanted to get married since forever, I'm constantly, un-endingly horny. I admit, I touch; I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I just relied on nocturnal emissions, that's how horny I always am. I've prayed about this everyday for many years, but God hasn't offered any solutions, and aside from just endlessly masturbating, what am I supposed to do?

In my own situations and circumstances, I am going through the exact same thing... at age 36. While it is not the end of the world, it can definitely hurt.. And I have no idea when or even if it is ever going to end. I try praying to God over and over about the same thing, asking others to pray... and every now and then, I cannot help but feel isolated, frustratred in despair or any of 1,000 negative emotions.
I am sure I am not really offering solutions but what I can offer is prayer, sympathy and empathy.
Praying for all of the single Christian women and men (myself included) who have a deep desire for a partner that has not been fulfilled yet.

 

[boogalaboogala]

I'm 32 and I'm not only a virgin, but I've never even held a girls hand, let alone a kiss. This isn't by choice, well the latter isn't. I want to obey God and not have sex before marriage, but what if I never marry? I definitely DON'T have the gift of singleness. On top of having wanted to get married since forever, I'm constantly, un-endingly horny. I admit, I touch; I know it's wrong, but I wouldn't be able to function on a day to day basis if I just relied on nocturnal emissions, that's how horny I always am. I've prayed about this everyday for many years, but God hasn't offered any solutions, and aside from just endlessly masturbating, what am I supposed to do?

sounds as though you really have your hands full dealing with this problem.. oops, no pun intended there..
maybe try taking the sting out of it..
what i am saying is, if you are really struggling with touching yourself.. why not just go with it.. rather than thinking continually on how to stop sinning.. why not just forget about the sin.. and focus more on what you do have control over.. like getting into the word.. getting out and around other christians..
i think that if you stop feeling so bad for masturbating each time you do it.. then eventually it won't be on your mind so much..
as long as you dwell on it.. it will be ever present, and perpetuate..
why do we touch anyway.. the devil uses it to make us feel insecure about our salvation, and guilty..
the truth is, if masturbation is enough to make one lose their salvation. then Jesus did not fulfill the law.. remember that it is His righteousnss that gets us into Heaven.. and it is His payment for our sins that keeps us out of hell..
what i am trying to say, is that anything that we dwell on. is going to have some control over us.. and dwelling on something and doing something are two completely different things.. so you do the deed.. you touch.. big deal, now get on with life.. don't dwell on it.. life is alot more than masturbation..
i think you will find that it will have less control over you in the long run..
just so ya know.. i do it.. i sometimes find myself in a rutt where i have to question my motives.. everyone does.. why do you think that there are so many threads on masturbation.. it is not unique to you..
maybe that was the thorn that paul had.. who knows.. i actually think it was a demon speaking to his mind.. but, who really knows..
if we were all judged by what we say and do. then none of us are Heaven bound.. the truth is, that God looks at the heart..
blessing brother.. i would say get a grip on yourself.. but, you might misinterpret.. lol..

 

[Inkachu]

Women are not animated sperm-depositories. We're human beings just like you are. A wife is not a blow up doll. She's going to come with her own ideas, struggles, baggage, flaws, opinions, etc.

The fact that 1) you've never been in ANY sort of relationship, and 2) you seem to think that the #1 driving factor in seeking a relationship is so you have an outlet for your uncontrolled hormones, tells me that you are NOT ready for one.

I would seek counseling and accountability from a mature, trusted male Christian mentor. You need to work on your self control issues as well as your skewed ideas about women and relationships first.

 

[Purge187]

Women are not animated sperm-depositories. We're human beings just like you are. A wife is not a blow up doll. She's going to come with her own ideas, struggles, baggage, flaws, opinions, etc.

The fact that 1) you've never been in ANY sort of relationship, and 2) you seem to think that the #1 driving factor in seeking a relationship is so you have an outlet for your uncontrolled hormones, tells me that you are NOT ready for one.

I would seek counseling and accountability from a mature, trusted male Christian mentor. You need to work on your self control issues as well as your skewed ideas about women and relationships first.

Bitter much?

 

[Hetta]

Bitter much?

In what way is she 'bitter'? It's a very good response and I had similar thoughts as did others. And btw, she's married!

 

[christsoccer]

Women are not animated sperm-depositories. We're human beings just like you are. A wife is not a blow up doll. She's going to come with her own ideas, struggles, baggage, flaws, opinions, etc.

The fact that 1) you've never been in ANY sort of relationship, and 2) you seem to think that the #1 driving factor in seeking a relationship is so you have an outlet for your uncontrolled hormones, tells me that you are NOT ready for one.

I would seek counseling and accountability from a mature, trusted male Christian mentor. You need to work on your self control issues as well as your skewed ideas about women and relationships first.

Bitter much?

In what way is she 'bitter'? It's a very good response and I had similar thoughts as did others. And btw, she's married!

Inkachu is right. A wife is someone to be loved, respected,helped, protected, cherished and served. She is not just an outlet for sexual desire.
If God ever fulfills my desire for marriage, I look forward to hugging, kissing, taking naps together, letting her cry on my shoulder,
probably even more than the actual act of sexual intercourse

 

[Hetta]

Inkachu is right. A wife is someone to be loved, respected,helped, protected, cherished and served. She is not just an outlet for sexual desire.
If God ever fulfills my desire for marriage, I look forward to hugging, kissing, taking naps together, letting her cry on my shoulder,
probably even more than the actual act of sexual intercourse

I pray that your prayer is fulfilled. You will be a great husband.

 

[OGM]

Sex only takes up a small amount of total time one is married. You really have to spend a great deal of time, years really, living with and getting along with a human being.

 

[parsley]

Read all of Leviticus 15, Lev 22:4, and
Deuteronomy 23:10.
Take a bath, and don't spread your germs.


Search for: Leviticus 15 - Bible Search - Reference Desk - StudyLight.org