Are Singles >40 being neglected?

[blackribbon]

What was the nature of your singles group? Was it just social? Maybe it was turning into a hookup group and relationship complaints were starting to trickle into the church...so-and-so won't quit calling me, so-and-so wants to have sex (I'd expect a church sponsored singles event to be sex-free), and the list goes on. If you made the focus a singles-focused Bible study with a social period at the end, then maybe it would be more "okay"...and it would limit the attendance to people who are indeed Christ centered. If it continued to grow, then maybe it show the church that this is an under-served area of the church.

I'm glad to here that you can get back to working days and can have the drama ministry again.

I also can find activities that a group of people can enjoy that cost less. Since these are smaller venues, I'd need a more specific area. You could do things like find the discount day for bowling at your local bowling alleys ... even if people don't bowl, doing this as a one time activity with a group of people can be a lot of fun. Or maybe someone has a horseshoe or croquet set and you could all meet at a park (or even the church lawn) for a fun low cost day...food could be a bag lunch, hot dogs, or maybe even pot luck. Most museums have a free night either once a week or once a month.
I'm a champion at finding cheap...entry costs are multiplied times 3 for me...(neither of my kids qualifies for kid rates anymore).

 

[exitstageright]

What was the nature of your singles group? Was it just social? Maybe it was turning into a hookup group and relationship complaints were starting to trickle into the church...so-and-so won't quit calling me, so-and-so wants to have sex (I'd expect a church sponsored singles event to be sex-free), and the list goes on. If you made the focus a singles-focused Bible study with a social period at the end, then maybe it would be more "okay"...and it would limit the attendance to people who are indeed Christ centered. If it continued to grow, then maybe it show the church that this is an under-served area of the church.

I'm glad to here that you can get back to working days and can have the drama ministry again.

I also can find activities that a group of people can enjoy that cost less. Since these are smaller venues, I'd need a more specific area. You could do things like find the discount day for bowling at your local bowling alleys ... even if people don't bowl, doing this as a one time activity with a group of people can be a lot of fun. Or maybe someone has a horseshoe or croquet set and you could all meet at a park (or even the church lawn) for a fun low cost day...food could be a bag lunch, hot dogs, or maybe even pot luck. Most museums have a free night either once a week or once a month.
I'm a champion at finding cheap...entry costs are multiplied times 3 for me...(neither of my kids qualifies for kid rates anymore).

Yes,we had outings and social events,and camping trips. We also has bible study and spiritual topics. I even wrote and did skits that was relevent to our pastor's topics. The only concern was,that my pastor would give me only a two week notice to come up with a scrpit. I told my pastorthat I needed a week to create a skit,and two weeks of rehearsal time. therefore,I would need,at a minimum,three weeks to come up with a skit. He understood and gave me three weeks. I was on the leadership team for the singles. Our pasror said that if a new woman came to the group,he did not want 10 guys approaching her for her phone number. Well,one woman complianed to me that she has been coming to our group for months,and nobody asked her for her number!

I left the group after I got married to someone in the group. What I noticed was,that everytime,during the afterwards social part,that I would talk to a never married woman,our Pastor would interupt my conversation. My ex was also previously married. He never did interupt our conversations.

Our Pastor left to go to Belgium in odrer to be a missionay there.
That is when our singles group was disbanded,as our church took that as an oppertunity not to hire another Singles, Pastor. After I got divorced,our church hired a Sinlges, Pastor for about three months before he was let go.
My only concern is,if single christians cannot meet at church,where will one go. If I want to find a christian woman,logic would dictate that the church would be the best place to go?

As an analogy,if I want to look for and to buy a FORD, I certainly would not go to a TOYOTA dealership.

If I am looking for a christain woman,I should look where christain woman are at.It just makes so much sense to look for a single christain woman at...........church!

 

[blackribbon]

Well, your analogy isn't quite straight on...because yes, I wouldn't expect to find a single Christian woman at a Muslim mosque...that would match the Ford/Toyota comparison. And however, I certainly wouldn't limit myself to singles events to meet someone at the church. If you really wanted to meet Christian women, I'd try serving in areas where women tend to serve...like in children's ministries (teach drama to the kids) or with the elderly or even in the kitchen. Yes, some will be married but others will be single or marrieds who know singles.

 

[exitstageright]

Well, your analogy isn't quite straight on...because yes, I wouldn't expect to find a single Christian woman at a Muslim mosque...that would match the Ford/Toyota comparison. And however, I certainly wouldn't limit myself to singles events to meet someone at the church. If you really wanted to meet Christian women, I'd try serving in areas where women tend to serve...like in children's ministries (teach drama to the kids) or with the elderly or even in the kitchen. Yes, some will be married but others will be single or marrieds who know singles.

At the BBQ today,we all talked about ways for us to meet up. I forgot to tell you and everyone else. In order for us to have a bible study,we have to have a teacher. At our church,a teacher has to be a Pastor. Our Pastors must have a degree.

You do have good ideas where to meet women. In the Navy,most of the lab techs were men. In the civilian world,most of the lab techs are women.

Yes,my first wife is a lab tech. We met at work.We both worked together,at the same hospital,on the night shift. Since we were an inter-racial couple,I asked her not to tell anybody at work,that we were a couple,until after my six-month probationary period. My best friend at work did not even know that we were a couple until I told him after the six month probation period was over. After the six month probationary period,it is very hard to get rid of a county employee.

My friend said that I was very smart and wise to keep our inter-racial relationship a secreat,because any racist in upper management would have found any excuse to get rid of me before my six months of probation was up.

I just was following what we called in the Navy,"the 11th Commandment,"
which goes like this,"Cover Thy own ......" well you know the rest.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think your church is being kind of limiting if every bible study leader has to be a pastor. We have a church of about 2-3 thousand and in my small group the "leaders" aren't pastors. They also lead a church class on Sundays called Foundations but they are not pastors. Some of them have went to Christian Colleges but they are not ordained or anything.

And I agree with others about being the change you want to see. You can work and set up meetings if it is a priority for you. You find time to do other things that interest you like traveling and you do go to these meetings when they do have them so you COULD set them up if you wanted to.

But I do agree with you that most churches ignore us older singles no matter what the reason we are single is.
And as far as groups not being places to meet people. I have often thought about, what if I meet someone and start a relationship and they go to a different church? I like my church and it would be beneficial to me if I happen to meet someone that already goes there. I don't see anything wrong with that myself. I don't think most of us that are older are on the "hunt" as much as the younger crowd, although I could be wrong on this IDK. My church has a singles meeting about once a month. Most of the time I am working. It's always on a Saturday and it's usually at the church.
Dayhiker meets people at other places like meetup.org and I think that's a great idea.
Part of me hates the whole "Singles" title in a group because I often think what happens if I re-marry or get in a relationship, then I have to throw out those friendships because I don't fit in anymore?

 

[exitstageright]

I think your church is being kind of limiting if every bible study leader has to be a pastor. We have a church of about 2-3 thousand and in my small group the "leaders" aren't pastors. They also lead a church class on Sundays called Foundations but they are not pastors. Some of them have went to Christian Colleges but they are not ordained or anything.

And I agree with others about being the change you want to see. You can work and set up meetings if it is a priority for you. You find time to do other things that interest you like traveling and you do go to these meetings when they do have them so you COULD set them up if you wanted to.

But I do agree with you that most churches ignore us older singles no matter what the reason we are single is.
And as far as groups not being places to meet people. I have often thought about, what if I meet someone and start a relationship and they go to a different church? I like my church and it would be beneficial to me if I happen to meet someone that already goes there. I don't see anything wrong with that myself. I don't think most of us that are older are on the "hunt" as much as the younger crowd, although I could be wrong on this IDK. My church has a singles meeting about once a month. Most of the time I am working. It's always on a Saturday and it's usually at the church.
Dayhiker meets people at other places like meetup.org and I think that's a great idea.
Part of me hates the whole "Singles" title in a group because I often think what happens if I re-marry or get in a relationship, then I have to throw out those friendships because I don't fit in anymore?

I always thought that one is still single wether one is in a relationship or not.
Until one gets married to someone,one is still single.

As far as my traveling time versus people time goes,I am better at organizing things,than I am at organizing people. Rememeber,I am a scientist,not a community organizer,or politician,who knows how to get people "fired up",with my ideas. People like Barrack Obama,and Bill Clinton have those people organizing skills.

I have a hard enough time with these treads,trying to persude people to my point of view. I am well aware that I lack Charismatic Leadership skills.
As Clint Eastwood said in "Magnum Force","A man has got to know his...... limitations!"

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

bull pucky! You know what kind of events you like to attend. Apparently others like similar events since you have went to them before. And dayhiker pointed out to me that you can "advertise" on Meetup.org or you can distribute thru email or a church flier. And as far as limitations go, sometimes you have to take that leap of faith, just sayin....

 

[Life2Christ]

I always thought that one is still single wether one is in a relationship or not.
Until one gets married to someone,one is still single.

This reminds me of a former "therapist" I had. After my husband left me, I told my therapist the history of my relationship with him. When I dated my husband we were exclusive right at the onset. We told each other we loved each other. We were definitely monogamous and exclusive. So my boyfriend (my ex-husband) decides to sleep with another girl (this was before we got engaged). My "therapist" said "but you were only dating at the time right?" I said yes but we were exclusive, we loved each other. She said, "well he was young and you weren't married yet."


Needless to say, I stopped going to that therapist right after she told me that. I wrote her a long letter telling what a relationship is supposed to look like. My ex-h planned to keep that affair secret until he died but God had other plans. I found out about that secret relationship 13 years *after* it happened.

 

[exitstageright]

bull pucky! You know what kind of events you like to attend. Apparently others like similar events since you have went to them before. And dayhiker pointed out to me that you can "advertise" on Meetup.org or you can distribute thru email or a church flier. And as far as limitations go, sometimes you have to take that leap of faith, just sayin....

Well,no one,including myself,cannot be good at everything!

I believe that everybody should be treated equally,but not everbody is created equal.

We all cannot be composers like Mozart,and Beethoven,scientist like Eienstien,basketball players like Michael Jordan,actors like Gary Cooper,singers like Frank Sinatra,or preachers like Billy Ghraham. We all have different skills.
That is just a fact of life. God has gieven us different spiritual gifts and different talents. Just like body parts. The body is not composed of all eyes,or arms,or hearts. We all have different functions and skills.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well,no one,including myself,cannot be good at everything!

I believe that everybody should be treated equally,but not everbody is created equal.

We all cannot be composers like Mozart,and Beethoven,scientist like Eienstien,basketball players like Michael Jordan,actors like Gary Cooper,singers like Frank Sinatra,or preachers like Billy Ghraham. We all have different skills.
That is just a fact of life. God has gieven us different spiritual gifts and different talents. Just like body parts. The body is not composed of all eyes,or arms,or hearts. We all have different functions and skills.

Well that may be true, but you still COULD do it.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Exit, someday when you get the chance you might want to have a little chat with Moses. When God called him at the burning bush, Moses would be the first to tell you how unqualified he was for the task God was calling him to. So, right now I'm having a bit of trouble with the idea that you're not qualified to lead. You're probably not, but God is. How do you know that God isn't calling you right now? You're saying that the church isn't providing a single's pastor-- maybe you don't need one, you just need someone who will say "Yes" when God asks for a volunteer.

 

[exitstageright]

Exit, someday when you get the chance you might want to have a little chat with Moses. When God called him at the burning bush, Moses would be the first to tell you how unqualified he was for the task God was calling him to. So, right now I'm having a bit of trouble with the idea that you're not qualified to lead. You're probably not, but God is. How do you know that God isn't calling you right now? You're saying that the church isn't providing a single's pastor-- maybe you don't need one, you just need someone who will say "Yes" when God asks for a volunteer.

One cannot volunteer to be a Pastor at my church. For us to have a bible study group,we need a speaker. In order for one to teach at my church,one needs to be a Pastor. For one to be a Pastor,one needs a degree and/or to be ordianed.

God has given me talent to be an actor.That is one reason that I enjoy serving God by performing in my Drama Ministry.
For example,rabbits run better than they can swim. Ducks swim better than they can run. At least I am being honest.Some people wonder why some men do not express themselves. I tell the truth,by honestly expressing myself,while I am exposing my short commings,and I am not believed. Now do you see that some people will just not listen to me? I just do not have that much influence on people.

God would not call me to do something without him giving me the tools.
God has given me the tools to present the Gospel by using drama.

I may not be no Denziel Washington or a Will Smith. But I am certainly no Rev. Al Sharpten,or a Rev. Jessie Jackson.

 

[blackribbon]

It does not take the ability to influence or persuade people in order to organize the calendar for a social group...or even lead a Bible study as long as you have a good program with a good leader's book. However, you are limited by your church's rules so that is that. Too bad Jesus wouldn't be qualified to teach at your church. However, if you are happy with everything as a whole, it is not worth throwing out the baby with the bath water. However, keep pushing and maybe the church will open its eyes to the need.

 

[exitstageright]

It does not take the ability to influence or persuade people in order to organize the calendar for a social group...or even lead a Bible study as long as you have a good program with a good leader's book. However, you are limited by your church's rules so that is that. Too bad Jesus wouldn't be qualified to teach at your church. However, if you are happy with everything as a whole, it is not worth throwing out the baby with the bath water. However, keep pushing and maybe the church will open its eyes to the need.

Well said!

 

[dayhiker]

I think that that church is stupid to not allow lay people to minister the Word. The Methodist church was started because the Church of England wouldn't accept the Wesleyan brothers preaching to the factor workers out side!

So keep doing what your doing exit. I think your right where God wants you. Me being a libertarian side of things would be looking for ways to do something outside their rules if for no other reason that that's what Jesus loved to do to the Jewish leaders!

 

[exitstageright]

I think that that church is stupid to not allow lay people to minister the Word. The Methodist church was started because the Church of England wouldn't accept the Wesleyan brothers preaching to the factor workers out side!

So keep doing what your doing exit. I think your right where God wants you. Me being a libertarian side of things would be looking for ways to do something outside their rules if for no other reason that that's what Jesus loved to do to the Jewish leaders!

That reminds me of part of that song by Super Tramp,"The Logical Song"

" Now,watch what you say
they'll be calling you a radical
a liberal
oh,fanatical
a criminal"

 

[dayhiker]

exit .. yup, I've been called those things for sure. Even called myself a few names!