Anyone else struggle with being normal despite the fact your not (health related)?

[NothingIsImpossible]

So I've never been one that cares to much what people think of me. I wear what I like. Don't care about trends and all that. But as the years go by I'm having a hard time struggling with things. I always say just because something looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, doesn't mean its a duck.

In my case I am disabled and have health issues. But if you met me you probably couldn't tell. You may notice once you know me long enough but not to the full extent of what I go through.

To keeps things short in my past I had many health problems as I do today. One problem was I had seizures. 3 grandmals. One of which caued a TBI (traumatic brain injury). I lost many memories, alot of learning and it did some other damage such as vision issues. Now I have a hard time learning somethings. I forgot ALOT. I also have severe migraines. Sometimes 90% of a month, other times like 50%. Depends on the weather. I have kidney stones (down to one kidney), asthma and some other stuff. I can't be in weather thats to cold or to hot. Lights bother me (also bring on migraines).

I am on SSI and disabled. But being married now and living at home. I still get judged. Even my wife sometimes doesn't understand it. When it comes to working she thinks I don't want to work. Despite the fact I really do. I tried in the past and no job lasted long. I either got fired or had to quit because my health problems got in the way.

I feel alot of stress at times like the world is always on my back to act normal just because I look normal. Or I get told "Well I know someone whos in a wheelchair and works!". Which obviously is annoying hearing your whole life. Being in a wheel chair means you can still be relatively good and being human. Your brain still functions normally. Mine does not. And with my migraines all the time it doesn't help.

I don't have to many friends offline because I don't have alot of money, I can't go many places and making a date to get together often means I have to cancel due to any number of health issues if they should occur. And of course my wife makes me feel like I want this life of sitting home. She works and I do the chores. Though we live with my parents so its not like I do every chore.

But I do our laundry, put away dishes, empty trash, refill it, take out trash...etc. Thats when I feel good. I can't even mow the lawn or I get a migraine. It just feels like the world expects to be normal if you aren't disable in a physical way. Or at least a way that makes you look disabled. Which makes me think maybe its just because people don't understand the mechanics of having many health issues.

At my SSI hearing the judges person who looks through a MASSIVE job book said it appears I just happened to the right health problems that happen to make it hard for me work. For example I can't work in stores with alot of lighting because I get migraines. Or I get dizzy and my vision goes away (litearlly for awhile). So they looked at outdoor jobs. But I can't do those because my asthma and high/low temp issues. So they looked at jobs like mechanics (putting together stoves or something) but I have a hard time learning. And I am not allowed near big equipment for saftey reasons. I can't even drive.

Now if the world only understood I have the right (but annoying) set of problems, maybe they would understand I can't be 100% normal. Sometimes its just so frustrating. It may sound terrible but I'd love to trade in all my health issues and not have the use of my legs. At least that would be my only issue and I could still work some jobs. That and my brain would work better.

Now there is one issue people get annoyed at most. Why don't I work at home. And it much harder then it seems. Most "Work at home" jobs out there are either scams (they don't exist or you get paid a few dollars a day). THe few I have found I don't meet the requirements. Some need degrees. Some require very specific computers. Some you can't miss work when your given it, miss to much and your fired.

The even fewer I found that I could work offer me less pay then if I stay on SSI. I can't live on what I have as it is let alone on less money. With all this said I am not hopeless. I pray for healing. I pray for a job. I pray for alot! Actually its to bad I didn't get on the Youtube jobs things because I could have made a career playing games (when I played them alot before). Alot of them make more money on youtube then they would at most any other job. The one person makes 6 million a year.

 

[Celticroots]

Hi,

I don't have exactly the same issues as you. But I do have health issues from premature birth. Looking at me you wouldn't know. I look "normal."

I've heard similar things to what you describe from others. So insanely frustrating! I am on SSI as well.

Sorry I don't have much else to say, except that I empathize.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

I feel your pain and totally empathize also. I am disabled too from mental illness- schizoaffective disorder. When I am off my medications, I can't function. Now, I am on meds and am doing fine. I was able to graduate from a professional school despite my illness but could not work in the field I studied since it was too hard for me. People thought I was a loser since I could not work in my field. However, for me, not being able to work in the field has been a blessing. Now, I am teaching and doing translating/proofreading. It is much easier for me. I am able to work daily now without much problems. I am happy. However, for awhile people thought I should go on disability since I went off my meds and behaved erratically. During these times, I studied another language and became certified in the highest level of proficiency in this language. Now, I can work as a translator. It is not easy to start again in another country at my age. But, I decided to make the best of the situation and am doing better than I thought. I am holding down a job and am living independently. I don't make much but am satisfied with what God has given me. I am blessed. People think I am normal since I don't ask for accommodations nor disclose my illness to my colleagues. I actually work harder than they do. This is my character. Also, my pastor reminded me to give the glory to God while working. God is first no matter what I do. God has been good to me throughout my failures also. Now, with God and medication, I am doing well. I needed to fail to be where I am now. I am extremely happy to have had experiences of failing to cherish what I have now. I lost my so-called acquaintances I met at school, but so what! Who needs them! I no longer care about what others think about me as long as I know God is there for me. In God's eyes, we are all successes! He made us in His image and loves us despite our status in life. I am truly grateful to God.

 

[mmksparbud]

Yah--me too. I really do understand. My husband didn't believe me at first. He thought I was faking it. I was a work horse my whole life. I have been known to work many 100 hour work weeks---slowly, I had to slow down, from tons of overtime to no overtime at all, then to no more than 36 hours a week. with one day off in between. All this by Dr orders. I also did not look ill. I was in pain more and more to where it is 24/7. I finally ended up on disability also and now in a wheel chair. I still look OK though. I was on medical marijuana for 1 1/2 years and that gave me the most relief, but I could not stay on it because I could not afford it. In the meantime my hubby had a lot of health issues and he ended up on disability before I did by a few years and he then finally understood. And my brain is also affected, though not as badly as yours. I was getting forgetful at work, that was dangerous and scary. I do stupid stuff ---like pick up the TV remote instead of the phone and can't figure why I can't get it to work right away! Or pick up the phone to change channels--put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge, say something to my husband, turn around and totally forget what I just said. I asked him to open a jar, turned around and I hear him say, here it is---I"m like, here what is??? Get into the shower with my glasses on--My husband says he can't hardly wait till I get really old and senile---it's going to be hilarious! I now type dyslexic, I used to type 90 words a minute with maybe one or 2 mistakes, I can't type 4 words without a mistake, I proof read 3-4 times before sending but will still spot errors later. Sometimes it's hard to maintain your sense of humor, but that is one thing I don't let go off---and Jesus!!
I think sometimes even He is laughing at the stuff I do!

 

[Celticroots]

I really like all the replies. I like what folks have said, God made us this way for a reason. The challenges are easier to deal with when we get frustrated.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Yes.

 

[dill987]

Hey, I am going through what appears to be a permanent illness that almost no one would notice but my doctor and I. This illness was actually the call to my salvation. Sometimes, it'll get me a bit fustrated and cause me to sin by asking God why he would do this? Or, "Couldnt He do something else to get me to believe in Him?". I just wanted to know what scriptures did all repliers hold onto when or if you felt like that? I dont want to be ungrateful for what God's will has done in my life.

God Bless

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Ah...... There's a LOT in common ..... and stress may be one thing most people are affected by .... Stress of any kind aggravated my wifes symptoms severely and often unexpectedly before we found out.
Thankfully, it is one of the easiest things to do something about too !
And a 'natural' result is overall, generally, feeling better when the stress is no more a daily burden.
Oh, things that cause stress do not go away, but YHWH's design provides some things that help the body and mind and spirit A LOT - without will power, btw. (i.e. it just works!) PM if interested. (it is available at most grocery stores and health food stores all across the country, inexpensive).

I feel alot of stress at times like the world is always on my back to act normal just because I look normal.