Aspergers & Life Circumstances

[flowerforever7]

Hi,

I have aspergers; and want to know how others here who have aspergers deal with life challenges of having it. (I'm not just talking about sensory overloads / meltowns though that does connect and play a part), I am talking more about going through life with a hidden disability.

Here is a little bit about my circumstance.

I am self-taught at a lot of things. I tend to perseverate on topics and have gone through phases and have aquired a lot of knowledge or ability on stuff I am not formally educated on. I consider myself informed and talented in certain things. However, due to some other contributing factors I find myself not being able to function like others. here is a little bit of background:

1) My mom is uneducated, poor; and a lady who had a son whom it was vary obvious he had some sort of autism (probably hfa or aspergers) told my mother she believes that my mom may have a form of autism. My mother has never gone for any diagnosis. My brother shows very very strong signs of hfa or Aspergers. And I myself have aspergers, but didn't find out until I was an adult. (Anyway)

2) My last year of high school (before I dropped out) was very very difficult for me. Had trouble connecting with people and was made fun of a lot. I was not able to process information being taught to me in classes, and going to and from class and generally understanding what was going on was very hard for me. It felt like everything was this blur I didn't understand, invisible and moving fast and I was having trouble making sense of everything.

3). On top of this, I lacked some basic practical support that the "average teenager" has growing up. Being taught about how to be an adult, namely. My household was unstable, and I lived with two different families I was not related to due to poverty and safety issues. A friend's family taught me how to drive, and I got my permit but didn't get my license because shortly after, I moved to an adoptive household and also, I think I reasoned that I will never have money for a car, so what is the point of getting a license.

4) Entered college and that failed (after I dropped out of school the adoptive family I later moved in with homeschoold me and they got me a certified afadavit from the state so that I could enter college), anyway, college did not work out for me, and I ended up moving in with a guy (before I was a Christian), and since then, my life has pretty much been going from one situation to another. I can't seem to stay self-sufficient for too long, though I have held down jobs and done well at them. I think these are the major problems for me:
*I'm uneducated, though smart at what I am interested in
*I have almost no family support financially or practically; the only person is my mom who is poor herself with very little money. Sometimes she will try to send me a little something if she has money left over from her social security check after bills, but I always tell her she doesn't have to because I know she is struggling herself and also because I have come to the realization from early on that I will need to be self-sufficient anyway because of my circumstances.
*I am very challenged at relationships in the normal sense, and because of this I think two things happen: 1) I have trouble building and sustaining friendships with multiple people (let alone even one), this makes me vulnerable because when I tend to fail, I am at the mercy of the one person I have tried to form a relationship with. 2) because friendships are so hard for me, I tend to lack a genuine social network I can get help from. There may be people around that are in a non-intimate social network such as people I know as aquaintences at church, but communication difficulties make it hard to have a give and take exchange making it difficult to get help
*I am high-functioning so I appear quite normal and non autistic to people, so when I am really having signifigant difficulties navigating social situations, or handling every day stuff, people just think I am being withdrawn, difficult, or making excuses because they cannot see the cognitive challenges I am having. I have become very adept at faking normalcy and like I know what is going on when I really have no clue.
*On top of that I face all the other challenges of aspergers, such as sensory overload, seeing things in peices, which makes day to day things very difficult on me that normal people have no problem with. The more pressure I am under from "normal things" disorganized noise, etc., the less high functioning I become and the more problems it causes for me and others around me.

In summary, I find myself in life where I have no degree, no personal friends, no car, little money and no job and can't seem to get ahead, despite the fact that I am talented, articulate and smart at the subjects I am good at.

Has anyone else here with hfa or aspergers found themselves in similar situations, and how do you cope and have you been able to get past similar obstacles? If so, what has worked or is working for you?

Thanks.

 

[Sabertooth]

I pray for wisdom. We autodidacts tend to think that, given enough time, we will be able to teach ourselves the solutions we seek. While we ARE very adept at learning, there is no guarantee that our newfound "course of [self] instruction" will lead to worthwhile solutions to the roadblocks we face. God sees our problems from above and, if we ask Him, He will direct us toward better choices and away from distracting ones, as in,

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5, 6

God is not stymied by Aspergers. He knows exactly how to speak to our hearts in such a way that we can unmistakeably understand Him. Allowing Him to open and close doors in our lives is one major way to do that.

If we elevate our "own [Aspie] understanding" above a door that God chooses to close, we will be exceedingly frustrated when our plans go awry AND miss the answer to our prayer (for wisdom & direction) that we prayed in the first place...!?

I don't know if I have ever gotten accustomed to the hurt feelings of having my plans frustrated, but after I get past that feeling, I now know to give God "a call" and find out what He would have me do next.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:6

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

 

[uft]

I was very blessed to find a workplace where there were a lot of very patient people and in a field I was interested in. I'm still there 12 years later. I'm used to the people there and most of them are used to me (though it took me a few years). It takes me awhile to get used to new people that come in, but that's to be expected. It's not likely that I will voluntarily go and find a job in a different workplace, it would just be too stressful.

One thing I have learned over the years is that I need to protect myself. I try not to put myself in situations where something is going to be so stressful for me that I will need to spend a good deal of time and energy recovering from it. Of course, sometimes you can't avoid these things, but you can minimise them once you know your limitations. So I think the most important thing is to know your limitations, and that only comes with experience.

 

[EternalMoment]

you just described my life, word for word.

the only thing that has helped me is a slap in the face reality check. little by little life adds up to some common sense things.