Attraction to other races

[msjones21]

I am the type of woman who falls for a man's personality and not his ethnicity. I have dated black guys, Hispanic guys, Italians, and I lived with a Korean-American man for almost two years. Lately, for some strange reason, I have a strong attraction to Chinese-American men much to the chagrin of some people in my family. You see, I had a bad experience with the Korean man so now some people in my family dislike "Asian" men in general. They have asked me to please not bring home another Asian man because their cultural upbringing is so much different than mine. I don't know what to do. I don't know who God will choose for me; however, I can't seem to shake this overwhelming attraction to Chinese men. It's not a sexual attraction necessarily. It's more of an emotional desire. I don't even know what this attraction stems from. I'm not sure if I should try and make it go away. !!!

 

[DaveKerwin]

I would first examine if you are attracted to asian men because of your previous relationship. It seems to me there are attachment issues there. Am I on to something?

Consider that your family may see something that you do not, maybe there are a ton of cultural differences, and you should consider that before dating someone that may be very different from you. On the other hand, if there is not major differences, them maybe you can gently explain that to your family, and help them to understand the actual differences and similarities.

Hope that helps. Side note: ultimately, race does not matter so long as other factors line up (being equally yoked, being similar people, and so on)

 

[Koop]

I'm in the same boat as Dave, however I wanted to add that just because somone has a cultural background in their liniage, doesn't even mean that they follow it or were even raised in it. I have an asisan friend who was born and raised in the us and so were his parents. If there is some way he's culturaly diffrent i couldn't ever tell.

 

[stray bullet]

I am the type of woman who falls for a man's personality and not his ethnicity. I have dated black guys, Hispanic guys, Italians, and I lived with a Korean-American man for almost two years. Lately, for some strange reason, I have a strong attraction to Chinese-American men much to the chagrin of some people in my family. You see, I had a bad experience with the Korean man so now some people in my family dislike "Asian" men in general. They have asked me to please not bring home another Asian man because their cultural upbringing is so much different than mine. I don't know what to do. I don't know who God will choose for me; however, I can't seem to shake this overwhelming attraction to Chinese men. It's not a sexual attraction necessarily. It's more of an emotional desire. I don't even know what this attraction stems from. I'm not sure if I should try and make it go away. !!!

Someone once told me if you pray really hard and have a lot of faith, you can alter your sexual attractions.

Seriously though, have you considered the fact that your parents might not approve of such a thing the reason?

 

[JillLars]

Just remember that the man you choose to marry will be your husband, not your family's husband. Ultimately you need to find someone who you go well with, it doesn't matter what that person's race is, if he treats you right your family will be able to see that.

 

[seebs]

This reminds me of what may be one of the most terrifying pieces of text ever written:

"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."

http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/conlaw/loving.html

I always wonder what things we're saying today that, fifty years from now, will look as hateful as that case does today.

 

[enslow]

My former wife is Chinese (I'm caucasion) and when I was dating again a couple of years ago, I went out with one or two Asian women. My mother asked me why I didn't go out with Caucasion women. I had no answer.

Last year I invited a nice Asian girl to my parents place for dinner. (She's now my fiancee.) I still remember when my mother asked me when I was bringing her over again. My mouth almost dropped to the floor because I remembered what she had asked me previously.

Enslow

 

[seebs]

Sounds like maybe the question was more curiosity than an attempt to change your behavior.

 

[rwl]

Wow... seebs. That's scary.

msJ - All blood is red. Plain and simple. ALso everyone has times their attracted to one thing or another. I've dated asian women, arabic, wasps, redheads... at each point they had something I was attracted to.

What were to happen is the Asian man you brought home is adopted into a caucasian house. Then the ethnic upbringing has no merrit. Yes? It then can no longer be as excuse.

Just follow your heart.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Im a half breeds....white and mexican right down the middle....I have a thing for asian girls....yet never hungout with one......I have a thing for little mexican girls as well....ii have befriended a few of them....my ex was about as white as you get....colorless i guess is my point....im attracted to the person the shell (body) is just icing on the cake.

Warrior Poet

 

[Katty]

I suppose I can see what your family might be thinking, but at the same time, its not about color or races that cause "relationship problems." My immediate family understands this (Thank God ) but its really hard to break those "cultural boundaries" elsewhere. I may be Asian, but that doesn't mean I'm not American.

I've a thing for "white" boys, but I have to admit that I've a soft spot for the mix I've gone out with "white" boys before and my family's ok with that and they accept it. In the end, ultimately, its about character.

~Katty~

 

[Rols]

Msjones 21, I think you don't need to worry about your attraction to Chinese men per se. Reading your post it appears to me that there may be a deeper issue, and that you really need to question what this attraction is, the Chinese men you do come across do you genuinely fall in love with them or is this attraction merely a physical pâssing fancy? Or even at other extremes Infatuation? It could also be the thought of going out with a person from a different race that is itself the attraction.

Darling, I am black, African and Nigerian, I once dated a White American guy from Chicago in my first year of university in London. There was an extremely strong attraction between us. In retrospect we had a good time, but I think we were extrememy infatuated with each other, morever he was an aeithist, so i don't think the relationship had much of a future anyway. In short my point is regardless of whether someone is violet or brown what is the underlyin issue, do you genuinely love this person. If you do, then go ahead and be happy. At the end of the day you are the one who is going to have to spend the rest of your life with this person not your family!! or other people.

However i must also point out that race and culture are sometimes very different issues........

 

[William Nunn]

Wether or not the man is a Christian is the most important factor Mrs Jones. Remember, we all ultimately have the same heritage, being related to Adam and Eve.

 

[msjones21]

Hey everyone. Thank you for your responses. I have to wonder what drives my attraction to Asian men. I can't say for certain if it's something I'm trying to hang onto in regard to my past relationship. I had such a terrible relationship with that man you'd think it would have just the opposite affect on me. I know that there are some people out there who are only attracted to one specific race. I knew a black guy once who only dated white girls. I'm physically attracted to any race so long as the guy has a good heart, is a Christian (most important), and can make me laugh. I'll keep praying about it. If these feelings aren't of God I want Him to take them away. It's almost pointless for me to be strongly attracted to a specific ethnic group if God's chosen one for me isn't in it...wouldn't you think?

Anyway, I hope this post didn't offend anybody and if it has I sincerely apologize. Again, thank you all for your kind responses.

 

[mina]

I like a man that's of a different race than I am. He loves God in an amazing way and that is what is attractive to me. And now I think all of him is attractive to me skin and all. Honestly I've grown up in the south and my family has had and has some seriously messed up racial overtones and I never thought I would like someone that was different from me. It's not even about race to me, I see him for the person he is and the person that God made him to be. Although my family would probably have serious temper tantrums over the race thing, but I know that they are not right and those attitudes don't line up with God. I think in any relationship with cultural differences you have to be willing to learn and understand what is important to that person. You have to understand where each other are coming from so that y ou can go forward together. There really is only one race: the human race. There are more genetic differences between members of the same race than members of different races. If God wants two people to be together because they can serve Him best together, why does race even matter?

 

[LifeInYou]

I think God created ethnic diversity because He knew some of us would need a little flava. Haha jp. Truly though, as someone already mentioned,we all bleed in the same color. If the person has a good heart and knows how to treat their partner -that's all that really matters, no?

 

[Grommit]

I agree with the posts so far. I do not see why race is such a big issue. If two people get along with each other and they are in love, treat each other right, and have a relationship with God, thats all that matters.

As for Korean men, there is nothing wrong with them as far as I can tell. In fact I know quite a handsome fellow you ladies should meet. He's korean and one heck of a man. You women would fall for him so quickly it's not even funny.

I hope your relationship with that korean man doesn't make you and others you know judge all koreans/asians the same way.

Anyways, I hope you figure it out, MsJones21. Just seek God first and think about being the right person before you try to figure out who the right person is for you.

 

[msjones21]

In fact I know quite a handsome fellow you ladies should meet. He's korean and one heck of a man. You women would fall for him so quickly it's not even funny

w00t! Hook me up Grommit LOL

I hope your relationship with that korean man doesn't make you and others you know judge all koreans/asians the same way.

Not at all. As I said, one would think that would be the case. Instead I realize that he was just the way he was whereas my family is convinced it was his Korean upbringing. *sigh*

Anyways, I hope you figure it out, MsJones21. Just seek God first and think about being the right person before you try to figure out who the right person is for you.

Amen, and thank you. I have been praying to God about this situation. I've also asked that He would soften the hearts of my family members, if not for anything else but to allow them to see all of His creation as equal.

 

[Lia]

hi msjones21.. we're at the same page... similar situation

I am an Asian girl and was not born in the United States, but I have been here for a while, so The US is pretty much my home. I dated Asian, Caucasian and Hispanic guys. I find myself to have stronger attractions to Caucasian and Hispanic compared to Asian guys. I really think that different eyes and hair colors are very attractive, and mixed babies are sooo cute! That is why I am praying that someday that I would have interracial marriage. But that doesn't mean that I would not be open if God's will for me to marry a guy from my own race. It's just a desire and we know that God is good and He will give us the desire of our hearts if we delight in Him.

Nonetheless, my priority is about the person's heart/character and his relationship with the Lord...not his color/race.

I don't think it's wrong to have such attractions to people outside your own race..All is about communication and understand each other's background. Culture is learned and shared. My parents have no problem with that at all, as well. Eventhough they would prefer me to someday marry someone from the same culture. But they said that if I'm happy, they are happy too.