I often asked, "Why is there wars? Why is there wars? Why is there wars?"
I asked my parents. I asked my friends. But they were not interested at all in what I had to say.
I asked,
Why do man steal?
Why do man hate?
Why can't we live in harmony,
with one another?
Why do I always see... people backstabbing each other?
Why do I see hypocrite?
And finally,
Why...Why must I be a hypocrite???!!!!
Why???!!!
Tears...
many tears...
of pain in questioning.
Pain. Hurt. Agony.
I am so tired.
I am so tired of living,
in a place,
in a world,
where the life of one man means nothing
to someone who don't know him.
Hypocrisy... wearing a mask...
how I am tired of it.
So tired.
You know that???
Yet, I have to wear a mask.
I don't want to hate.
I don't want to hurt others.
I don't want to cause harm to anyone.
And I never did.
But because I showed others
I was naive,
I was forgiving,
I was submissive,
people exploit me.
They hurt me,
they use me,
they manipulate me,
and then cast me aside.
Why? Why?
Why was my Good repaid by evil?
I don't understand, but it is the truth.
I get so hurt,
the hurt won't go away.
They stabbed...
stabbed at me...
at my heart.
But because I still love them,
the hurt... the pain
was manifested.
My friends...
why do they betray me?
Why can't people accept me
as I am?
Is it a weird thing
to care about wars?
A weird things to love
and forgive?
A weird things to want
to change the world for the
better?
To be a light that shines?
Attrocities...more attrocities,
I read all about attrocities,
the tortures mankind gave each other.
Cruel, very cruel.
I shared them with my friends,
all these facts,
hoping... hoping to see
someone, who like me,
want to change all these.
But no one cared.
No one.
To them, I was crazy,
weird, unusual.
I was not interested
in fashion, or handphones
or material things,
but instead, shown such
interests in such things whcih are none of my business.
"Shipei, this is none of your business!
You can't change this.
Give up!
You are just a normal girl."
None of my business.
All none of my business?
But...I cannot treat it as none
of my business.
The images of those who died
filled my mind,
their sufferings, their pains
rained tears from my eyes.
How can I treat it
as none of my business?
I see them, hear them,
feel their anguish, their pains.
Ahhh.... I must be crazy.
Why am I putting the
burden of the world on myself?
It is so heavy.
It is so heavy.
What can I do?
How can I help?
I WANT to help!!!!!
Who will tell me how I can help????!!!!
No one...
no one
answered me.
Career, studies, family,
more important to them than this--
the deaths of millions in wars,
the starvation of thousands,
the feelings of many orphans.
Why must I care?
My own burden is great,
why put others pain before me?
Tired...I am so tired...
of watching the news,
of reading the developements in man's histories.
Selfish.. all of us are selfish.
Including me.
If I am not selfish,
why am I still living in Singapore,
with food to eat,
with drink to drink.
Tired...
Tired of thinking,
Tired of feeling,
Tired of crying,
Tired of trying,
Tired of seeing.
So tired.
So tired.
Nay... forget it.
Nay...forget it.
Let them hate.
Let them kill.
Let them rot.
It is... none of my business.
Haha... how I wished I could say that.
God...I am close to him.
Why?
Because I am tired of thinking
for this world.
I can't wait for his return.
Why?
Because I trust he will make
it right.
What I cannot do, he can.
I just have to wait.
Patiently.
Wait.
See?
He gives me hope.
Hope of what?
Of peace.
Of love.
Of man loving man.
Of no more hate.
No more evil.
So I'll wait.
Tired... but I'll wait.
Sadly, God is misrepresented.
Sadly, Christians fail him.
Sadly, the deeds of Christians, many of them,
are as evil as the rest of the world.
Sadly, hate is still here.
Sadly, forgiveness is limited.
Tired...but I'll wait.
I asked my parents. I asked my friends. But they were not interested at all in what I had to say.
I asked,
Why do man steal?
Why do man hate?
Why can't we live in harmony,
with one another?
Why do I always see... people backstabbing each other?
Why do I see hypocrite?
And finally,
Why...Why must I be a hypocrite???!!!!
Why???!!!
Tears...
many tears...
of pain in questioning.
Pain. Hurt. Agony.
I am so tired.
I am so tired of living,
in a place,
in a world,
where the life of one man means nothing
to someone who don't know him.
Hypocrisy... wearing a mask...
how I am tired of it.
So tired.
You know that???
Yet, I have to wear a mask.
I don't want to hate.
I don't want to hurt others.
I don't want to cause harm to anyone.
And I never did.
But because I showed others
I was naive,
I was forgiving,
I was submissive,
people exploit me.
They hurt me,
they use me,
they manipulate me,
and then cast me aside.
Why? Why?
Why was my Good repaid by evil?
I don't understand, but it is the truth.
I get so hurt,
the hurt won't go away.
They stabbed...
stabbed at me...
at my heart.
But because I still love them,
the hurt... the pain
was manifested.
My friends...
why do they betray me?
Why can't people accept me
as I am?
Is it a weird thing
to care about wars?
A weird things to love
and forgive?
A weird things to want
to change the world for the
better?
To be a light that shines?
Attrocities...more attrocities,
I read all about attrocities,
the tortures mankind gave each other.
Cruel, very cruel.
I shared them with my friends,
all these facts,
hoping... hoping to see
someone, who like me,
want to change all these.
But no one cared.
No one.
To them, I was crazy,
weird, unusual.
I was not interested
in fashion, or handphones
or material things,
but instead, shown such
interests in such things whcih are none of my business.
"Shipei, this is none of your business!
You can't change this.
Give up!
You are just a normal girl."
None of my business.
All none of my business?
But...I cannot treat it as none
of my business.
The images of those who died
filled my mind,
their sufferings, their pains
rained tears from my eyes.
How can I treat it
as none of my business?
I see them, hear them,
feel their anguish, their pains.
Ahhh.... I must be crazy.
Why am I putting the
burden of the world on myself?
It is so heavy.
It is so heavy.
What can I do?
How can I help?
I WANT to help!!!!!
Who will tell me how I can help????!!!!
No one...
no one
answered me.
Career, studies, family,
more important to them than this--
the deaths of millions in wars,
the starvation of thousands,
the feelings of many orphans.
Why must I care?
My own burden is great,
why put others pain before me?
Tired...I am so tired...
of watching the news,
of reading the developements in man's histories.
Selfish.. all of us are selfish.
Including me.
If I am not selfish,
why am I still living in Singapore,
with food to eat,
with drink to drink.
Tired...
Tired of thinking,
Tired of feeling,
Tired of crying,
Tired of trying,
Tired of seeing.
So tired.
So tired.
Nay... forget it.
Nay...forget it.
Let them hate.
Let them kill.
Let them rot.
It is... none of my business.
Haha... how I wished I could say that.
God...I am close to him.
Why?
Because I am tired of thinking
for this world.
I can't wait for his return.
Why?
Because I trust he will make
it right.
What I cannot do, he can.
I just have to wait.
Patiently.
Wait.
See?
He gives me hope.
Hope of what?
Of peace.
Of love.
Of man loving man.
Of no more hate.
No more evil.
So I'll wait.
Tired... but I'll wait.
Sadly, God is misrepresented.
Sadly, Christians fail him.
Sadly, the deeds of Christians, many of them,
are as evil as the rest of the world.
Sadly, hate is still here.
Sadly, forgiveness is limited.
Tired...but I'll wait.
