Are Our Standards Too Low?

[Johnnz]

We sometimes forget a few basic issues such as:
a) Fallen people are fallen people - we don't alway get things right
b) Fallen people find relationships hard - we are far too self centred, wounded and independent.
c) Marriage is where these come most pointedly and consistently into play
d) We are a hedonistic society where personal pleasure rates very highly.
e) Many churches feed that hedonism - Jesus meets all your needs, God will prosper you etc etc, leading to a self centred faith
f) Out of this we have created a very romanticised view of the 'perfect marriage' which may well be unrealistic and unattainable for many. The many books and seminars around mostly testify to this.

Headship, the different languages of the sexes, spiritual intimacy and similar concepts just obscure the deeper structural issues of long working hours, soul destroying work, the pressures of social status, financial pressures, poor attitudes about human sexuality and the enormous demands of rearing children in a modern society are all too easily just never looked at.

And so, we find marriage hard. Yet also wonderful.

John
NZ

Whoops. I responded to some recent posts and then noticed the original topic.

 

[dorig59]

Hey, that's okay! Your post was very good!

 

[McScribe]

Good points made there, yes.

I think that because we struggle with flaws and with worldly difficulties we need God's involvement and help.

I would like to address point number three as I mentioned it in another thread: honesty. Honesty in a relationship is a really tough one. It's complicated. I don't think it can work, like respect cant work, without God's help.

Testimony: I wasn't honest with my wife about my sexual needs for a while because I felt I oughtn't to be--too mentally programmed, see. But the Bible makes it very clear to me that a man is with a woman so that they won't be alone; that a man is to go to the comfort of his good woman and not to harlots, etc. My lack of honesty and courage was part of what led to the rift between us. I could try to blame her for not meeting me halfway, but the problem is that I cannot truly control her relationship with God or even with me, but merely am able to act as an influence. I wasn't even honest with myself in that I really needed to be intimate with her in particular!

What I think is really important about the standards I'm mentioning is that they're very interrelated. Honesty goes with courage goes with faith goes with good relationship with God goes with sharing with others generously.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Good points made there, yes.

Honesty goes with courage goes with faith goes with good relationship with God goes with sharing with others generously.

I really liked this. I have pondered the depth of this before. Honesty is a big deal to me. Before I was following Christ, I was living a life I was ashamed of and lied to so may peole that it wore me down. I felt my whole life was a lie. That is what I grew so tired of. So when I discovered that God still loved me, I wanted to be completely honest. Someone said that if you want to be an honest person, then don't do anything that you would want to lie about. As obvious is that is, it struck me. I realized in that moment that it was indeed easier to step up and live in a way that I would not be ashamed of, then it was to constantly have to come up with the courage to be honest about things I might be ashamed of. If people really developed an understanding that they couldn't lie, they would guard their thoughts, and actions in a much more powerful way. I think the key to overcoming temptations lies in this. To go even deeper, when we realize that God does see everything, and we love him enough to not want to hurt him, we realize deception isn't an option. Please don't mistake what I am sayig. I know I am not perfect, but my character did a 180 with this revelation.

 

[McScribe]

Thank you. I think that it's easy to be deceived into thinking morality is about pleasing other people, or even about pleasing God in the wrong sense of things. But if we really believe God's our Father in Heaven then we need I think to see that God truly wants to be good to us. To paraphrase Jesus somewhat, if I am grieved when my children are dishonest and want to correct them so that they can understand and do better next time, how much more does God feel that way about us? My wife once said she had a loving feeling in prayer that as much as I love her God loves her much more. (what would I do without my wife's gentle spirit always reminding me of God's heart?)

I think that one thing that helps more with sin than just trying to tough things out is genuinely praying to God--confessing to God. Like, not trying to deliberately think right thoughts when you know what wrong thoughts there are (there are obvious cases where you want to do this, like not punching someone just because you are mad at them) but more about the complex and not so easy to define wrong thoughts and intentions.

For example there's those threads about pornography. No matter who is doing it, what we need to pray when we have straying thoughts is "Lord, I don't feel happy enough with my spouse...I want to stray. But I know You are good and Your mercy endures forever...help me! What do I do?" I find that when I'm tempted the best thing to do is just be straight with God about it; then God shows me a way of loving my wife again. There are always gonna be temptations, but as the Psalm says, if only men (people) would cry out to the Lord in their time of trouble!

 

[Romanseight2005]

I guess what I meant was that many habits I had gotten into back then really just weren't a big deal to me in the sense that I just needed to stop and think about the reality of things before I did them, and I was highly motivated to do the right thing. In other words, my thoughts, or points of focus, were more on outcomes, then on immediate convenience. I wouldn't call that toughing it out. It was more of going from a lifestyle of seeing things as what's the most convenient thing to do, to seeing things from a point of view of always being honest. What was most convenient was no longer my first thought. Actually, covering things up became highly inconvenient. So, in a sense many things that might seem convenient at the time, lost their convenience. I am not saying that I don't like comfort, or that I don't ever do what's most convenient, but it's not the most pressing thing. Keeping the light on, is. I guess I detest the thought of going back into any kind of deception. The truth will set you free, and I see that in an all encompassing and literal way.

 

[mkgal1]

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[married0116]

I think people's standards are different, and it's not to be confused with expectations. We can STRIVE to live up to the standards; however, outside forces can push us away from living that kind of life (e.g. stress, work, kids). Grounding our relationships in the Lord is key.