Arg!

[ToxicBex]

I stopped cutting in January. Then in the past month ish...I've been physically beating myself up. But I stopped doing that, and now I'm cutting again. I've cut 11 times recently... 3 of which were today. Every time that I do it, I do bigger cuts. I dont go deep, at all. Just enough to draw blood. I usually cover it up with a sweat band, but I've accidenty gone bigger than the sweatband can cover up, at the top and the bottom. I don't want to cut any more. But I've been getting urges. I used to only be able to cut when I cried, because otherwise, it would hurt. But now it doesn't hurt when I don't cry, so I've been doing it more. My mate told me to put some hillsongs music on, read Psalm 18:1-6 and cry it out to the Lord, when I feel like I want to cut, and to phone him, and talk to him.

I was only able to do that once, which was the other day. I don't want to keep pestering him with it though. And I can't always remember to read the Psalm and pray.

I was cutting today, and praying that God would take my life, because I don't like it here.

What do I do?

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You sound like another person I know.

I don't like it here either. But I'm here. I'm 33. Geez, 30 was the great gray area that never existed. But I'm still here. It looks like I may be here for a while. God chose to put us here. Praying for the end...is fruitless. We're here. We live. All we can do is to live the best we can. Since God wants me here, since he caused this life to be, all I can do is to live this life in his service. No one ever promised a good life. In fact, being a Christian implies much tribulation to be endured. But we're tools in God's hand. Our individual lives are not something that can be replaced. You are unique. No one else on earth has the life you have. Maybe you think that no one should have the life you have. But your life serves a purpose that nothing on earth can replace. You are a particular life that God has placed here for a particular purpose that can only be realized in your particular situation. You are God's child. You are God's light shining in the darkness. Only you can shine in your darkness. No one else can light up the world that you know and live in.
I think that's kind of cool.

 

[TheMainException]

Best I can say...do what he said...selective memory....I do that a lot....but what I suggest....get some true help...look for a cheap place where you can go and get some help from a trained counselor or such.....that's prolly best...but keep praying....God works slowly we may think...but he works best if we trust him....give up all the things you cut with....don't save a single thing...please don't....you've got to give it up to God....much love...Lauren
and PM me if you need anything....I'll listen, it doesn't bother me at all, I promise...you could say the same words over and over again...and only after the 100th time of the exact phrases would I begin to wonder if you were messing with my head....(okay...maybe not 100...but you get the point...)....so...whatever you need..PM me...I love you