Anybody shy?

[Erinwilcox]

I know that I am very shy by nature (especially with boys, but girls too). I struggle to overcome it, but it's a battle that I'm still waging. Perhaps I'm too self-centered as I think, "Oh, they wouldn't want to talk to me, they have better things to do." or "Well, what will they think if I just go up and talk to them?" or "What will others think if I go up and just intoduce myself to that new boy?" While it may seem stupid, I really am afraid to just go up to somebody new (or even somebody that I've met before) and just introduce myself and start talking. Maybe some of it has stemmed from all the times that I've been just blown off or cooly observed, but I really am terrified of people sometimes. Does anybody else face this? What do you do to overcome it? I've prayed about it before, but nothing seems to help. Once I start getting to know someone, though, it's like the ice around me has broken and I get extremely personable (that's why some people don't believe me when I say that I'm shy). I love this, but getting to it is another story. Any thoughts?

 

[lmnop9876]

that's just how i feel sometimes. i try to be more self-confident, but i still find it hard to talk to people sometimes. on some topics, i can talk to anyone for ages without a problem. and some people i can just talk to for ages about anything. i've gotten a bit better this year with uni and stuff, i can talk to people about things, but i can find it hard to really become friends with people, particularly girls, although most of my close friends are girls, probably more out of coincidence than anything else, i suppose.

 

[Reformationist]

I know that I am very shy by nature (especially with boys, but girls too). I struggle to overcome it, but it's a battle that I'm still waging. Perhaps I'm too self-centered as I think, "Oh, they wouldn't want to talk to me, they have better things to do." or "Well, what will they think if I just go up and talk to them?" or "What will others think if I go up and just intoduce myself to that new boy?" While it may seem stupid, I really am afraid to just go up to somebody new (or even somebody that I've met before) and just introduce myself and start talking. Maybe some of it has stemmed from all the times that I've been just blown off or cooly observed, but I really am terrified of people sometimes. Does anybody else face this? What do you do to overcome it? I've prayed about it before, but nothing seems to help. Once I start getting to know someone, though, it's like the ice around me has broken and I get extremely personable (that's why some people don't believe me when I say that I'm shy). I love this, but getting to it is another story. Any thoughts?

Once the associate Pastor of my church told me a story about an issue he was struggling with and how he overcame it. He made very little money as the principal of the church's school as there were very few children and was not paid for his services as associate Pastor. Because of this he became a very good manager of his money, though he often had a difficult time making ends meet on such a limited budget. Because of this struggle, he got to the point where he was constantly thinking about his financial difficulties. He would agonize over spending 6 bucks at McDonald's. His lack of funds had became a source of resentment and gave him misgivings about his plans to continue on his chosen path of servitude. So, instead of doing what many people who could make much better money would have done, he decided to confront his obsession with money in a different manner. Whenever he was went to the fast food place, instead of beating himself up over the few dollars he spent, he would pay for the order of the car behind him.

Now, the point of all this is that, oftentimes, the only way to get past these types of insecurities is to step outside of your comfort zone and boldly face the issue you're having. Instead of spending so much time thinking about how you might be ignored or embarrassed, practice finding people that you want to meet and then just go introduce yourself before you can dwell on it. Think about it; what's the worst that can happen? They can think you're strange for being polite and trying to make them feel welcome? That's their loss Erin, not yours. You just might meet some wonderful people who, like you, were to shy to make the first move.

The truth is, you sound like a wonderfully engaging and intelligent person and your love for God is such a blessing to those that encounter you, the last thing you should feel is shyness.

I wish you luck. What you face is something that we have all dealt with and none of us liked dealing with. The more practice you get at it the easier it will become.

I see a practical example of this regularly at work. I work with a girl that was hired about a month ago. She is so blatantly extroverted that people are caught off guard by her greetings. She makes a point of greeting people and engaging them in meaningful and deliberate conversation. At first many of them seem shocked or even put off. I'll tell you this, and it is the truth. They all walk away with a smile. You know what they do the next time they see her? They greet her with a smile and a nice hello. I've been at this job since March and she has met and spoken with easily twice as many people at my site as I have. People smile when they see her.

You have that kind of personality Erin. Share it with others.

God bless,
Don

 

[edie19]

Erin - does your church have "greeters?"

Because of its size my church doesn't - visitors tend to stand out. But the church my daughter attends (a mega church) has greeters at every door. The one time I attended with Hannah I got a bit of a chuckle - they act like they're your long lost cousin. But, by all appearances they're a good bunch of extroverted folks who sincerely welcome everyone who walks in the door. They were there at the end of the service saying goodnight too. Those they're greeting respond warmly. You might want to consider something along that line - it sort of forces one out of their shell.

And you work at Target - I've never met a person who wasn't friendly and welcoming at Target

 

[Erinwilcox]

Actually, when I'm at Target I'm the most out-going, friendly, care-free person in the world. Must be the red and khaki. But anyway, when I'm at work, I just break free from my shell. Perhaps it's because I have a lot of friends at work and I'm generally well-liked. I'm not intimidated there. I'm like this at school too. However, put me in church and I seem to clam up. I don't understand it. I think I'm intimidated by the fact that I'm generally not well-liked by the young people in my church. Not sure, but it usually only happens at church or when I'm with people from church. Funny, church should be the last place that it happens. . . And no, we don't have greeters.

Thanks everybody for the encouragement. I've got a lot of work ahead of me now-to break out of my protective shell. Maybe that's it-perhaps I'm not willing to be hurt and that's why I hide within myself. . .

 

[lmnop9876]

at least you've got some young people at your church...

 

[Erinwilcox]

at least you've got some young people at your church...

I'd almost rather not have any. . .it's almost like a thorn in my side to see so many unconverted young people who don't want anything to do with serious relgion (that includes me, unfortunately). I feel so insignificant around them
all. . .I shouldn't, I know, because I have the Holy Spirit within me, but I just do.

 

[lmnop9876]

I'd almost rather not have any. . .it's almost like a thorn in my side to see so many unconverted young people who don't want anything to do with serious relgion (that includes me, unfortunately). I feel so insignificant around them
all. . .I shouldn't, I know, because I have the Holy Spirit within me, but I just do.

it'd be nice to have some Christian young people at our Church to talk to occasionally, I have friends from other churches that I have been to before, and from school, but I wish we could have a youth group or something like that...
well, I thought nominal Christians were less of a problem in Reformed Churches than in other Churches, obviously I'm wrong.

 

[Knight]

I find that the older I get the easier it is to talk to people I may not know all that well.

For example, I just rode 7 hours in a car with a coworker whom I had only met once before. Ten years ago I'd have been scared to death as to what to talk about and such... Today it was no big deal at all.

I also find that I'm having an easier time sharing my opinion. (Not in a rude way either...) This has gotten me into some trouble but at least people know where I stand. Basically, I figure I'm getting too old to beat around the bush..

 

[erin74]

Erin,

It must come with the name. Cause shyness is always something I have struggled with. I have worked really hard at it though. I have sought opportunities - like being a greeter, youth group leader, bible study leader, etc. I now know that I am at my worst when I have to meet a large group of people all at once, and know that I will have to get to know them all over time. I have moved churches a number of times in the last few years - dh was in student ministry possies. It gets easier each time. The first time is a killer though.

Also I have come to realise that people aren't always as nasty as I think they are. Sometimes their reactions are to do with them and not me - they may have something going on in their lives, etc. Or they may just be responding to how I am behaving - if I am expecting them to treat me badly or am offering nothing in the way of conversation, they may respond to that in the exact way I expect them to - it's almost like an invitation. Honestly though it does get better.

Sometimes it takes some research too. If you arent' really interested in what the other person is then it can be hard to have a conversation. My dh reads the car section fo the paper before he sees my brother in law each time. He knows they have very little in common, so he makes sure he has something to say on a topic my BIL is interested in. Then he can be sure of a good conversation with him. It pays to be prepared and to try and be genuinely interested in the person and what htey are interested in.

hope it gets better

erin

 

[Paleoconservatarian]

It's also been a serious struggle for me. I have actually been known to sometimes avoid a social encounter at all costs. But the people who are crazy enough to get close to me, I am very comfortable with. Of course, I'm a very laid back person as well, so sometimes it seems like I'm being antisocial, when I'm not. At any rate, it's definitely something I must work on. I've improved a lot since I was younger... like I said, I would avoid social encounters at all costs. One of my problems is that it is easy for me to get pushed out of a conversation, or run out of things to say. Also, as I may have mentioned, I seem to always get along better with older folk than with folks my age.

I'm told that I have a great sense of humor, though. I must be doing something right.

 

[lmnop9876]

yeah, i'm the greeter at our church, unfortunately, not that many people to greet most of the time.

 

[jesusfreak34988]

im really shy at times

 

[janny108]

Erin,

It must come with the name. Cause shyness is always something I have struggled with. I have worked really hard at it though. I have sought opportunities - like being a greeter, youth group leader, bible study leader, etc. I now know that I am at my worst when I have to meet a large group of people all at once, and know that I will have to get to know them all over time. I have moved churches a number of times in the last few years - dh was in student ministry possies. It gets easier each time. The first time is a killer though.

Also I have come to realise that people aren't always as nasty as I think they are. Sometimes their reactions are to do with them and not me - they may have something going on in their lives, etc. Or they may just be responding to how I am behaving - if I am expecting them to treat me badly or am offering nothing in the way of conversation, they may respond to that in the exact way I expect them to - it's almost like an invitation. Honestly though it does get better.

Sometimes it takes some research too. If you arent' really interested in what the other person is then it can be hard to have a conversation. My dh reads the car section fo the paper before he sees my brother in law each time. He knows they have very little in common, so he makes sure he has something to say on a topic my BIL is interested in. Then he can be sure of a good conversation with him. It pays to be prepared and to try and be genuinely interested in the person and what htey are interested in.

hope it gets better

erin

How do all of you deal with meeting a bunch of people at once? That is my thing too. I can do fine with one on one though.
Jan

 

[CoffeeSwirls]

I'm in the same boat. A constant glutton for punishment, I try to place myself in situations where I must communicate with a group to try and overcome this. The same is true regarding my fear of heights. After Thanksgiving, I am known to volunteer in Christmas light hanging with friends and family. It terrifies me, but it also excercises my courage.

 

[Erinwilcox]

Well, when I'm at work, I love dealing with large crowds of strangers. I seem to be in my element. When I'm at school, it's not quite like that, but I'm pretty well at ease. At church, however, it is a completely different story. I feel insecure, thus terrified of people. At work, I had to force myself to talk, be friendly, and outgoing. It then became second nature and I love it. At school, people are friendly to me thus I'm not afraid of them. But, at church, I get very little friendly encouragement from any of my peers and thus I'm very timid. Not so with older people or much younger people (they are very nice), only with my peers. It's so irritating.

 

[Paleoconservatarian]

Well, when I'm at work, I love dealing with large crowds of strangers. I seem to be in my element.

I'm the opposite. When I was working, I hated dealing with strangers. Unfortunately, I worked at the help desk in a computer lab, so I had no choice. You'd be amazed how rude people can be when their computer isn't working.

When I'm at school, it's not quite like that, but I'm pretty well at ease. At church, however, it is a completely different story. I feel insecure, thus terrified of people. At work, I had to force myself to talk, be friendly, and outgoing. It then became second nature and I love it. At school, people are friendly to me thus I'm not afraid of them. But, at church, I get very little friendly encouragement from any of my peers and thus I'm very timid. Not so with older people or much younger people (they are very nice), only with my peers. It's so irritating.

I know how this is. Although for me, a lot of it is the same problem I have at school. I have trouble relating to them. Kids my age seem to care more about fashion, popular music, and sex than anything else. Even the ones in church.

 

[jesusfreak34988]

yeah im in a computer repair class and its stressful

 

[Distant_Shores]

yeah I'm shy

 

[Erinwilcox]

I'm the opposite. When I was working, I hated dealing with strangers. Unfortunately, I worked at the help desk in a computer lab, so I had no choice. You'd be amazed how rude people can be when their computer isn't working.

Can I tell you a little secret that I'm mortally ashamed of concerning how to deal with rude people? The reason why I'm not looking forward to going into work on Thursday? Alright, I will.

About two weeks ago, one of my supervisors (who is in charge of the Target Newsletter for our store) asked me (who usually edits the newsletter for her) to see if I couldn't come up with a short arcticle, concerning the upcoming holiday season, to fill the BACK page of the Target Times (I named it!). So, in the last ten minutes of my 8.5 hour shift, I wrote a "cute" little article about how, in the stressful holiday shopping season, a big smile and a friendly hello can change a guest's (what we call customers in Target) whole demeanor and attitude. I sort of went on in a way that sounded cute and inspiring, talking about how a smile can "turn a frown upside down" and how to make the Aberdeen Target the best retail store around. It kind of sounded like a pep-talk. However, it wasn't anything that I wanted my friends at work to know that I had written (everybody teases me about everything, so I didn't want to fan the flame) because I'd be mocked throughout the store (it really did sound kind of prissy, I guess). I left in UNSIGNED and assumed that if she used it at all it would be on the back page like she promised. WELL. . .I went in the other day to pick up my paycheck and there was a copy of the new Target Times. MY ARTICLE WAS ON THE FRONT PAGE WITH MY NAME IN BIG LETTERS!!! How embarassing! It was the kind of article that maybe a boss would have written to encourage his employees (who would have rolled their eyes at the article), not the kind that I wanted my co-workers to know that I wrote!!!

Anyway, hope that that story of how to deal with rude customers made you laugh. I still have to face my co-workers. . .particularly Alex, a boy who always makes fun of me for my religion and for being "sheltered." AHHH!