Are you complete as a single?

[Stanfi]

This sort of goes along with the want/ need poll, but when you think about it do you feel that you are 100% complete as a single person, or is there a void in your life?

 

[wonder111]

I feel complete, I'm thinking that's a sign i'm supposed to be single lol!!
of course I sometimes think it would be nice to meet someone that I can grow old with and have a family with etc. but I really don't feel a void (at least right now)

 

[msjones21]

I feel whole even though I don't have a SO to share my life with. Of course my soul's desire is to be a wife and mother, but the Bible says I am complete in Christ so that's sufficient evidence to sustain me through my season of singleness.

 

[Misnomer]

I know I'm complete without a SO but there is a void created by loneliness sometimes. But overall I'm cool 99% of the time

 

[mina]

I'm complete for this moment, but i'm not always ok with it. I want to need someone and I want someone to need me. I guess i'm saying that I'm always complete with Christ only, but I do have a deep desire for an audible voice and a physical touch. If I never get that then God will grant me the grace to endure.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

Right at the moment, I feel as if I am backsliding, as if I have fallen away from God right now. At the moment, I do not feel complete being single, somedays I do. Most of the time I desire someone that I can take care of, someone I can hold when they are down, to be someones hero. Someone I can give

 

[mbotz72]

Am I 100% complete as a single person? Currently, yes. I definitely do not always feel like this, but I have recently discovered how much prayer can help and just listening to God.

 

[Stanfi]

I have been thinking about this one a little bit. I think we all need human relationships in our lives. Specifically, I think some of them need to be close. We need close friends that we can trust and confide in. I think most of us will agree with this. Many times this close friendship can come from a spouse. Personally, I think this is one of the reason God set up the marriage covenant. Marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime, Right? So, theoritically we should always has this close friend (our spouse) in our lives.

Now, as singles, we do not have a spouse to confide in. However, we do have family and close friends that are there for us when we need them. These relationships help us to fill the void a spouse would take.

However, I don't think any of these relationships are as intimate as one with a spouse would be. Also as time passes people leave are lives. Unfortuanatley parents and relatives die, and friends move on.

Anyway, I think there are times in our lives that we can be content as a single. Times in our lives when we do not necessarily need a close friend, or when our lives get so busy we do not even have time to think about such things. Work, church, or even thing that we are involved in can heavily consuem all of our spare time.

Then there are times. Times when people leave our lives and we feel alone. Times we are reminded that we don't not have anyone. Times that we feel our lives may be passing us by, that this desire raises it's ugly head, and suddenly we do not feel so content as a single person.

 

[looksgood]

I am actualy 200% compleat lol. But I wouldn't mind giving 100% to someone else. I am compleat as I am, but to be joined by another would only over flow me

 

[Blessed-one]

um, don't think so, God hasn't filled up the whole of my life yet.. and i'm still debating whether i'm better off being single or being married since i also enjoy solitude.
but talking to a close friend or just doing silly things with a group of friends once a while feels refreshing.

 

[Xen_Antares]

This is intresting to see. Out of all the responses the girls for the most part say they feel complete, while the guys say they feel "uncomplete".

Being a male, I agree with my male peers. I dont feel complete. I too feel as though Ive backslidden since my ex girlfriend broke up with me last november. I feel cheated and angry, sometimes with God himself. I even feel as though he lied to me or decieved me when he denied my prayers to bless the relationship. I believed him when he said ask and ye shall receive, I asked and received nothing except pain.

mrstace said it well, I am now 25, when I graduated highschool several years ago I was happy, I felt complete. I started to become miserable with being single when I joined the Air Force. Singles were treated horribly there compared to their married counterparts, not to mention friends will be there one day and transferred the next. Then I got out of the military and made contact with old friends. Many had moved on while I was away, and the ones I came into contact with after coming back were either married, engaged or in a serious relationship. Needless to say things changed. New friends have been hard to come by, and in June 2002 to November 2002 I dated the most wonderful girl in the world, unfortunatley it didnt last and here I am. Yes I have some friends, but I have spent the past couple of years watching them get married. As they stand before everyone taking their vows I am quietly asking God, when oh when is it going to be my turn to find that special someone, the happiness only they can bring into my physical life (Im not talking sex either), and all I hear is silence in response. I often ask, did God forget about me or does he just not care?

The only time I have been truley happy since I graduated High School is that short period I was dating my ex. Everything was the way it should be then, I had a good job, a loving family, a great girl, and I talked to God regularly. Now I still have a good job, a loving family, but I have a huge void in my life, and my attempts to talk to God seems to have me doing all the talking, I have never felt further away from him. I honestly feel as he teases me with that which I need and want, I have to watch everyone else get married, and get a small taste of what it is to be loved only to have it ripped away from me, it makes me wonder is it worth going back?

Now since I have been single again, I have lived my life day to day in a freakish lonely misery wondering if I have been forgotten or even matter. Obviously I dont feel complete.

As a sidenote, I also think society has something to do with the demographics of the males feel non complete while women do. We seem to embrace the single woman and make her strong willed and breaking tradition. While the males if not married by a certain age are disregarded as immature mommas boys whose not ready for the adult world. Being a single man I have encountered this prejuidice many times, I reckon I will experience it many more before death.

 

[jenptcfan]

I don't know if anyone's talked about this yet (haven't read all the posts), but I think that looking for completion by a mate places an unfair burden on the mate. I think that we can be complete with God...He's the ultimate one who will make us complete. That doesn't mean that we don't have some sort of void that a mate will fill, but it's not the same thing as someone making you complete. Any human being is going to disappoint us sometimes, but God never will. He completes us.

 

[Xen_Antares]

I don't know if anyone's talked about this yet (haven't read all the posts), but I think that looking for completion by a mate places an unfair burden on the mate. I think that we can be complete with God...He's the ultimate one who will make us complete. That doesn't mean that we don't have some sort of void that a mate will fill, but it's not the same thing as someone making you complete. Any human being is going to disappoint us sometimes, but God never will. He completes us.

God never disappoints us huh? Care to explain this? As I said in my post, I felt he disappointed me, I prayed and was fool enough to actually believe I would get what I asked for. That wont happen again, its as the old saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me again shame on me.

God doesnt disappoing, yeah right and snow isnt cold

 

[Stanfi]

God never disappoints us huh? Care to explain this? As I said in my post, I felt he disappointed me, I prayed and was fool enough to actually believe I would get what I asked for. That wont happen again, its as the old saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me again shame on me.

God doesnt disappoing, yeah right and snow isnt cold

Xen,

I can really relate to what you are saying. I have lived it. When I was in High School, I had 4 really good friends, I thought we would always be close friends. Next thing you know, some move away, others get married, then other's completey change. I have found myself many times saying "Where did everyone go??!?!?" Life moves on and constantly changes, that is a fact.

Anyway, about year ago, I met this girl, I thought she was great, I said "Praise God, my ship has come in, God has not forgot about me!". Then it fell apart. It was a devasting experience filled with confusion. I found myself angry at God, angry at myself, and angry at the girl.

I felt that God let me down, I felt that he gave me more of a blow than I could handle. Looking back, I realize that I didn't go about things exactly the way that I should have, but neither did the girl. The bad out of the situation is that I lost someone who I really liked, and it hurt really bad. The good from the situation is that I matured emotionaly, spiritauly, and I learned more about people and relationships that I ever care to again.

Sometimes God has to break us down to build us back up. I cannot tell you that I understand this situation completely. The only thing that I can tell you is that I know that God loves me and he will take care of me, and I just have to put Him first in my life, and allow him to work.

Perhaps that girl that you lost will come back into your life some day, or perhaps God has someone better in store for you. The bottom line is you just have to trust in Him.

 

[mina]

I don't know if anyone's talked about this yet (haven't read all the posts), but I think that looking for completion by a mate places an unfair burden on the mate. I think that we can be complete with God...He's the ultimate one who will make us complete. That doesn't mean that we don't have some sort of void that a mate will fill, but it's not the same thing as someone making you complete. Any human being is going to disappoint us sometimes, but God never will. He completes us.

I agree with you jenptcfan. The love of a mate is a wonderful thing, but human beings will never be just satisfied with that. As soon as we get it we will be come dissatisfied with some aspect of it and desire change. Life is constantly changing. Relationships are constantly changing. We will always long for more and the human relationships will never be good enough. Some people will lust for a human relationship the same way that others lust for sex. We can take what was intended for good and make it an idol. Then we get disappointed when those idols fail. Nothing will ever fill the deep longing for love in our hearts except for God. We need to fulfill ourselfs with God before we can ever truly have a healthy and right human relationship. We need to find the "good enough" in God alone. Human relationships are merely reflections of his love, but His love is the real thing.

 

[jenptcfan]

God never disappoints us huh? Care to explain this? As I said in my post, I felt he disappointed me, I prayed and was fool enough to actually believe I would get what I asked for. That wont happen again, its as the old saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me again shame on me.

God doesnt disappoing, yeah right and snow isnt cold

I'm sorry that you feel disappointed. What I mean is that God can see the whole picture of our lives, but we can only see "right now" and speculate on what the future will hold. Everything he does for us prospers us somewhere down the road. We don't always get what we want when we want it. Good earthly parents don't get their children everything they ask for either! But God loves us with an unfailing love and though he might not give us exactly what we ask for every time, it could be that if he gave us what we were asking for, we would miss out on something far greater that he has planned for us. He is undeniably smarter than us.

 

[stubbornkelly]

It's not even until I come in here (the singles forum) that I even begin to think I should feel incomplete. I think mrstace made some good points - being single doesn't mean being alone. And yes, Xen_Anteres, it puts an unfair burden on the mate. And besides that, it takes some of the . . . I don't want to call it pressure, but for lack of a better word at the moment . . . off us to find our own completeness - and it shouldn't. I wouldn't want to go into a marriage with someone who was incomplete on his own, after all.

 

[Xen_Antares]

Perhaps that girl that you lost will come back into your life some day, or perhaps God has someone better in store for you. The bottom line is you just have to trust in Him.

The strange thing is everytime I think I get past this in my life she comes into my dreams, and all the feelings and emotions come back. Its like Im not allowed to get over it, almost as if someone is stabbing me in a wound thats healing just to keep it fresh.

I'm sorry that you feel disappointed. What I mean is that God can see the whole picture of our lives, but we can only see "right now" and speculate on what the future will hold. Everything he does for us prospers us somewhere down the road. We don't always get what we want when we want it. Good earthly parents don't get their children everything they ask for either! But God loves us with an unfailing love and though he might not give us exactly what we ask for every time, it could be that if he gave us what we were asking for, we would miss out on something far greater that he has planned for us. He is undeniably smarter than us.

Undoubtedly he's smarter, especially considering Im not all that smart to begin with. And yes good Earthly parents dont let their children have everything they want, but good Earthly parents dont tease their children with it either. I hate using metaphors but this fits here, its like a hungry man, one who hasn't eaten in a long time, is it good to tease him with a big juicy steak? Open up a window and let him smell it, but take it away from him so he can't eat it. Wouldn't you consider that a little bit on the mean side? Or have him sit in a room with everyone else who is eating and all he does is wait and wait. Yes God can give you "Soul Food", thats good for your spirit. What I am saying is for something on the physical plain, someone I can see, touch, talk to. Friends do feel this roll, but not like that special someone can. I've gotten but just a taste, and I liked it, I want it, and yes I need it. I know when I was happy, and thats when I was happy, I liked being happy. Why do I get the feelling that when I say Im not happy with being single people are treating me like Im wrong? Im not wrong, I really am not happy as a single anymore.

It's not even until I come in here (the singles forum) that I even begin to think I should feel incomplete. I think mrstace made some good points - being single doesn't mean being alone. And yes, Xen_Anteres, it puts an unfair burden on the mate. And besides that, it takes some of the . . . I don't want to call it pressure, but for lack of a better word at the moment . . . off us to find our own completeness - and it shouldn't. I wouldn't want to go into a marriage with someone who was incomplete on his own, after all.

First let me say thank you for singling me out, though there have been others to express my views, I get singled out and I feel belittled.

Secondly though Im not thin skinned, I feel insulted by this post. Do you honestly think I feel this way on purpose? That if I just tell my self to be happy I will be? It doesnt work that way, if I could make the bad feelings of being single stop, dont you think I would? I dont like feeling the way I do but I do feel this way.

Thirdly this is why I hate posting my feelings on this matter, people treat me like its my fault I feel this way. I feel pain, I dont want to feel pain. I dont like pain, I liked being happy, I remember reaching a new level of happiness, so excuse me for wanting to reach that level again.

Call me selfish yes I want God in my life, but beyond that I want that special someone to. Whats so wrong about that?

I get tired of being involved in weddings for my friends, watching one right after the other get married, Im glad they found that special someone and that they're happy, but I don't like feeling excluded. Its also at the point when a friend marries things with them change, I basically have to make an appointment just to see them or to hang out for a little while. So yeah Im not happy, but that doesnt mean I feel this way on purpose.

 

[mina]

I understand how you feel. I don't like being the odd one out either. But why is that God's fault? He may be prepareing the abosoulte best for y ou right now. Don't be so focused on your disappointment that you miss it. Yes single people get treated badly and that's wrong, but that is another person's doing, not God's. And this girl, why is it God's fault you are not together? I don't know what happened in your situation, but this girl is not a robot and neither are you. People are free to act on their own and sometimes we make mistakes on our own or get out of relationships on our own. God can lead us back to that person if it's meant to be. Keep praying, and keep trusting in God. God is going to do what is best for you no matter what your feelings about it are. He will never give us more than what we can handle. We can not manipulate Him to give us all that we want by getting upset. I urge you to seek what He is doing in your life and pray that He will make you happy with what His desires are for your life. If we want to be blessed, we have to submit too.

 

[jenptcfan]

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have a special someone in your life. Most people do have that desire. God created us that way. But I do think that sometimes we get anxious to have that desire filled (at least I do) and tend to try to make our own plans instead of accepting God's will that we wait a little longer.

God isn't mean. His word says "God is love". If you feel as though you're being teased with a relationship, that's not God doing the teasing. He does allow us to be tested from time to time, and that's his right as God. But he won't allow you to be tested unless it's for your greater good.

I can relate to a lot of your last post, Xen. I have lots of close friends who have gotten married and YES, everything changes. My best friend from college lives only 30 minutes away from me, and I haven't seen her in probably almost a year (I've tried to ask her when a good time to plan a lunch would be, etc. and she doesn't seem to have time anymore). Anyway, being excluded isn't any fun, I agree. But I know that God has been faithful to me in so many areas that it would be crazy of me not to trust him in this area as well.

I know you're frustrated (sometimes I get frustrated about it too), but if you can trust anyone with this, you can trust God. Don't give up on his goodness.

God bless!
J