ASD and rejection

[S.O.J.I.A.]

some will read the title and think this thread will go a certain way, but read on, as you may be surprised.

conversation is something that is unique to us a human beings. it's something that I have never been good at my entire life.

I've noticed that people tend to be frustrated with me for seemingly no reason. I don't say anything to anyone and I mind my own business. I've recently discovered that this may be the problem.

no one wants to feel rejected or that they're not worth someone's time. a lot of times I can be short or terse in interactions with people. they will attempt to start conversation with me and I will give them a short and to the point response. doing this consistently over a period of time gives people the impression that i'm not interested in what they have to say and that I want them to leave me alone.

in many cases this is true as I don't want to talk, but in some cases I do and don't know what to say to someone. it's the lack of conversational reciprocity that makes people feel like i'm pushing them away.

I've realized it's not harmless to not socially participate when people attempt to connect with me. many of the people i'm around at work or at church are friendly people but a lot of times i'm either genuinely not interested or don't know what to say to these people. this makes people become bitter in that i'm turning away their social advances.

just something I came to understand very recently..

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[S.O.J.I.A.]

I think social skills are far more important than intelligence and technical skills in human society. You can ask a number of college graduates on the spectrum who can't find work.

this is true. networking capital is just as important as a good resume and degrees.

who you know is just as important as what you know.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

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[EzekielsWheels]

Be not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. I have found that its helpful not to get into office politics or any of that but to try and stay above the fray. Also to avoid gossip in the office environment like it was the plague.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

I'm an Aspie myself and have the same issues. I think it's virtually universal for us. I don't know how to fix it. It's hard to break through genuinely not understanding, genuinely not caring, and genuinely not knowing. Great news is that people who are mean about it were never worth it anyway.

 

[Greg J.]

The OP describes me. While it is hard not to consider it "a problem," it doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with you/us. Our culture trains people about what a "normal" social interaction is, and people are universally uncomfortable with the unfamiliar when there is some pressure to perform. It is rather easy to just pay attention to interactions that don't require any work—especially the enjoyable ones. I probably do it as much or more than other people do it to me, but that truth hasn't helped me avoid social isolation at all. (My hearing impairment multiplies the problem.) If possible, allow it to drive you to the Lord, who will turn it into a strength, and reward you in this and the next life.

People in the industrialized world, notably in America, have become hypersensitive to rejection such that how we interact has changed quite a lot. (And smartphones are making it worse.) Consider how the Jews (in Scripture and even in modern times) can engage in "discussion" with friends or relatives that is like an "angry argument" for most others, and yet their relationships can survive just fine. It's more appealing to avoid pain than develop a thick skin—which has become all but impossible in many of our subcultures.

 

[Tarvorok]

I have a really hard time with conversation as well, even if it's pertaining to something that interests me, I have a habit of not saying much other than a brief summary of my liking for it.

A fear of rejection is honestly why I have no friends in my life and why I do my best to not go out unless I have to. Introductions alone are a nightmare for me, even in an online space.

Sorry for the necro, but I felt like added my two cents in.