Hi everyone!
I used to post on CF maybe about a year ago. I will humbly admit, I have gone through many ups and downs, many struggles since then, and the struggles were too much for me at the time that I abandoned my faith for awhile. Yes, I am ashamed, not proud at all. I have felt God reaching out to me each time I'd pull away, though, saying, "I made you as my child. I will NOT lose you as my child. No matter what, I will love you as my child, and keep pulling you toward me."
Like I said, the last year or so has been a roller-coaster. My latest roller coaster has been trying for a baby. My husband and I have been trying, and this is our fifth month. Mind you, I know that it's not that long of a time, but I have a condition that makes it hard for me. I'm 25 years old now, but have had a short luteal phase since I was a teenager. I've heard that a short luteal phase makes it tough to conceive, and if you do conceive, makes miscarriage very likely. Back in June, I suspected I had an early miscarriage, based on my dizzy spells, just feeling "different," just "knew," and my period being a couple days late, with very awful cramps that I've not had before.
I have since been taking the herb vitex, which has been known to regulate cycles, but I still had a 9-10 day luteal phase. During my last cycle, I took progesterone cream from 3 days past ovulation until my period. I had a 13 day luteal phase, rather than a 9 day luteal phase (9 days has always been my typical for me). We did not conceive, though. I am rejoicing over the fact that I seem to be more regular because of this, yet, worried I'll never conceive.
Please, pray that, for one, God gives me a baby. And, if He wants me to wait, that He eases the distress of waiting for my husband and I, and helps us keep the faith that He will provide. He has recently provided a career for my husband, something that we had prayed about and waited on for over a year, and I'd already begun to lose hope. Please pray that this blessing will give me more faith that God will provide for us.
The most painful thing, it seems, is waiting for blessings.
I'm so worried that we will never have a baby (I've heard of people trying for years, no success, and many fertility treatments, with still no success--I have this fear that that will be me). Please do not judge me for this--if you have judgmental comments, please do not even comment (and I'll be praying for you for your judgmentalness)--I have seen a lot of negativity lately in humanity (gosh, this is a whole different issue--another issue that I feel I have lost my faith over--why does God allow people to be hurtful, angry, judgmental, mean and damaging toward others?!), so I'm hypersensitive to it, and I want my feelings, my fears and longings, to be validated and empathized with.
Also, in the meantime, I'd heard about 4 births in the last week, I'm not kidding. This is like rubbing salt on my painful wounds. It seems like many women around me are getting pregnant. Why not me?! My longing has gone from peaceful to painful that I cannot go a few minutes without thinking about it. Please pray for me to be happy for them, rather than jealous and bitter.
Please pray that A) God gives my husband and I a baby, or B) He eases are pain if a baby is not in his plan for us, or if it's in the plan for later, and C) He either fulfills this longing or takes it away.
I just want answers. Whenever I pray, or my husband prays, God seems to be really silent. I just want to know yes or no, and if yes, a ballpark answer when, so we can get on with our coping.
Thanks in advance.
I used to post on CF maybe about a year ago. I will humbly admit, I have gone through many ups and downs, many struggles since then, and the struggles were too much for me at the time that I abandoned my faith for awhile. Yes, I am ashamed, not proud at all. I have felt God reaching out to me each time I'd pull away, though, saying, "I made you as my child. I will NOT lose you as my child. No matter what, I will love you as my child, and keep pulling you toward me."
Like I said, the last year or so has been a roller-coaster. My latest roller coaster has been trying for a baby. My husband and I have been trying, and this is our fifth month. Mind you, I know that it's not that long of a time, but I have a condition that makes it hard for me. I'm 25 years old now, but have had a short luteal phase since I was a teenager. I've heard that a short luteal phase makes it tough to conceive, and if you do conceive, makes miscarriage very likely. Back in June, I suspected I had an early miscarriage, based on my dizzy spells, just feeling "different," just "knew," and my period being a couple days late, with very awful cramps that I've not had before.
I have since been taking the herb vitex, which has been known to regulate cycles, but I still had a 9-10 day luteal phase. During my last cycle, I took progesterone cream from 3 days past ovulation until my period. I had a 13 day luteal phase, rather than a 9 day luteal phase (9 days has always been my typical for me). We did not conceive, though. I am rejoicing over the fact that I seem to be more regular because of this, yet, worried I'll never conceive.
Please, pray that, for one, God gives me a baby. And, if He wants me to wait, that He eases the distress of waiting for my husband and I, and helps us keep the faith that He will provide. He has recently provided a career for my husband, something that we had prayed about and waited on for over a year, and I'd already begun to lose hope. Please pray that this blessing will give me more faith that God will provide for us.
The most painful thing, it seems, is waiting for blessings.
I'm so worried that we will never have a baby (I've heard of people trying for years, no success, and many fertility treatments, with still no success--I have this fear that that will be me). Please do not judge me for this--if you have judgmental comments, please do not even comment (and I'll be praying for you for your judgmentalness)--I have seen a lot of negativity lately in humanity (gosh, this is a whole different issue--another issue that I feel I have lost my faith over--why does God allow people to be hurtful, angry, judgmental, mean and damaging toward others?!), so I'm hypersensitive to it, and I want my feelings, my fears and longings, to be validated and empathized with.
Also, in the meantime, I'd heard about 4 births in the last week, I'm not kidding. This is like rubbing salt on my painful wounds. It seems like many women around me are getting pregnant. Why not me?! My longing has gone from peaceful to painful that I cannot go a few minutes without thinking about it. Please pray for me to be happy for them, rather than jealous and bitter.
Please pray that A) God gives my husband and I a baby, or B) He eases are pain if a baby is not in his plan for us, or if it's in the plan for later, and C) He either fulfills this longing or takes it away.
I just want answers. Whenever I pray, or my husband prays, God seems to be really silent. I just want to know yes or no, and if yes, a ballpark answer when, so we can get on with our coping.
Thanks in advance.
I have a friend who tried for over a year before getting pregnant. I have a cousin who had one child then was unsuccessful in being able to have any more. 
