Being a loner

yuppers · May 4, 2021

Hey everyone. How do you deal with life if you are a loner. I’m very introverted with social anxiety and like my alone time. When I go to work my boss is always blabbing and trying to get me to talk. I honestly am not very interested in his personal life and I don’t want to share my life with him. I feel uncomfortable sitting in the lunch room trying to mind my own business. I’m pretty unhappy with my life and work doesn’t make things better. I consider quitting and trying to find a different job. There’s lots of covid restrictions and there’s no guarantee that a different job will fix my problems. The job I’m at now I’m able to pay my bills. I can’t afford to take much of a pay cut because I have overhead costs. My mental health is not in great shape. How do you negotiate something like this? I appreciate your input.

tryphena rose · May 4, 2021

How do you feel your relationship and walk is with the Lord? For your struggles regarding anxiety, disinterest in others and your mental health, I think that's a wonderful place to start. When I was a non-believer, I struggled a lot with social anxiety and separated myself very often from other people, including close friends. I simply preferred to be alone. However I think this desire to be alone is innately a selfish thing to do. It requires no self-sacrifice and is entirely to fulfill your desire to do what you want to do, instead of carrying the burden of loving others.

Truth is, I hated people in my heart most of the time and was very pessimistic. When I came to Christ, God opened my heart and showed me a new way. My anxiety, fear and disdain towards my fellow man didn't completely disappear over night and it has been a journey, but God really began to change me that day I put my faith in Him. Although I can confidently say that as I've grown closer to the Lord, I'm in a much better place then I was years ago. I love people much more now and have a desire to be with others and help others, and praise God for it. Things aren't perfect and I think every believer has their struggles, their ups and downs, but the more you draw near to the Lord, the more He will draw near to you.

And don't forget: "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Chrystal-J · May 4, 2021

I tend to be a loner too. I'm trying to become more social. I force myself to talk to people and to go where people will be. It does become easier the more you try to reach out to others. Low grade depression can cause you to want to be alone too. I also pray for the ability to improve my life through social interaction--it helps.

Hanging by a Thread · May 4, 2021

yuppers said:
Hey everyone. How do you deal with life if you are a loner. I’m very introverted with social anxiety and like my alone time. When I go to work my boss is always blabbing and trying to get me to talk. I honestly am not very interested in his personal life and I don’t want to share my life with him. I feel uncomfortable sitting in the lunch room trying to mind my own business. I’m pretty unhappy with my life and work doesn’t make things better. I consider quitting and trying to find a different job. There’s lots of covid restrictions and there’s no guarantee that a different job will fix my problems. The job I’m at now I’m able to pay my bills. I can’t afford to take much of a pay cut because I have overhead costs. My mental health is not in great shape. How do you negotiate something like this? I appreciate your input.

1watchman · May 4, 2021

yuppers said:
Hey everyone. How do you deal with life if you are a loner. I’m very introverted with social anxiety and like my alone time. When I go to work my boss is always blabbing and trying to get me to talk. I honestly am not very interested in his personal life and I don’t want to share my life with him. I feel uncomfortable sitting in the lunch room trying to mind my own business. I’m pretty unhappy with my life and work doesn’t make things better. I consider quitting and trying to find a different job. There’s lots of covid restrictions and there’s no guarantee that a different job will fix my problems. The job I’m at now I’m able to pay my bills. I can’t afford to take much of a pay cut because I have overhead costs. My mental health is not in great shape. How do you negotiate something like this? I appreciate your input.

You raise many issues here, friend! As to the first question I would say we can show friendliness and always with a pleasant smile, even if we do not choose to chat ---One can just pass on bye. As to your innate type as an Introvert ---many of us are, but we can still be pleasant, smile, and not feel we have to make a comment. When the boss or others wish to chat other than business, be pleasant and maybe reply: that's interesting, or just nod acknowledgment. One can offend others by being sober and ignoring them ---not a polite manner!

As to your work, I do not know your skill level or age, but I often as a social worker, have advised ones to take a year or two off to attend a Technical or Trade school and learn a skill that you like and are good at. If you are a true Christian, you might speak to the Lord about this matter and ask for guidance; but if not acquainted with the Lord, then begin reading the Holy Bible at John 1; John 3; John 14; and see what God wants to say to you. Write me anytime at my PM and we can chat a bit.

Palmfever · May 4, 2021

I'm a bit of a trog myself. Don't suffer from social anxiety, I simply find most individuals tedious. Have those I love, but enjoy time alone and find it in short supply many times. I don't know how God puts up with humans, but I'm grateful for His patient love.
1 Thes, 4:9. Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 10 And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, 11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
Not everyone is into social contact. Some can't live without it. We desire it in various degrees. No need to feel guilty or anxious about it.

sunshineforJesus · May 5, 2021

Im a social person but have trouble fitting in with others so often find myself spending my days alone.

mama2one · May 5, 2021

follow

Tolworth John · May 5, 2021

yuppers said:
I’m pretty unhappy with my life and work doesn’t make things better. I consider quitting and trying to find a different job

You don't mention church. Do you attend church regularly?
Are you known at your church, are there opertunities to help, be a steward handing out hymn books etc?

I understand something about anxiety and know just living with it will not make it better or easier to socialise.
Don't just quit your job, find another before quoting.
As for socialising at work, what do you do all evening? Watch films, play on line games, read? These are all things you can mention to your boss or to your co workers.

Some people love to talk and want a listener, all you have to do is have something to toss the conversation ball back to them so they can keep on talking.

TexFire316 · May 5, 2021

Most of the Old Testament greats, were loners as well.
Just saying...
I wouldn't fret over it, seek after the Most High God.

tturt · May 5, 2021

OP - A strategy I've found - say what he's saying back to him - can change the wording. He will know that you are listening. Keeps the conversation going without giving info about yourself. Give nods, thumbs up, etc

Lunch - read while eating at the end of the table.

TzephanYahu · May 5, 2021

Hi @yuppers

I can totally relate with you my friend.

I’m also a real introvert and prefer my time alone over socialising! I also don’t like talking much at work and find it difficult to share aspects of my personal life. But that’s how it is with some people.

According to Myer Briggs Personality Type, I’m an INFJ. I strongly encourage you to take that test as well as the results you’ll get will help you understand your weaknesses and strengths. What I’m saying is that it’s very important to not judge yourself unfairly for being naturally this way. Extrovert does not equal normal. Introverts have many gifts and, once we learn how to manage our weaknesses, life can become a lot easier.

Now, you say you are in a quite a bad way at the moment. From your brief OP, it seems as though your heart is without hope – but I may be wrong. May I ask, how would you say is your relationship with God is? And do you find it easier to communicate online?

Peace.

Joined2krist · May 5, 2021

The world will not like you if you are a genuine Christian so many true believers are alone outside church and Christian family. It's a cross we have to bear rejoicing to be partakers of Christ's suffering. I wouldn't resign if I was in your shoes, God bless

Palmfever · May 5, 2021

You have found many here with like personalities. Many, if not most, want to know they have a voice. They desire a listener to validate their existence, to affirm their value. Some just love the sound of their own voice. That's okay. You don't need to say much to the talkers, grunt, say um and they are energized to spew drivel until they run out of breath. Some truly are interesting and have amusing or stimulating subjects to express. Scripture states, "Study to be quiet." Don't feel insecure about fulfilling God's Word. Be good to yourself, you are the only person you must live your life with in it’s entirety. Don't allow others to dictate your life. Give of your time, not necessarily all your thoughts. "It is better to hold your peace and be thought a fool, than to speak your mind and remove all doubt."

Being introverted is the only way to be as far as I'm concerned. God is with us everywhere, in everything.

tryphena rose · May 5, 2021

TexFire316 said:
Most of the Old Testament greats, were loners as well.
Just saying...
I wouldn't fret over it, seek after the Most High God.

Many of the Old Testament greats weren't just loners, they were rejected by their people for preaching the truth in God. The truth which others didn't want to hear and hated them for it. I think it's important to acknowledge that difference. It's totally different if you are alone because of rejection for Christ vs. being alone because you choose to be alone due to your dislike of being around people. That's where I'd say it's more of a selfish act then it is one of self-sacrifice. Because yes, it is a burden to love others but a burden Christ calls us to bare. I fear when we seclude ourselves, we are not heeding that call. We are not contributing to the advancement of the Kingdom of God.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

yuppers · May 5, 2021

I appreciate the replies. It’s nice to know there’s others out there as well. Today the boss wasn’t in the lunch room so it was a nice break. I don’t think a change of jobs will fix this. It’s just a place in life.

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