Bad attitude?

[berry2000]

Hello all. i have missed you dearly and have returned from my vacation. I'd like to say it was all relaxing but instead it was very emotionally confusing and I have returned with emotion just stuffed inside my poor body that I don't know how to get out. I did have a good time but there was a lot of emotional drama too.

It seems now like I have a "negative" filter on. And I have that hopeless helpless feeling. Like things will never get better in fact they are doomed.

And I know that for that is part of the whole bipolar thing that I dip into these moods. But I haven't felt this way in a while and sometimes it can be scary.

People who are not bipolar always say I just have a bad attitude and I need to change it and think more positively. Sometimes I wonder if they are right? Is this my fault? Can i atleast make it less severe by mental willpower? Or is it all chemical and do I need to wait it out? Or do I need to consult the doctor? Geesh I get so tired of questions I cannot answer. And I feel like going into hide out mode where I don't want to interact with anyone or do anything?

Anyone got any advice or words of wisdom or more importantly and valuable....any comfort/support?

 

[Alive again]

Hello all. i have missed you dearly and have returned from my vacation. I'd like to say it was all relaxing but instead it was very emotionally confusing and I have returned with emotion just stuffed inside my poor body that I don't know how to get out. I did have a good time but there was a lot of emotional drama too.

It seems now like I have a "negative" filter on. And I have that hopeless helpless feeling. Like things will never get better in fact they are doomed.

And I know that for that is part of the whole bipolar thing that I dip into these moods. But I haven't felt this way in a while and sometimes it can be scary.

People who are not bipolar always say I just have a bad attitude and I need to change it and think more positively. Sometimes I wonder if they are right? Is this my fault? Can i atleast make it less severe by mental willpower? Or is it all chemical and do I need to wait it out? Or do I need to consult the doctor? Geesh I get so tired of questions I cannot answer. And I feel like going into hide out mode where I don't want to interact with anyone or do anything?

Anyone got any advice or words of wisdom or more importantly and valuable....any comfort/support?

I know that path and am fighting my way thorugh a part of it again. For me I end up there quickest in trying to "help" others, typically in areas that are their responsibilities.

The other way I tend to get there is by trying to make everything works and and be peaceful and calm and okay, etc for everybody else and not me!

So I am remebereing and learningmore this week about what my responsibilites before God are. I am answerable to God only for myself and my actions. As part of that I am begining to realize that in taking care of everybody else I have not only neglected my one physical needs but my emotional (feelings) have not been allowed to be real and felt and dealt with before God by me. I really tend to turn to others, typically my hubby and then food, to meet my emotional needs. I tis for me a long hard battle to sort out what I can dealt with, ehat I just need to turn over to God and what is just illness.

SIGH!!! This si truly what the Bible calls the process of sanctification. This illness, for me has just made it more confusing to figure out.

Not sure if any of this applies to what you are going through. Maybe it is just where I am at.

I tend to act like there is a lot I have a choice about, spiritually, emotionally, etc Tis my perfectionism, but it doesn't leave me much room before God to just be humble and say I am human and I screw up and I am so thankful you have a plan fir that and sent your Son to cover my guilt so i don't have to keep trying so hard, I can just step into your presence and love and be okay!!!

 

[lemonflavor]

I'm sure you've seen it, but just in case you're not caught up yet, this thread may address some of these issues:
http://www.christianforums.com/t4512765-is-happiness-a-choice-when-you-are-bipolar.html

Any change in daily routine is difficult for people with bipolar disorder. I always knew change in routine was difficult for me, but didn't realize this is part of being bipolar until recently. (Sorry if I'm telling you what you already know.) A vacation will really throw you off so I hope you can give yourself some time to recover and then assess your situation more objectively.

I crashed after the holidays and I wasn't even that busy. I don't think I could handle a vacation right now. My mom really wants me to fly out to see her and I keep telling her I can't. She was even here for a couple of days and saw how difficult life is for me. !

 

[rushingwind62]

Most people just don't know what it is like being BP. What they don't understand is that we don't need a reason to to get depressed or emotional. It is merely a part of our chemical imbalance. I know I use to get depressed for no apparent reason and simply came to this conclusion. I talked to my dr about and he continued to work with me on my meds until we finally got the right combo with the most benefit. Do I still get depressed and emotional. Yep!! but not near as often. My advice....talk to your dr and see if he/she will work with you on adjusting or finding new meds that will work better for you.

 

[berry2000]

Yeah thanks guys something that each of you said has resonated with me and made me feel like you do know what it's like!

Alive- I do have that problem with trying to "be in charge" of everyone elses well being. Guess this was part of the at home drama.I too turn to others and then my own addiction instead of God. And do need to turn things over to him. My new years resolution...be closer to God, spend time with God...all the rest will follow.

Lemon- oh you are right and I didn't even really consider it or allow for the difficulties that I have varying from my routine. I don't think I allow myself any leway for being "bipolar". Still in a bit of denial. It's not hard for others...why should it be hard for me. Perhaps I should allow for some grace towards myself.

Rush-

What they don't understand is that we don't need a reason to to get depressed or emotional. It is merely a part of our chemical imbalance. I know I use to get depressed for no apparent reason and simply came to this conclusion.

You are so right! After like 5-7 years in junior high and high school I realized I was depressed without a good reason...and that was okay...I shouldn't beat myself up about it because it is chemical. Sometimes i forget.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hello all. i have missed you dearly and have returned from my vacation. I'd like to say it was all relaxing but instead it was very emotionally confusing and I have returned with emotion just stuffed inside my poor body that I don't know how to get out. I did have a good time but there was a lot of emotional drama too.

I have missed you much Berry

It seems now like I have a "negative" filter on. And I have that hopeless helpless feeling. Like things will never get better in fact they are doomed.

You don't have the 'negative filter on', it was switched on due to your illness.

And I know that for that is part of the whole bipolar thing that I dip into these moods. But I haven't felt this way in a while and sometimes it can be scary.

Many times it can be scary Berry. I know that when my moods 'dip there' I become very afraid...afraid of falling into that pit of despair.

People who are not bipolar always say I just have a bad attitude and I need to change it and think more positively.

I believe that if someone has not experienced something...they have no right to comment on it or give 'advice' on the topic.

Sometimes I wonder if they are right? Is this my fault?

When I hear people say these kind of things...I always reply that I must be very powerful to cause this in my life. And what kind of a peron would bring this on themselves???

Can i atleast make it less severe by mental willpower?

Pesonally Berry, I find I can not 'change it' I can only try desperately to do the things I must (example: go to work) making it thru is not always successful.

Or is it all chemical and do I need to wait it out?

Sometimes waiting it out is the only thing one can do.

Or do I need to consult the doctor?

Sometimes yes.

Geesh I get so tired of questions I cannot answer. And I feel like going into hide out mode where I don't want to interact with anyone or do anything?

I know Berry...at times my head actually aches from trying to over analyze my 'state'. I often go in the no contact/hide mode. At this time, you dear friends are the only ones I communicate with (other than my Mom and at work (because I do work with the public))

Anyone got any advice or words of wisdom or more importantly and valuable....any comfort/support?

No advice Berry, just my experiences. No words of wisdom... Comfort, support, love & cyber 's yes dear Berry And hopfully encouragement.

With love & 's,
Wendy

 

[berry2000]

Feeling much better. IN fact feeling the opposite. Confident, happy, positive about the future, making plans etc. I know this sounds like manic and i"m keeping my eye on it but so far nothing bad has ever happened when I've felt like this before. I never do anything or swing too far high. But I am feeling better.

 

[Alive again]

Feeling much better. IN fact feeling the opposite. Confident, happy, positive about the future, making plans etc. I know this sounds like manic and i"m keeping my eye on it but so far nothing bad has ever happened when I've felt like this before. I never do anything or swing too far high. But I am feeling better.

Thank you for the update! I am thankful to hear things are better. May God preserve this time for you and may you level out here for a long period! Take care of yourself dear friend and sister in Christ!