Being Clingy..

[spokenforbyHim]

Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years now. We have so much fun together...he's my best friend and I love him so much.

But I have a question. We'll talk on the phone and everything will be fine and he'll say he has to go and I...get super clingy and dont want him to get off. I've tried not to do this so much because I know it has to frustrate him but I still do it. And just today, I wanted him to go some where and he didnt want to go. So it made me upset and I guilted him into going and I know he got mad but he kept telling it was alright and he'd go. I want to stop doing this...but I dont know how...

Please someone, take it seriously. I know it may sound stupid and someone will just say that it's just lust or something.

But it's so not. At least one person give me an opinion please?
Thanks.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i'm like u. we've been dating for two years and i still don't want him to get off the phone. i've been doing better though. when he says he has to get off the phone i try to just say ok. but don't worry it's not lust or infatuation or being immature or whatever peolple wanna say about it. sometimes u just love someone so much u never wanna be away from them. but u have to just try your hardest to give him space. also, think about it from his point of view. it's gotta be pretty annoying that u never want him to get off the phone and that u had to guilt him into doing something. u don't want him to think ur annoying do u? so all i can say is that i relate and i don't think it's lust or whatever. u just have to work at it. actually my new years resolution is to only call him once a day! lol

 

[Iceman_Aragorn]

hmmm. I have a gf, though we havent been together as long as you. But when we are on the phone she does the same thing...sometimes. She'll say 'noooo, dont go', or just try to change the topic away from 'time to go to bed'. sometimes im just tired and i need to go to bed, so i guess it can be a little annoying, but its also sweet...she wants to be with/talk to me so much that she does that.

I think its more sweet than annoying, but I guess some guys would feel differently. #1, you are getting concerned about something that you are assuming. You should flat out ask him, "do you find it annoying when I don't want to let you get off the phone?"

The other thing is a seperate matter: When you have a difference of preference, and the girl guilts the guy a bit, the guy will tend to just give up what he wants and do what she wants to make her happy (since theres the benefit of hanging out with the one you love), even if he does it reluctantly.
I see no reason to accuse you of not being in love, your situation is something that would happen in a relationship with 15 year olds, 22 year olds, or whatever age.

From what i understood, you want to stop yourself from doing so-called 'clingy' things. You also seem to know what things you do qualify as clingy.
Seems to me that theres not really some quick fix...you have to learn self-discipline.

So to sum up:
The phone thing: you love the guy, you dont like leaving him, even if its just via phone that you are together. That seems pretty normal. Don't worry too much about it, but if you cant stop worrying, ask him how he feels about it.
The guilt trip thing: sometimes its okay to just disagree and not go somewhere together, if going together is going to end up making him angry and bitter, and you geeling guilty for making him go.

Not sure if that helped at all, but I thought I'd at least contribute to the thread.

 

[spokenforbyHim]

i'm like u. we've been dating for two years and i still don't want him to get off the phone. i've been doing better though. when he says he has to get off the phone i try to just say ok. but don't worry it's not lust or infatuation or being immature or whatever peolple wanna say about it. sometimes u just love someone so much u never wanna be away from them. but u have to just try your hardest to give him space. also, think about it from his point of view. it's gotta be pretty annoying that u never want him to get off the phone and that u had to guilt him into doing something. u don't want him to think ur annoying do u? so all i can say is that i relate and i don't think it's lust or whatever. u just have to work at it. actually my new years resolution is to only call him once a day! lol

Hey thank you for responding. I appreciate it. I'm glad you can relate to me. I'm gonna try really hard to just say okay and give him his space. Thanks again!

 

[spokenforbyHim]

#1, you are getting concerned about something that you are assuming. You should flat out ask him, "do you find it annoying when I don't want to let you get off the phone?"QUOTE]

I have talked to him about it and he said that most of the time he finds it more sweet than annoying. But he's not really the problem. I just feel really stupid when I do it. And im not dependant on him...hes not the center of my life...Im not the girl who puts their boyfriend before friends , but when i do that i feel like I am making him the center of my life.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I'm a little clingy too. I love being with my bf. I can't imagine him not wanting to spend time with me and go do something without me......

 

[rosemerry]

I'm clingy too but getting better at not. I'm 26 and just learning how to not and it's hard. So if you are younger don't feel bad.

I only see my boyfriend twice a week in person due to where we live, an hour apart, transportation, I don't drive as of yet, and work, we both have the same days off for which I'm thankful. I had to realize that he had friends before he met me and I can't expect him to just stop seeing them, although he doesn't see any of his female friends unless I'm with him. So even though I'm coming home and going to bed and he is hanging with his friends I just pray to God to help get over my feelings of unfairness. I have made a few friends that I hang out with when I'm not with him, female friends. It has helped a lot.

I pray a lot about this issue because I was an emotionally and physically clingy person all my life.

 

[spokenforbyHim]

Thanks guys. I've started working on it and I've gotten a lil better. So I know it will take time. But thank you for giving me advice. Its helped a lot.

 

[Tuffguy]

From a guys perspective.....
Being clingy drives us off. Giving us our space makes us want to be with ya all the time.

 

[Trex]

I'm in a very similar situation, even though I'm a guy (hope it's not too weird to be 'clingy')... my gf and I are very independent, and also in a long distance relationship (which I believe to be the driving force for these feelings). We only live about 3.5 hours apart, but with her being extremely busy with school, and me being in the military, we only manage to spend 1-2 weekends a month together. We do speak on the phone nearly every day, however.

I often try to keep her on the phone because I don't want to get off, even though we both have things we need to do. She doesn't want to get off either but has more self-control than I do. We still have nights where we talk for 4 hours. We get frustrated because we can't spend time together and usually let something that is out of my hands get to me, where she does not. Sorry, I'm getting a bit off topic as many of these should only apply to long-distance.

Anyway, this 'clingy' thing works both ways, as the other person needs space. I'm working on this myself, trying to not call as often. I know that if I do that she will naturally want to call me, only it will be at a time that she really can. I know it's really hard to not pick up the phone and call your SO at any time you want, especially when you think about them all day long. But back off just a bit to give some space and things will work out even better.

 

[spokenforbyHim]

I'm in a very similar situation, even though I'm a guy (hope it's not too weird to be 'clingy')... my gf and I are very independent, and also in a long distance relationship (which I believe to be the driving force for these feelings). We only live about 3.5 hours apart, but with her being extremely busy with school, and me being in the military, we only manage to spend 1-2 weekends a month together. We do speak on the phone nearly every day, however.

I often try to keep her on the phone because I don't want to get off, even though we both have things we need to do. She doesn't want to get off either but has more self-control than I do. We still have nights where we talk for 4 hours. We get frustrated because we can't spend time together and usually let something that is out of my hands get to me, where she does not. Sorry, I'm getting a bit off topic as many of these should only apply to long-distance.

Anyway, this 'clingy' thing works both ways, as the other person needs space. I'm working on this myself, trying to not call as often. I know that if I do that she will naturally want to call me, only it will be at a time that she really can. I know it's really hard to not pick up the phone and call your SO at any time you want, especially when you think about them all day long. But back off just a bit to give some space and things will work out even better.

I really appreciate your response. My boyfriend is like your g/f...having more self control. He's able to get off the phone when he has something to do and then when I have something to do i seem not to care and dont want to get off the phone. So...I have been trying to let him go. I did it for a couple of days and then the next day...didnt work so well. haha but I'll get it. Thank you.

 

[Trex]

No problem; glad I could relate. Ironically I'm being forced to give her space right now as she's doing a Winter Term in Italy. She called me today from Rome and probably will not be able to call again until the weekend... that's the longest I've ever gone without speaking with her.

I can't wait for her to get back into the Country.

 

[A2597]

My girlfriend also gets clingy, and I know it worries her.

Myself, it can be annoying at times, but I understand her well enough to not let it bother me. (There are times I think I understand her better then she knows herself, LOL) There are times when I just have to get off the phone, or really am in the middle of something.

But yes, just ask him if it bothers him. Being clingy isn't nessasarily a bad thing. My main gripe with clingyness is that I still feel the guy should be chasing the girl, and when she calls me (With no reason to call), or gets overly clingy I feel like she's chasing me.

(However I also understand her insecurities)

Really though, if it bothers you, focus on the times you will share in hte future, or the times you have had in the past, rather then focusing on the times you are apart. When you do that, time flys and your back together with your SO in no time.

 

[spokenforbyHim]

No problem; glad I could relate. Ironically I'm being forced to give her space right now as she's doing a Winter Term in Italy. She called me today from Rome and probably will not be able to call again until the weekend... that's the longest I've ever gone without speaking with her.

I can't wait for her to get back into the Country.

aw wow. That's gotta be tough. The longest I went without seeing or talking to my boyfriend was a week and I thought that was hard. Well, I'm sorry you have to be without her for so long! But it'll be great when she comes back. "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" lol something like that. I dont know. That's what my boyfriend's cousin told me when I was complaining about not seeing my boyfriend. It does make sense though I guess. anyway. Thanks your help and support.

 

[chocolateloverjen]

I do it sometimes.
expesh cos im in a longdistant relationship-i find it very hard.
recently ric had his phone banned cos the money we where spending on his was huge. he got limited to 3 texts a day off him and no phone calls. but it was ok cos i could call him. an hour a night but i get so bad. lol

when he went abroad i couldnt cope- he got a bill for £300 for ringing me abroad that month :-/

 

[KinaBolina]

Awww, it's tough not to be clingy when you're in love. Whenever I realize I'm being particularly clingy or my boyfriend points it out, I always try to say, "I'm sorry, but you realize the only reason I do this is because I freakin' love you, baby." Hahaha, it usually cracks us both up, I get an "I love you" back and the lighthearted note makes for a nice end to the conversation/time together.

Chin up. I'm sure he realizes you just really value your time with him and that you love him oodles. Clingyness sucks, but as long as the two of you communicate and try to work through the tough spots you should be just fine.

xoxo Blessings xoxo

 

[spokenforbyHim]

Awww, it's tough not to be clingy when you're in love. Whenever I realize I'm being particularly clingy or my boyfriend points it out, I always try to say, "I'm sorry, but you realize the only reason I do this is because I freakin' love you, baby." Hahaha, it usually cracks us both up, I get an "I love you" back and the lighthearted note makes for a nice end to the conversation/time together.

Chin up. I'm sure he realizes you just really value your time with him and that you love him oodles. Clingyness sucks, but as long as the two of you communicate and try to work through the tough spots you should be just fine.

xoxo Blessings xoxo

lol that was awesome. Thanks. made me laugh.

"Chin up. I'm sure he realizes you just really value your time with him and that you love him oodles. Clingyness sucks, but as long as the two of you communicate and try to work through the tough spots you should be just fine."

Yea, Im sure he realizes it too, I just feel really annoying when I do it. lol Well thank you. I liked your response.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

From a guys perspective.....
Being clingy drives us off. Giving us our space makes us want to be with ya all the time.

Ok, this may be true and everything...but the reason we are clingy, at least for me is that I want him to want to spend time with me. I know he does...but not as much as I want to with him. Who knows....

I agree with the first one to reply as well. She said exactly how I feel to.

 

[POSICORE]

my girl is the same way, she'll wanna talk for hours. and its late cause we both work late, and we just have cell phones and we cant take during the day. we are engaged now

i mean it gets a little irrating i guess to be super sleepy and ahve to get up early abut on the phone at 1am.... but i love her. and do anything just to amke her happy, and she is the same for me. and ide rather her wanna talk to me....than not wanna have anything to do with me....well cause she is super cute and the best girl in the world! and makes my days so much better cause she is there!

so i guess i have no advise but just go with feelings i guess haha. i dunno. i'm no help

 

[spokenforbyHim]

and ide rather her wanna talk to me....than not wanna have anything to do with me....

Yea, thats what my boyfriend says. lol and you did help. I enjoy reading all of your responses. Im just glad there are people who finally can relate to me.