Attachment Parenting?

[Leanna]

Hey I was wondering if you guys could define attachment parenting for me. I've been told I am not one, and other people have told me I am. I don't think I am though. Hehe. I know it involves co-sleeping and carrying the baby a lot. Is this the main thing? What do you think? If you are not an attachment parent, what do you call your parenting style?

 

[Neenie1]

Hmmm, my parenting syle is called do whatever works. ROFL. I don't think I have one.


As for defining attachment parenting, everyone has their own ideas of what it is. I haven't really got a clue, I wouldn't say I follow all the attachment parenting advice though.

 

[chrislife]

I'm not a fan of attachment parenting, but if I understand correctly it involves keeping baby with you at all times. Most of the people I know who practice attachment parenting nurse for one to two years, and their babies have never had more than passing exposure to anyone besides Mommy. Some co-sleep, others sleep in the same room.

I'm more of a detachment parent. I have seven, and I've spent the summer listening to the bickering. Detach, fair children! Get back to school before I detach my hair from my scalp!!!

 

[Leanna]

I'm more of a detachment parent. I have seven, and I've spent the summer listening to the bickering. Detach, fair children! Get back to school before I detach my hair from my scalp!!!

 

[Leanna]

Err, so with a pregnant character, does this mean you're going to have an eighth?

 

[Leanna]

PS. No judgement there, I'm just curious! And how close together are they in age? How do you keep things moving? How do you afford it? I want to have 4 and I don't think we can afford them.

 

[Willseeker]

What! I didn't know that there's a "name" for it... I suppose i'm doing attachment parenting, if it means carrying your baby around the whole time during the first few months and doing absolutely everything with him... Eating, bathing, sleeping...? (Only breast fed until he was 9 months old, because then it became inconvenient for all sorts of reasons.)

Well, i just do it naturally, because the times when i am a bit more seperated from him, i lose touch with his body language when he tries to communicate something to me...since they cannot speak at this age! Hmmm, even now that he's starting to build a vocabulary, we are just closer when we join in activities (he even helps with the washing and tidying of the house, etc). I must admit, it gets tiring at times, but he's starting to understand that too and slowly, but surely gives me my space, or relaxes on the heavy playing.

But doing it this way (as fulfilling as it is); i can't imagine keeping it when one has more than one child...

 

[Joykins]

If...

...you think one year of breastfeeding is great and extended breastfeeding is even better

...you think it's cruel to put a baby to sleep alone in a crib

...you prefer a sling to a stroller

...Dr. Sears is your go-to parenting guru


...then you might be an attachment parent.

I'm not one. I'm all about cribs and strollers, but I did do extended breastfeeding and believe in lots of physical affection with my kids.

Joy

 

[Princessperky]

I read once a discription, "meet your childs needs when they ask" whch sounds like what all parents try to do! but yeah in practice I have seen far to many kids at 2 unable to do a thing for themselves because they have never been given a chance.

And I fail that if test, I like a sling (packs smaller and takes up no room when my independant kid just HAS to go toddling around , oh not to mention I can brestfeed while taking the older kid to the park. (of course I breastfed, but actually not too extended)

I don't think I have ever read Dr sears though, and while sleeping alone in a crib isn't cruel, making mommy troop all the way accross the house to get them for a midnight feeding might be .

 

[Leanna]

Okay well then I am definitely not attachment. I am all about the crib and the stroller. I did have a baby pack when he was younger but then he got so heavy it hurt my back. I am a little person and he got too big too fast for me. I was going to breastfeed, but it didn't work out. So yeah. I want a cool name for my parenting style though....

 

[chrislife]

Err, so with a pregnant character, does this mean you're going to have an eighth?

Nah, I'm already counting Peanut as number 7.

As for the rest, ... well, hubbie and I put together a blended family 2 1/2 years ago. We had one child 16 months ago, and Peanut is due on Davy's 2nd birthday. Between us, we have 17g, 16b, 14g, 10g, 9b, 1b, and 0? They don't all live with us full time, but most of them do. The 17 year old is finishing her education at Job Corps (local campus, so still comes home weekends and for family events), and the 9 year old boy lives 3 hours away during the school year, and lives with us during the summer.

Keeping things moving is currently a challenge. Davy doesn't sleep enough, so neither do Mom and Dad; and being pregnant, I'm tired most of the time. I'll be very glad when school starts up again and I can slow down! As for money, yeah it is a challenge. We are pretty low income, but we manage because my staying home gives the the time to really organize things to save money. We are "Tightwad Gazette" types. The only real difficulty is that we had to buy a decent sized house to have enough bedrooms for everyone (and that with nobody having a room to themself), and shortly after we got the house, my husband's child support got more than doubled, because the ex lied about several factors in her expenses. But I won't bother you with those details.

As for attachment parenting, the way I figure it, you are an attachment parent if you decide to be an attachment parent. There are a lot of parents who parent very closely, but follow their instincts, and personally I don't think that's "attachment parenting." Not if you aren't looking to some book to tell you how to do it. Because if you are following your instincts, you have the freedom to decide that a crib is better if co-sleeping isn't working for you, or to continue co-sleeping. You have the freedom to decide when to quit breastfeeding based on your and your child's needs, rather than what the book tells you.

About four months ago, when my son was just about a year old, a friend of mine (whose daughter was the same age) expressed some thoughts about her own attachment parenting. She cannot leave her daughter with Dad, because the baby has to be within 5 feet of the breast at every moment of every day. I think this is terribly unfair to Baby and Daddy, because it denies them the opportunity to do much bonding. Also, this baby was still not crawling or scooting, because she'd never had floor time.

I think it's neat when a parent loves being very close to his or her baby; but it makes me nervous when they follow a book that makes rules against allowing the baby any connections with anyone else, even the other parent, or rules against allowing the child the independence to learn how to do normal baby things like crawling and walking. I guess that's why I wouldn't refer to following your instincts as "attachment parenting." I believe YOU are best qualified to make these decisions, based on your relationship with your entire family, and your and your baby's needs.

---Christina

 

[PegasusOnFire]

We are totally not Attachment parenting. And my 5 month old daughter is very well adjusted. She has been in a crib since 6 1/2 weeks and was in a basenet before that. She has never been breastfed, due to medical reasons and is happier than all of her cousins. She gets plenty of tummy time and is crawling already. We have simply made one rule about parenting in our house and that is don't yell around Chrisitan. She sees happy parents and is such a delight to be around because of that.

 

[rakkoon]

I think it's neat when a parent loves being very close to his or her baby; but it makes me nervous when they follow a book that makes rules against allowing the baby any connections with anyone else, even the other parent, or rules against allowing the child the independence to learn how to do normal baby things like crawling and walking. I guess that's why I wouldn't refer to following your instincts as "attachment parenting." I believe YOU are best qualified to make these decisions, based on your relationship with your entire family, and your and your baby's needs.

---Christina
__________________

I've never read a book saying anything like that. Any ways I do believe in attatchment parenting. Not that I read it from a book, it was just what I felt like doing. Co-sleeping I started doing out of fear of my baby dying of SID's. I did this with my daughter (now 15 y/o) until she was 2 y/o she decided on her own that she wanted to sleep in her own bed. Now with my son (1 y/o), I don't think he will be in our bed for long. Since we are planning on having another baby soon. So until then he will be with us.
I intend to bf him until he is 2 y/o or until he self-weans. He's already eating solid food, YEAY!
As for wearing my baby. I personally don't wear him all day. I think my back would break b/c he weighes 25 lbs now. And wearing baby doesn't hinder developemental skills at all. My son started crawling at 5 months and walking at 9 months.
I can leave him with his dad for a while. But he isn't used to the childcare at church yet, we are still working on that one

When I've read something about attatchment parenting, I have to disagree with the discipline aspects of it. I am by no means a push over. I have a friend that doesn't discipline her kids, Boy! when she came over they were jumping all over my furniture and throwing things. She never said anything to them, At all. Finally I told her they could not do that in my home. She responded with "Well didn't your other daughter do this too?" I told her maybe she wanted to but she learned that jumping on furniture was not alowed in our home nor anyone elses. She left and hasn't come around since. Her excuse is that "some people just don't know that you are supposed to alow kids to do kid things."
Yah right, in your own home, not mine. Granted my house isn't as neat as I would like it but there is no way I would allow him to distroy someone elses home.
I think I'm done, sorry for the long read.

 

[Willseeker]

and while sleeping alone in a crib isn't cruel, making mommy troop all the way accross the house to get them for a midnight feeding might be .

Cute, and absolutely EXACT!

 

[Willseeker]

She cannot leave her daughter with Dad, because the baby has to be within 5 feet of the breast at every moment of every day. I think this is terribly unfair to Baby and Daddy, because it denies them the opportunity to do much bonding. Also, this baby was still not crawling or scooting, because she'd never had floor time.

I think it's neat when a parent loves being very close to his or her baby; but it makes me nervous when they follow a book that makes rules against allowing the baby any connections with anyone else, even the other parent, or rules against allowing the child the independence to learn how to do normal baby things like crawling and walking.

Rather than "attachment parenting", this sounds more like "selfish parenting"...