Anyone else cant get friends?

[KJ91]

Not sure if this is the wrong part of the forum to write about this.

But yeah.

I have not had a friend for a very long time. Im currently 31, had my last friend when i was about 15. So it was a long time ago.

I tried befriend many, both males and females, christians and non-christians alike. But it never works. IRL everyone always avoids and ignores me.

On internet its a little bit better, some talk to me but its always dies out after a week or 2. They always stop writing to me and never responds again.

I am very self-aware, so im really trying to anaylize why i keep failing. Im not behaving bad.
So it cant be that. So the only reason must be that im very dumb and have low iq, i have
no idea how to talk to people. I actually read many books about how to "improve" your iq and
improve your social skills, biut it has not worked for me. So i must so dumb and have such a low iq thats impossible for me to improve to acceptable level. Which means i will
keep being friendless until the day i die.

I heard people say "someone will accept you" and "just be nice and people will love you your heart". But as i said, im not mean to people. I care for people. I have compassion. And yet,
nobody liked me for 16 years. So something must be wrong with my brain.

I prayed to God about this many many times. But he is not helping. God can do everything,
But i dont think he improves people IQ. Its not how he works. I guess he gave me
this lonely life for a reason. Not sure why yet. Maybe he wants me for himself.

 

[timewerx]

I tried befriend many, both males and females, christians and non-christians alike. But it never works. IRL everyone always avoids and ignores me.

It's a very good thing you try and doing some work. But be careful not to over-do it. Learn how to read people's "body language". Keep the distance when they seem to become uncomfortable with your attempts to befriend them. That's why it's important to read body body language.

Doesn't mean you give up. Just give yourself "space" between people who are avoiding you but never stop greeting them, smiling at them.

Do you happen to have better chances finding friends among people of much younger age, like teens or even children? Then it's not fault. You maybe just "young at heart" and it's not a bad thing at all. In fact, Jesus said it's a good thing!

I too has been friendless for 10 years, about as long as you did. I'm not giving up. Never will. I still try my best to make friends when given the chance. Like you, people also avoid me. I feel sad sometimes when a friend I had for a few years no longer wants to talk to me. Fortunately, I usually get over it quickly and despite all that, I never give up trying. I did have PTSD so I'm a little numb to emotions or can sound unfeeling perhaps why I don't attract people much, except for one person, my mom who treats me like an ever-loyal pet dog.

 

[KJ91]

It's a very good thing you try and doing some work. But be careful not to over-do it. Learn how to read people's "body language". Keep the distance when they seem to become uncomfortable with your attempts to befriend them. That's why it's important to read body body language.

Doesn't mean you give up. Just give yourself "space" between people who are avoiding you but never stop greeting them, smiling at them.

Do you happen to have better chances finding friends among people of much younger age, like teens or even children? Then it's not fault. You maybe just "young at heart" and it's not a bad thing at all. In fact, Jesus said it's a good thing!

I too has been friendless for 10 years, about as long as you did. I'm not giving up. Never will. I still try my best to make friends when given the chance. Like you, people also avoid me. I feel sad sometimes when a friend I had for a few years no longer wants to talk to me. Fortunately, I usually get over it quickly and despite all that, I never give up trying. I did have PTSD so I'm a little numb to emotions or can sound unfeeling perhaps why I don't attract people much, except for one person, my mom who treats me like an ever-loyal pet dog.

Yeah im aware of that. I never spammed anyone or tried to be too pushy. I gave them space.

I dont wanna befriend teens and children. Lowest i would go is 20.

Well thats good for you, but i have given up. Not worked for me for 16 years, so i dont see the point in keep trying. Why would suddenly anybody accept me as a friend when it not happend for 16 years?

 

[timewerx]

Yeah im aware of that. I never spammed anyone or tried to be too pushy. I gave them space.

I dont wanna befriend teens and children. Lowest i would go is 20.

Well thats good for you, but i have given up. Not worked for me for 16 years, so i dont see the point in keep trying. Why would suddenly anybody accept me as a friend when it not happend for 16 years?

If you can attain joy and contentment by yourself, even without friends, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

I did find joy and contentment by myself and without friends (excluding other problems I am helpless against).

Perhaps, what you can do is don't blame yourself for being friendless. It's not your fault. People can have very high standards on relationships and you don't have to live up to that standards. There are so many thing in life more important than living up to people's impossibly high standards.

I also see myself as very stupid as I made many huge mistakes in life most people don't make. But I really don't blame my stupidity for being friendless.

Have you tried traveling overseas?? Seeing that you live in Sweden, have you tried taking a vacation in countries outside Europe?

Who knows you might find a friend elsewhere. Here in the Philippines where I live, many from USA or Europe take vacation here, some even retire here. Many are divorcees, friendless, total "losers" in their own countries but found new beginnings and lots of friends here. I mean who knows, people in other countries just might share many common interests with you than people in your country or simply because other people's culture are far more hospitable and forgiving and ready to accept and love you for who you are as a person and your uniqueness.

 

[angelsaroundme]

It's been reported that the percentage of people who say they don’t have a single close friend has quadrupled in the past 30 years. This is in America. Don't know how Sweden would compare.

Here is something about Sweden I found.

"In Individualist societies people are supposed to look after themselves and their direct family only. In Collectivist societies people belong to ‘in groups’ that take care of them in exchange for loyalty.

Sweden, with a score of 71 is an Individualist society. This means there is a high preference for a loosely-knit social framework in which individuals are expected to take care of themselves and their immediate families only."

Country Comparison - Hofstede Insights

Personally, I think it is more a sign of the times and you shouldn't judge yourself based on having or not having friends.

 

[KJ91]

If you can attain joy and contentment by yourself, even without friends, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

I did find joy and contentment by myself and without friends (excluding other problems I am helpless against).

Perhaps, what you can do is don't blame yourself for being friendless. It's not your fault. People can have very high standards on relationships and you don't have to live up to that standards. There are so many thing in life more important than living up to people's impossibly high standards.

I also see myself as very stupid as I made many huge mistakes in life most people don't make. But I really don't blame my stupidity for being friendless.

Have you tried traveling overseas?? Seeing that you live in Sweden, have you tried taking a vacation in countries outside Europe?

Who knows you might find a friend elsewhere. Here in the Philippines where I live, many from USA or Europe take vacation here, some even retire here. Many are divorcees, friendless, total "losers" in their own countries but found new beginnings and lots of friends here. I mean who knows, people in other countries just might share many common interests with you than people in your country or simply because other people's culture are far more hospitable and forgiving and ready to accept and love you for who you are as a person and your uniqueness.

Sometimes im happy being friendless, sometimes im not.

Ofcourse there is more to life than having friends. But it would be nice to have some christian friends i think.

I talked to many people from different countries on internet, including from Phillippines. No luck with people outside of Sweden for me either.

 

[KJ91]

Personally, I think it is more a sign of the times and you shouldn't judge yourself based on having or not having friends.

Its not. Almost everyone has friends or had friends. You wont find many who where friendless for 16 straight years like i have been. Especially not at the age of 15-31 which it is in my case.

 

[ozso]

I've never really had any friends. But I know in my case that's due to high functioning autism aka aspergers.

 

[timewerx]

Sometimes im happy being friendless, sometimes im not.

Ofcourse there is more to life than having friends. But it would be nice to have some christian friends i think.

I talked to many people from different countries on internet, including from Phillippines. No luck with people outside of Sweden for me either.

Not just talking online, you have to physically travel to the place! It makes a huge difference in the context of friendships. Try the backpacking route if you need to do it cheaply.

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) don't usually work even for friendships unless you see each other from time to time even if only once a year maybe enough.

 

[angelsaroundme]

Its not. Almost everyone has friends or had friends. You wont find many who where friendless for 16 straight years like i have been. Especially not at the age of 15-31 which it is in my case.

By sign of the times I mean it's becoming more common to have few or no friends. I'm not saying it's already the majority that are that way. Yet loneliness and difficulty with relationships is on the rise.

One study showed that 73 percent of Gen Z (age 10-25) say they feel alone sometimes or always.

- 3 Things Making Gen Z the Loneliest Generation

 

[KJ91]

Not just talking online, you have to physically travel to the place! It makes a huge difference in the context of friendships. Try the backpacking route if you need to do it cheaply.

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) don't usually work even for friendships unless you see each other from time to time even if only once a year maybe enough.

Sweden is very multicultural. I had no luck befriending non-swedes either that lives in Sweden. It would not be different just because i go to lets say Mexico and tried there. Same result.

 

[timewerx]

Sweden is very multicultural. I had no luck befriending non-swedes either that lives in Sweden. It would not be different just because i go to lets say Mexico and tried there. Same result.

People change when they get to a better place. Suddenly, they raise their standards. Not all, but many.

This is why many from Europe or USA or elsewhere retire here due to the culture.

I myself don't get many friends at work. I only manage to get one or two at most.

Then I went to work to another country with worse living conditions and found closer friendships with co-workers. I had like around 10 friends in the work place and I go out every weekends with any one or few of them.

It was great while it lasted and then I became friendless again for many years after I left that country. Thankfully I did not get depressed because of it. I did become depressed but for other reasons, not because I lost my friends.

Good quality of life can give people too much sense of entitlement and unusually high standards so you might have better luck elsewhere.

Also try volunteering for missions. People who volunteer in missions tend to be down-to-earth easy to get along with so you might have better chances on missions.

 

[KJ91]

People change when they get to a better place. Suddenly, they raise their standards. Not all, but many.

This is why many from Europe or USA or elsewhere retire here due to the culture.

I myself don't get many friends at work. I only manage to get one or two at most.

Then I went to work to another country with worse living conditions and found closer friendships with co-workers. I had like around 10 friends in the work place and I go out every weekends with any one or few of them.

It was great while it lasted and then I became friendless again for many years after I left that country. Thankfully I did not get depressed because of it. I did become depressed but for other reasons, not because I lost my friends.

Good quality of life can give people too much sense of entitlement and unusually high standards so you might have better luck elsewhere.

Also try volunteering for missions. People who volunteer in missions tend to be down-to-earth easy to get along with so you might have better chances on missions.

I doubt it man. People are still people no matter where there from. I had no sucess talking to people
overseas on internet, so then it wont work IRL. People on internet are real people too.

I have very low iq and is brutally ugly, its not realistic that anybody would want to be my friend.

 

[RileyG]

I'm in the same boat. None of my so-called "friends" ever reach out. I'm never invited to weddings, events, ETC. Ever. I spend a majority of my time alone. I try to keep my focus on my relationship with God, so I can grow in holiness and spiritual maturity.

 

[timewerx]

I doubt it man. People are still people no matter where there from. I had no sucess talking to people
overseas on internet, so then it wont work IRL. People on internet are real people too.

I have very low iq and is brutally ugly, its not realistic that anybody would want to be my friend.

Brutally ugly? Not sure I would agree but low IQ?? So far I haven't seen signs you have low IQ. Or maybe because I have low IQ too!

IQ is overrated anyway, some doctors think what IQ ratings does is only evaluate intelligence under very limiting circumstances like how it applies to a workplace environment. It doesn't account for all possible manifestations of intelligence and I certainly don't think the only reason for living is working for money.

 

[KJ91]

Brutally ugly? Not sure I would agree but low IQ?? So far I haven't seen signs you have low IQ. Or maybe because I have low IQ too!

IQ is overrated anyway, some doctors think what IQ ratings does is only evaluate intelligence under very limiting circumstances like how it applies to a workplace environment. It doesn't account for all possible manifestations of intelligence and I certainly don't think the only reason for living is working for money.

For sure im brutally ugly, 1 of 10 on the look scale. Being that ugly scares away people.

 

[KJ91]

Another problem is that people are afraid of guys who dont have friends. They will think im some crazy maniac or something.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

By sign of the times I mean it's becoming more common to have few or no friends. I'm not saying it's already the majority that are that way. Yet loneliness and difficulty with relationships is on the rise.

One study showed that 73 percent of Gen Z (age 10-25) say they feel alone sometimes or always.

- 3 Things Making Gen Z the Loneliest Generation

I heard on the radio, not sure if I have it confused...that 1 out of 7 men have not a single friend, while with women it's 1 out of 10.
Oustounding!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I myself don't get many friends at work. I only manage to get one or two at most.

I had a new guy at work notice that "Hey, doesn't anyone around here gather together to get dinner after work" you, like you see in TV sit coms? lol one guy wanted to get people to go bowling after work, and i was like pulling teeth. Some were kind of bit turned off by it.

People just want to get the heck home and crash. But where I live,it's mostly family oriented, so people aregoing home to their kids and spouses.

 

[MehGuy]

For sure im brutally ugly, 1 of 10 on the look scale. Being that ugly scares away people.

I've seen a picture of you, you're not ugly. Gives me doubt that you have a low IQ too.

Have you been IQ tested in a professional setting? If anything, I think having a lower IQ makes it easier to have friends. Maybe not intellectual types but spending time at a bar or at a ballgame with friends.