Bad Communication habit

[trinitygrace]

Okay, I have this bad communication habit with my boyfriend that I need advice on. Sometimes when I am with him, I'll expect him to respond to me in certain ways or say certain things. When he doesn't, I get a little upset. He can't read my mind, I know that, but sometimes to me, those things would be obvious. I sometimes feel like I can't communicate the things I want him to say to me. If you're not following my drift, here is an example: Yesterday he had a test for police academy that lasted 7 hours! I was with him 4 1/2 hours away. I waited in the car the whole time (because I am scared to drive in heavy traffic and I didn't want to get lost), except for an hour that I went away to visit a local library. I didn't want him to come out and me not be there. When was finally done, I wasn't mad at all. I asked him how it went and what happened. He told me and then I asked more questions about his day. Then the convo stopped. He did not mention anything about me waiting for him the whole day, what I did or nothing. I got a little upset. I know it sounds selfish. I wanted to tell him what all happened, but I felt held back for some reason. What is wrong with me? Can someone please let me know. He said he didn't ask cuz he figured I didn't do anything but wait on him, plus he didn't think to ask. How can I stop doing this to the one I love?

 

[newyorknewyork]

sweety.. cling to the cross.. i understand and i can relate to what you are saying

sometimes we can all be sensitive

sometimes we can be selfish too

maybe you could pray and ask Jesus to change your heart.. best wishes...

 

[trinitygrace]

sweety.. cling to the cross.. i understand and i can relate to what you are saying

sometimes we can all be sensitive

sometimes we can be selfish too

maybe you could pray and ask Jesus to change your heart.. best wishes...

Yeah I need to get closer to Jesus and pray to him. I can definitely be WAY too sensitive. Thanks for relating to me and understanding me. God Bless you Tsuriyel!

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Hey Trinity

I don't think this is all about you having problems. Your bf needs to own up to some things too, and it doesn't seem like he is doing that. It seems like you can't change his problems, and so you think that it must be all of your fault.

It is just a nice thing and polite thing to say thanks to someone who does something for you-wether it be holding the door open, helping with the groceries, etc...down to waiting in the car for hours. I would have to say that I think that he needs to learn to appreciate and respect you more.

You both need to work on your communication. You both need to sit down and talk about these issues...if not things will not end well for the both of you.

I'm not trying to be harsh to you sweetie, but I can't sugar coat it down to "Everything is fine." You are looking for advice and I think that you both have a lot to work on.

You have issues. We all do. Yet so does he. My question is: What is he doing to appreciate and respect you?

 

[bfly]

Trinity, Starling has put it exactly right.

Remember, this could be your husband. How does he treat his mother?

If you can't communicate now, you're in for a lonely life.

 

[trinitygrace]

Trinity, Starling has put it exactly right.

Remember, this could be your husband. How does he treat his mother?

If you can't communicate now, you're in for a lonely life.

My boyfriend actually treats his mother VERY well. He always puts her and his family in the utmost regard. He is a very big family guy. I just hope he is like this with our family.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

How old is he by the way?
Does he try and work things out with you or does it seem like the blame is always placed on you?

 

[trinitygrace]

My boyfriend is 20, going on 21 in August. He does work things out with me. During the fight, the blame seems to be mostly on me. It's like he doesn't take responsiblity of his side during the fight. I always have to first. And if he's really mad and I start taking responsibility for my actions, he won't believe me. He say "yeah, right". But afterwards, he'll apologize and be really nice. It's just the screaming I don't like. He is a big screamer. But he doesn't do anything else. He has never hit, or hurt me in any way physically. I just can't stand it when he gets mad and yells. There's no need for it, ya know?

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Have you thought about taking a break from one another for awhile? It seems like this may be a maturity thing. I once dated a guy younger than me...and it wasn't so good. He wasn't mature enough. You two are still young enough that the age difference can make it a problem.

You both have a lot to work on. I think of you often and pray for you. Let me know if you need anything.

 

[ApocryphaNow]

I don't know... did you tell him you would be waiting there the entire time? Did he want you to wait?

I'm a boy... when my girlfriend does things like wait for me for seven hours I don't know if I think they are sweet so much as... a little uncomfortable. It's kind of a lot of pressure to know somebody expects so much of you. It's much easier to be sweet when you don't think your girlfriend is always trying to guess your next move.

My feeling is that, especially in a pre-marriage situation, you should just hang loose. It's a bigger deal to worry about the things that go wrong than the things that go not-quite right.