Are you attractive?

[the_man]

This is a thread primarily for women. And I'm talking about physical attraction.

So are you attractive? For those that believe they are, that's awesome. I'm more interested in those that don't believe/feel they are. What are the reasons you have for not feeling attractive? What are you judging this by? Is it by societies standards? What's the reasoning?

NOTE: There will be not talk of inner beauty in this thread. That's not what the topic is about. I am creating a parallel thread that you can talk about that in.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

So are you attractive? For those that believe they are, that's awesome. I'm more interested in those that don't believe/feel they are. What are the reasons you have for not feeling attractive? What are you judging this by? Is it by societies standards? What's the reasoning?

That depends on what day you ask me.

Many days, I don't feel attractive. Why? Because I'm 5'6, big boned, 197lbs, and a size 18/20. I wear glasses. That's not society's standard of beauty. Yes, I know. We're not to live by the world's standards. But try telling me that after I've been to 4 stores trying to find a dress that looks good on me. Or a pair of jeans. Or even a simple shirt. And I walk away with nothing.

I don't want to stop being plus sized. I want clothing manufacuters to start making attractive things in my size at affordable prices. I want to see more fuller figured women in magazines and movies. I want to stop being told that I'm not attractive because I don't fit into a size 6 (I could lose 100 lbs and still not fit into a size 6... I have a big bone structure).

Wow. I didn't mean to rant, lol.

Half the time when I look into the mirror, I really do like the way I look. It's those days when I need to break down and buy new clothing or seeing models on magazines that make me feel less then subhuman.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I have been told I'm attractive. I'll put it this way, once I get my body back to where I want it to be, I won't be displeased with what I see in the mirror.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Meh. In pictures, yes.

In person.... somewhat, I suppose. I have red marks on my face from acne... and they take forever to fade... so yeah, that's why I would be hesitant to say I'm attractive.

I also wish I were taller, which I realize is pretty ridiculous since I am 5'7" and tallish for a girl.... but I stopped growing at 12 and I suppose I miss towering over the boys If I had it my way, I'd be about 5'10". People typically also say I'm too skinny (I'm about 108, which yes is underweight but I have been underweight my whole life). I don't have any insecurities about being too thin, though.... in fact, I have to be careful not to think the opposite because I grew up in the very body-conscious gymnastics world and had two close friends in high school who had eating disorders (by the way, both were non-gymnasts).

As for what else I like about my looks... hmm my eyes are pretty cool, they're two diff colors (blue-green and green with a brown spot). Also, fashion, braces, and hair dye went a long way. *shrug* I still think most other girls/women are prettier than myself, though...

 

[the_man]

Wow! I hadn't finished writing the other thread and already 3 responses.

To the ladies that have responded, here is an additional question. I still see that there is a comparison to an ideal in your responses, even with fluffy that says she needs to get to certain y point with her body. Here is the question, would you still feel you need to get to a certain point, meet a certain standard if you had a husband that believed you were the prettiest woman he has seen and he makes you feel like it (i.e. not only does he just say it, his actions speak towards it as well). Would you be secure in your looks or would you still seek to meet a standard?

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I think I'm attractive and very pretty. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family/and environment where I always heard very supportive comments and saw positive imagest - and not just an entirely physical standpint, but biblical as well.

The only time when I ran into issues with my self image was when I moved to place where people who looked like me were few - therefore the standard of beauty was different too. But I came to realize that God made me perfectly in Him image - and that's good enough for me.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

I'm more interested in those that don't believe/feel they are. What are the reasons you have for not feeling attractive? What are you judging this by? Is it by societies standards? What's the reasoning?

Depends on what you mean by "attractive". In society's eyes I'm average looking as I don't have model looks. I have acne, acne scarring, and while I'm not overweight I'm not pencil thin either.

Diane

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Here is the question, would you still feel you need to get to a certain point, meet a certain standard if you had a husband that believed you were the prettiest woman he has seen and he makes you feel like it (i.e. not only does he just say it, his actions speak towards it as well). Would you be secure in your looks or would you still seek to meet a standard?

I don't like to alter my looks for a man. Now, being in a relationship motivates me to stay attractive but if my SO asked me to dye my hair or wear certain clothes (unless he was asking me out of respect not to wear something too revealing) I wouldn't change how I express myself appearance-wise to appease him. The same principle applies when it comes to the scenario if my husband thought I was gorgeous just the way I was, but wanted to lose a few pounds. I would lose the weight anyway.

I was in a relationship once where I got lazy about my appearance and I felt horrible about myself. I swore to myself I would never let that happen again. Relationships tend to make you feel secure and in essence, you take the other person for granted. Ergo, you tend to let go of your appearance because you know they'll love you anyway. That can destroy your own self-esteem.

 

[nhzname]

For myself, I'd have to say I think I am attractive most days. But there are other days when I look in the mirror and see a few extra pounds, a bad hair day, a pimple, or circles around the eyes from posting on CF til all hours of the night , and I just have to groan. Those are the days I try to smile more because it really does make a person more attractive.

Guy wise ... I accept myself enough to mean it when I say, "What you see is what you get."

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Wow! I hadn't finished writing the other thread and already 3 responses.

To the ladies that have responded, here is an additional question. I still see that there is a comparison to an ideal in your responses, even with fluffy that says she needs to get to certain y point with her body. Here is the question, would you still feel you need to get to a certain point, meet a certain standard if you had a husband that believed you were the prettiest woman he has seen and he makes you feel like it (i.e. not only does he just say it, his actions speak towards it as well). Would you be secure in your looks or would you still seek to meet a standard?

I don't think having a significant other would alter it that much. When I was dating a friend (friends we've remained), he would say I was beautiful (not often, but he didn't have to. He's one guy I believe wouldn't lie to me). Although it relieved alittle pressure to conform, it's still there.

You have one person who you care about greatly telling and showing you your beautiful against a world that says you're not. One person against thousands. One person showing you, yet having the media (TV, movies, magazines, clothing manufacturers) telling you that there's something wrong with you. It's hard to believe that one person when thousands are telling you differently.

 

[Cherub8]

Interesting topic. Well, since you did not restrict it to women, I'll give my perspective. I think ladies who take good care of themselves are most attractive. In my view, taking care of themselves is a sign that they are confident. Whether it be their hygene, dressing properly, etc. They are showing respect to the Temple of God.

As for myself, well, I would say I'm *somewhat* handsome. Basically there is no middle ground: some ladies have found me very attractive, others have not. But I'm reasonably confident, I suppose.

 

[mina]

no i'm not. I base this on what I see in the mirror and the fact that I have been kidded and made fun of for the way I look from both non christians and Christians alike for most if not all of my life. or people pretend that I don't exist or give me some programed speech about how inwardly beautiful I am and how i'm so lucky because people aren't just attracted to me because of the way i look. Yep i'm just sooooo darn lucky.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I think I am average. I wouldn't call myself attractive, even though I have been told that I am. I have trouble believeing people when they tell me I am attractive, because I don't feel like I am attractive. I don't say this out of self pity, just being realistic with myself.

As for changing for others, I try not to do that. I think you are more successful on these outer changes if you do it for you, then for someone else. I recently lost about 20 pounds. I did it for me because I knew I needed to learn how to eat more balanced and I needed to get into the habit of exercising. It wasn't to please anyone, except myself and my Creator!

 

[hockeysistah12]

Yes, I am, but not physically. What draws people is my love of Christ and God's holy spirit. It does not have to be physical attibutes, but the inner beauty that is within me. See, that wins over all instead of the looks factor.

 

[the_man]

I don't like to alter my looks for a man.

For fluffy and everyone else answering that side question. I didn't say change your looks for a man. I said if you had a man that was very content with the way you looked will that change your view on how secure or not you are with your looks.

 

[Thithy]

I usually find myself to be attractive. However there are times I see myself in the mirror and go yuck! Look at those thighs, they're monsterous. As for having a s/o that says I'm beautiful, I would believe him. However, I would change myself if I wasn't healthy. Right now I work out to be healty. I would like to lose a little weight, but more so I want to gain muscle and be strong. I want to be able to play sports and not be tired after 5 minutes of running. I want to go backpacking and not have to take a break after a mile or two. I want to be able to rock climb, and be strong enough to get up to the top. So even if my husband thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world (which I hope he would, since he is my husband, and I believe I'll find my husband to be the most handsome man in the world) I would still work out if I felt that I wasn't healthy.

 

[the_man]

Depends on what you mean by "attractive". In society's eyes I'm average looking as I don't have model looks. I have acne, acne scarring, and while I'm not overweight I'm not pencil thin either.

Diane

Partially, this is the point of the thread. Why do we even look to model looks as a standard or to being a pencil as attractive? For some it should be, for others it will not be. The only standard should be the standard one has with themself.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Partially, this is the point of the thread. Why do we even look to model looks as a standard or to being a pencil as attractive? For some it should be, for others it will not be. The only standard should be the standard one has with themself.

Where does a person get their "personal standards"-we are unconsciously and deeply influenced by our own unique societies. In the society in which I grew up having an acne-free, scar-free face is highly valued and is considered "attractive". And I agree-scars are not pretty to look at.

In one tribal society women who have long necks are considered "attractive". (Anyone ever heard of the "Giraffe Women"?) Why? Because the tribal soceity places great value on long necks.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the ever popular "they" say.

DW

 

[AquaFINEa]

This is a thread primarily for women. And I'm talking about physical attraction.

So are you attractive?

Yes -and it has taken me a long time to see just what makes me attractive, not merely physically but spiritually as well. And, I believe that the two are intertwined.
I had been made fun of when I was a child, on and off, throughout my academic career. It wasn't particularly nice lol but it was damaging to a point where I actually believed what they believed -that I was "ugly" because I had acne or what-have-you. It turned me into something that indeed, made me ugly. I had low self-esteem and with that low self-esteem, I rarely looked up when I walked down the street. I turned into an angry, bitter girl -all these things had compiled onto an already-troubling situation in my personal life. In short, I was a mess. But, due to the grace of God, I now identify myself in Christ and I see what exactly makes me beautiful. On the surface, I know that there are certain attributes which make me attractive -my eyes, my lips, my figure, etc.. but essentially, that is not what God looks at. And it is what HE looks at that is of much more importance in my life. Amen.

 

[the_man]

Where does a person get their "personal standards"-we are unconsciously and deeply influenced by our own unique societies. In the society in which I grew up having an acne-free, scar-free face is highly valued and is considered "attractive". And I agree-scars are not pretty to look at.

In one tribal society women who have long necks are considered "attractive". (Anyone ever heard of the "Giraffe Women"?) Why? Because the tribal soceity places great value on long necks.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the ever popular "they" say.

DW

That's what I'm saying...if you choose to take on societies standards of beauty (that are very narrow, and i'm not talking about waist size), and you don't match up, then you will feel unattractive. If you choose to take on the Giraffe women standards, and your kneck is not long, you will feel unattractive. Some people will say, 'bah, it is ridiculous for me to apply the standard of the giraffe women to my self to see if I'm beautiful' I believe it is as equally ridiculous to get your standards from the cover of a magazine, or from a TV show, or from a movie. Whatever you choose as your standard, the consequence is how you feel about yourself.