Ok all, I've just finished my oldest son's b'day party. The first without my Ginger. All in all I guess it went well. He was happy with it and had several friends over for a cook out and camp out. But after it was all said and done I sat down to rest I began thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas. This will be our first without her. I know many of you have been here before and I don't want to open any old wounds, but I would really appreciate any ideas of how to do this. I think Thanksgiving will be good, but I'm really concerned about Christmas. Ginger made Christmas so exciting for our youngest two, 9 and 6. I feel I must make a galiant effort for things not to be really different this year. Any ideas would be a great help. Tks.
Hi, this is some suggestions and advice I got off the internet. I hope this helps.
Change or Modify
Change can make things less painful. Do you routinely cook the traditional meal ? Will this be something to distract you, to keep your mind off your sorrow ? It may be too much work, or too much pain ... if it’s too much - it’s perfectly okay to say so and let someone else take on the traditional task.
If you normally travel at Christmas consider staying home. Or if home has too many sad memories, think about getting away somewhere for a day or two.
Let people know
Tell your friends and family just what you can, and can't, do. You'll find that others are only too happy to take over some of your tasks, or to assist you in those you choose to keep. Talk about the person who has died. Others often avoid mentioning your loved one's name in an attempt to avoid hurting you, so be honest with them and teach them that its a lot more painful not to talk about your memories.
Ceremonies
Commemorate your loved one with a special Ceremony. Make them part of your traditional holiday celebration by including them in your family dinner - lay an extra place setting, light a special candle, make a small speech and raise your glass in a toast. Children could write the loved one a letter to place under the christmas tree or the main decoration you normally have for the holidays. Get a new ornament in memory. Plant a tree. Start a new tradition.
Do something for others. You may find comfort in doing something for others. Take the money you would have spent on a gift for your loved one and donate it to a charity in his or her name.
The Tristate family hang up their loved ones Christmas stockings. Ornaments bearing their photos are on the tree. They place a small tree at the children's grave site.
Other Tristate children, too, must cope with holidays without a sibling or parent. What should be a festive occasion is often marked with sadness, anger and confusion.
The first thing parents can do to help a grieving child is to take care of themselves, Mrs. Coesays. They need to determine what will give them energy and patience to cope. They may need to cross off some holiday tasks or traditions.
“Talk as a family. Would it be good to not do things exactly the same? Could we adapt some of our traditions, put some things away for now because it just doesn't feel right or do something really different, like maybe go out-of-town for the holidays?”
The key is to talk it over in advance and let everyone have a say. in how the holiday is observed. If opinions differ, try to reach a compromise or let people do different things, she advises.
Allow for some quiet times and maybe some sad times during the holidays, she suggests. “Maybe even build that into the day where there can be time where people can relax and think about the person who died.”
