Atheist Adult Child...Don't know what to do!

[ReneaSohm]

Hey, I don't know how other parents handle this situation but I am searching for some kind of peace in my life with my adult (44 yrs old) who claims he is an atheist. This is appalling to me and my husband as we are believers of our Lord and Savior. We live 800 miles from him and God has given all free will. His life is spiraling downward and he has two children 7 and 11 my grandchildren and I am worried sick. It has been like this for 11 years and he is in the process of divorce now plus numerous other difficulties. HIs soul is so dark. I have prayed, fasted, asked numerous times for prayers from our church, nothing appears to be changing. All it seems to do is make me and my husband of 45 years fight. I feel hopeless and helpless at this distance. I just need to relinquish my perceived control but can't seem to do it. I would appreciate any helpful advice. God Bless

 

[Dansiph]

Hi, firstly I don't know how much help if any I can provide. I am not a parent. I mentioned a book earlier in another thread which could help but I'm grasping at straws to be honest. The Rage Against God by Peter Hitchens, a former "atheist".

What are his reasons for being an atheist? Have you tried to give him the Gospel?

Also I did think in a non judgemental way that saying it's "appalling" and that "his soul is so dark" isn't the best outlook to have

 

[Llleopard]

We have 6kids, none of whom are interested in God. It hurts, but as you say, they have free will. Our kids all grew up knowing the gospel and living in a Christian home. They know our belief and faith well, so there is no need for us to bang on at them about it, it just alienates. We pray for them every day . We do not bring up Christian things unless they start the conversation-and since we pray for opportunities, this happens pretty much every time we meet. Even the ones who 'don't believe' ask for prayer, or about what happens after death etc, and listen to what we say and demonstrate in our lives. We trust God and release them to him. We pray for other Christians to approach them and keep sowing seeds too. We maintain a relationship with the grandkids, and they often ask us faith questions because our life is so different to their parents (especially the daughter who married a neo nazi and teaches our grandkids to be racist and greet with a heil).but mostly, we trust and pray hang in there. Be different, be available, try not to judge, just love.

 

[WESTOZZIE]

Yes we are in the same boat with you there.

nothing appears to be changing.

I remember my own condition before finally coming to Jesus...as was said to Paul...It's hard to kick against the pricks!
Act 9:5 And he said, "Who are You, Lord?" Paul did not believe....and was set on his own course --doing it his way...without Jesus...TOTALLY deceived.

Then the Lord said, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. It is hard for you to kick against the goads."

The Lord INITIATED...the Lord revealed Himself...then the Lord said I am Jesus!!--hallelujah!!
Instantly Saul was transformed.
From what you said about your son...it appears he is finding it hard going fighting against God. God shall win in the end. He always wins for Love never fails.

 

[ReneaSohm]

We have 6kids, none of whom are interested in God. It hurts, but as you say, they have free will. Our kids all grew up knowing the gospel and living in a Christian home. They know our belief and faith well, so there is no need for us to bang on at them about it, it just alienates. We pray for them every day . We do not bring up Christian things unless they start the conversation-and since we pray for opportunities, this happens pretty much every time we meet. Even the ones who 'don't believe' ask for prayer, or about what happens after death etc, and listen to what we say and demonstrate in our lives. We trust God and release them to him. We pray for other Christians to approach them and keep sowing seeds too. We maintain a relationship with the grandkids, and they often ask us faith questions because our life is so different to their parents (especially the daughter who married a neo nazi and teaches our grandkids to be racist and greet with a heil).but mostly, we trust and pray hang in there. Be different, be available, try not to judge, just love.

Thanks so, so much for your reply. I couldn't imagine having 6 kids not interested in God and how you have handled that with Gods grace. I just think back to sending him to a Christian College four years getting his bachelor degree. I get tunnel vision I guess and don't realize other parents are suffering as well. Again thank you for answering. I think his new Facebook cover photo that showed devils dancing around Satan playing a violin put me over the top. Your advice is well noted.

 

[ReneaSohm]

Yes we are in the same boat with you there.

I remember my own condition before finally coming to Jesus...as was said to Paul...It's hard to kick against the pricks!
Act 9:5 And he said, "Who are You, Lord?" Paul did not believe....and was set on his own course --doing it his way...without Jesus...TOTALLY deceived.

Then the Lord said, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. It is hard for you to kick against the goads."

The Lord INITIATED...the Lord revealed Himself...then the Lord said I am Jesus!!--hallelujah!!
Instantly Saul was transformed.
From what you said about your son...it appears he is finding it hard going fighting against God. God shall win in the end. He always wins for Love never fails.

How encouraging your post is. I told my pastor and he said exactly what you just said.,that God loves my son anyway. Thank you also for a new way at looking at the Damascus Road

 

[ReneaSohm]

Hi, firstly I don't know how much help if any I can provide. I am not a parent. I mentioned a book earlier in another thread which could help but I'm grasping at straws to be honest. The Rage Against God by Peter Hitchens, a former "atheist".

What are his reasons for being an atheist? Have you tried to give him the Gospel?

Also I did think in a non judgemental way that saying it's "appalling" and that "his soul is so dark" isn't the best outlook to have

I appreciate your comments. I think the Facebook post with devils dancing around Satan playing a violin isn't good for my grandchildren to see. He has a bachelor degree from a christian college in Chemistry and Biology . And as parents we feel more like the ATM machine than parents, just saying. YEs we have 16 bibles in our home so he has been exposed to the gospel. Life hasn't turned out the way he thought and he has to blame it on someone. I do appreciate your insight. He has a lot on his plate with the divorce, single dad, and wants to take No responsibility for anything makes him difficult to understand. Thanks once again

 

[ColoRaydo]

I feel that same way, not about a child but about a neighbor. I absolutely feel heartbroken about his rejection of God and the possibility that his kids will do the same.

I finally came to realize that my anguish was caused by my attempts to play God and do things my way. Ive been trying to take on God’s work in calling my neighbor to salvation. I’ve done what I can and will still continue to pray for him, however, I have surrendered this struggle to God. He is sovereign. God will do what God will do.

On a positive note, I have known countless Christians that were raised in Christianity and strayed, sometimes for decades, but almost all have come back because of the foundation that they were taught.

 

[eleos1954]

Hey, I don't know how other parents handle this situation but I am searching for some kind of peace in my life with my adult (44 yrs old) who claims he is an atheist. This is appalling to me and my husband as we are believers of our Lord and Savior. We live 800 miles from him and God has given all free will. His life is spiraling downward and he has two children 7 and 11 my grandchildren and I am worried sick. It has been like this for 11 years and he is in the process of divorce now plus numerous other difficulties. HIs soul is so dark. I have prayed, fasted, asked numerous times for prayers from our church, nothing appears to be changing. All it seems to do is make me and my husband of 45 years fight. I feel hopeless and helpless at this distance. I just need to relinquish my perceived control but can't seem to do it. I would appreciate any helpful advice. God Bless

We went through 15 years with our out of control son. These were terrible times. He did finally turn around but it took him hitting rock bottom and hard. We were there to help him pick up the pieces.

I would cry so much during these times I'd make myself literally sick. I finally got to the point where I decided to just completely stay out of his life (sounds mean I know) .... but that is about the time he started getting it together. My husband just kept saying the Lord will take care of it .... the Lord will take care of it .... and .... well .... HE Did ;o) in His time.

"All it seems to do is make me and my husband of 45 years fight." This is not good. Work on this and not so much your son.

Really nothing either one of you can do about it. Pray....pray...pray ... and wait on the Lord.

May the Lord bring harmony into all your lives. Amen.

God Bless

 

[aiki]

I have prayed, fasted, asked numerous times for prayers from our church, nothing appears to be changing. All it seems to do is make me and my husband of 45 years fight. I feel hopeless and helpless at this distance. I just need to relinquish my perceived control but can't seem to do it. I would appreciate any helpful advice. God Bless

Well, if there is one thing God is keen to rid us of it is the idea that we have control. We don't. Control is pretty much an illusion. We can't even control our own bodies! You could have a brain aneurysm in the next moment and expire and there would be nothing you could do to prevent it. God, though, is in complete control. And He wants us to trust that He is - even (and, perhaps, especially) when one's adult children are going off the rails.

Certainly, you and your husband should not be fighting over the bad choices of your child. That's a peculiar and unhelpful response to how he is living and will limit the effectiveness of your prayers and fasting. It is the prayer of a righteous person that avails much. Fighting with your spouse is not righteous and so will diminish how moved to action God is by your prayers to Him about your boy.

 

[Andrew77]

Hey, I don't know how other parents handle this situation but I am searching for some kind of peace in my life with my adult (44 yrs old) who claims he is an atheist. This is appalling to me and my husband as we are believers of our Lord and Savior. We live 800 miles from him and God has given all free will. His life is spiraling downward and he has two children 7 and 11 my grandchildren and I am worried sick. It has been like this for 11 years and he is in the process of divorce now plus numerous other difficulties. HIs soul is so dark. I have prayed, fasted, asked numerous times for prayers from our church, nothing appears to be changing. All it seems to do is make me and my husband of 45 years fight. I feel hopeless and helpless at this distance. I just need to relinquish my perceived control but can't seem to do it. I would appreciate any helpful advice. God Bless

First, you need to accept the fact that you are not in control. There is nothing you can do. Your son, is an adult man, and he has the ability to make his own choices. You no ability to make his choices for him.

When you do, is stop worrying, stop fretting, stop getting yourself all worked up, and leave this with G-d. You can't 'pray him into heaven'. Praying is not a magic genie that does whatever you want. G-d is not going to force your son to turn back to him.

So you can only pray for him to come around. But you must not fight with your husband over those. That is not faith. That is not G-dly. That is not good. You must be a loving wife to your husband, even when your son is acting crazy. G-d will not honor the prayers of someone that is make their spouse miserable. You need to stop that. No more fighting.

For prayer, I would encourage you to pray a strong prayer. Meaning pray that G-d will not protect him, and allow such problems into his life, that he turns away from his sin. Pray that G-d will allow whatever troubles are required to turn his heart if it is possible.

But until that turn happens.... you don't fight with your husband. Your husband should be the most important person in your life, and I suspect he loves you, so don't make him miserable. Home should be where you are safe, not in strife. Let G-d handle your son. Spend your time making your home what a Christian home should be.

 

[mkgal1]

I have prayed, fasted, asked numerous times for prayers from our church, nothing appears to be changing.

.....and maybe your son has done the same thing for years, with the same perceived results ("nothing appears to be changing").

I think that the best thing we can do for others that have either given up their faith entirely or are still struggling is to extend grace and not judgment. We ALL struggle to believe in something we can't see - so maybe WE should be the something they CAN see (His love and grace extended without expectations of an immediate "return on our investment" or strings attached).

 

[EzekielsWheels]

We have 6kids, none of whom are interested in God. It hurts, but as you say, they have free will. Our kids all grew up knowing the gospel and living in a Christian home. They know our belief and faith well, so there is no need for us to bang on at them about it, it just alienates. We pray for them every day . We do not bring up Christian things unless they start the conversation-and since we pray for opportunities, this happens pretty much every time we meet. Even the ones who 'don't believe' ask for prayer, or about what happens after death etc, and listen to what we say and demonstrate in our lives. We trust God and release them to him. We pray for other Christians to approach them and keep sowing seeds too. We maintain a relationship with the grandkids, and they often ask us faith questions because our life is so different to their parents (especially the daughter who married a neo nazi and teaches our grandkids to be racist and greet with a heil).but mostly, we trust and pray hang in there. Be different, be available, try not to judge, just love.

I am heartened just reading about your persistence and I too pray for your children and grandchildren to come into the fold and believe upon the name of Jesus Christ.