Are we as christians allowed to "break up" with our friends?

[dairymilkchocolate23]

This question has been in my heart for a while and I'm not to sure what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

First a back story: I have a friend, she's not a christian, we've been friends for about 6 years, our relationship is quite odd, we only see each other probably twice a year but would talk on the phone daily. Every 6 months we have an epic fight or I say something wrong and she gets upset and she stops speaking to me. My friend I love her to bits however she has some mental health and emotional issues that she does not get help for and I feel in a way its fallen onto me to be her counsellor.

It's not fair to her that I fully go into everything online here but she came to visit me and we had another fight, and as usual apparently I was in the wrong and she stopped talking to me and spent the rest of her stay in a hotel, despite my protests for her to stay at mine.

It's been a month and I've been praying and thinking about it all and I've realised that I don't want to remain friends with her anymore. I don't feel I have the energy anymore for supporting her, nor do I like being abused.

My worry is that if by thinking this and wanting this, am I being unchristian? Jesus preached to love your enemies, turn the other cheek and love one another but how far is this supposed to extend to? Is there a point in the bible where you can go enough is enough, this friendship/association is sustaining me and break away from friendship?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[benf]

Couple of things:

1. step back and take a deep breath. Sometimes God calls us to do things and be there for people who absolutely are impossible to tolerate unless we are filled with the holy spirit.

2. Do you think the situation would improve if you brought it up?

3. Do you think she values your friendship, or is just using it to make herself feel better?

4. Are there any specific ways you could avoid the type of fights or disagreements you have had?

5. Do you think she would be willing to sit down and talk about how you and her need to get along better?



Make sure she knows you care about her first and foremost. You have to let her know your intentions are for her well-being and then your sustained friendship. Use sincere and honest words and make sure she knows that this is something that bothers you and you want to fix before it becomes worse.

Praying for you. Hope something good happens.

 

[Quasicentennial]

When I accepted Jesus in my heart, all memories of negative thoughts of mine about the people I know - like my parents, brothers and sisters and friends - have been silenced with this tremendous immeasurable energy from Jesus called peace that brings rest and relaxation to the mind and body .:*:. I feel so totally relaxed and impatient knowing that life is not short as life continues when you transform into the ageless body of Christ like Jesus in heaven after death, and to be with him without the fruits of evil such as anger and hatred .:*:. Going to church keeps me safe and fully healed by Jesus and seeing other peaceful Christians in church as well gives me more confidence to know that Jesus can keep us alive and safe in difficult times .:*:. I like listening to the Christian songs on You Tube sung by Hillsong, my favorite: With All I Am
I pray that a miracle would transform her from being an atheist to being a Christian, even if it means leaving your friend a Christian CD album to listen and allow the holy spirit of Jesus to bring forever peace and spiritual love for forever Christian friendship that never dies .:*:.
Amene Praise Jesus

 

[Life2Christ]

Breaking up is not the ideal situation but if your friend is abusing you it is time to renegotiate the friendship. Pray for her and love her but don't be so quick to give her your time and energy. Those days are over. People will drag you down with them, don't let them. But at the same time, continue to wish her well and if she wants to behave, be open to be available to her.

 

[heron]

4. Are there any specific ways you could avoid the type of fights or disagreements you have had?

People change, and both of you have grown up and shifted other relationships. This one seems stuck in old ruts.

If you make one or two changes to the format, then other things will probably shift too. You speak on the phone often... set a limit on when you want to receive calls. Spread the visits out more. Encourage more people to join the two of you.

A lot of people drift away in friendships at this age, so it would be sad but not unusual. You need to set some terms though, so you are benefiting and not dragging each other down.

 

[dairymilkchocolate23]

thank you for the advice guys, its helped me see a lot clearer!

 

[Ginger Elkhart]

Breaking up is not the ideal situation but if your friend is abusing you it is time to renegotiate the friendship. Pray for her and love her but don't be so quick to give her your time and energy. Those days are over. People will drag you down with them, don't let them. But at the same time, continue to wish her well and if she wants to behave, be open to be available to her.

Absolutely agree. She is difficult to deal with because she is not Christian. I refuse to have non-Christian friends, as they cause nothing but heartache.

Besides, I think the Bible supports my approach, and gives me a lot of support when these difficult decisions have to be made. In fact, are we even allowed to have such friends?

Leviticus 10:10 (And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean) and 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 (Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? ... Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you) give me great comfort.​

And then there is the Second Book of John, Chapter 1, verses 9 to 11:

Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed, For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.​

Your friend is causing you stress, but even more importantly, she is not in Christ. You did the right thing in breaking things off.

But pray for her, love her, all the things that Life2Christ said are correct, IMHO.

Good luck, dear. I am praying for you.

 

[iamjcs]

The key as to whether to main the friendship is:
is she drawing your mind/actions/heart away from God
or are you drawing her mind/actions/heart toward God?

 

[Ariel]

This doesn't sound like a friendship but an abusive relationship. She uses you as her counselor, she drains your time with daily phone conversations, she gets into fights with you that leave you feeling guilty and eviscerated.

Then of course you think you have to turn the other cheek. But may I say? Even Jesus didn't hang around the Pharisees when He knew they were planning to kill Him.

There is absolutely no obligation for you to stay in a relationship which is hurting your own Christian walk.

 

[heron]

My friend I love her to bits however she has some mental health and emotional issues that she does not get help for and I feel in a way its fallen onto me to be her counsellor.

You also might suggest to her that she get a different doctor to review her meds. Her behavior might be the meds or ailment talking. If she gets upset at your intrusion, then... there's a little distancing.

 

[JackBauer]

Whatever you do, make sure you are doing it because you are looking out for her. I would definitely talk to her first and tell her how your feel.

 

[toojoyful]

Greetings in this wonderful year God has allowed to come to pass!!

Reading this post......has to be lead by the Holy Spirit.If you spend time with the LORD, He will provide the necessary information for you to follow and will order your steps in the correct way. These people are sometime full of a toxic spirit and even through they desire to live a victorious they can't seen to tap in and will make believer work harder, because they are the one challenged best for those held in bondage. These on going challenges can trier out the believer sometime to the point of giving up, The word of God states to his disciples, if they enter and share the good news and no belief be received to shake the dusk from their feet and more on. Sometimes we MUST step away and stay in fellowship with God so He can give us the commandment in what to do for that type of situation.

From a personal point, I have had to release a friend, not because she wasn't a Christian,but from her mental ways. She knew in her heart that I loved and would give her only Godly advice, not just from talking, but my my life style. She would receive wisdom and choose the other direction. EACH TIME i NEVER REJECTED HER, and when she wanted to talk, I would be there for her. BUT she began to blame things on me, because of her own sinful decisions. I wanted to stay to help, BUT God released me and told me release the relationship. I did am free.
Heavenly lead Benf into the right way that only is in Your will.
Asking In Jesus Name, Amen