Arrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

[shaaz_99]

Hello....and i hope u all had gr8 fun on Christmas day...!!!

My problem is a wee bit strange....i would love some advice and prayer....or just your views.Hubby walked out 5 weeks ago, he has been having an affair....and he is'nt interested in reconciling.He has gone to live with his new Girlfriend.We were unequally yoked.
We are sorting out money etc between us, ...
The problem is the Children.We have 4 very small children.He has seen them on and off , but he did'nt call them at all over Christmas...and has yet to contact us about visits.He seems content to leave them and not make an effort to see them regularly.He rarely phones them....
I am so Mad about this, i know the kind of Father he is, and this is not like him.I don't think i can talk to him about this, because i will be accused of nagging him...he's quite defensive nowadays...Any ideas?

 

[christianfilmcrew]

"Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson....

Please get it and read it... I'm sure it has the answers that you need...

Blessings
DM

 

[Henaynei]

pray, but don't force a relationship he if he doesn't want it - it will bring more problems than it solves - it could be that he just has not figured out how to deal with the 2 halves of his life and didn't want to bring "the other woman" into your holiday and family time......

keep records - (keeping your emotions out of it) - of when he does call, visit, send cards, gifts - if only to avoid a later "he said, she said" confrontation - you will not have to depend on your memory (biased by pain and disappointment as it has to be) - our memory can fail us and make things look larger or smaller than they really are/were.....

 

[E_Powers]

"Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson....

Please get it and read it... I'm sure it has the answers that you need...

Blessings
DM

Exactky what i was reading till i saw your post

but right now i pray and suggest you pray for god to empart wisdom on what you should do.

 

[jenelis]

Yikes! I'm so sory for your situation. It's a rough one to make it through. I had one child with similar circumstances and still battle my ex. Just know that you are not alone.

I second (actually third) the book-- find the time to read it. You won't be sorry.

 

[Southern Cross]

It is a great book! That's for sure. Very practical advice.

 

[~Dream_Stars~]

shaaz how are things going i havent seen you lately (maybe its because my laptop died woops) ^ ^ happy your getting good a advice, i can never think of anything good eeeeee.

keep records - (keeping your emotions out of it) - of when he does call, visit, send cards, gifts - if only to avoid a later "he said, she said" confrontation - you will not have to depend on your memory (biased by pain and disappointment as it has to be) - our memory can fail us and make things look larger or smaller than they really are/were.....

This is something i think would be a really good idea though hee and was the only thing i could come up with but hey Henaynei put it better then i ever could haha ^^

~Dream_Stars~

 

[desi]

Drop the kids off at his place and leave for a few hours. Then threaten to do it permanently unless he starts being there for them. Sometimes doing crazy things makes people want to keep you happy.

 

[Henaynei]

Drop the kids off at his place and leave for a few hours. Then threaten to do it permanently unless he starts being there for them. Sometimes doing crazy things makes people want to keep you happy.

do not - repeat DO NOT - use the children as a weapon, threat or as an implied punishment!!!!!!! It is not the spouse who will be threatened or wounded - it is the children!!!!!!!!!!! AND you could end up loosing custody altogether if he decides to call your bluff!!

 

[madison1101]

I ditto the suggestion to keep records of phone calls, visits etc. Also, get a lawyer for child support payment arrangements. He is legally obligated to support those children, regardless of his current love life.

Finally DON'T, DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, take the kids to his place. Your conversations with him about them should be private, betwen you and him. Keep your kids out of it. They will be hurt if you place chess with him and they are your pawns.

 

[shaaz_99]

thanks so much guys....
The kids will not....be going near his cuurent Mistress.Doing that to them i believe would be unfair and hurtful.Also it would be like saying i agree that they are a couple and should be treated as such....with the whole family in agreement about this apart from me....i don't thing it is an action i could condone.
At the end of the day he has done wrong.....and i will not agree with him.

P.s.....he is getting better at comming for his visits.....Thank God