Being Clingy..

[invisiblebabe]

I find that a lot of 'clingy' people have been hurt or possibly even abused in their past by people. No wonder they cling to something they perceive as good...

 

[ardeur]

From a guys perspective.....
Being clingy drives us off. Giving us our space makes us want to be with ya all the time.

Ha.. well, I wouldn't say that's always true. I'm not clingy at all with my boyfriend and he's mentioned it a few times - saying it's normal for girls to be considerably more clingy than I am. He's told me that sometimes he wishes I were a little more clingy, because it makes him feel more wanted. I don't know how he'd behave if I exibited more clinginess.

 

[lacedinlavender]

Your situation seems pretty normal to me. Sometimes it is just so difficult to say goodbye to the one you love, and that's totally natural. My boyfriend and I have been together for going on three years now, and we don't get to see each other or talk to each other as much as we would like to, or as much as we used to. When we first started dating we were young (15) and in high school with very few responsibilities other than going to school, which happened during the day. We talked every night on the phone for hours and saw each other four or five times a week. I wasn't as clingy then, as we got to spend so much time with each other and when we weren't in each other's presence, we were at least talking with each other on the phone.

However, now that we're older, attending two different colleges, and working full-time, our opportunities to see each other have been drastically reduced, and I've found that I am much more clingy. Our work schedules are quite different and it usually works out that when he's working, I'm not and vice versa, so we'll call each other on our breaks just to chat for a few minutes, and I am always so reluctant to say goodbye to him. We see each other a couple of times a week now and I always hate having to leave each other at the end of the day. I typically beg him to spend just a few more minutes with me even though I know for a fact that it's inconvenient for him when it's already 11:00 and he has to drive 45 minutes to get home and has to get up at 6am the next morning.

So, in conclusion...it's hard and you are not the only one!

Jen

 

[POSICORE]

Yea, thats what my boyfriend says. lol and you did help. I enjoy reading all of your responses. Im just glad there are people who finally can relate to me.

aw i'm glad i could help

 

[hasnoname]

I hope you can read this and it will help. I have noticed a lot from the previous posts. I think we all need to take a better look at what clingy truly is...there is a fine line between love and 'clinginess'...one being righteous and perfect, the other being sinful.

I have been in 2 serious relationships...the first was definitely mature...but no where near as spiritually mature as the relationship I am in now. The other girlfriend I had was VERY clingy. And while at first I loved the attention, it got to a point...we would be talking late at night after I had worked all day, I would be worn out and ready for bed and she would 'guilt' me into staying on the phone, or just show her frustration in me having to leave. She would make me feel guilty for not always seeing her and such...

While it sounds really clingy, I am sure some of that comes from my perspective. You have to ask yourself...is this relationship, this clinginess holding him back from God in any way? That is what is most important.

I know it is in a girls nature to cling. I know God made it that way. But there is a certain line where it becomes sinful. That is up to what God tells you. If it bothers you, there is a great chance it is sin...there is a great chance the Holy Spirit is convicting you. While it might sound far fetched, you need to determine whether you are clinging because you seek fulfillment...through your love...or you genuinely, 100% are doing it because you enjoy him. It has to be selfless at the same time. Love is selfless. Now that seems to contradict you enjoying him and seeking that enjoyment, which is why if you are 'guilting' him into seeing you or whatnot...it is likely not right at all. There is a line.

Remember that your fulfillment should ONLY come from God. Also, remember this is from a guy's perspective...I do not understand the female mind at all. But I do know God.

One reason that clinginess should bother a guy...it goes against Scripture. It goes against God's plan. But only at that line where it becomes too much. You see, God made it so that the guy should ALWAYS pursue the girl. Always...that is often ignored in today's society. It mirrors our relationship with God. God pursues us and we cling to him because He is sovereign and holy and pure. But once we become too clingy to let Him pursue us it doesnt work. Once we try to do things on our own and pursue Him, it doesnt work. We cannot do it...we are not perfect. I guarantee it is the exact same in a romantic relationship.

 

[Tuffguy]

Love is as far away from selfless as possible. Every relationship begins with selfishness. Why do people get married? Because they want SOMETHING out of it. That something may be a just and honorable thing like comfort, companionship, children, ect. But it is still something you couldn't get on your own and is something you need and seek from the other person. Thus, selfish.

Ignoring that each party is in it for a reason, is not healthy and far from reality.

 

[Hope_0004]

I agree with most people - I don't think that your behavior has anything to do with you not being in love, in fact, you may be over-the-moon! However, I do agree with you that if this makes you feel "stupid", you should find techniques to improve. Perhaps you're a tad insecure? I find this to be my problem when I get "clingy". I want to be reassured that I am smart/funny/beautiful, whatever. However, being "clingy" makes us all look (and feel) the opposite. Let him miss you. When he hasn't heard from you all day, he'll take the initiative, and it will make you feel good. I'm not saying play games, but do you really need to call him X times a day? Probably not. When you pick up the phone, just think, "I can tell him this later." And then see what happens. But don't go overboard rationalizing... I think if he stays on the phone with you and does what you generally want to do, he loves you too - he just might want some space every so often.

 

[JustLiz87]

I for one have also become more clingy with time because at first it was easier to give my bf his space. We did other things with friends on our own and went out on weekends, usually Saturday or Sunday, and went out to eat and went to the races, the movies, etc. But now, my bf bought a house and he has very little free time on the weekends, so if I want to see him I have to go help. It certainly is good we can work on a project like this together, but sometimes I wish I could just go out and be carefree like before and I get clingy when I am in those moods. When he has free time at all, I want him to spend it with me and that is not always the case. I know he needs to balance his time, but it's hard to go from one extreme to another, but that's growing up I guess. He finally moves in this weekend, so I'll be happy to finally have done time and be able to relax at his house instead of making trips back and forth between his house and the lumber yard lol. Anywho, I can relate to the clinginess.

 

[Hope_0004]

I for one have also become more clingy with time because at first it was easier to give my bf his space. We did other things with friends on our own and went out on weekends, usually Saturday or Sunday, and went out to eat and went to the races, the movies, etc. But now, my bf bought a house and he has very little free time on the weekends, so if I want to see him I have to go help. It certainly is good we can work on a project like this together, but sometimes I wish I could just go out and be carefree like before and I get clingy when I am in those moods. When he has free time at all, I want him to spend it with me and that is not always the case. I know he needs to balance his time, but it's hard to go from one extreme to another, but that's growing up I guess. He finally moves in this weekend, so I'll be happy to finally have done time and be able to relax at his house instead of making trips back and forth between his house and the lumber yard lol. Anywho, I can relate to the clinginess.

Yes, it is hard when a guy has a "project" that he's very consumed with and you have to deal with it. I've done that before.

Happy BDAY by the way!

 

[melandshanetria]

Pray about your problem with clingyness, God will definitely help you with that area in your life. It's imperative for a couple to have time together, and also IMPERATIVE that they have their time apart as well. Me and my SO both have our own online ministry together and we take time apart from each other in order to focus more on God to pray, fast, and have our time alone with God, and face day to day life situations that life may bring. We make sure to check in with each other as much as we can to catch up on things and to spend quality time together when we get the chance. Although we live only 15 minutes from each other, we still limit the time that we see each other and spend time alone together, since we're courting. In the past, I have did things the wrong way in dating and getting to know a guy, and I felt that it was alright to be clingy, and always spend 24/7 with them, but after devoting my life totally over to God, I now find that he is the most important person in my life, and I desire to be more clingy to him than anyone else in my life. We must understand when we're in relationships to lead our seperate lives, so that way we can focus more on God and the things that he want, and then come together as a couple when the time is right for us. It's not very hard to do. I used to be one that was very clingy too, but God have took that away from me, and he can do the same for you. The best of God's blessings to you.

~Minister Shanetria

 

[hasnoname]

Love is as far away from selfless as possible. Every relationship begins with selfishness. Why do people get married? Because they want SOMETHING out of it. That something may be a just and honorable thing like comfort, companionship, children, ect. But it is still something you couldn't get on your own and is something you need and seek from the other person. Thus, selfish.

Ignoring that each party is in it for a reason, is not healthy and far from reality.

I am talking about love...not the relationship. God shows us what love is. To say love is selfish just doesnt make sense. Is God's love for us selfish at all? Did Christ die on the cross because His love was selfish, or selfless?

Relationships are selfish...but through love they should become more selfless. You should not get married because you want something out of it. That is like following Christ because you want something out of it. You get married because of love, you follow Christ because of love.

Easier said than done...but it still should be that way.

 

[Hope_0004]

That's sweet.

 

[JustLiz87]

Yes, it is hard when a guy has a "project" that he's very consumed with and you have to deal with it. I've done that before.

Happy BDAY by the way!

Yeah, I'm learning to deal with the "project". I think I'm getting a lot better at letting him do his thing and I do mine, but also spending enough time with each other. We only see each other on weekends to begin with because of distance and the fact that he works all week and I go to school all week. His house causes him to have to work there all weekend as well and sometimes I wish that he didn't have to, but lately I've learned to take time for myself and help him with the house part of the time. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with his moving in, but then again more projects will need to be done. He finally has heat and electricity so I can finish painting (the cold weather put that to an end back in November). I'm feeling useful again, so everything is getting better.

BTW, thanks for the happy birthday!

 

[Tuffguy]

I am talking about love...not the relationship. God shows us what love is. To say love is selfish just doesnt make sense. Is God's love for us selfish at all? Did Christ die on the cross because His love was selfish, or selfless?

Relationships are selfish...but through love they should become more selfless. You should not get married because you want something out of it. That is like following Christ because you want something out of it. You get married because of love, you follow Christ because of love.

Easier said than done...but it still should be that way.

What initiates the love? A need for something. That sounds nice and fuzzy but its distant from the way it really is. We love because we need something. We love God because we need salvation and we are commanded to love Him.
I'm not disagreeing with you that it should be a certain way, i'm just giving you my opinion.

 

[hasnoname]

What initiates the love? A need for something. That sounds nice and fuzzy but its distant from the way it really is. We love because we need something. We love God because we need salvation and we are commanded to love Him.
I'm not disagreeing with you that it should be a certain way, i'm just giving you my opinion.

I see where you are coming from, but I do not completely agree. Yes that is a reason we love God, but is it the righteous reason that we love God? If that is why you love God, then you are missing out.

God loves us first. God's love is completely pure and holy...it is not selfish at all...it is completely selfless. Now...Biblically we are told to follow Christ...

2 Corinthians 3:18- And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Scripture tells us that as we walk with Christ, we become more like Him. There is a form of love that is not selfish. God's love is not selfish at all. Therefore, it is possible...it is not easy at all...but it is possible to love like God...and therefore love can be selfless. I will not settle and I will not marry someone unless I can tell that it is selfless. I did not let myself start my relationship based off my own desires, but rather prayed about it and waited on God's answer...if He never gave me peace, I would have never started dating my girlfriend. I tell you, when your relationship is in God's will and it is based around glorifying Him rather than pleasing yourself or even each other...there is nothing like it.

I say strive for more. Strive to be like God...in everything you put your heart and passion into.