Being shy, is it unloving?

[cloudstrife007]

As Christians, we are called to love God and to love our neighbour.
I don't think its necessarily and totally unloving, but on occasion I have viewed my shyness as something that prevents me from being more loving to others, particularly strangers and people I don't know well. I can come across as stuck up and feel like people cater for my shyness once they realise that I'm shy. So it has come across in my mind as something to be improved upon.

1. What are people's thoughts? I know shy people still open up to people close to them, but everyone's nice to people they know. As Christians we are even called to love people who aren't our brothers.

2. Another question relates to how the dynamics work for shy people getting into courtship/relationships? I guess I'm wanting to learn about people's experiences because I'm clueless about expressing myself and pursuing relationships.

 

[BRISH]

As Christians, we are called to love God and to love our neighbour.
I don't think its necessarily and totally unloving, but on occasion I have viewed my shyness as something that prevents me from being more loving to others, particularly strangers and people I don't know well. I can come across as stuck up and feel like people cater for my shyness once they realise that I'm shy. So it has come across in my mind as something to be improved upon.

1. What are people's thoughts? I know shy people still open up to people close to them, but everyone's nice to people they know. As Christians we are even called to love people who aren't our brothers.

2. Another question relates to how the dynamics work for shy people getting into courtship/relationships? I guess I'm wanting to learn about people's experiences because I'm clueless about expressing myself and pursuing relationships.

Well I mean, it could just how God made you. It will be an attribute that He will use for others that you can relate to and vice versa. It could be due to some personal issues. (We all have them.) God will work with you on those and it's amazing to kind of watch yourself "bloom". Don't be harsh on yourself on this. There's a part in our walk where I think it's not selfish to think about ourselves, and that is when God is in the midst of renewing you. The process is never complete here on earth, but as He fills you and your life with love and grace and yearning you're going to find that sometimes unknowingly you began to reflect what is changing in yourself. It just kind of over pours. We shouldn't beat ourselves up over not giving, what we don't have to give. Naturally, we don't have that kind of love to give to others. That's something God fills us with. So, don't take that as degrading either. It's just a reality, and there is a solution to that, that will completely turn your life around without much effort on your part. This is an issue for God. You just keep surrending everything over to him. Let Him take care of it. hang in there. I'm no judge, but it sounds like your heart in soo in the right place and God bless you for that. Sometimes the quieter ones are the ones that feel the most actually....aaaand, WATCH OUTt. They become the ones busting through the ceiling when it's said and done.

 

[Blank123]

there are plenty of people who are outgoing who are quite unloving, and plenty of people who are shy and quiet and quite loving. its not the nature of how outgoing you are that determines whether or not you're capable of loving people, its how you feel for and treat the people around you.

also there are many, many, many shy people who are married or in a relationship. there's no reason to think thats going to hinder your chances. it may take longer to get to know someone to open up that possibility, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.

 

[Tamara224]

I think it depends. What motivates or causes you to be shy? If it's because you're self-obsessed and constantly thinking about how others view you and how that makes you feel, instead of thinking about how they feel or what they need/want... then, yeah, being shy might be unloving.

But everyone is naturally predisposed toward certain personality traits. And as tigress already mentioned - plenty of outgoing people are unloving as well. Being shy isn't always a negative thing. It's just how people are and there's nothing wrong with that.

If it helps you get past your shyness to shift your focus from yourself to others, then all well and good. But I wouldn't try to lay a guilt trip on shy people as I think for the most part it's going to be counter-productive.

 

[Kyle B]

You can be loving and compassionate towards people without displaying it.

 

[StarryEyes]

Hello

I can come across as stuck up

ME TOO!! A lot actually. But I also think that when you mind your own business like the Bible says to do, that can also come across at times as being stuck up.

1. What are people's thoughts? I know shy people still open up to people close to them, but everyone's nice to people they know. As Christians we are even called to love people who aren't our brothers.

Out of what, hundreds (?) of people, Jesus chose 12 to be His disciples. Out of those 12 disciples, He chose only a few to get close to. If you pour yourself out to everyone you come into contact with you're going to get burnt out severely! And then how are you going to be able to help others? This is also something I am learning.. to love people where they are. To allow them to make their own decisions and to talk to them lovingly and accept them for who they are right now instead of for who I want them to be.

2. Another question relates to how the dynamics work for shy people getting into courtship/relationships? I guess I'm wanting to learn about people's experiences because I'm clueless about expressing myself and pursuing relationships.

One of my "shy" high school friends is married to a man who loves God and they now have a little one You don't have to be what the world says you should be in order to get married. I'm learning this as well (God is The Best Teacher!).. that His opinion of us is of far, far greater importance than what the world thinks! The world has so many opinions, sir.. it'll just make your head spin and getcha all confused! The tough part is to stay focused.. meditate on God's Word, stay in prayer, keep talking to Him and really make sure to listen when He speaks to your heart, and to obey Him. Become nothing in your own eyes but know you are of great value to God, and that He has a purpose and plan for your life.. even whatever it is you're experiencing right now! My friends both worked at the same restaurant and that's how they got together. I remember being on a date once and he actually told me to talk! We were both shy and quiet and he was trying harder than I was.. I was really nervous and uncomfortable and just didn't know how to respond. Plus, he wasn't the right guy for me.. so that could play a role in it too. When it's the "right person", perhaps it'll become easier to open up.. as you get to know them or even from the beginning. Keep your eyes on Jesus and let Him be in the driver's seat. Wait for His timing and for the right person. Praying for you!!

 

[RobertMerton]

As Christians, we are called to love God and to love our neighbour.
I don't think its necessarily and totally unloving, but on occasion I have viewed my shyness as something that prevents me from being more loving to others, particularly strangers and people I don't know well. I can come across as stuck up and feel like people cater for my shyness once they realise that I'm shy. So it has come across in my mind as something to be improved upon.

1. What are people's thoughts? I know shy people still open up to people close to them, but everyone's nice to people they know. As Christians we are even called to love people who aren't our brothers.

2. Another question relates to how the dynamics work for shy people getting into courtship/relationships? I guess I'm wanting to learn about people's experiences because I'm clueless about expressing myself and pursuing relationships.

Are you from the eastern suburbs or the leafy north shore?

as for your questions

1) ask yourself what're the reasons you are shy

2) depends really
are you still at uni?
are you working?
whats your social group consist of atm?
are they mates from highschool or?

 

[cloudstrife007]

Are you from the eastern suburbs or the leafy north shore?

as for your questions

1) ask yourself what're the reasons you are shy

2) depends really
are you still at uni?
are you working?
whats your social group consist of atm?
are they mates from highschool or?

Thanks for everyones replies. Seems like I'm kicking myself over nothing. And if you're also shy, I apologise if it felt like I was taking a jab at you, because I do know whether we're quiet or loud, it's all a matter of the heart. I just always feel like I should do more for God by changing myself.


lol i'm in the northwest...ppl consider it the woop woop area of sydney....far from everything...but i love it here =D

1) Why I'm shy? Personally, I've just always been someone who only speaks when I think its relevant. But that doesn't mean I look down on others and think they talk alot of irrelevant things ('talk crap') because I simply like listening to others more than speaking myself.

2) I'm going to hijack another thread to discuss the topic of relationships.

 

[RobertMerton]

Thanks for everyones replies. Seems like I'm kicking myself over nothing. And if you're also shy, I apologise if it felt like I was taking a jab at you, because I do know whether we're quiet or loud, it's all a matter of the heart. I just always feel like I should do more for God by changing myself.


lol i'm in the northwest...ppl consider it the woop woop area of sydney....far from everything...but i love it here =D

1) Why I'm shy? Personally, I've just always been someone who only speaks when I think its relevant. But that doesn't mean I look down on others and think they talk alot of irrelevant things ('talk crap') because I simply like listening to others more than speaking myself.

2) I'm going to hijack another thread to discuss the topic of relationships.

1) that is a very good thing, and something that is lacking in todays generation. i think there is a verse somewhere that says the exact thing.

2) ok lol

 

[GoodNewsJim]

If being shy is unloving then I'm a very hateful person.

I'm cool with people I know, but I'm bad with introductions.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

How are we defining shy?

 

[MacFall]

Shyness doesn't have anything to do with loving other people unless it is socially debilitating to the point where you actually can't do anything with others. You don't have to be a social butterfly or a talkative bubbly person to be a good friend.