Attn Annabel Lee

[Brimshack]

…and you have a child to look after. I shall go myself. Where does one find Vogon poets? And how does one assess the merits of their literary genres. You shall have to school me on this before I undertake the quest. Alas! There is not much time.

 

[Annabel Lee]

What is this?

What evil have you wrought? You've turned the good and kind Lunachick into a Minion of Evil? Are there any depravities you are incapable of?

Luna, don't listen to him.
But tell me, did you eat any Cap'n Crunch?

If that is the case, the only way to break his unholy spell is to stand on a stool and sing, "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy.

Oh my sister, I am weakened by sadness. Please don't let this evil male turn you against the "Powers That Be"

There is only one correct path. Come back into the light sister.





(goodnight! )

 

[lunachick]

You are a most noble gent, Brimbabe. The first thing to look for is the songs of dead (or should be dead) one-hit wonders. If you hear a song in the wind that sounds mind-numbing in awfulness, you know you are on the right path. I've not been there myself, but apparently, when the awfulness of the song is becomes fully realised in decibel, trixie bell, fifi and tiger lily, you must turn left. The song will then change tempo - it'll become a hungarian polka, or so I've heard. Follow that until it turns into yodelling country music at which point you must take a sharp right turn. After that, it should all become clear to you.

Oh, and you MUST wear polyester!

Godspeed, Brimbabe.

 

[Brimshack]

Don't listen to her Lunachick. She is deceiving you. It is just her nature; she cannot stop herself. e all know that the only song that will set you free of her electro-kinesthetic pulsar vibrations is the punk rock version of "You make me feel like a natural woman," sung by Fat Mike of the Gimmee Gimmees, of course. She desparetly wants to keep you from listening to that song and setting yourself free of her manipulations. Don't let her fool you!

 

[Annabel Lee]

Come Back Into The Light!

 

[lunachick]

Luna, don't listen to him.
But tell me, did you eat any Cap'n Crunch?

If that is the case, the only way to break his unholy spell is to stand on a stool and sing, "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy.

Oh, my good lawd, Brim! She heard my thoughts.

Run, babe, run!!

 

[Brimshack]

Who'se Polly Esther? Is she one of the Vogons?

 

[Brimshack]

I am running. I think I hear the Polka music right now. Unless it's just bad disco. Oh, I don;t know…

 

[lunachick]

I don't know who to believe anymore! :?

*puts fingers in ears, invokes the spirits of Mojo Nixen and Skip Roper, and sings with all the robust talent of a crow!*

"Debbie Gibson is preg-nant
with my two-headed lurv child
It's a bigfoot bay-bee,
all covered in furrr now ..."

 

[lunachick]

Oh, my - I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore. :o

 

[Annabel Lee]

Fight it Luna! Fight the dominating male culture which Brimshack represents.
If you stay in the darkness you will forever be in his shadow. His evil knows no bounds...He will turn you into a grovelling servant.

You are a woman who runs with the wolves, Luna..You are no ones servant!
Come back to the light. Leave the Male Death Culture and come back to the Power of the Feminine.

I AM WOMAN!

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong


I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

 

[lunachick]

What's happening to me!!! Arrrggghhhh!!!


Sometimes it's hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one man
You'll have bad times, he'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand

But if you love him, you'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him, oh be proud of him
Beause after all he's just a man.

Stand by your man,
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely.

Stand by your man,
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can.
Stand by your man.

Stand by your man,
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can.
Stand by your man."

 

[Annabel Lee]

This is worse than I thought.

We Call Upon The Powers of the Universe
We call upon the powers of the Universe,
And ask you to make us whole.
We call upon the powers of the Universe.
Heal our bodies, heal our minds, heal our souls.

 

[Brimshack]

Hey, the Gimme Gimmes do that one too.

I am definitely hearing polka music.

 

[Annabel Lee]

I must go till the morrow, Sister Luna. But let me leave you with this Sacred Invocation Against the Powers of Darkness (Brimshack)
Goodnight and stay strong.

The Goddess is in Me
The Goddess is in me
I shall not falter in my journey
To bring forth Her message
To the people of the world
Radiating love and healing energy
I am her prism of light
Blessed Be! The Goddess in me
It's my divine birthright
To lift the veil of mystery
Raise up the cone of power
Join in the invocation
Stand tall and call Her name

 

[lunachick]

I'm developing a twang. This just ain't right. My breasts are swelling to size GG, and I'm getting shorter. Help me, help me, I'm getting such BIG hair!!!


Jolene, Jolene
Jolene, Jolene
I'm beggin' of you
Please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene
Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him
Even though you can

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin
And eyes of emerald green
He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep from cryin'
When he calls your name Jolene

Repeat Chorus

Well you can have your choice of men
But I could never love again
He's the only one for me Jolene
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do Jolene

 

[lunachick]

[trance] Goodnight, Mistress of the Dark.

I will follow thee to the underworld of siren and harpys and nymphs....[/trance]

 

[Brimshack]

"Hey, Albert!"
"Yeah, Johnny, what's happening, man?"
"What's going on, man?"
"Oh man, it's all right"
"Tell me something, Albert: what ever happened to Hop Wilson, man?"
"Well, Hop left us, man"
"He did, Albert"
"Boy he sure played that guitar over at the Red Lily Cube"
"Yeah he layed that steel in his lap, he'd be gettin' down"
"I used to like the way he said"

I believe
My baby got a black cat bone, oh yeah, yeah
I believe
My baby got a black cat bone
Seems like everything I do
Seems like it's wrong

See I tried so hard
To get along with that woman of mine
You see I tried real hard, y'all
To get along with that woman
Seems like the harder I tried
The more she walked around cheatin' and lyin', oh
Yeah, she did

I walked down from Dallas, Texas
Down to Wichita Falls
I got to thinkin' about that big-legged woman
Were no walkin' on (?)

I believe
My baby got a black cat bone
Everything I do
Everything I do is wrong

Ha, play it Albert!

I went all the way from Dallas
Down to Wichita Falls
Got to thinkin' about my big-legged woman
Were no walkin' on

I believe
Baby's got a black cat bone, yeah
Seems like everything I do
Seems like I do is wrong

I believe
My baby got a black cat bone
I believe
My baby got a black cat bone
Seem like everything I do
Seem like I do is wrong"

 

[lunachick]

*snaps out of trance, and shakes head violently*

Arrrggghhhhh! That's awful!!

You found some Brimshack. My hero. *swoon*

Oh, that is sooo bad, it hurts. *sigh*

The spell is broken. Oh, thank goodness, my big boobies are leaving me. It's good to find my balance again.

*clears throat and attempts to sing*

You need coolin’, baby, I’m not foolin’,
I’m gonna send you back to schoolin’,
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I’m gonna give you my love,
I’m gonna give you my love.

Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?

You’ve been learnin’, baby, I bean learnin’,
All them good times, baby, baby, I’ve been yearnin’,
Way, way down inside honey, you need it,
I’m gonna give you my love,
I’m gonna give you my love.

Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?

*various mumblings and screechings with cool effects*

You’ve been coolin’, baby, I’ve been droolin’,
All the good times I’ve been misusin’,
Way, way down inside, I’m gonna give you my love,
I’m gonna get every inch of your love,
Gonna give you my love.
Yeah! all right! let’s go!

Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?
Wanna whole lotta love?

Way down inside, this woman,
This woman nee-eeeds loooooove.

Shake for me, boy
You can be my backdoor man.
Hey, oh, hey, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Keep a-coolin’, baby,
Keep a-coolin’, baby.


Yeah. I'm back!!

 

[Brimshack]

And thus we have saved yet anoter poor soul from the evil machintions of the dark princess of darkness.

Yes, I know that's a redundancy; she just that dark.