Aspies Married with Children??

[Telejoke]

I posted elsewhere that I'm a neurotyp married to an aspie for 35 years. We have seven sons, one of whom has been DXed.

 

[gracechick]

Wow you are one busy guy

 

[ThePurpleFlower]

I'm also still nervous about having kids. I've been married over ten months now, and children are definitely in the future, because we both need to work to pay down student loans. I'm relieved about this. My Mom has some traits of the spectrum, and I've asked her how she managed with kids, because she's not a "kid person." She assured me it's different with your own than other peoples, but I'm not sure. My husband really wants children--he's an elementary school teacher, and amazing with understanding and relating to them. It's sort of a joke between us: when we're around friends who have babies, he's the one who wants to hold them. It's not that I don't like or value kids as God's unique creation, but I'm baffled about what to DO with them. It doesn't come naturally to me.

The funny thing is, I've heard these fears coming from other guys. I wonder, is it harder when you're AS and female to have kids, because there's this stupid NT expectation of feminine behavior or whatever? Actually, a reason I love anthropology is it's reassuring--in other cultures, gender roles and expectations can be different. The Westernized model is not THE model one has to follow.

Anyway, I'm just sort of trusting God with that one. I understand that children are valuable to God, and I have no objections to them, and I'm theoretically okay with having some--it's just difficult to quantify and analyze them. Adults are easier.

 

[California Dreamin']

We're hoping to start trying for a baby in mid-November. We will have to move though, that's actually the part worrying me the most. I do a lot of babysitting, but it is mostly older children (my regulars are 8 and 10). Their mothers both said they like their kids, but have a hard time with other people's kids, and they are both NT, so that gave me some relief.

 

[Bron]

I'm also still nervous about having kids. I've been married over ten months now, and children are definitely in the future, because we both need to work to pay down student loans. I'm relieved about this. My Mom has some traits of the spectrum, and I've asked her how she managed with kids, because she's not a "kid person." She assured me it's different with your own than other peoples, but I'm not sure. My husband really wants children--he's an elementary school teacher, and amazing with understanding and relating to them. It's sort of a joke between us: when we're around friends who have babies, he's the one who wants to hold them. It's not that I don't like or value kids as God's unique creation, but I'm baffled about what to DO with them. It doesn't come naturally to me.

.....

Anyway, I'm just sort of trusting God with that one. I understand that children are valuable to God, and I have no objections to them, and I'm theoretically okay with having some--it's just difficult to quantify and analyze them. Adults are easier.

I am recently dx'd aspie, and I have two kids, 3 and 8, so I can tell you my experience - like you, I was never really drawn to kids, but my husband was. We were married 8 years before we had the first child. For me, it was a rough road adjusting to motherhood, but now it's really good - I have two little aspies, and they are the best. I have grown much as a person, as I would not have done, had I remained in my happily selfish childless state (I thought of myself as selfish).

The good news is, most aspies don't seem to have as much trouble adjusting as I did, and a lot (if not most) of us find we are excellent mothers, being very connected to our kids. A lot of female aspies are exceptionally empathetic at least at times, I don't know if you had realised this, but I've followed discussions about this on other forums. Anyway, don't worry, you have every chance of being an excellent mother, you are in good company. Just allow yourself time and space to adjust when it happens

 

[Bron]

Oh, yes, and what you said about cultural roles, yeah, there's no need to try and be society's view of a mom - be yourself, we do things our own way, that's our gift