Assume you aren't married for just a minute...

[searle29678]

What would be most important when deciding whether or not you should marry someone:

 

[searle29678]

I know that most of us will say faith in God and having the same beliefs....so assume that this person already meets this criteria...

 

[~Nikki~]

ok...

I would want someone who has the same opinions on what I consider to be fundamentals...bringing up children, main Biblical doctrines, are our lives going in the same sort of direction, that sort of thing...

Secondly, I would want someone who was man enough not to have to act all macho the whole time...who is secure enough in himself that he could be gentle with me and love me, and be considerate of me in all things.

Someone who will pray with me, read the Bible with me, be a good spiritual leader for me and the family we would have someday. Someone who seeks the truth of God's Word and obeys it no matter what the cost.

Someone who is a bit health conscious without being over the top.

Someone who can make me laugh when I'm not feeling so great.

Fortuately my husband is ALL of this and I thank God for him every day! I'd be lost without him! I felt that I waited a long time to meet him, but he sure was worth the wait!

 

[~Nikki~]

Obviously I realise I need to reciprocate! It's all well and good having a great husband, but I need to and I am working on being a better wife to him every day!

 

[Living Stone]

What would be most important when deciding whether or not you should marry someone:

Whether or not they are REALLY christians REALLY following the Lord and not just putting on some act to pull the wool over your eyes.

Sorry.....old memories

 

[redwing030]

First and foremost would definitely be having the same belief system I do. Then the other characteristics that are a must would be trustworthiness, reliability, and sense of humor. I'm also very lucky that my husband does fit into this set of standards I have.

 

[selune]

Same as before I was married: A sense of humor and can make me laugh, similar views on raising children, similar beliefs about the world, love and devotion deticated to me, and the ability to accept the same from me. I married my best friend and have been happy since.

 

[Living Stone]

I married my best friend and have been happy since.

Marrying ones best friend is the only way to go

 

[Oblivious]

Lot's of things actually. The first to come to mind are compatibility (i.e. having the same interests) and a person with good values (trusting, honest, kind, etc.)

 

[snoochface]

I think the most important thing would be that you both have the same morals and values. If you don't agree on what's important, what's a priority, how to raise children, how to handle money decisions, where family fits in, all the important moral and value issues, then you're going to have difficulties. Right along with that is how he feels about marriage itself, that it is a life-long commitment, and that he will go into it with the understanding that divorce is not an option. That way any time there is a problem between us, we can work it out together, and never have even in the back of our minds that there might be an "out".

A very close second would be that he show me love and respect, that when we fight it does not deteriorate into demeaning or juvenile name-calling, insults, etc., and that he is mature enough to face issues head-on and not run away from them. Mutual respect is a big issue for me.

 

[searle29678]

If I had to do it over again (and we all know I don't) I would not marry for love alone. I'm just now learning what love really is and it most definately is not that gushy feeling that keeps you from eating and sleeping. There would have to be stability, shared views on life, respect, trust, and so on and so on....

 

[Zoomer]

I would want a certain amount in common, such as religious beliefs, goals, family expectations etc. I would also look for certain characteristics such as stablility, maturity, honesty, humor, intelligence, faithfulness, respect etc.

 

[suzybeezy]

Someone with the least amount of annoying habits!!!

 

[EmSchmem]

Well I am one of those who would marry my husband again (without ANY hesitation). He is dedicated to the Lord, me, our family in that order and he can do things on his own (except for sorting laundry and getting strange things on a grocery list!) and has his own friends. He is gentle, loves me and excited that our first child is coming in August (hopefully the end of July). He can't wait to be a father and he loves me more each day as I trust he will our children. He doesn't have the spiritual head of the family thing together but he wants to lead.

 

[Zoomer]

If I had to do it over again (and we all know I don't) I would not marry for love alone. I'm just now learning what love really is and it most definately is not that gushy feeling that keeps you from eating and sleeping

I am sorry you are having some many problems with you marriage.

I believe that too many are entering into marriage clueless, with uncommunicated expectations, and when things do not work out, they give up. That is why the divorce rate is so high. Our society is so focused on planning a wedding-- what colors, what kind of cake, what dress etc. that we do not focus on planning a marriage. Afterall a wedding is a one time event and a marriage is a life time. We should be more focused on the marriage---how many kids, what discipline, who works, who does the housework etc. Society is fed by false notions of happily ever after from a young age. I believe this can leave couples unequipped to deal with frustrations and disagreements because of the message that marriage is supposed to be perfect sailing when you are in love.

 

[philknowles]

If they love Jesus, accepted Him into their lives and purpose to fufill His will.

 

[searle29678]

I am sorry you are having some many problems with you marriage.

I believe that too many are entering into marriage clueless, with uncommunicated expectations, and when things do not work out, they give up. That is why the divorce rate is so high. Our society is so focused on planning a wedding-- what colors, what kind of cake, what dress etc. that we do not focus on planning a marriage. Afterall a wedding is a one time event and a marriage is a life time. We should be more focused on the marriage---how many kids, what discipline, who works, who does the housework etc. Society is fed by false notions of happily ever after from a young age. I believe this can leave couples unequipped to deal with frustrations and disagreements because of the message that marriage is supposed to be perfect sailing when you are in love.

I couldn't have said it better myself. The two persons that enter into a marriage are not just love birds they are business partners, best friends, daycare workers, housekeepers, landscapers, on top of being married and trying to keep the romance and communication going. You have to be able to live everyday life and still find time to be there for each other.
My aunt told me recently that when she was about my age there was a guy in her life that she truly loved but he was an emotional wreck. On the other hand was this other guy that she didn't necassarily love but she cared a lot about and he was stable, loved children, wanted a Christian home, and really respected and cared for her. When it came crunch time she decided to marry the latter. Even though it broke her heart to say good bye to the man that she was desperately in love with, she couldn't be happier now and she now loves my uncle more than she ever loved guy number one. I guess the lesson in that is marriage and deciding to marry is so much more about picturing yourself in fifty years together instead of picturing yourself in fifteen minutes.


When I look back on it, as dumb as it sounds I should have asked myself....

"Looking at this man right now and knowing everything I know, can I see myself sitting on the front porch in sixty years happy and feeling fulfilled looking at our life together?" If I had been able to take that question seriously, it would have helped a lot.

 

[LiberatedChick]

What would be most important when deciding whether or not you should marry someone:

To sum it up for me it would be if we were friends. I think everything I'd expect to find in a good friendship is what would be the deciding factor...love, trust, respect, things in common and similar opinions, support etc. I'm thankful that my husband and I were friends first and foremost.

 

[Evie]

What would be most important when deciding whether or not you should marry someone:

have to say definetly a sense of humor,that I just love. Let's see,no temper!! Can't stand for a man with a bad temper who hits walls and such. Someone who will love me for the person that I am and vis versa.

 

[IceCrystalH2O]

For me, I would go pretty much the way I did when I was dating, no drinking, no smoking, no drugs.....I never wanted to deal with the bad effects of any of those.
Then I would want a man who can respect me, a high level of patience, honest, make me laugh.....well pretty much everything that was already stated throughout this thread..lol. I want someone I KNOW I am safe with, someone that I know if I were in trouble, would beat the living tar out of the person trying to hurt me..