Arg

[bornagain-053184]

So i dunno if i should put this here but im gonna anyways and hope u can help me out on this....
arg


OK... So this is my issue... and i really dont know what to do about it...
So me and my ex BF Matthew broke up in Late Jan since he lived 2 hrs away and he didnt wanna hurt me by staying with me and not having time to be with me since he was workin alot well he took some time to think and now he relizes how stupid he was and wants to see if we give it another chance.. i really do still have feelings for Matt but the other problem is..my friend Ed has told ppl he likes me and i mean i have some feelins toward him but not like i do for matt.. me andmatt have more in common such as our lifestyle and our christianity... hes sweet caring out going honset loving and is there for me... where ed is most of those things but were on a diffrent page when it comes to spirituallity.. i really belived god was sending matt to me when we first dated and then we broke up.. and now he wants to try it again since he has more time for me and he relizes he was stupid to let me go.. Matts making an effort to be with me and Ed's not... what do i do? im so confussed..
Help
Stephanielynn

 

[InTheFlame]

At the end of the day, feelings will be less important than sharing your values and some of what you are passionate about... eg. sunday school, youth group. So... what things that are really important to you (like your values, and your beliefs) do you share with Matt? What things do you share with Ed?

 

[MagicStar723]

I suggest taking some time off to think and pray. Think about what you really want and if it is even either of these two.

 

[bornagain-053184]

At the end of the day, feelings will be less important than sharing your values and some of what you are passionate about... eg. sunday school, youth group. So... what things that are really important to you (like your values, and your beliefs) do you share with Matt? What things do you share with Ed?

me and matt have alot in common so do me and ed but not as much the big thing being god me and matt share that ed dont... hes not a christian... and i wanna be with someone who is who shares my intrest and my belifes and values...

 

[InTheFlame]

Sounds as though maybe you've unconfused yourself?

Don't rush things. You don't need to commit to one or the other for the rest of your life, in the next week or anything Pray, talk to God, and take it slow. Read your bible. Read Boundaries in Dating (Cloud and Townsend).

God bless!

 

[halifaxhoney]

Continue to pray more about this. God will help you. Although Steph, I think that Matt might be the answer because you want him to have the same values and beliefs.

 

[Confused and alone]

i agree taking that route is prolly the best option for you.

 

[SirKenin]

So i dunno if i should put this here but im gonna anyways and hope u can help me out on this....
arg


OK... So this is my issue... and i really dont know what to do about it...
So me and my ex BF Matthew broke up in Late Jan since he lived 2 hrs away and he didnt wanna hurt me by staying with me and not having time to be with me since he was workin alot well he took some time to think and now he relizes how stupid he was and wants to see if we give it another chance.. i really do still have feelings for Matt but the other problem is..my friend Ed has told ppl he likes me and i mean i have some feelins toward him but not like i do for matt.. me andmatt have more in common such as our lifestyle and our christianity... hes sweet caring out going honset loving and is there for me... where ed is most of those things but were on a diffrent page when it comes to spirituallity.. i really belived god was sending matt to me when we first dated and then we broke up.. and now he wants to try it again since he has more time for me and he relizes he was stupid to let me go.. Matts making an effort to be with me and Ed's not... what do i do? im so confussed..
Help
Stephanielynn

I don't understand what is so confusing? You said it yourself. You have the most feelings for Ed and you connect with him on more things, including the important matter of the spiritual connection.

Who cares what Matt has been telling people? What difference does that make? That's his problem, not yours. I wouldn't let that dictate your relationships. It sounds to me that Ed is your main man. I would encourage you to go for it.

 

[superfly]

hate to sound cruel, but anyways...

in 2 corinthians 6:14 it says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

in essence, that means that God does not want you dating ed. whether or not you date matt is entirely up to you, since he is a christian. also, since matt is actually making an effort, i'd say he's worth it.

but remember:
don't marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without.

 

[SirKenin]

hate to sound cruel, but anyways...

in 2 corinthians 6:14 it says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

in essence, that means that God does not want you dating ed. whether or not you date matt is entirely up to you, since he is a christian. also, since matt is actually making an effort, i'd say he's worth it.

but remember:
don't marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without.

Read the context of that passage. Paul is not addressing relationships in any way, shape or form. He is talking about Christians worshipping in the Temple of Aphrodite. Anything else is misconstruing, manipulating or mistranslating the text.

If that IS in fact what Paul meant then he would not have instructed us to stay in our marriages with unbelievers in 1 Cor 7. Otherwise he would be a liar and a heretic.

There is NOTHING in the Bible that says you can not marry an unbeliever. Period.

 

[bornagain-053184]

I don't understand what is so confusing? You said it yourself. You have the most feelings for Ed and you connect with him on more things, including the important matter of the spiritual connection.

Who cares what Matt has been telling people? What difference does that make? That's his problem, not yours. I wouldn't let that dictate your relationships. It sounds to me that Ed is your main man. I would encourage you to go for it.

actually hun its the other way around its Matt i have more in commin with and ED is the one whos been telling ppl he likes me... now i have a nothing issue... apparetly after iv been goin crazy over this situation Matt comes to me and tells me he no longer wants to be with me he dont think hed have time for me after he did and its like UGH

 

[bornagain-053184]

Thank you for all ur advice..but apparently Matt (the christian) dont want to be with me after all he says he dont have time for me.. AFTER he said you make time for the one u love.. iam so confussed over this is like whats goin on iin his head he wnts me then he dont then he does and now he dont again i just dont get him.. he says he loves me and wants me back and then the next day he dont...

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Hey hon,

Have you thought about reading 'Boundaries in Dating' (it could be called Boundaries in Marriage) by Cloud and Townsend. Just, it sounds like he's doing a push-pull thing, and this is an area you really need to be protecting yourself in.

I know a lot of people bristle at the idea of a boundary in relationships - but you need them during the navigation phase especially. It is not fair to yourself to keep hanging onto a 'maybe', or a guy who keeps changing his mind (and yes, I've been there).

This book could help you establish safe boundaries for yourself, and for any future relationship you enter into.

Boundaries are a good thing! Remember that

Sasch

 

[halifaxhoney]

Steph, Matt seems like a great guy....for a friend. Just let him know that he can't keep doing this. While he is leading you on you could be missing out on someone else that's really great. I'm here for you and if you wanted to head out and find a Christian fellowship group so that you can meet some guys I'm more then happy to go with you to be a good support. I want you to have something like I have.

 

[Confused and alone]

It sounds to me like matt was basically pulling your chain so to speak. He maybe wanted to see how you would react. My advice is to find a guy that respects you and doesn't pull those kind of stunts.

 

[bornagain-053184]

thanks crystal that be a great idea....id love that...
TEEJ thanx for the advice ur a great friend... u understand me more then most ppl do thanks for being here
xoxo to all my CF friends xo
Stephanie