Asking the Difficult Question

ChrisB803 · Nov 13, 2005

Hey ladies, I have a question (of course). I'm a decently good-looking guy with fairly high intelligence and the ability to communicate. I'm not necessarily afraid to ask girls out on a date because of a fear of rejection... After all I've been rejected a few times already and it's nothing I can't get over. My problem has been that I've probably missed out on a lot of good opportunites with lovely women because I don't want to be thought of as "too forward". If I see a pretty girl I just assume she must get hit on all the time, and the last thing I want to do is add to her frustration.

So... Is there a way that I can approach a girl I might be interested in without sounding like every other guy, because I certainly am NOT every other guy.

Ideas? Please let me know, and I'm sure a few other guys on here could learn from the info.

~CB

Breetai · Nov 13, 2005

Why not just talk to whatever girl you're interested in? If you find something in common that you both like to do, ask her to do it with you. If you have fun together, then repeat, wash and rinse. Treat her right while you're at it and show her that you like her.

What more can you do then that?

sallystrothers · Nov 13, 2005

Make her laugh.

Notice something distinct about her, especially if something about her has changed... hair color, hair styling, make-up... pay attention close and don't just comment her on some bogus quality.

Ask her out on a very casual and unique date. Don't call it a date though. Say "oh hey, they have a new James Morgan exhibit at the art museum, would you like to go this weekend?"

Put forth the vibe that you want to be friends, then on the second or third time you hang out together you can start dropping some hints that you like her.

ChrisB803 · Nov 13, 2005

Breetai said:
Why not just talk to whatever girl you're interested in? If you find something in common that you both like to do, ask her to do it with you. If you have fun together, then repeat, wash and rinse. Treat her right while you're at it and show her that you like her.

What more can you do then that?

I was talking more about a girl I might not see again, or like someone you'd see at the bank/grocery store, etc.

sallystrothers · Nov 13, 2005

ChrisB803 said:
I was talking more about a girl I might not see again, or like someone you'd see at the bank/grocery store, etc.

This is a whole new ballgame.

Use a savvy line when she goes to the diary section:

"Are you buying 2% milk because you think you're fat? Because your not, you could be drinking whole milk if you wanted."

Hook, line, and sinker

ChrisB803 · Nov 13, 2005

sallystrothers said:
Make her laugh.

Notice something distinct about her, especially if something about her has changed... hair color, hair styling, make-up... pay attention close and don't just comment her on some bogus quality.

Good advice for the most part, but still assumes I already know this girl. I'm trying to get advice on how-or if-a girl would like to be approached by a stranger.

ChrisB803 · Nov 13, 2005

sallystrothers said:
This is a whole new ballgame.

Use a savvy line when she goes to the diary section:

"Are you buying 2% milk because you think you're fat? Because your not, you could be drinking whole milk if you wanted."

Hook, line, and sinker

Ha ha ha!

That'd either get you a date or an odd look and the silent treatment.

MN John · Nov 13, 2005

Only guys are responding here. I guess that means that the women ae keeping quiet on this one.

What I wonder is if you are being too superficial. You're seeing women that you know little or nothing about

I was talking more about a girl I might not see again, or like someone you'd see at the bank/grocery store, etc.

and wanting to ask them out based on looks

If I see a pretty girl ...

. I'm sorry, but if that's accurate, then I'm afraid that you are "like every other man."

Instead of the grocery store or the post office, meet people (men and women both) at church functins where you have some basis of knowing more about their character. Get to know people in group settings. Then, when God calls your attention to a particular woman, you'll know her well enough already to know how to ask her.

Sorry to have chided you, but I really think that your emphasis is in the wrong place.

Peace.

HotToast · Nov 13, 2005

sallystrothers said:
Use a savvy line when she goes to the diary section:

"Are you buying 2% milk because you think you're fat? Because your not, you could be drinking whole milk if you wanted."

Hook, line, and sinker

Only if she is a fan of Napolean Dynamite!

eatenbylocusts · Nov 13, 2005

I'm with JAKG-you could be setting yourself up for some heartbreak if you're going after women that may not even be a Christian. If you see someone out in public that you might be interested in you should try to work in some comment about church or being a Christian. If you find out they are a Christian then you can think about fishing for a date. If they're not, then no need to pursue it. How about asking her if she goes to such and such church because she looks familiar?

Blank123 · Nov 13, 2005

To be honest, I really have no interest in some guy coming up to me that I've never met before hitting on me and trying to ask me out. Its just not attractive.

My advice is when you meet a nice girl take time to get to know her and develop a real relationship with her first and when you have a good idea as to who this person is then ask her out. That makes for a much better relationship than just picking up some girl at the grocery store.

heartnsoul · Nov 14, 2005

Just be yourself. Anything less than genuine will be a turn off for women. A humble, Christian, godly woman does not appreciate a pick-up line nor will she fall "head over heels" with a sweet talker. Honest and open communication is the key to any successful relationship.

From what you described, you may want to reconsider what type of woman you are targeting. Beauty isn't everything. It's important to look at the character and heart of a person, value system, religious beliefs and see if the person is a strong Christian with regards to compatibility. A spiritually, strong Christian woman will value the heart of a man and his spiritual maturity rather than his physical looks.

Based on your mindset right now, you may want to step back and give yourself time to grow and mature in Christ so you develop the discernment and spiritual maturity before you pursue a romantic relationship. Focus on your spiritual growth and things will fall into place according to God's perfect timing. As the bible says, "Seek His kingdom first..." God bless you.

HotToast · Nov 14, 2005

little_tigress said:
To be honest, I really have no interest in some guy coming up to me that I've never met before hitting on me and trying to ask me out. Its just not attractive.

I couldn't agree more, and I think that you will find that most woman are like this, atleast most good Christian women.

Tuffguy · Nov 14, 2005

Hey man. I think you got more guts then me. I've never hit on girls at the mall, grocery store or anywhere that i haven't seen the same girl over and over.
I usually like to pick up on something that i'm getting from that girl and then act on it. But i know lots of guys do pick up girls at random spots, so it must be working.
I know this much,,,and this is for any situation....
Don't compliment them on their looks. Good looking girls get this all the time. Saying it again doesn't make you look good, or stand out.
Strike up common ground.
Take chances in what you say. If shes going to be judgemental with a little teasing then i wouldn't want her.
Be comfortable. If you have beads of sweat on your face then you should just turn around and go home.

GodsJewel · Nov 14, 2005

When men approach women with cheesy lines it's usually a turn off. I think it's best if a man approach a woman attempting to become friends first and if it leads to a relationship so be it. If not at least a new friendship was created from it.

Breetai · Nov 14, 2005

ChrisB803 said:
I was talking more about a girl I might not see again, or like someone you'd see at the bank/grocery store, etc.

Like the cutie working at the checkout counter, or the yummy mommy pushing the shopping cart?

In my opinion, what I suggested works even better if the girl is just a random girl and an ordinary place like a store, mall or on the street. It gives you the chance to be completely smooth and not bother too much with small talk. You just have to smile and say hi. If she responds with anything other than hi, then you're in. Get a common ground going (like church), make her laugh once, tell her that you'd love to continue this conversation some other time and then ask her to go out for a drink of whatever right then and there. If you really are too busy, then get a number and e-mail and keep doing whatever you were doing.

Maybe the best time is on a Sunday. That way, you can mention that you're just doing some shopping between church and home! See how she reacts to church.

Breetai · Nov 14, 2005

GodsJewel said:
When men approach women with cheesy lines it's usually a turn off. I think it's best if a man approach a woman attempting to become friends first and if it leads to a relationship so be it. If not at least a new friendship was created from it.

Cheesy lines are extremely terrible. When will us boys learn not to use them? Just be natural and let the conversation flow I say.

chanis · Nov 14, 2005

I think, if you see a cutie, you should totally go chat with her and see how the conversation goes and then if you think you got the green light go for it!

NoCompromise · Nov 14, 2005

Hmmm...

RefinedByFire · Nov 14, 2005

Float across the room with the coolness of swagger and utter this:

"Hey baby...

go on with your fiiiiine self...

just came over to say I'm-not-like-every-other-guy, because-I-certainly-am-NOT-every-other-guy, know-what-I'm-sayin'?..."

She'll be like:
a.
b.
c.
d. all of the above.

Pimp daddy...

Asking the Difficult Question

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