Bad anniversary

[caresforthebirds]

Woah don't give up!
It doesn't matter that it's not your anniversary today, (its now Friday)
today can still be a great day. I have some tips.
1) write him a letter by hand and tell him you love him, you're greatful for your marriage (even if you don't really feel that way right now) and you're sorry for the fight y'all had (even if it wasn't your fault). Then try and convey in sweet but serious words how much it would mean to you if he would take better care of himself by eating right and taking his meds.

2) Go get all the junk food and donate it or give it away.
Except for your favorite wine and chocolate, hide that somewhere for you for later.

3) I don't know how you feel about cooking, but maybe you have a sibling or friend who can help you out if you don't like it. Research alot of recipes that are health-conscious. If you would like to PM me, I will give you the info to access my pinterest board because my FIL had triple bypass AND diabetes and my MIL needed ideas because he's a picky eater so I found a bunch of things and pinned them for her. The most useful one is a substitute chart. Most anything that makes food taste good can be substituted with something natural that still tastes pretty good.
For example- coconut oil instead of vegetable oil. applesauce instead of sugar....
you can't stop him from sneaking mikkie d's when he's out by himself but you can make eating healthy be as yummy as eating not healthy.

Well.... he eats like half-way healthy....... like for example I already have him eating coconut oil if we need fat in something, and he does like fruits and veggies. One problem is we run out of food every month because of how much he eats, or at least I think that is the problem.... then the food from the food bank is not very good for him.

That is an issue where we run out of food and money and people blame us or even suggest we use our money for bad things and that is why we run out. Not true.... but I'm trying to improve the situation by hopefully getting a job maybe.

Today the only sort of money I had left was 5 dollars and a bunch of coupons to the Farmer's Market. Then on the way to the Farmer's Market with a buggy thing and my husband coming along though he was still hurting a bit, we happened to pass by the food bank. Checking it was still open, they only help out once every month. What happened was it turned out we were last helped exactly one month ago... so instead of going to the farmer's market we went to the food bank and they happened to have food appropriate for my husband and lots of fruits and veggies. Yay, but I need to figure out how not to get into that situation again.

 

[akmom]

Maybe you'll have to regulate portion sizes. If you make a large batch of something, you can automatically transfer the left-overs into small freezer bags and reserve them for another day. Instead of letting it sit in the pan or pot, where he may be tempted to go back for seconds or thirds. (Freezing it in individual servings makes it easier to thaw, and helps regulate portion sizes.)

Can he eat things like oats and beans, which go a long way?

 

[caresforthebirds]

Maybe you'll have to regulate portion sizes. If you make a large batch of something, you can automatically transfer the left-overs into small freezer bags and reserve them for another day. Instead of letting it sit in the pan or pot, where he may be tempted to go back for seconds or thirds. (Freezing it in individual servings makes it easier to thaw, and helps regulate portion sizes.)

Can he eat things like oats and beans, which go a long way?

Actually we do cook large amounts of food and it gets eaten the same day when he goes back and gets more later. We have oats and beans, he doesn't like oats a lot, and the beans we keep buying more than we eat and they are kind of stockpiled, lol, so is the rice. If we really run out of food, the rice and beans will be left for sure.

 

[DZoolander]

What about something like 15 bean soup? I'm making a batch right now and it's awesome. lol

Cheap, healthy - and awesome.

 

[akmom]

Yeah, 15 bean soup is good. What kind of beans do you have? Maybe you just need some good recipes. No one likes to eat plain cooked beans!

Or plain oats. (Oats are best with chopped apple, cinnamon and a little brown sugar. Or just a little maple syrup. Or a generous amount of blueberries, if he can't have sugars.) Banana is a good sweetener too, and as far as fruit goes, bananas are pretty cheap.

Fried rice is a good way to make a meal out of rice. I sautee it with frozen mixed vegetables - also fairly cheap, as far as veggies go. Of course it's a lot of fat and oil, so not entirely healthy. I don't know what the restrictions are for pancreatic conditions.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I can't give any advice because I'm so tired right now but the first year of marriage is often the hardest because your all stuck with each other and learning things and its hard for some.

 

[bluegreysky]

OP hecaresforthebids,
Today instead of offering more advice to get you out of the rut I feel like commisserating with you. About the feeling like a failure thing.
We are newlywed and still getting adjusted so we butt heads a bit. No biggie.
But I have problems with my health too. Not panchreatitis or anything quite like that but definitely allergy and immune issues that will make me get like alot of colds and sinus infections and run down feelings each year. UGh.
So Friday I was a little allergy but ok. Saturday I got a sore throat and ears. Kept getting worse. Somehow they got infected because of fluid buildup. So I spent Saturday evening laying around the house because I felt fever-y and gross.
Better yesterday, just bad head congestion.
I feel like a slave to antibiotics.
The nurse at the care spot said "ohhh poor girl you are like falling apart".
That hurt my feelings. My husband gets sick sometimes but alot less than me and he wont take antibiotics but for once every 3 or 4 years when he gets strep throat. He also has good teeth. I had a run of poor diet choices and didn't take care of them enough from ages 18-24 so I have been getting cavity after cavity filled. He went to the dentist for the first time in 6 years and had no cavities.
He's supposed to be strong and the leader but when he's healthy and I'm not, I feel like a loser.
I still did chores and cooking over the weekend. and intimacy. But I turned him down on a few other things like stuff he wanted to do on the internet together and playing a video game and he was kinda bummed out and I was like "sorry, I'm tired. My head hurts" but I just feel like such a loser when all I want is to be a healthy, active wife but my allergies or whatever slow me down from tackling whatever we need/want to do.

 

[Inkachu]

Please seek help from a marriage counselor.

This.

Your actions are not normal, not OK, and not healthy for your marriage. If you're already determined that you're done with this and you want out, then take the steps to begin the process, rather than stay with this poor guy and continually make him miserable. If you want to make it work, get into counseling immediately and take ownership of your actions, words, and attitudes. Asperger's is not an excuse to be abusive.

FWIW I'm also a caretaking wife to a husband with serious, chronic health issues.

 

[caresforthebirds]

Things have gotten better because he is feeling better, he's kind of in and out with this. I do see a therapist, well my last therapist was working with me on treating my husband better, I need to start the same therapy with my new therapist.

 

[Inkachu]

Yes, you do. Your treatment of your husband shouldn't go up and down based on his health. Please address this issue with your new therapist ASAP. I hope things get better.