Anybody feel like there are no real relationship options?

charligirl · Feb 9, 2004

If you are not ready for marriage, and you recognise that, then you should really stop being obsessed with 'looking everywhere' for a woman.

Concentrate on being you, developing friendships, relationship with God and learning who YOU are and what God has for you in life. Don;t be quick to rush through this stage to meet your future wife, you'll miss out on so much

'Seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God' and He will take care of the rest.. in His timing

There is a great book called 'Should I get Married?' by M Blaine Smith, it deals with whether you are ready and what to look for etc... helped me

pgmike · Feb 9, 2004

i am not ready for marriage, but that does not mean that i should not be looking for a female companion at this time. i have plenty of friends that have very good realtionships and they are engaged, but they arent ready to get married yet.

seeking God and then seeking for a woman do not have to be done at seperate times. it is very possible to grow closer to God as you are searching for a woman. i know WHO i am, im not one that believes you must find yourself. my identity has been rooted in Christ since i was a child.

ill chech that book out, thanks for the tip.

vibrant · Feb 9, 2004

pgmike said:
i am not ready for marriage, but that does not mean that i should not be looking for a female companion at this time. i have plenty of friends that have very good realtionships and they are engaged, but they are ready to get married yet.

it just doesn't seem right to be looking for a relationship, knowing that you cannot and will not take it anywhere.
if you're not ready for marriage, both in yourself and your ability to commit to someone else, then why enter into a serious relationship? if you're not going to enter into a serious relationship, then why enter into one at all? you really don't need a relationship "just because", imo.

as a side note, why would anyone get engaged if they're not ready to get married? an engagement isn't a synonym with "going steady" or "being exclusive," it's the period of time where the bride and groom-to-be make arrangements for an imminent marriage.

pgmike · Feb 9, 2004

vibrant said:
it just doesn't seem right to be looking for a relationship, knowing that you cannot and will not take it anywhere.
if you're not ready for marriage, both in yourself and your ability to commit to someone else, then why enter into a serious relationship? if you're not going to enter into a serious relationship, then why enter into one at all? you really don't need a relationship "just because", imo.

as a side note, why would anyone get engaged if they're not ready to get married? an engagement isn't a synonym with "going steady" or "being exclusive," it's the period of time where the bride and groom-to-be make arrangements for an imminent marriage.

i never said that i would go into a relationship that i would not take anywhere. as i stated b4 i would not start really dating a girl that i could not marry. i am not ready for marriage yet for various reasons such as my money situation and that i am still in college. these reasons do not keep me from starting a relationship, however. you really misunderstood.

ppl do not completely know their future spouse until they are married. many ppl tell me that once you are engaged you learn a lot more about the person. engagement is the step before marriage which you need to go through. its a preperation time that is necessary for not just planning, but also becoming emotionally and spiritually prepared. i know a few older couple, including my aprents, that have told me that they should have had a longer engagement to better prepare for what was coming.

John the Engineer · Feb 9, 2004

Dating is leading to marriage, but if you're not ready to get married it doesn't mean that you don't date. Sometimes people, even Christians, date just to have fun and get to know someone. It's perfectly ok to date someone. In fact you get to know what you do and don't like, or do and don't need, from a wife or husband. Maybe you need someone who is very aggressive and talks about everything and states their wants and desires clearly. Others may want someone who is not. Some may find that not having someone who is ready to share all their emotions is tough. Basically you have to find out what type of person you want to be with, and dating is an acceptable medium as long as it's conducted in a Godly manner.

vibrant · Feb 9, 2004

In fact you get to know what you do and don't like, or do and don't need, from a wife or husband. Maybe you need someone who is very aggressive and talks about everything and states their wants and desires clearly. Others may want someone who is not. Some may find that not having someone who is ready to share all their emotions is tough. Basically you have to find out what type of person you want to be with, and dating is an acceptable medium as long as it's conducted in a Godly manner.

you make it seem like one couldn't figure this stuff out without dating around.

Dating is leading to marriage, but if you're not ready to get married it doesn't mean that you don't date. Sometimes people, even Christians, date just to have fun and get to know someone. It's perfectly ok to date someone.

it is perfectly okay to date someone. i'm not contesting that. what i am contesting is the notion that dating should be taken so flimsily, nonchalantly, etc.

i never said that i would go into a relationship that i would not take anywhere. as i stated b4 i would not start really dating a girl that i could not marry. i am not ready for marriage yet for various reasons such as my money situation and that i am still in college. these reasons do not keep me from starting a relationship, however. you really misunderstood.

the next step after dating is marriage, with the engagement as the segue. if you're not ready for marriage, then you won't be taking the relationship anywhere past that phase.

ppl do not completely know their future spouse until they are married. many ppl tell me that once you are engaged you learn a lot more about the person. engagement is the step before marriage which you need to go through. its a preperation time that is necessary for not just planning, but also becoming emotionally and spiritually prepared. i know a few older couple, including my aprents, that have told me that they should have had a longer engagement to better prepare for what was coming.

you said: "they're engaged, but not ready to marry"
i say: before he askes and before she says yes, the "readiness" has to be there. the details are worked out during the engagement, not the entire question of marriage.

besides, an engaged couple "not yet ready" for marriage, needing to go to premartial counselling etc. is a lot different than a single guy being "not ready", literally unable to make such a commitment (for whatever reason). you, in a way, use your engaged friends and their ability to be "good relationships" and not be "ready" for marriage as a way to justify you being in the same situation. well, imo, it's not the same scenario.

katelyn · Feb 9, 2004

Yeah, I think it's important to be absolutely ready for marriage before you get engaged. If you don't feel ready yet, how do you know you'll be ready when the big day comes?

LoveSheppard · Feb 10, 2004

Usually people that have problems with other people being superficial are unattractive themselves, hence the reason they react this way. Hot chicks rule, i can't like a girl unless she's physically attractive.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman that fears the Lord is to be praised."

Why should a woman be praised for fearing god? how is that a positive quality? You are scared of something that may not even exist? Beauty may be fleeting but ugliness is very hard to look at.

katelyn · Feb 10, 2004

LoveSheppard said:
Usually people that have problems with other people being superficial are unattractive themselves, hence the reason they react this way. Hot chicks rule, i can't like a girl unless she's physically attractive.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman that fears the Lord is to be praised."

Why should a woman be praised for fearing god? how is that a positive quality? You are scared of something that may not even exist? Beauty may be fleeting but ugliness is very hard to look at.

Your profile says you are a Christian. Do you want a wife who is a Christian? Or are looks more important to you? What's inside lasts longer (eternally!) than what's outside. Also, looking at a pleasant body will get old after a while if their behavior is atrocious.

pgmike · Feb 10, 2004

LoveSheppard said:
Beauty may be fleeting but ugliness is very hard to look at.

haha that is great. i dont however agree with what you said about other things.

i decided to hand a list to every girl i may be interested in that lists all the qualitities that she must have to begin a relationship with me. at the bottom i will list my qualities and say that if she is interested and has all the above qualites then she must write her phone number on it, sign it, and return it to me.

katelyn · Feb 10, 2004

pgmike said:
i decided to hand a list to every girl i may be interested in that lists all the qualitities that she must have to begin a relationship with me. at the bottom i will list my qualities and say that if she is interested and has all the above qualites then she must write her phone number on it, sign it, and return it to me.

While that sounds like a practical idea in theory, I don't think it will go over very well.

pgmike · Feb 10, 2004

i think it will be fine if i just show a little leg

katelyn · Feb 10, 2004

pgmike said:
i think it will be fine if i just show a little leg

lol

John the Engineer · Feb 10, 2004

pgmike said:
i think it will be fine if i just show a little leg

I tried this, she ran

pgmike · Feb 10, 2004

you have a tat of a rose on your ankle, dont you?

DaveKerwin · Feb 11, 2004

pgmike, hold out until you find her. Do not grow impatient. You are 19, lots of life to live, relax.

pgmike · Feb 11, 2004

im relaxed, just something i really desire. i am holding out and not settling.

DatingSmarts · Feb 14, 2004

katelyn said:

Your profile says you are a Christian. Do you want a wife who is a Christian? Or are looks more important to you? What's inside lasts longer (eternally!) than what's outside. Also, looking at a pleasant body will get old after a while if their behavior is atrocious.

katelyn and mina:

i don't think it comes down to choosing between looks and personality. I think BOTH are required. It sounds to me like you are the type to settle for whatever you can get. I know I want a hot looking stud with a great personality. I have met studs and some don't have the personality I'm looking for. There are some studs who have a good personality but there is no chemistry there. so guess what? there are some great studs out there but not all of them are for me even if they have a great personality inner beauty or whatever.

I think is wrong of women to get upset about men wanting a hot looking woman. you would do well to give yourself permission to specifically look for hunks who get you turned on. then go talk to them. i bet you get turned off by the stupid things they say. or maybe some won't even give you a second look.

LOOKS ARE IMPORTANT AND THEY DO COUNT. why would you have sex with an ugly or unattactive man? I certainly wouldn't. That is a major turnoff. There is no way I am having sex with an ugly guy. It would make me feel repulsive and would turn me off sexually. I couldn't bring myself to have sex with an ugly guy. to do so would be humiliating to me. it would be like being a prostitute except not getting paid for it. which is even worse.

yulchy yulchy yulchy

I would lose respect for myself if I had sex with an ugly or unattractive man.

I don't do pity dates or pity sex. And to give a guy a pity date is insulting to him.

I also don't think Jesus wants us to have sex with an ugly person because its the 'christian' thing to do. That is so repulsive and unloving and disrespectful. I don't think that is what HE had in mind when it came to charity cases.

mina · Feb 14, 2004

Actually that wasn't what I was saying at all. I just think that people can become beautiful to us even if they aren't. And I don't think it's wise to pursue a person in a "dating/romantic" relationship when you weren't attracted to them in the first place. It only leads to hurt. I'm sure the girl in question was hurt and it sounds as though the original poster was hurt as well. And as for just taking whatever I can get, that's pretty snide of you to say. Especially since it sounds like you are accusing me of being judgemental, well you just judged me so was anything really acomplished?

DatingSmarts · Feb 14, 2004

mina wrote:

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman that fears the Lord is to be praised." I would marry a guy that isn't physically attractive; if he had an amazing Godly character. The guy I like now isn't all physically attractive, but I find his outward appearance lovable to me because I'm first attracted to his inner beauty. true love is a great beautifier.

you said the guy you are with isn't physically attractive. your trying to tell us its okay though because he is beautiful on the inside. hey its fine that he is beautiful on the inside, but why are you getting physical with someone who you find physically unattractive?

you are doing it out of guilt and not true attraction. just becuase someone is beautiful on the inside doesn't mean you SHOULD have sex with them. how pathetic

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