Any advice appreciated

[Holy Warrior]

Okay, this seems a more than a little weird to me, as I'm the kind of person who likes to try to do as much as I can under my own steam, but recently I feel God has been encouraging me to share my feelings more. I've talked this through with a close friend, and just wanted to hear some other perspectives on the matter.

Not so long ago, one of my friends and I admitted the feelings we have for each other and started going out. However, as she is not a christian, I decided it was best that we ended the relationship and remained friends, rather than continuing it and risking a messy split further down the line.

This has been really hard on both of us, as it is the only thing at present keeping us apart- we get on like a house on fire otherwise. What makes it even harder is that the problem is only on my part. While she respects my decision, she doesn't see it as a problem issue as I do. She comes from a mixed background (protestant dad, catholic mum) and has been raised as a catholic, although she doesn't currently have a saving faith, although she is thinking about this sort of thing at the moment; she has issues with churches and christian fellowship groups that I can't help her with.

As it stands at the moment, we still are friends, although there is a fair amount of tension under the surface. I'm praying about the situation every day, just hoping it gets easier to deal with. Regardless of whether we would ever get back together, I want to see her come to faith. I know God has everything under control, but it's just so hard to see the plateau when you're down in the valley, you know?

Thanks in advance for reading this. I'd appreciate your views and, of course, your prayers.

Regards,

Alex

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

What you did was right. It shows that you care more about God then your own wants. And that's awesome! Keep praying for her! Keep showing her Christ through your actions. It's hard. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for one of my best friends to answer the knocking at his heart. All we can do is pray and show Christ through us.

 

[Cubbs]

"Comprehension is not a prerequisite to cooperation"

I know how tough it is bro. After being married for four years to a great Christian woman, and in retrospect, we went through things, had conflicts, faced decisions that brought us closer together to each other and Him. I would have lost it sometimes if it wasnt for her. Thats what marriage is sometimes about.I know it doesnt look like a big deal at the moment. But when you are in the trenches fighting a war (which marriage will seem like sometimes) you will want a believer on your side. The implications of being "unequally yoked" are too drastic too understand. With raising kids, what you will teach them, how you will discipline them. What about committment? Continue on what you are though. Love her for who she is and bring out the best in her.

In Him,
Eric

 

[Yummi]

The unbelievers (and especially false christians) never understand how it cannot work between them and christians. Only true christians know how important it is to have a christian mate. I had the same problem before with a guy who sincerely thought he was a christian but I never saw in him any thirst for knowledge of God nor any fruits from the Spirit nor even a real love for God. I just lost my time trying to make him understand God's things, he accepted them without understanding what a commitment means. He said that his good behaviour and his caring love can make him a great husband and father, and that God cannot be a reason for separation. I keep praying for him and we remained friends. I bring him to our cell group and to my church, but I think it will take a long time before he really converts (God has his own plan for him, that's only a human point of view). He regrets that I ended it up and is still hoping changes from me, but I doubt it would work between us.

I pray for you and encourage you to stand firm in your commitment.

 

[Citrus_thespian_guy]

Hey, yeah. That's a tough situation. You did the right thing. If she comes to Christ then date or court her. "Do not be unequally yoked." Keep praying for her to believe, that's all you can do for her, cause i assume you've tried to talk to her into coming to church with you. God Bless man, that's a bummer. I'll be praying for her salvation and your strength.

 

[JPPT1974]

Let us know how it goes and we will be praying and thinking of you and the girl that you are dating.

 

[Holy Warrior]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. I've asked her before if she'd come to church with me or consider an Alpha course or something, but so far she's turned me down. I'm praying every day that she'll come to faith. I'll let you know if and when anything happens.

God bless,

Alex

 

[Bartimaeus]

Alex, it definitely isn't an enviable situation.

Keep us up to date, and if you need to talk, feel free to PM me, or e-mail me.

 

[WildHeart75]

No 2 people are going to have the same faith 100% and they are not going to have the same views on everything. You will have your differences but IMO to let someone go because they do not share your faith as you do is not going to bring them any closer to your faith, in fact, they may even end up resenting you for it and then where will that lead the 2 of you? More likely, as time goes on she may learn from your faith, if you stick it out and give her a chance. Not to mention, we all go through our spiritual growths at different times in our lives and I think it is hypocritical and just plain wrong to let someone go because they havent reached the point your at at the moment. No 2 people can always be at the same point in their lives, so it is fruitless trying to find someone who is your equal.

 

[JPPT1974]

No problem at all and hopefully time will work on each of you.

 

[Holy Warrior]

Wildheart, thanks for your post. I've considered things from your point of view, and decided that separation was for the best. She told me that she would be wary of doing anything in a spiritual regard while we were going out, as she'd be questioning her motives, unsure if she was doing it just to please me or for the right reason.

I realise that I will probably not find someone at exactly the same point as me spiritually, but I would at least hope that she had started down the road, that we were striving for the same goal.

We are still very good friends. I can be a witness for Christ in her life without going out with her. If and when she does come to faith, I hope to be here for her as a friend, and perhaps we could take things from there. At the end of the day, her salvation is more important to me than the fleeting, worldly happiness a romantic relationship offers.

 

[WildHeart75]

well, we all have our own set of priorities and faith in the Lord sounds like one of yours, I can respect that and understand that. I hope you find what you are looking for in a life partner. May God bless you and keep you!

 

[Bartimaeus]

well, we all have our own set of priorities and faith in the Lord sounds like one of yours, I can respect that and understand that. I hope you find what you are looking for in a life partner. May God bless you and keep you!

Hi. Not to disrespect you, or your faith, but I saw your signature, and it reminds me of a goofy little saying I came up with, "It's Yahweh, or the highway."

Again, no disrespect meant.

 

[Holy Warrior]

Thanks again everyone for your advice and prayers, thought I'd give you a quick update.

Just over a week ago Anna and I got back together- the feelings we have for each other were just too strong, and being in such close proximity I guess it was all just a matter of time; we were still acting like a couple even though we weren't supposed to.

We've been talking about a lot of issues; she isn't closed to Christ, though she has some issues she needs to get sorted out. I kind of scared her off at the start, coming on too strong with the evangelism type stuff. I need to learn that I can't drag people kicking and screaming into the church with me

We're still not sure about the long-term viability of the relationship, though with the summer holidays coming up, we've decided that the best thing is just to see what happens over the summer, see how we feel next term after getting our heads showered for a few months.

I ask you to remember us in your prayers, that God's will be done in this situation, and that Anna will come to know Jesus as saviour and Lord. I don't want to be selfish and ask for prayer that the relationship will work; if Anna comes to faith, I'll be ecstatic, regardless of whether we're still a couple or otherwise.

Regards,

Alex