Being depressed and sad in church and how to deal with people

[Solum Aeternum]

I'm not clinically depressed but O have moments where my mood is down, feel very alone ad sometimes don't want to go to church. I have to because my parents will complain plus I work in the A/V and I have the most experience working there so I have responsibility. People are nice, say hi ask me how I'm doing ect... but sometimes I just want to walk past them and be on my own, not have to fake smiling as if everything is alright. The reason being that I know if that older members see me being sad, unfriendly, cold, they will find it weird because "you are Christian and you are in church, you shouldn't be sad". What do i do and how should I handle it? It's worse when their "help" is saying "hey God loves you, be happy, read this Bible verse". Do I believe God loves me, yeah i do. is that a very lazy and simplified way to help someone going through struggles, also yes. Why do you think, things like depression gets downplayed a lot in the church and by Christians? Everyone expects you to be happy all the time and if you aren't, there is something wrong with you.

PSA; If you are in church and see someone who is cold and unfriendly, don't just assume they're a bad person, most likely they are going through something.

 

[Rescued One]

I'm glad you brought this up! One size doesn't fit all. People think they have to give a particular comment and zappo! they've enouraged you. Not so, We should write a book of instructions for them. Maybe they should just be friendly and get to know you. Not nosey questions but kind of general ones such as "What do you like to in your spare time?" Video games? Read? Movies? Fast food? Then they can invite you to share time with them. Or they can just say, "Hi, Trey! It's nice to see you!"

I'm someone who never fit in!

 

[mourningdove~]

Why do you think, things like depression gets downplayed a lot in the church and by Christians? Everyone expects you to be happy all the time and if you aren't, there is something wrong with you.

I so very much agree ... and I have been in many churches in my lifetime.
I think many do tend to put on their 'happy face' before walking thru the church doors.

But don't most people have difficult issues and struggles in their life, at one time or another?
So all those smiling people? We can know they are not all really smiling 'inside'.

While you are still there at your church, it might be nice for you to continue to be pleasant and share a friendly smile when you can. Folks there may not be of much encouragement to you, but your friendliness might mean alot to someone there that is lonely and struggling, but is hiding it all behind a false smile.

 

[mourningdove~]

One size doesn't fit all.

Agreed.

In the past, I've had good experiences in Bible study home groups (all women), but finding them isn't so easy anymore. (I lived in 'the Bible Belt' back then.)

Personally, I've found it easier to connect in healthy12 step groups, where people tend to be more open and transparent (honest) with each other about their struggles. Though it all started with Alcoholics Anonymous, there are a variety of 12 step groups now.

I'm the kind of person who prefers honesty to phoniness, but honesty isn't always easy to get ... or to give, for that matter. I guess when you get to be my age, and have gone thru a few things, you grow to appreciate authenticity.

 

[mourningdove~]

PSA; If you are in church and see someone who is cold and unfriendly, don't just assume they're a bad person, most likely they are going through something.

p.s. Your location says you are in the Bronx. Have you ever visited Times Square Church?
If I lived in NYC, that is where I would like to go to church these days ... but since I don't live there, I listen to them online.
Very encouraging sermons I have heard from TSC. They have a YouTube channel.

Times Square Church

This is the official account for Times Square Church, located in New York City. Managed by: Times Square Church. Times Square Church is a community that extends beyond the walls of our church building. In our web and social media presence, our goal is to share content that invites people to...

www.youtube.com

 

[Rescued One]

Sharing horrible events in my life as a prayer request is something I'll never do again! I shared with one couple who told the pastor's wife who called people in multiple churches in the denomination even in other states!

 

[mourningdove~]

Sharing horrible events in my life as a prayer request is something I'll never do again! I shared with one couple who told the pastor's wife who called people in multiple churches in the denomination even in other states!

I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I worked on a church staff once, where I learned that churches are not filled with perfect people ...

 

[Rescued One]

Well....I thought prayer requests were confidential not gossip!

 

[mourningdove~]

Well....I thought prayer requests were confidential not gossip!

You were right to expect confidentiality.
I'm sorry those folks let you down that way.

 

[Rescued One]

You were right to expect confidentiality.
I'm sorry those folks let you down that way.

I don't expect it anymore and I don't ask for prayer in any church. I'm of the opinion that God can hear my prayers.

 

[mourningdove~]

I'm of the opinion that God can hear my prayers.

 

[godisagardener]

Just because we are Christians and go to church doesn't mean we're always happy and the life of the party. We all have problems that get us down on occasion. It seems to be expected by some that we should always have a smile on our face and want to talk or visit.

But people are different and it's hard sometimes not to wonder what's going on with them. One of the ladies at my church can be like Jekyl and Hyde. One Sunday she'll be overly friendly and talkative, the next she'll be just the opposite. Her husband died about two years ago and she has some health problems, so she's up and down, which is to be expected.

I'm sure I come across as detached or untalkative sometimes. But I like to sit and meditate, read what I know will be the sermon verses, think about things. I might be sad about things at times, but being in church helps and gives hope. Others may see things differently, some see church as a social ... I want to say event, but that's not it. Gathering? Everyone is supposed to be smiley, happy and friendly. But life isn't always that. And to be honest, sometimes I just want to get away from people and that type of situation. I know too many of the perky type. Overly doing it maybe. I want church to be church, a place I can be myself and check in with God and not worry about what others think. It's really hard sometimes though.

 

[CoreyD]

I'm not clinically depressed but O have moments where my mood is down, feel very alone ad sometimes don't want to go to church. I have to because my parents will complain plus I work in the A/V and I have the most experience working there so I have responsibility. People are nice, say hi ask me how I'm doing ect... but sometimes I just want to walk past them and be on my own, not have to fake smiling as if everything is alright. The reason being that I know if that older members see me being sad, unfriendly, cold, they will find it weird because "you are Christian and you are in church, you shouldn't be sad". What do i do and how should I handle it? It's worse when their "help" is saying "hey God loves you, be happy, read this Bible verse". Do I believe God loves me, yeah i do. is that a very lazy and simplified way to help someone going through struggles, also yes. Why do you think, things like depression gets downplayed a lot in the church and by Christians? Everyone expects you to be happy all the time and if you aren't, there is something wrong with you.

PSA; If you are in church and see someone who is cold and unfriendly, don't just assume they're a bad person, most likely they are going through something.

Thanks for sharing this.
You may probably think I do not understand what you are going through, but I do.
I grew up feeling the same way. It's not uncommon. In fact, many persons grow up with these same feelings.
Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint where, or why these feelings arise.

What can help you, is having people around you, who understands, or who can put themselves in your shoes, and walk with you "a mile".
That's a problem, because there are not many people like that.

I wish I can talk with you, and be a friend - be there for you, because I know exactly how it feels... especially when most people misunderstand you.
What has helped me, is having God as a friend, and knowing that he was there for me, every step of the way.
I am thankful to have come to know God, and have a friend in him.

I'd be glad if we can talk.

 

[CoreyD]

I'm glad you brought this up! One size doesn't fit all. People think they have to give a particular comment and zappo! they've enouraged you. Not so, We should write a book of instructions for them. Maybe they should just be friendly and get to know you. Not nosey questions but kind of general ones such as "What do you like to in your spare time?" Video games? Read? Movies? Fast food? Then they can invite you to share time with them. Or they can just say, "Hi, Trey! It's nice to see you!"

I'm someone who never fit in!

What you say is so true.
Unfortunately, many people, because of our human nature, and where we came from, tend to think you are weird, or something is wrong with you, when you "don't fit in", or prefer to be by yourself.
They don't try to reach out to you, but want you to reach out to them.
Learning the Christ, is not a done deal, because people attend Church.
The heart is very much at play.

 

[Lukaris]

I am now 60, solitary, have light depression & have never really been able to bond with people in general. Certainly I believe traditional family, fellowship etc. is the way for believers for good witness & a healthy congregation. Still, I find ways to serve like in janitorial work which alongside my day job keeps me fairly busy. On an individual to individual basis, I am reserved but try to be sincerely & sensibly pleasant.

There are many people who are genuinely happy & sociable who have genuine hardships ( like a child who died young, physical issues etc.). Just by the Lord’s greatest teachings ( Matthew 22:36-40, Matthew 7:12 etc.), I should practice understanding & be helpful if needed. There are a some difficult types of people of course.

Regrettably, I do not seek greater fellowship but that is my state of being. I would encourage greater fellowship for anyone but not everyone is sociable. We are all sinners who need the Lord as our Savior ( Romans 3:21-26 etc.).

 

[Solo81]

I'm not clinically depressed but O have moments where my mood is down, feel very alone ad sometimes don't want to go to church. I have to because my parents will complain plus I work in the A/V and I have the most experience working there so I have responsibility. People are nice, say hi ask me how I'm doing ect... but sometimes I just want to walk past them and be on my own, not have to fake smiling as if everything is alright. The reason being that I know if that older members see me being sad, unfriendly, cold, they will find it weird because "you are Christian and you are in church, you shouldn't be sad". What do i do and how should I handle it? It's worse when their "help" is saying "hey God loves you, be happy, read this Bible verse". Do I believe God loves me, yeah i do. is that a very lazy and simplified way to help someone going through struggles, also yes. Why do you think, things like depression gets downplayed a lot in the church and by Christians? Everyone expects you to be happy all the time and if you aren't, there is something wrong with you.

PSA; If you are in church and see someone who is cold and unfriendly, don't just assume they're a bad person, most likely they are going through something.

If you are sad, be sad. If you feel okay inside but your face doesn't show it...just be that way.

 

[Rescued One]

I was waiting for transportation home once inside the foyer and a woman started interrogating as if I were a suspect! I don't know if she was intentionally nosey or intentionally rude.

 

[Solo81]

I was waiting for transportation home once inside the foyer and a woman started interrogating as if I were a suspect! I don't know if she was intentionally nosey or intentionally rude.

People are people. Ever predictable, ever new.

 

[mourningdove~]

"The church is not a museum for saints, it is a hospital for sinners."
~Author Unknown

 

[Rescued One]

"The church is not a museum for saints, it is a hospital for sinners."
~Author Unknown

I've heard that. I thought Christians should repent and be kind. Ephesians 4:32.