Turbulence said:
For me it was the continuity between the Old and New Testaments. The writings are not consistent. I hold the belief that God does not change (Malachi 3:6), yet you need to believe that God changed His entire way of relating to His people. He also changed the entire system of attonment, sacrifice, and idol worship. Not to mention all the things and practices God thought was an abomination or detestable from the Old Testament that suddenly are alright with Him because of Jesus. This is just a few.
Okay, that's alot. Let me try to break it down.
Atonement system: Blood sacrifice requirement. OT: Animal without blemish
NT: Christ without sin
Idol Worship: OT: Thou shalt have no other gods before me NT: No change. Icons and the like, I don't believe in, but regardless, they are not intended as idols, but as objects that assist the believer in worship.
Abomination: Incest and Homosexuality OT: Law of Moses NT: Blood of Christ covers it all, BUT, we are to sin no more. We can be delivered and forgiven of these things, but we are NOT to continue in these sins.
God: OT: God of Wrath NT: God of Mercy
The seeming change in God is a little tougher. I do know what you mean by this, and this was one of the things that tripped me up too. However, I think if you go back to Genesis, you will see a Holy and Just God who was equally merciful. In the NT, if you go to the very end, you will see the Merciful God who will become equally Just and full of wrathful judgement. He is the same today, yesterday, and forever.
You are on a journey. Your motivation to get to the truth for your children's sake is admirable, but it is also for you to give you peace and understanding. I will say that I questioned everything for 23 years, and I did not return because my questions were answered. Instead, I had a moment of intense clarity in which I saw myself as God saw me. I spent two days making my decision for or against God. I finally got on my knees and asked the Lord to come into my life. I told Him that I was willing to do whatever, whenever, however. I completely surrendered everything that I was and everything that I had. Believe it or not, answers came after. Not all at once, but slowly but surely, over the last year and a half, I have been given understanding to much of what caused me so much grief in the past.
Really and truly, Christianity is about faith. Once you give over to the Lord, answers will come. You will have peace and you will have knowledge. Read my signature. There is a reason that I chose this one. It bears witness to the answers that I have received once I stopped demanding that I receive answers FIRST.
I will try to help answer your questions, and there are many people here who are far more knowledgeable than I am. However, the most we can do is point you in the right direction. We can bear witness to the wonder and joy that God has given to us, but only God can give you the answers you seek, the ones that will resonate deep into your heart.
Let me tell you this. In the last 18 months, my husband has had two heart attacks, my beloved grandmother has been consumed with Alzheimers, my grandfather passed away, my husband was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and has lost two jobs due to his illnesses. Yet, I can say with all honesty, that I have had more peace and joy in the last 18 months than in my entire life. Without God, I would have been in a mental hospital by now because no human can endure what I have been through in recent months without the grace of God. He has been my comforter, my assurance, my hope and my joy. I feel as if all of these things have happened for a purpose and many of them, I know will benefit me in the long run. This is the short version, but I am trying to tell you that there is LIFE and hope beyond all human understanding in the Lord. When these kinds of things happen to you, and the presence of God is so near, you can go on, one foot in front of the other, knowing that God will not allow anything to happen that He cannot handle. These things have drawn me ever closer to God. I could shake my fist at Heaven and demand to know "Why!", and yet, the love of God envelops me and shelters me and I know that He is with me through it all.
I pray that you will find the same peace, joy, love and amazing grace that I have found in Christ Jesus.
Lisa