Anyone stopped using mood-stabilizers?

[Bellicus]

I've been thinking a long time how it would be to stop using lithium. I've used it for years now, and even if I'm scared of the depressions I used to have, I also miss feeling high up in the sky. I guess I had what is called ultra-ultra rapid cycles, about 24 hours cycles where I felt really down in the daytime, but gradually reached a peak during the evenings and nights, or sometimes the opposite. It made me filled with energy, I became creative, lots of deep philosophical ideas (that most people didn't understand a bit of), getting to a point where I had mystic experiences, where I could almost see the solution of everything for moments, where I could feel totally geniously and brilliant, unstoppable, incredible, filled with dreams, like I could change the world. But then also moving down into a dark pit of intense pain, where I would feel like living in a black-white tragedy movie, where nothing had meaning, where I would be better of dead, it could get so deep that I became psychotic, started to get hallucinations, clear inner images and I also got into self-injury and became really suicidal in the end. But I don't know, I'm thinking that I'm in a kind of better place in life right now, that the chances for the depression to get something dangerous is pretty small, and I would also be more aware of it and knowing that I could just start using medicine again if that happened.

The only good thing I can say about using lithium is that I don't feel suicidal when using it. But generally I just feel like a empty shell, not really alive anymore, not the person I used to be, missing out on what was truly me.

But sorry for the long post. Here is the point:

I don't know if it is worth it. Anyone tried using lithium or other mood-stabilizers for a long time (years) and then stopped using them, and felt that life became something better? That you became alive again?

Thankful for any reply.

 

[Soulwings]

I stopped taking lithium, but I hadn't been on it for years. I am currently on Lamictal and will be going off it sometime in the near future.

I would definitely talk with my pdoc before decreasing the dosage; ask him/her for advice on what to do. Explain pretty much what you did for us here in your post.

I hope that was at least slightly helpful. Best of luck.

 

[Bellicus]

Thanks for the reply Soulwings. I did some reading on the internet, and found out I have a pretty big chance of getting back the old symptoms if I stop immediately. But I guess that is what I want. Going from black to colors and cycling like that seems to be a better option then a monotonously grey existence. I've kind of made up my mind. Two days without medicine now. Hope I will be able to ride the chaos instead of getting swallowed by it. Would be thankful for prayers about that - about getting alive again.

 

[Jeshu]

I've been thinking a long time how it would be to stop using lithium. I've used it for years now, and even if I'm scared of the depressions I used to have, I also miss feeling high up in the sky. I guess I had what is called ultra-ultra rapid cycles, about 24 hours cycles where I felt really down in the daytime, but gradually reached a peak during the evenings and nights, or sometimes the opposite. It made me filled with energy, I became creative, lots of deep philosophical ideas (that most people didn't understand a bit of), getting to a point where I had mystic experiences, where I could almost see the solution of everything for moments, where I could feel totally geniously and brilliant, unstoppable, incredible, filled with dreams, like I could change the world. But then also moving down into a dark pit of intense pain, where I would feel like living in a black-white tragedy movie, where nothing had meaning, where I would be better of dead, it could get so deep that I became psychotic, started to get hallucinations, clear inner images and I also got into self-injury and became really suicidal in the end. But I don't know, I'm thinking that I'm in a kind of better place in life right now, that the chances for the depression to get something dangerous is pretty small, and I would also be more aware of it and knowing that I could just start using medicine again if that happened.

The only good thing I can say about using lithium is that I don't feel suicidal when using it. But generally I just feel like a empty shell, not really alive anymore, not the person I used to be, missing out on what was truly me.

But sorry for the long post. Here is the point:

I don't know if it is worth it. Anyone tried using lithium or other mood-stabilizers for a long time (years) and then stopped using them, and felt that life became something better? That you became alive again?

Thankful for any reply.

Yes I did what you are planning.

This is what I learned, flying high means falling low and hard, though you get up quicker, you fall more often and keep flying up and down. Like fluttering! In the end I learned to fly more stable but it takes constant work. Hard work!

Flying low means you bump into misery all the time, flying high, what can compare with that? But how are you going to get grounded? Landing when high is hard but must be done before the low forces you down for then you go down with flying colours - no fun in such!


So the truth - drop mood stabilisers and you will go high again, and if you don't watch out and learn control mechanisms you will awake a major psychosis and will not be able to keep ground gained and get sick again.



However for me cycling high is better than cycling low!

Life has been much better overall. However the work to not shoot through when manic is very difficult, I take more anti-psychotics if I fly much to high, as they seem to depress me however this works only at the beginning and takes a while to work.


If you go ahead makes sure you do it very slowly. 6 months - at least preferable double that - so you gradually adjust to more activity and stronger feelings again and learn to control the highs instead of being controlled by them.

Patient endurances is the magic word here!

Take much care before proceeding.

 

[Bellicus]

Thanks for the tips Jeshu. But I've decided to just go cold turkey. Think it's been maybe 7-8 years on lithium, but already now I feel like I'm changing. Some of it is not so good, for example I've had some light hallucinations. But in general I'm starting to feel like something inside of me is getting alive that haven't been alive for a while, emotions are getting deeper, I feel more flouting mentally, evertyhing seem to have a deeper atmosphere, and I can't wait for more of it really, fearing the deep, but hoping for some flying, to become the "old me" again. I've ordered a appoitment at a psycatrist, maybe I could get som anti-psycotics or something if it gets too intense.

 

[lmarie23]

hmm, this is all interesting. see i'm on a mood-stabilizer, Depakote, but i still have the rapid-cycling. it's much the way you describe, i'm up and down, up and down. Like just this past Saturday I was hypomanic most of the day, talking a mile a minute, restless thoughts, impulsiveness, couldn't sit still. Then I crashed into depression and everything seemed meaningless. Then I was manicky again and wanted to go driving (when I'm manic and I drive then I speed and drive recklessly and almost get into accidents, but it's this incredible high). Then I was really depressed again and thinking of self-injury. In the evening I was back and forth and back again all within maybe an hour and a half.

It's weird, I'm still like this even while on the Depakote. So if I went off the Depakote it would probably be even more extreme, even though I enjoy my mood swings at times I couldn't handle them being even more extreme than they are now.

I can identify with my mind being clouded over though. I feel that way somewhat. I've been on Depakote for 5 years and a year ago the dosage was increased a bit. Sometimes when I'm depressed or manic I feel like the medicine kicks in and i hit a wall and my mind gets all foggy. And I worry that the Depakote has affected my memory, I don't seem to remember things the way I used to before I was on it. But my psychiatist won't acknowledge that as a possible side effect, so I don't know.

Like Gerry, I would say you should talk to a psychiatrist about going off medication. But I can understand, I would rather have the mood swings than feel nothing. I enjoy my highs at times, especially when preceded by the awful lows. And sometimes during my highs I feel out of control, and then it's comforting to be back to the low. Friday I was flying high all day and it was amazing. I feel so invincible when I'm manic. It's a great feeling.

Lynne

 

[Jeshu]

Thanks for the tips Jeshu. But I've decided to just go cold turkey. Think it's been maybe 7-8 years on lithium, but already now I feel like I'm changing. Some of it is not so good, for example I've had some light hallucinations. But in general I'm starting to feel like something inside of me is getting alive that haven't been alive for a while, emotions are getting deeper, I feel more flouting mentally, evertyhing seem to have a deeper atmosphere, and I can't wait for more of it really, fearing the deep, but hoping for some flying, to become the "old me" again. I've ordered a appoitment at a psycatrist, maybe I could get som anti-psycotics or something if it gets too intense.

You know the song - slow down you're moving to fast? Well I'm singing it to you now - A nice tune as well - please get it stuck into your head!


I can understand your need to feel high again, I had that as well when I starting to reduce my mood stabilisers, however heeding our emotions has always been the problem, it is best to understand that ,and not fry your brain just because you like the thrill - that is about as wise as overcooking the boiler with all safety valves shut.

Please understand that stability brings many highs and a few lows but at a much more steady pace, which can be mastered over time.

Highs like you are now inducing bring flying colours and end up with bleeding hearts.

Please understand you are just seven years of highly strung coil about to be released in one go. That is going to make a big bloodied splash of your feeling world! And then? Everyone will push you back into the corner where you came from, with you carrying even more reproach then before.

Please don't go cold turkey! Your brain may well go into a lithium deprived psychosis! Please do get some anti-psychotics and increase your dosage a of lithium just a bit, reduce no faster than 100 mg a week, at very max that is my experience, especially lithium.

Why go mad and get nowhere while you can do this sound minded and get away with it? I'm sorry dear friend you are not making sense.

Are you manic already?

 

[Jeshu]

hmm, this is all interesting. see i'm on a mood-stabilizer, Depakote, but i still have the rapid-cycling. it's much the way you describe, i'm up and down, up and down. Like just this past Saturday I was hypomanic most of the day, talking a mile a minute, restless thoughts, impulsiveness, couldn't sit still. Then I crashed into depression and everything seemed meaningless. Then I was manicky again and wanted to go driving (when I'm manic and I drive then I speed and drive recklessly and almost get into accidents, but it's this incredible high). Then I was really depressed again and thinking of self-injury. In the evening I was back and forth and back again all within maybe an hour and a half.

It's weird, I'm still like this even while on the Depakote. So if I went off the Depakote it would probably be even more extreme, even though I enjoy my mood swings at times I couldn't handle them being even more extreme than they are now.

I can identify with my mind being clouded over though. I feel that way somewhat. I've been on Depakote for 5 years and a year ago the dosage was increased a bit. Sometimes when I'm depressed or manic I feel like the medicine kicks in and i hit a wall and my mind gets all foggy. And I worry that the Depakote has affected my memory, I don't seem to remember things the way I used to before I was on it. But my psychiatist won't acknowledge that as a possible side effect, so I don't know.

....

You know Lynne, when I was on the drugs you are now I had the same, cycling fast like you do. It generally means it is not working, they pushed me up to 2600 mg and I still cycled fast, though mainly through lows then.

The psych just left me on it though I went through hell, I changed over to lithium myself after a few years, which pushed me even deeper into depression, they had me on 1500 mg of the stuff at one stage, I was constantly suicidal during this time.

It may well be worthwhile trying another mood stabiliser, Lamictal for example, this drug hasn't got the depressive push as the salts seem to have.

Cycling like you describe can be fun when high, but so fast up and down will end up confusing you about which direction you are going. Where your feeling world will be all torn up (for in your highs you will be so very different than when you are in your lows) and so you devour yourself in The End.

Please be on guard!

Praise God when you are high and pray for those hurting bad when you are low - this balances our feeling world the best. No accuser can get stuck into us for doing good.

 

[Bellicus]

Jeshu: From what I've read there is no withdrawal symptoms from stopping lithium, no risk of getting psychotic, but about a 50% chance of getting back the symptoms as before starting the treatment within six months, or 90% chance within 3 years. So it is considered unwise to suddenly stop lithium, but not dangerous. And symptoms don't scare me either. Hypomania has been a private affair of mine, during the nights mostly and I honestly miss it. And if I should get severly depressed of course I would do what I could to get out of it, even if that would mean using lithium again. And if I should get more then just light hallucinations (bugs crawling around) I got some anti-psycotics in the medicine cabinet. It's not a danger of exploding or frying the brain, like you describe. So no worries

 

[Jeshu]

Yes I know they try to sound optimistic but the truth is harder to hide than just a few case studies saying all is good.

check out this link

http://books.google.com.au/books?id...kZyXCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=8&ct=result

The evidence still says that most manic depressed people, like yourself, fall sick when they abruptly discontinuing lithium treatment.

 

[4Everloved]

I plan on never stopping the use of mood stabilizers again. It was too bad of an experience going off of them. It hurt my family. I will not have that again.

 

[JesusFreak2008]

I've stopped the use of all medications for my mental disorder, for personal choice. In the past I was on Abilify, Seroquel, Sinequan, Trazodone, Celexa, Paxil, and Depekote. All of which are to blame for my current health conditions, which is why I've stopped their use.