Anyone else notice this in dating?

[Dreamer8]

Seems like with guys it's a matter of finding A girl who will like us
When we talk to a girl we gotta be careful to not sound like a goober and get ditched

And with girls it's like they are holding interviews for who they should date. It's not a matter of finding a guy, it's matter of finding the best guy. When they talk to a guy it's like a evaluation and one bad vibe and they don't reply to my texts for 2 weeks, but if I have anything to say, I end up suspended with a restraining order. What kind of garbage is this??? It's not fair and I can't take it anymore

 

[Gadarene]

Seems like with guys it's a matter of finding A girl who will like us
When we talk to a girl we gotta be careful to not sound like a goober and get ditched

And with girls it's like they are holding interviews for who they should date. It's not a matter of finding a guy, it's matter of finding the best guy. When they talk to a guy it's like a evaluation and one bad vibe and they don't reply to my texts for 2 weeks, but if I have anything to say, I end up suspended with a restraining order. What kind of garbage is this??? It's not fair and I can't take it anymore

The philosophy forum? Are girls that complicated?

Hmm.

Firstly, generalisations are best avoided. For some girls it is doubtless like this. Popular and/or attractive ones, sure, but there are some girls out there that would kill for such prospects. To some degree you are already engaging in similar evaluations yourself.

Beyond that - yes, there is something in what you say. The expected role of men is the pursuer, the women are to be pursued. This will generally give girls an easier time of things, and more choice.

I would suggest a couple of things - no matter how hard it is to do so, try not to let it bother you, for one. Bitterness is unattractive, regardless of how justified it might feel.

Long term, challenge these attitudes. Encourage women to pursue and not just be pursued.

I'm not trying to be insensitive here, but apologies if I come across that way. Specific examples of what you're going through may help, if you need advice etc.

 

[Dreamer8]

The philosophy forum? Are girls that complicated?

Hmm.

Firstly, generalisations are best avoided. For some girls it is doubtless like this. Popular and/or attractive ones, sure, but there are some girls out there that would kill for such prospects. To some degree you are already engaging in similar evaluations yourself.

Beyond that - yes, there is something in what you say. The expected role of men is the pursuer, the women are to be pursued. This will generally give girls an easier time of things, and more choice.

I would suggest a couple of things - no matter how hard it is to do so, try not to let it bother you, for one. Bitterness is unattractive, regardless of how justified it might feel.

Long term, challenge these attitudes. Encourage women to pursue and not just be pursued.

I'm not trying to be insensitive here, but apologies if I come across that way. Specific examples of what you're going through may help, if you need advice etc.

Thanks for ur response, yeah it is pretty legit advice. And yeah it gets frustrating and I got rejected last 4 girls in a row and just going nuts.
I don't care anymore though I seriously am sick of girls and don't want one, I just wish every conversation and movie wasn't about getting girls, love etc

 

[Gadarene]

Thanks for ur response, yeah it is pretty legit advice. And yeah it gets frustrating and I got rejected last 4 girls in a row and just going nuts.
I don't care anymore though I seriously am sick of girls and don't want one, I just wish every conversation and movie wasn't about getting girls, love etc

Maybe the solution is to focus on yourself for a time, rather than girls. If other people are making you feel bad about not having a girl, then call them on it, or spend time with other, better people. Again, not always the easiest, but it can be done. It's cliche, but it's a lot easier to find someone when you aren't looking for them - you're more laid back and approachable with that frame of mind.

I'm not sure how old you are or how many gfs you've had before, so apologies if my estimates are off - but usually when people grow up a bit they stop making such a huge deal of whether you're seeing someone or not. Make no mistake, if people are doing that to you now, then they are being grade-A jerks, and they have no right to do it. Or maybe the people you socialise with are all going through the same thing and are just dying to hear that someone else is struggling with it.

 

[TScott]

I picked up my 4 year old grandaughter not long ago she was sitting in the back seat and I asked her if she had any boyfriends. I looked in the mirror and could see her thinkin about something and she smiled and said "Girls can make boys do anything they want!" Then she giggled and said "Boys can't make girls do nuthin'!"

It seems as though they figure it all out at a pretty early age.

 

[Paradoxum]

It's ok because we are special and made of all sorts of sugary sweet goodness.... at least, that was what I was taught in biology.

 

[Gadarene]

It's ok because we are special and made of all sorts of sugary sweet goodness.... at least, that was what I was taught in biology.

Girls are sugar and spice etc.

Boys are crap, apparently

 

[Paradoxum]

Girls are sugar and spice etc.

Boys are crap, apparently

What are little boys made of?
"Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

And naughty naughty, are you allowed to say the C word?

 

[Gadarene]

What are little boys made of?
"Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

And naughty naughty, are you allowed to say the C word?

I don't see any filtering so YES!

It's great, because crap was a very bad word to me growing up, and because this is an American board I can use UK swears all I want. I get to vent a lot

 

[Blayz]

but if I have anything to say, I end up suspended with a restraining order. What kind of garbage is this???

Would you mind sharing exactly what it is you said that got you a suspension and a restraining order?

I don't see any filtering so YES!

It's great, because crap was a very bad word to me growing up, and because this is an American board I can use UK swears all I want. I get to vent a lot

pants!

 

[DaisyDay]

... if I have anything to say, I end up suspended with a restraining order.

Restraining order? If that's not an exaggeration, then you might have serious issues with what you say and how you say it...anger issues.

What kind of garbage is this??? It's not fair and I can't take it anymore

You said you just want "a" girl. Most girls prefer to be chosen on their individual merits rather than just because they happen to be a girl, any girl. You sound as though you resent having to talk to them and to get to know them as individuals. The pickier you are about actually liking the girl as a person, the more likely you are to succeed.

I don't know if it's any consolation to you to know that the older you get, the more advantage you will have with women your own age.

 

[Gadarene]

You said you just want "a" girl. Most girls prefer to be chosen on their individual merits rather than just because they happen to be a girl, any girl. You sound as though you resent having to talk to them and to get to know them as individuals. The pickier you are about actually liking the girl as a person, the more likely you are to succeed.

This is a good point. I think it's telling that there have been a few rejections in a short space of time - if they're all girls that know each other too then they may not appreciate simply being asked out in rote.

I don't know if it's any consolation to you to know that the older you get, the more advantage you will have with women your own age.

This too. Not to put pressure on the notion of getting a girlfriend, but being in a relationship does cause a lot of that anxiety to pass. If nothing else, hopefully one can feel that these feelings of frustration now will not last forever.

 

[Paradoxum]

I don't see any filtering so YES!

It's great, because crap was a very bad word to me growing up, and because this is an American board I can use UK swears all I want. I get to vent a lot

I always thought it was a bad word, but then my parents used it sometimes when they were angry. I was very surprised... every time XD