Being Alone With Men

[SplendidTree]

I was wondering if anyone here struggled with this? I was sexually assaulted I really don't want to go into it. Anyhow with that on top of years of abuse from someone, I am left afraid of men.

Like it is improving just, I feel like I cannot be with a man alone or he will rape or sexually assault me. I cannot even have a male doctor or even dentist. If I do I make my mother come in with me. I am even this way with a Pastor. It is not like this with family or a few male friends I have. So not with every man.

I think lately, it's more of the 1 on 1 situations with men that I don't know even in a professional setting. It is something I am going to seek therapy for and haven't really gone into much in my past.

Sorry if this is worded poorly I never have visited this section prior and am kind of nervous saying this stuff.

 

[Kitty1809]

I had a similar situation. I was repeat assaulted when I was 16. I found it really hard, and still do, to be alone with men. I can't really say there is any right way to get over this as I am still getting over it. I have found that I am slowly trusting men again.

I was fortunate to find a man who liked at me and helped me to begin to trust. All I can say is find someone you can confide in, man or woman, and tell the situation. They will be there for you when you need them and you will find that often they will try to make sure you are not 1 to 1 with a man until you feel comfortable. When you are in work, there should be no reason why you should be one to one, if you are you are well within your right to ask for a third person to be in with you.

Hope this helps

kitty

 

[SplendidTree]

Thank you for your input. I actually recently have met a nice man who I have deeply confided this in. That definitely is helping me some to feel not all men are going to do those things. I still have so many trust issues though. Thanks so much for the input it really helps to know I am not alone on this.

 

[Johnnz]

It's hard regaining trust. You will always be pretty sensitive regarding men. But good men can help you see the difference and become more comfortable.

John
NZ

 

[SplendidTree]

Thank you very much John.

 

[Broken Hearted]

I just wanted to let you know your not alone. I myself am learning to deal with abuse that I went through from the age of 6-16. Im slowly learning to cope with it all now. I held it all in for many years and just last year opened up and admitted I was abused. I know how it feels to be afraid of guys Im still afraid but Im working on it. If you need some one to talk to feel free to pm me anytime. Ill be more than happy to listen and be supportive as much as I can.

 

[waves16]

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[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I completely understand. There are very few men I am comfortable being around alone. And I tend to panic if I'm left alone with a guy. I refuse to go to a male doctor, I went to the dentist but the hygenist stayed in the room with me basically the entire time, and there was no door, so at least it wasn't completely secluded. I couldn't have handled that. I know it's hard, but it's just something to try to take day by day, situation by situation I guess...

 

[SplendidTree]

Oh wow thank you ladies. It really helps to not feel so alone in this. To know other people feel the way I do is such a relief.

 

[dabro]

Hun, you have prayed over me many times. I pray that God gives you the healing you need. Praying for you

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I just want to say that I'm right there with you in feeling like I can't be alone with men. There are a few that I trust deeply enough and I know that I am safe with so it doesn't bother me to be with them alone. I understand the not feeling safe even with men who are doctors or at the dentist. I get that too. I make sure that I have females for doctors or dentist, or if I can't I always have another female in the room. I'm really sorry that you struggle with this too. Its horrible.

 

[Johnnz]

In your mind men and bad sex became associated based on your experiences with them. Now its a healing and unlearning process which does take some time and support. Many abused women can have real struggles with male sexuality and it can be a real process to become more comfortable, even within marriage. Abuse is so horrible.

John
NZ

 

[Rick Otto]

Don't just learn to trust. It happens way too much. Learn some basic self defense moves too & never feel like this is all your fault or that you have anything to be shy or shamed about by being pro-active & outspoken. You are afraid for a sound, logical, & real reason. You are having a sane reaction to an insane situation. It makes me rage inside when I think about it. How it ruins lives.
I know three sisters, the oldest & youngest were molested by their father.
The oldest forgave him & is high functioning, dealing with life's issues. The youngest stayed angry, got bitter & after years of hate got so dysfunctional she's been comitted several times now.
Life is tough. We realy need each other to stop this problem.

 

[BRISH]

I was wondering if anyone here struggled with this?

I use to with any kind of physical contact with guys particularly older guys. (Me as a teen still) I could be around men but I was always in a high alert state of being. You know? Like, I don't think it would have been obvious to others around me, but on the inside I was soo on edge until I could get distance. Or, having contact even just like shoulder to shoulder made me literally sick. I felt gross..just dirty. It was tiresome.

I think with everything else that manifested in my life physically, this passed as well when I really submitted it to God. It was not an automatic thing. It takes some time. I really do feel God's peace in my life literally the past few years. It washes everything away. I've learned to trust and accept that yes, there are some evil things out there, but then there are some incredibly awesome loving things. What has helped also is being around men that are soo incredibly God fearing and loving and respectful that I now know what "healthy" is and how "healthy" feels. I can recognize it now, and that alone is a miraculously healing thing.

(((hugs))) I will keep you in my prayers. [He's making you new. Just watch and see...]

 

[Timahani]

Hey CMJAMES,

I believe there is a natural shyness and beauty that virtuous women have when they are in the presence of any male figure. Men have a powerful presence God built them to be strong and to be protectors. It only becomes clinically problematic when your fear impedes on your ability to function in life or to carry on in a normal male-female relationship.

All, I can say, is that I am sorry that you had to endure such an experience. I pray that the Lord will heal your heart, and begin the process of restoration.

 

[LovedSparrow]

You are definitely not alone, girl! I am the same way. I had a different situation, but I get very nervous being alone with men besides my husband. Don't think you are strange, no, this is very common!
Blessings,
LovedSparrow