Aromantic.

[RileyG]

I'm not sure. In the past I've called it "personality love". Loving someone primarily for who they are on the inside. Probably a throwback to my old Christian days when I was told by others and believed myself in the concept of a "one true love".

As for my own personal views of love, as an atheist who is heavily into evolutionary psychology I have more of an animalistic view. Primarily a look based one, but gradually I'm coming to understand that the physical features we desire have psychological underpinnings.

Even as a young Christian... I always found it strange how attractive people's one true love tended to be other attractive people, and ugly people's true love was other ugly people.

Still... it seems like I'm missing something compared to what I witness from other people. Women just seem interchangeable to me. One pretty woman isn't much different than another pretty woman.

I do have some sense of attachment. I do feel something different for people I've known longer compared to those I don't... but still, it feels weak. Certainly not something that can inspire wanting to marry someone.

My parents we extremely loving. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply desensitized because of that. Like it was something I never went without. Maybe in some sick way, part of a healthy upbringing is having parents who are not always loving. Not sure how to explain it.. I was quite secure with the idea that my parents loved me, yet I still felt distant from them and could never really feel it. Whenever I was hugged, I wanted to feel something... but it was just empty.

I do wonder if maybe I'd have a stronger sense of love if I didn't have that security.

For the most part I think it's just genetic... more specifically I have some mutation that makes me experience emotional empathy differently. I do know on my father's side.. most of his sisters never married... and both my sisters seem to never date. One even said she doesn't quite know what love is. Probably a genetic component behind it.

Thanks for the feedback. Maybe you are a-romantic and do not develop romantic feelings. IMO, some people tend to feel this way and there is nothing "wrong" with it...it just is.

 

[Moral Orel]

I'm not content being this way. I'd love to be married, but I've just never made sense of it. It's not fair to me or the other person to get into a relationship if nothing is there. I've had a few women who liked me, and I tried my hardest to develop feelings for them... but it never came.

I am able to feel empathy for other people though. Occasionally some people accuse me of being a psychopath because I'm "cold". But I'm not. In fact, I struggled with a lot of guilt growing up, and am able to feel bad and care for others. Just never seem to be able to develop a deeper connection. Certainly not capable of falling for a significant other.

It's all about romance before folk get married, and then what do people always say? "Marriage is work".

I've been married twenty years and I've never once felt "the warm fuzzies" other folk talk about. I enjoy spending time with my wife the same way I enjoy spending time with anyone else: it's fun. We just add the stuff we don't do with anyone else like hugs and kisses and *ahem* 'cause they feel good. And I mean they feel physically good, not some magic spell.

The wife doesn't see things the same way I do. But it doesn't matter. I'm happier when she's happy, and she's happier when I'm happy, so we each do some work to keep the other one happy. That's all marriage is.

 

[MehGuy]

Thanks for the feedback. Maybe you are a-romantic and do not develop romantic feelings. IMO, some people tend to feel this way and there is nothing "wrong" with it...it just is.

I don't consider myself aromantic. I can feel a lot of romance in a very specific way. Don't really want to get into it here... besides I still view that romance I can feel as ultimately shallow. There is still the interchangeable problem.

I guess if I didn't have that avenue, I'd probably consider myself aromantic.

 

[MehGuy]

I'll tell you what I think love is. When I first met my wife, her hand grabbed my hand, and I felt like she needed me to help her. She was pretty too.

...So naturally, I protected and looked after her, and that was my purpose. As time went on, we began to rely on each other fully, and we trusted one another to the point that each would die for the other if necessary.

That's what love is in my opinion - someone you've come to fully trust and depend on. Which is a process.

Yeah, this fits into my evolutionary view of love, specifically for men. Desiring to want to care and protect their partner. A major aspect of women's beauty (especially facial features) has to do with neoteny. Features that elicit help.

I can register a form of that, although it's slightly different.

Still, from my viewpoint there is an interchangeable problem. Although that's probably me needing to grow up and realize love mostly has a utilitarian purpose.