Are we overprotective??

[Harmony]

My mother and father in-law gave my husband quite the lecture today. They feel that we are overprotecting our son because he doesn't ride the bus to and from school. In our town there are a lot of parents who do not put their kids on the bus, the school lobby is packed morning and afternoon, day after day with the same parents. On average I would guess that aprrox. 100 kids are transported to and from school each day. It's not like we are the only ones doing this.

It has been reported in the papers and we have seen with our own eyes, the bus drivers in our town breaking the speed limits, making very unsafe moves with the buses and there is a lot of free reign for the kids on the busses.

We are trying very hard to raise our kids right. We want them to have values and goals and most importantly a love for God and Jesus. We want that to be a strong foundation for them. The things we see on the drive to and from school each day also helped make our decision. 7-10 year olds swearing at each other, we once saw a kid pelting rocks at another child, and once a child chasing another child with a pair of scissors. And this was in the location around the two elementary schools.

I know these are the realities of a lot of public schools, but I don't see why we have to throw our child completely into it. The reason the whole disagreement took place today was because my husband and I will be buying a car for me, from a family member so that when my husband starts working second shift next month, I will still be able to transport my son. They see it as a waste of money and an excuse to be overbearing with our child. Did I mention that he doesn't want to ride the bus anyway.

So what would anyone else do in this situation? And do you think we are being overprotective. I stated why the lecture took place today, but this disagreement has been going on since last september. It's getting old.

 

[LilyLamb]

I think you have logical reasons for what you are doing. I don't know where you live, but it doesn't sound like someplace I'd want to raise my children Sorry to hear that your inlaws are giving you such a hard time. They raised their children the way they thought best and should allow you to do the same.

I guess we have it pretty good here. Our bus drivers here are great ... here in our little town the high school, middle school and elementary are all on the same street and they all ride the bus together. I like the idea that my 15 year old watches out for my five year old. So far there haven't been any problems. Their bus driver is very strict - absolutely no swearing and no getting out of the seats or hanging out the window - very safe.

Last week my son (the five year old) forgot to get off at his stop (his brother had to stay after school for practice) ... I called the school and they contacted the bus driver, but she knew he was still on the bus before we reached her ... the other kids at the stop were all apologetic saying that "they" should have looked after him!!! The bus driver also apologized for overlooking him. It was no big deal to him - he had a great time riding the bus and seeing where all the kids get off. LOL My point is that this being such a small town we all look after each other and are quick to help out.

The high school is presently under construction (renovating/adding on) and so the parking lot and entrance to the schools is torn up and crowded with construction equipment etc etc So there is no way that the number of parents you all have transporting their children to school would work here. There really isn't a reason for folks here to drive their children to school, unless they missed the bus - we are in such a remote, rural area that our schools are shut down whenever there's too much rain cause a lot of the bus routes are back roads over one lane bridges.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably want to drive my boys, too.

((((hugs))))

 

[lucypevensie]

Stick to it. If the argument is getting old it's time to tell them to stop bringing it up, your decision is final. And if they do bring it up again smile and change the subject.

Your'e not overprotective for driving your kids to school, good grief. More parents should be as concerned as you are for their children's safety and sense of security. You've noted numerous concerns with your bus program and I think your concerns are not out of line.

 

[kimmee]

I think you are doing the right thing. If the bus drivers are putting your child at risk then you have every right to worry about your child.

 

[AngelAmidala]

I'm not a parent....but I was a child who hated taking the bus to school. It wasn't that my parents didn't care that I rode the bus....neither of them could drop me off at school. (Though once I got to high school, for one year my dad was able to drop me off because of his work schedule...but I had to take the bus home.)

I think it's great that you can take your child to and from school...for whatever reason. I also don't think you're overprotective.

 

[jko]

I think so a little bit..

 

[Harmony]

jko, can you tell me why you think we are being a little overprotective?

LilyLamb, Lucypevensie, brian_z_babe, and AngelAmidala thank you for being supportive. I feel that the decisions we make for our children are right for us. My husbands parents may have done it differently but their job of raising children has been over for a few years now. I don't mean that to sound rude. I appreciate any advice they can offer, however I wish they would understand where the advice ends.
Right before school started, they had my son in tears trying to make him promise to ride the bus. We try to always include our children in these choices, we asked our son if he wanted to ride the bus and he said no. So at least the three of us are in agreement
Thanks again for your opinions. I really appreciate it.

 

[VOW]

This is hard, because you want to be respectful to your in-laws, and you want your son to see that you respect his grandparents.

I'm sure they feel, "Hey, we raised our son okay, so we know what we are doing!"

But even if all of you live in the same town where your husband grew up, times change. Your in-laws probably don't want to admit that kids are dealing drugs on elementary school yards, and that middle school kids are joining gangs and whaling the tar out of each other.

Unless they see a grandchild in actual DANGER, I feel grandparents should allow the parents to raise the child.

In my mind, the "overprotection" that you lavish on a younger child empowers that same child to overcome the temptations when he is older. You are sending the message, "I care about you. You are important to me."

How old is your son? If he's seven, then keep doing what you are doing, what feels best to you. If he's thirteen, maybe he needs to have a little independence. Ultimately, though, I'd talk to your son. How does HE feel about it? If he makes you drop him off two blocks from the school and refuses to let you kiss him goodbye, LOL, I'd say that's a good indicator. But if he's happy to see you in the afternoon when you pick him up, I'd say, enjoy it! Those little boy kisses won't be around forever.


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[EJO]

I agree with the other post's.
We homeschool our kids, and that gets strange looks arounf the holidays too. I just refer back to Genesis 2:24 " A man shall leave his father and mother..."
You know what is right for your family, and your situation. Like what has said before. Also, kids are accosted(sp) by bullies and stuff on the bus. It seams it would give the child a better sence of security when the parent drive them to school.

God bless, stick to your guns.

 

[LilyLamb]

Maybe you should tell them that after THEY initiate, set-up and campaign for safer buses/bus stops and changes are made so that buses really are safer then you will allow your children to ride the bus.

 

[wildernesse]

My two cents are that you are not being over-protective. Do what you think is the safest for your child in the situation. My mother is a superintendent of a school system and she would jerk a knot in a school bus driver for being reckless--then she'd fire them. You might want to go to a school board meeting and insist that there be more consideration for bus drivers--that said, good bus drivers are hard to find and your time is valuable too.

As a newlywed, I am firmly in the camp that in-laws should keep their noses out of my business! Although right now, this goes for my parents too! haha. My grandparents are all very opinionated though, and one of my grandmothers only backed down after my mother threw a horrible fit over who decided when my brother should get his hair cut and by whom! Probably it's best not to get to the fit-throwing point! haha.

--tibac

 

[jko]

you have to start to let them do things on their own at some point in time.. my mom let me ride the bus when i was in kindergarden,.. the longer you 'momma' them, the more mommas boy they will be.. ive seen this in my cousin.. hes 7 and he wont even take of his jacket with out her doing it.. its very sad..

 

[zyzychyn]

Normally, I'd say not letting your kid ride the bus is overprotective. I mean, we don't see anything on there we don't see in school. Buses are good for teaching social skills (I've gotten a lot better at talking to people; before, I was incredibly shy).
I go to a huge high school, but the buses are good, most of the kids are good, and in general the bus ride is fun.
In your area, though, it sounds kinda like a security hazard...

In short, since it seems your kids' safety is at risk, I think you aren't being overprotective.

 

[Harmony]

VOW, My son is seven. He loves that we take him to and from school. In the mornings we talk about what he might be doing that day, we walk him to the playground when we get there (the other parents do too) and he gives us each a kiss no matter who is around. In the afternoon his dad goes in and signs him out and when he sees myself and his sister in the car, he comes running with a big smile and another kiss. We ask him periodically if he would like to try out the bus and he says "No, I want my parents to bring me."

jko, I fail to see how making sure he is safe and at the same time allowing him to make a decision is being too much of a momma to him. He is very independent in all things. Last year when he was in half day kindergarten he had the same choice, take the bus or ride with mom and dad. Although I don't like the bus system I think I would let him go if that were his choice and he really felt strongly, but he doesn't. I won't force him to do something that to us matters so little.

It's just very frustrating and feels like they think we don't know what we are doing. Parenting isn't easy, but if you don't allow the parents to be the parents then you never learn the lessons that need to be learned. I love my inlaws, I just don't agree with their idea of parenting. My father in law once told me I had to break my son's spirit. He couldn't go on being the high energy, creative, curious wonderful little boy he is. His spirit is still intact! And I'm thankful we didn't take that advice, especially when he tells me how awesome God is and when he is playing quietly and I hear him singing "Shout to the Lord". Personally I think we are doing just fine.

He's outgoing, respectful, happy, energetic, creative, sensitive to others and loves God and his family. I think he will be okay even if he never experiences the bus.

Thanks all,  Harmony

 

[mel3]

It is your GOD-GIVEN RIGHT to protect your children. If you and your husband is in agreement then there is nothing abnormal about it. What is abnormal is the in-laws throwing in their two cents worth and not even being asked to do so. It is amazing how some people do this. They may even consider it THEIR right to voice opinions concerning their grandchildren, but they are crossing the line on this one. Both you and husband stand firm in your decision to transport your child to and from school and be proud of it. My sister (when I had 1 child) would often accuse me of being overprotective. She thought nothing of giving my baby something to play with smaller than his fist. I was livid when she did this. Of course she would then proceed to tell me I was being too "overprotective". If protecting MY child was preventing him from potentially causeing harm to himself meant I was being overprotected, then SO BE IT!If for whatever reason you choose to take him back and forth to school gives you some peace of mind, then so be it. We can not ever be too careful. Is this the only child rearing problem your inlaws have with you? I would be willing to guess they jump at everychance to give their advice. Their unsolicited 'words of wisdom' didn't just start with the disagreement of bussing your child to school, did it? Thankfully, God has blessed you with patience on this one. You are probally ALOT more patient than I would be in your situation! Hang in there, gal.

 

[VOW]

To Harmony:

My father in law once told me I had to break my son's spirit. He couldn't go on being the high energy, creative, curious wonderful little boy he is.

GOD FORBID!

The world is a dreary enough place! Halleluia for seven-year-old boys who have high enery, creativity, and curiosity!


Peace,
~VOW

 

[coastie]

When I think back to my parents patience level with me when I was about 7 to my patience level now with a seven year old, I wonder why niether of my folks are up for sainthood.

What one kids sees as overprotective, they will one day see as positive discipilinary enforcement.

Vow, being a military wife, I'm sure you've run a squared away home, kids without that structure are the same one's who sit in front of the court house smoking pot telling me that I'm a bad guy because I work for the government.

I thank God for my "over protective" parents.

 

[Dewjunkie]

I don't think that wanting your child to have a safe, comfortable, short ride to school is in any way overprotective. Telling your kid that they can't go out to play unless they have a helmet, knee pads, an emergency whistle, a can of OFF and 2 gallons of SPF 45 slathered on would be overprotective. But this is a very petty thing, and that your in-laws are making a big deal about it should prompt you to sit down with them and explain that when you want some advice about child-rearing, you will ask them. Until then, you would like for them to let you handle it.

Or, you could be sarcastic and the nexy time they are over when your child is taking a bath you could put a TV on the edge of the tub and hand your kid a pack of smokes and then ask them if you're being lenient enough.

 

[VOW]

To Coastie:

Yup, and I've lived in military housing, where if you don't toe the line, or your kids don't toe the line, you can get kicked out of quarters. Living and shopping on base is a privilege, and nobody HAS to give dependents an ID card!


Peace,
~VOW