At my wits end, feel like a failure as a mom

[footprints1973]

I have two major issues with my DD who will be 3 next month. I know these issues may not be the same if I could be staying at home with her, but due to our financial circumstances I must work during the day and keep her in daycare.

First, there's potty training. We've been trying for several months with no successs. She goes to daycare where they've been working on it there too. She'll sit on the potty for a couple minutes, and then get down. At home we can stretch it out with books, games,etc but she rarely goes, no matter when or how often we try.

We've tried having her wear panties, or absolutely nothing, naked from the waist down. IT HASN'T WORKED. She just wets herself and says matter of factly, "I'm all wet."

Next, there's the bottle issue. She will drink from cups at daycare, but that's lowfat milk. She is very small for her age and needs as many calories as possible. She barely eats anything at DC or home. She's always been that way. So per dr's orders, she is to drink Pediasure or Carnation Instant Breakfast, if she refuses or doesn't eat enough at meal. HOWEVER, she will only drink the Pediasure out of a bottle. We give her one at bedtime because she will drink a ton of it, and she needs the calories. We know it's bad for her teeth, but we don't know what to do.

We've tried all kinds of sippy cups, regular cups, fun straws, "bribery" with stickers, prizes, etc. We've tried hiding the bottles. She ends up screaming for them.

I am at my wits end. I feel like a failure as mother. I've read posts on other boards from moms with kids still on a bottle at this age and they were strongly criticized. I don't want my child to starve - she really needs the pediasure because she is so picky with solid foods.

Any advice on either of these?

Thanks
Laura

 

[Pinki]

Give up!! (Give up on beating yourself up over it that is!) Stop being so hard on yourself!

She is nearly 3! Enough said!!

We had limited success with toilet training until I absolutely cracked down on it. I bought a potty, and took away all diapers and only let my son have underpants. I took away night time diapers too, even though he would always wake up with a soaked diaper.

I cut back on drinks from about 4pm until bed time, made him go to the toilet before bed (you may find that she goes in the shower easily, so a shower before bed might work), and told him that he is a big boy now, and that he no longer needed diapers because he could use the potty/toilet.

We averaged about one night time accident per week for the first month or so - but I could live with that (I used plastic sheets etc on his bed so that it wasnt a big issue). Day time accidents were few and far between, but 3 months later, I still carry spare pants with me at all times!!

Eating is another thing that is pretty normal... or at least not eating is!! Kids eat when they are hungry. Some days my 3 year old eats and eats. Other days he barely nibbles. Offer plenty of healthy snacks throughout the day - fresh fruit and veggies are great. Don't let her fill up on junk food. Offer the bottles of pediasure before bed (and brush teeth afterwards) but if she won't take it, don't worry. Really - it is pretty normal! Unless she has problems with energy levels, and/or concentration, I really wouldn't worry about her eating. My son loves banana smoothies (just milk with 2 bananas in the blender - add a scoop or 2 of pediasure too if you like!). If that is all he has for lunch some days, I am thrilled!

Hope that helps! Really - she sounds just like my little man who turns 3 next week!!

 

[Pinki]

Give up!! (Give up on beating yourself up over it that is!) Stop being so hard on yourself!

She is nearly 3! Enough said!!

We had limited success with toilet training until I absolutely cracked down on it. I bought a potty, and took away all diapers and only let my son have underpants. I took away night time diapers too, even though he would always wake up with a soaked diaper.

I cut back on drinks from about 4pm until bed time, made him go to the toilet before bed (you may find that she goes in the shower easily, so a shower before bed might work), and told him that he is a big boy now, and that he no longer needed diapers because he could use the potty/toilet.

We averaged about one night time accident per week for the first month or so - but I could live with that (I used plastic sheets etc on his bed so that it wasnt a big issue). Day time accidents were few and far between, but 3 months later, I still carry spare pants with me at all times!!

Eating is another thing that is pretty normal... or at least not eating is!! Kids eat when they are hungry. Some days my 3 year old eats and eats. Other days he barely nibbles. Offer plenty of healthy snacks throughout the day - fresh fruit and veggies are great. Don't let her fill up on junk food. Offer the bottles of pediasure before bed (and brush teeth afterwards) but if she won't take it, don't worry. Really - it is pretty normal! Unless she has problems with energy levels, and/or concentration, I really wouldn't worry about her eating. My son loves banana smoothies (just milk with 2 bananas in the blender - add a scoop or 2 of pediasure too if you like!). If that is all he has for lunch some days, I am thrilled!

Hope that helps! Really - she sounds just like my little man who turns 3 next week!!

 

[marezee]

Have you tried talking to your pediatrician about how to wean her from the bottle or train her on the potty...sometimes they have some good advice.

My 5yr old was about 2yrs old when I got him off the bottle. We went cold turkey. I threw away the bottles and he watched. we said bye bye bottles together. However, he did not have any eating issues.
He did however refuse to drink from the sippy cup for about 1/2 the day. then his thirst kicked in and he finally drank. We used a Nubby cup, which has a softer mouth piece than a regular sippy cup:

http://www.netkidswear.com/12oznunogrcu.html

perhaps it will work for your DD.

 

[marezee]

As far as potty training goes, take a break!
My sons were almost 4 b4 they were trained.
It took a little peer pressure and lots of patience!
she will get it! don't fight that battle yet.
Work on one difficult thing at a time.

 

[Birbitt]

My oldest was easy to get off the bottle however my youngest one...who is now 31/2 didn't come off the bottle until 21/2 and we had to get creative to get rid of them.....We told DS that there was another little baby out there that really needed his bottles and asked if he would help us collect them into this bag(we bought a pretty gift bag) and he did then we put them outside on the porch just before he went to bed and told him that in the middle of the night the new baby's mommy would come and pick up the bottles and leave a surprise for him (so after he was asleep we threw the bottles away and left him another gift bag with two brand new sippy cups, and several little toys that we knew he'd love) he was happy to give up his bottles...

 

[RedTulipMom]

All kids are different. Don't expect your child to be like someone elses. There is no RULE as to what age they HAVE to be potty trained or get off a bottle. Some moms even nurse till age 4.

i thought i would NEVEr get my son off his one night time bottle..and guess what he was suddenly ready to give it up at age 3 yrs and 8 mos old. (your daughter wont enter highschool with the bottle..so dont worry). She will be ready to give that bottle up before ya know it.
As far as potty training..some kids are ready much earlier than others. My son is turning 4 this June and isn't potty trained YET, we are hoping to have him trained this summer. i know many other kids that were potty trained at 3.5 yrs to 4 yrs old...and so will your daughter be.

Dont stress, just pray and trust God for help.

 

[marezee]

i agree with red tulip...your DD will get potty trained!
just take a break for now. don't stress it!
like i said b4, my first two sons weren't trained until age 4. and i haven't even started training my 2 1/2 year old!!

 

[Laurie919]

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is hard enough being a working mom, you don't need to beat yourself up.

Don't feel guilty for working. You have to. It doesn't make you a bad mom. There is nothing wrong with working to support your family. You should be proud of the fact that you can get out and work to help support your family instead of living off other peoples taxes in the form of some kind of state assistance.

If she will only drink out of a bottle, let her have it. It gets her to "eat" and it makes your life easier. I promise she won't bring it to kindegarden with her. She will put it down in time.

When I was little I took a bottle until I was old enough to fix it myself. I use to put the nipple on the gallon of milk, from stories I have heard.

Just keep working with her on potty training. Praise her a lot for going to potty.

You are not a failure. You are a good mom and God loves you. Keep your head up and pray. I am praying for you.

 

[Manna]

Relax! This is a very trying age, and your daughter isn't necessarily going to go along with the age brackets other people have set.

I have no advice about the bottle, we didn't have that issue, but I think the other parents here have given very good advice. But as for the potty training, I went through the same exact frustration when my daughter was right at 3. I was trying so hard to get her potty trained, and was having absolutely no success, she reacted very similarly to your daughter. I vented about it to a group of women at church (all of whom were older than me), and a lady said something to me that made all the difference in my mind. She's a grandmother many times over and leaned over, patted me on the hand, and said "I've yet to see a child go to college in diapers!" I relaxed, and just allowed her to stay in diapers. I would ask her occasionally if she wanted to use the big-girl potty, but other than that, just let it go. And in the past month and a half she has completely potty-trained herself! She just decided she didn't want to use diapers anymore, and that was it! (she will be 4 in June)

Just give her (and yourself!) time, and enjoy this stage with your baby! It'll be gone before you know it.

 

[Manna]

Relax! This is a very trying age, and your daughter isn't necessarily going to go along with the age brackets other people have set.

I have no advice about the bottle, we didn't have that issue, but I think the other parents here have given very good advice. But as for the potty training, I went through the same exact frustration when my daughter was right at 3. I was trying so hard to get her potty trained, and was having absolutely no success, she reacted very similarly to your daughter. I vented about it to a group of women at church (all of whom were older than me), and a lady said something to me that made all the difference in my mind. She's a grandmother many times over and leaned over, patted me on the hand, and said "I've yet to see a child go to college in diapers!" I relaxed, and just allowed her to stay in diapers. I would ask her occasionally if she wanted to use the big-girl potty, but other than that, just let it go. And in the past month and a half she has completely potty-trained herself! She just decided she didn't want to use diapers anymore, and that was it! (she will be 4 in June)

Just give her (and yourself!) time, and enjoy this stage with your baby! It'll be gone before you know it.

 

[marezee]

you said it manna! "Enjoy this time with your baby!"

people sometimes forget 3yr olds are still babies!! not the kind that crawl around or goo and ga, but relatively speaking, they are in the beginning stages of their lives.

 

[footprints1973]

thanks everyone...your words are uplifting to me. I am trying to take it easy on myself and my DD.

I think I've just felt so much pressure because at the daycare she is one of the two children who are in her room. (The room ages from older 2's to mid 3 year olds.

She had a teacher who was agressively working on her with potty training at school. She would go two or three times a day on the potty. Sadly, that teacher's baby daughter has been very sick and she may not be able to return to work. (Please pray for her, BTW). The teacher they have filling in isn't doing much. Actually, one of teachers filling in is the assistant director of the daycare. We've talked to both the director and the asst. director but there's not much they can do.

Well, on the bright side, I did get her two drink about 5 oz of Pediasure from a cup this evening! And a bowl of ice cream!

Thanks all,
Laura

 

[Pinki]

Icecream is dairy! Dairy is good! Well done! Sounds like progress to me!!

Its a shame about the change of staff at the day care centre. One of the keys I found, to successful toilet training was continuity, so having people come and go won't help. I think you need to wait until you are ready to really focus on it. The end of a working day (when you are both tired) is not the ideal time of day to fight with a 3 year old over anything - let alone getting them to sit on the potty and DO something!!

If you can, (and when you can), take some time off and focus on potty training then (I would be surprised if with a bit of consistency and an "at home" week, you couldn't have her fully trained). Otherwise, like others have said - she won't still be in diapers when she goes to high school!

Is there any way that she can "go up" a group at day care? If she spends more time with older kids (who are potty trained), it might also make things easier by giving her role models!

You are doing a great job! Hang in there! It really will be ok!!

 

[Leanna]

As far as potty training, I would stop potty training completely and wait about 3 months and then try again. It sounds like a fresh start would really help.

If at day care they are giving her low calorie milk, can't you instruct them to give her the carnation stuff then? Just send it with?

 

[Laurie919]

thanks everyone...your words are uplifting to me. I am trying to take it easy on myself and my DD.

I think I've just felt so much pressure because at the daycare she is one of the two children who are in her room. (The room ages from older 2's to mid 3 year olds.

She had a teacher who was agressively working on her with potty training at school. She would go two or three times a day on the potty. Sadly, that teacher's baby daughter has been very sick and she may not be able to return to work. (Please pray for her, BTW). The teacher they have filling in isn't doing much. Actually, one of teachers filling in is the assistant director of the daycare. We've talked to both the director and the asst. director but there's not much they can do.

Well, on the bright side, I did get her two drink about 5 oz of Pediasure from a cup this evening! And a bowl of ice cream!

Thanks all,
Laura

You are a mighty woman to work and take care of a home, a child and a husband. It is very very hard. Please don't beat yourself up over having to do that. God will bless you for doing that for your family.

 

[Laurie919]

thanks everyone...your words are uplifting to me. I am trying to take it easy on myself and my DD.

I think I've just felt so much pressure because at the daycare she is one of the two children who are in her room. (The room ages from older 2's to mid 3 year olds.

She had a teacher who was agressively working on her with potty training at school. She would go two or three times a day on the potty. Sadly, that teacher's baby daughter has been very sick and she may not be able to return to work. (Please pray for her, BTW). The teacher they have filling in isn't doing much. Actually, one of teachers filling in is the assistant director of the daycare. We've talked to both the director and the asst. director but there's not much they can do.

Well, on the bright side, I did get her two drink about 5 oz of Pediasure from a cup this evening! And a bowl of ice cream!

Thanks all,
Laura

You are a mighty woman to work and take care of a home, a child and a husband. It is very very hard. Please don't beat yourself up over having to do that. God will bless you for doing that for your family.

You are in my prayers. Remember God is carrying you.

 

[Laurie919]

thanks everyone...your words are uplifting to me. I am trying to take it easy on myself and my DD.

I think I've just felt so much pressure because at the daycare she is one of the two children who are in her room. (The room ages from older 2's to mid 3 year olds.

She had a teacher who was agressively working on her with potty training at school. She would go two or three times a day on the potty. Sadly, that teacher's baby daughter has been very sick and she may not be able to return to work. (Please pray for her, BTW). The teacher they have filling in isn't doing much. Actually, one of teachers filling in is the assistant director of the daycare. We've talked to both the director and the asst. director but there's not much they can do.

Well, on the bright side, I did get her two drink about 5 oz of Pediasure from a cup this evening! And a bowl of ice cream!

Thanks all,
Laura

You are a mighty woman to work and take care of a home, a child and a husband. It is very very hard. Please don't beat yourself up over having to do that. God will bless you for doing that for your family.

You are in my prayers. Remember you will only see one set of footprints through this trying time. God is carrying you.

 

[Laurie919]

thanks everyone...your words are uplifting to me. I am trying to take it easy on myself and my DD.

I think I've just felt so much pressure because at the daycare she is one of the two children who are in her room. (The room ages from older 2's to mid 3 year olds.

She had a teacher who was agressively working on her with potty training at school. She would go two or three times a day on the potty. Sadly, that teacher's baby daughter has been very sick and she may not be able to return to work. (Please pray for her, BTW). The teacher they have filling in isn't doing much. Actually, one of teachers filling in is the assistant director of the daycare. We've talked to both the director and the asst. director but there's not much they can do.

Well, on the bright side, I did get her two drink about 5 oz of Pediasure from a cup this evening! And a bowl of ice cream!

Thanks all,
Laura

You are a mighty woman to work and take care of a home, a child and a husband. It is very very hard. Please don't beat yourself up over having to do that. God will bless you for doing that for your family. Some people will try to make you feel like less of a mom for doing that, but don't let them do that to you. You are a very strong woman, you are God's princess and you have God's favor.

You are in my prayers. Remember you will only see one set of footprints through this trying time. God is carrying you.

 

[Neenie1]

I have two major issues with my DD who will be 3 next month. I know these issues may not be the same if I could be staying at home with her, but due to our financial circumstances I must work during the day and keep her in daycare.

First, there's potty training. We've been trying for several months with no successs. She goes to daycare where they've been working on it there too. She'll sit on the potty for a couple minutes, and then get down. At home we can stretch it out with books, games,etc but she rarely goes, no matter when or how often we try.

We've tried having her wear panties, or absolutely nothing, naked from the waist down. IT HASN'T WORKED. She just wets herself and says matter of factly, "I'm all wet."

Next, there's the bottle issue. She will drink from cups at daycare, but that's lowfat milk. She is very small for her age and needs as many calories as possible. She barely eats anything at DC or home. She's always been that way. So per dr's orders, she is to drink Pediasure or Carnation Instant Breakfast, if she refuses or doesn't eat enough at meal. HOWEVER, she will only drink the Pediasure out of a bottle. We give her one at bedtime because she will drink a ton of it, and she needs the calories. We know it's bad for her teeth, but we don't know what to do.

We've tried all kinds of sippy cups, regular cups, fun straws, "bribery" with stickers, prizes, etc. We've tried hiding the bottles. She ends up screaming for them.

I am at my wits end. I feel like a failure as mother. I've read posts on other boards from moms with kids still on a bottle at this age and they were strongly criticized. I don't want my child to starve - she really needs the pediasure because she is so picky with solid foods.

Any advice on either of these?

Thanks
Laura

Your dd sounds a little like mine.

(she is 3 in June so a little younger)

She isn't toilet trained either, my ds was toilet trained around the age of 3. (well 3 yr 1 month I think). I tried earlier and then when he was ready he "clicked"

Do you think your dd is just sad that her favourite carer at day care is away? Maybe she just really clicked with that carer and now that she is away is having problems adjusting. I've worked in day care and the kids do get attached, and some kids sometimes prefer one carer over another. Their personalities may click with one and not another.


Also with the eating. I don't know how but my dd does manage to grow.

She hardly eats any of her dinner EVER!!!!. I find it really really embarrassing when we go to inlaws because they are really strict (as in you don't eat dinner - you don't get dessert ROFL) if I didn't give my dd dessert she just wouldn't grow. And when dessert is things that are moderately healthy like fruit and custard then I want her to eat that. So they get all cranky with me because I am letting dd eat dessert when their kids have to eat dinner or they miss out on dessert. So it's a big issue with us too.

Would you be able to ask the day care to give your dd full fat milk? Would they do that? Then she would be getting extra fat into her body and if that's what she needs then that's a good thing.

As far as the criticism goes, I used to feel the same way about people with kids still on bottles at 3, who never ate vegetables etc. (ROFL famous last words) this was before I had my dd and she is a fussy eater (ds wasn't that fussy really) and I find myself cheering every time she eats a full meal (which I think may have happened 1 in the last few months) I try to ignore comments from other people regarding my daughters eating habits at the end of the day it's my choice to make and I think she's healthy.

If your dd wants a bottle at bed and that's the only way you can get the nutrition into her, then what can you do? I am sure she will get rid of it before she gets to school age lol. Also if you are concerned about her teeth, would you be able to brush her teeth afterwards. Just an idea.