anxious over soul

[kicker]

Hey everyone. Its me again. I have had a struggle over being saved for months with little or no relief. I know ocd makes you feel like your case is different but I am afraid mine really is. I fear that maybe everyone is trying to be nice and say they felt the same way or had the same thoughts but really didn't. I have been at the church tonight by myself just begging for God to make my heart and will change so they would desire him and long for him. I feel like I have fallen away and have thoughts of rejecting him every time I see something to do with him. Its as if my heart has given up and my will is completely opposite to what I wish it would be. I am so miserable that I almost can't stand it. I am really scared that I'm turning against everything I've ever believed. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm praying for God to change me to someone who loves him and desires him again. Am I doing something wrong that God won't answer? Maybe I'm not sincere enough about following Him? Help if you can

James

 

[Jayangel81]

Don't you see tho, you do desire Him already You wouldnt even be here.

What you are looking for are feelings to match up with that. Ill tell you something about having a relationship with God, It isnt about emotions.

Maybe in a sense we feel this overwhelming "feeling" of joy on occasions. But this cannot be based on how we love Him.

Your feelings are screwed up because of OCD, twisted and turned around on you.

Let me give you an example: I struggle with something in my life that is a Sin.. For the life of me I cannot get the "feelings" to pour out my heart to God. I cant cry for some stupid reason, does that mean I do not love Him and that Im not really sorry and repentant? Of coarse not! It just means I cannot get all "emotional" with my feelings. Is it OCD..maybe who knows, I think OCD have screwed up my feelings for so long, I just learned not to base anything on them, and that is what you and everyone else need to do, Im sorry

I will say this tho, we all, every one of us I think can learn to love God more and more as we go through our relationship, it isnt gonna happen overnight. Love is a Fruit of the Holy Spirit, It isnt something that can just be Zapped! into us, It is a seed that needs to be nurtured and when it gets grown you will love like God does, Love fully based on the Holy Spirit which is in us. Don't push it, I tell you from experiance that you will just frustrate yourself and as it has done to me at one point, turned me away from God.. which I can never let happen again. It all happened because I rushed the Work of the Holy Spirit.

Be patient with your OCD and the rest of your sufferings, endure it and persevere. God can use it to build up your Godly character.

I really am sorry that your feeling like this, it really stinks.

One more thing concerning God answering you. Who says He hasnt? We all need to remember that God does not work on our time frame. It just isnt the way it works with Him. Sometimes yes He will deliver right away but what we need to do at times is just put our trust and confidence in Him, and believe in our hearts He will come through. Thats how He wants us to live, not by the seeing but by the unseen. We may not even see His Work complete in us until its already done.

God will not let you down if we pray according to His Will. And it is His will for you to love Him. Hang in there brother. The Lord knows exactly what He needs to do, to make you the man He wants you to be. He has everything already planned out for you, now you just need to live through His plans

No, it will not always be easy and comforting either..God will go to great lengths to make sure you are in His arms on the revealing of His Son. But remember that He will be with you every step of the way.

Many blessings to you

 

[PilgrimsProgress]

Hi James, I just want to encourage you again... I can completely relate to that feeling that "my case is different"... and now I am truly seeing that was never true, my case is NOT different, and yours isn't either... I really think that is what the enemy of our soul wants us to think... I will be honest with you and admit to you that I have gone through the pain of this so badly that there were some nights that I didn't think I was going to make it through the night...

I agree so much with what JayAngel wrote... there is so much insight in the things he wrote, I went through all of that also... and I just felt led to write, just to give you extra encouragement that your case is not different, no matter how much the OCD or the enemy lies to you... and if these little bits of encouragement, which believe me is from my heart and comes from going through this myself, if this can help at all, if the Lord can use this to just give you that extra bit of whatever you need to help you hang on, I pray that He can use it that way for you.

I know it's hard to see right now, but it's so clear that you definitely still do desire God, that is why you are crying out to Him and coming on this board asking for prayer. Again, I really agree with what JayAngel wrote, feelings are very deceptive and are not to be relied on. I know this is easier said than done, but I think what the Lord may be leading me to just encourage you right now with, is just simply the fact that you are not alone, you are not the only one who has gone through this, and that He is still with You and will bring you through this...

I pray that it helps, even if it just helps a little, to know that the "same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." (1 Peter 9b). I'm learning this myself, and am learning that there is nothing new under the sun, there is nothing that I have felt or worried about that someone else hasn't gone through also...

 

[picassoui]

BELIEVE me james when i say I KNOW ExACTLY HOW YOU FEEL

though i do understand doubting and wondering whether my case is different ..

 

[forgiveable]

Hello All!
I just wanted to share a letter that a friend wrote to me and I hope that it is appropriate to share here..
How is a Christian saved? For by Grace we are saved through "Faith" right? Ephesians 2: 8.
So for our part, "Faith" is of course the answer. Remember the woman who wash Jesus feet
in Luke 7: 50 and Jesus told her "your faith has saved you." But Faith in what exactly? That
Jesus died on the Cross for our sins, right? And that you have to "personalize it to yourself
as a believer" right?

But just how "personal" was it to God? What did It mean to Him?

In Genesis 22:2, God said to Abraham, "Take now your son, your only son Issac, whom you love,​

and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of ​

which I shall tell you." Now "whom you love" has such a powerful effect on me personally ​

because I have two sons "whom I love" and do not think I would ever have enough faith to​

do what Abraham did. Could you do this, Brandi with your son? But isn't this exactly what God​

Our Heavenly Father did for us? What did it take for God, our Heavenly Father, the Infinite Owner​

of the universe to send His Holy Son to die on the Cross for our sins? How personal was it?​

What did it mean to Him? To be separated from Jesus when Jesus took on the sins of the​

world and paid for your sin and mine did it mean a lot to God? Was it a great Sacrifice? If​

it was, then how "powerful" of a Sacrifice was it??? If we could take all of the unwanted​

blasphemous thoughts and put them on a scale and then on the other side place the Holy​

Sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross, would it be GREAT ENOUGH to tip the scale? Which​

side would mean more to God??? Unwanted thoughts and blasphemous sentences​

that don't make any sense against Jesus and the Holy Spirit, OR the Glorious and Holy​

Sacrifice of His Only Son, suffering a horrible bloody death on the Cross for You and​

the sins of the whole entire world?? Which One do "you" think is Greater?​

​

Is the Cross of Jesus Christ Powerful Enough to forgive you of the blasphemous sins that you ​

don't even want? Is it a Great Enough Sacrifice unto the Father? Meaningful Enough? This ​

is where God wants you to exercise great "Faith" and BELIEVE that the Holy Cross of Jesus​

Christ, is such an Incredible Sacrifice, and so Meaningful to God, that it is Powerful Enough​

and "Great Enough" to cover any sin you repent of, EVEN the ones that seem to condemn​

you by technicality! From this day forward, whenever you are attacked with doubts about​

your own salvation, or about you having committed the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit - you​

are to proclaim in great FAITH, "I believe that the Cross of Jesus Christ is a Great​

Enough Sacrifice unto God, that it is Great Enough to cover my blasphemies and​

any thought that comes into my head or any sin I could ever commit." That it is such​

an Incredible Sacrifice in God's eyes, nothing on this earth can stop Its Incredible​

Power to forgive sins!" Any sin! Make it personal and raise the Holy Cross of Jesus​

up to the Father in Faith and proclaim! "I refuse to believe that Your Holy Son died​

on the Cross in vain when it comes to ME!" I believe that the Cross of Jesus is "great​

enough" to forgive EVEN this blasphemy of the Holy Spirit technicality that I have been​

condemning myself with (or the enemy of God has convinced you of and condemned​

you with) for many years.​

For the rest of your like you will have this belief to raise your shield of faith (Ephesians 6).

That shield has a big Cross on the front of it that holds it firmly together and the devil can not​

damage it. Raise the shield from now on, and allow Jesus to pound out the "dent" in your helmet​

of Salvation like only He can do. It is the AWSOME Power of the Cross that is great enough to​

pay for any sin we could ever commit. Now when those thought come they will be almost​

meaningless. Feeble attempts by demonic spirits to temp you with nonsense. The thoughts​

have no power, because all of the POWER is from the Cross of Jesus to forgive them.​

​

Is the Cross of Jesus great enough to forgive you for the rest of your life???​

​

Cling to the Old Rugged Cross, and exchange it someday for your crown.


I hope I was being appropriate in sharing this letter and that it helps someone..
~Brandi
​

 

[kicker]

Hey yall. Thanks for the words of comfort. My family and friends constantly talk about the rapture happening very very soon with everything that's happening in the world and I believe they are right but I am panicking about it because I just don't know if I'm really saved. I have asked and asked but sometimes I'm afraid my "will" is not in it because I just don't seem to do a lot for Him or desire to. So scared.

James

 

[Jayangel81]

I have asked and asked but sometimes I'm afraid my "will" is not in it because I just don't seem to do a lot for Him or desire to. So scared.

Its not that its not in your "will" but its that you are scared out of your mind. I quote:

So scared.

Let me give you an example of a real life experiance where my fear stopped me from doing something.

There was a time where God called me to preach His Word on the streets.
There was a stumbling block, it was fear approaching people just in general. People scare me at times, I have had some uneasy interactions in my life.

People on the streets if they do not come to Christ will perish..And I know that in fact God gave me explicit warnings about it through dreams..But this fear froze me up inside and I didnt lets say "have it in me".

Did I not care about these people who are out on the streets? Did I care what would happen if they died without Christ? Of coarse I did. It was my will just as God's to reach out to them. But discouragement and fear snared me and after a while I felt like it just wasnt in my will. See what im saying?

Your scared, you feel no joy in doing anything for God because you are terrified of Him and what will happen to you. Fear has become your snare just like it did in my situation, just like it does with so many people here on these forums. I still get snared, im not gonna lie to you lol..but I can break free when I find out what I really can do and who I am in Christ.

There are so many people who have this misrepresentation of God, and one of the main reasons is because of the lack of knowledge in His Word.

How much time do you spend in Gods Word James? lets just say on a weekly basis?

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

James, I could have written your posts word for word, from "not feeling like you're saved" to the rapture making you nervous because you're not sure of your salvation! I know you feel like the exception to the rule. That is just what OCD does and how it works. I too felt like everything I believed, desired, wanted in terms of being a Christian had been suddenly taken away from me. It was scary. It almost felt like there was a palpable wall between me and my belief in God/salvation - that "wall" was the right feelings. Feelings that assured me that I was saved, God was real, my life had meaning, etc. I remember thinking if I could just get past this mental/emotional block, everything would be fine.

My mind (OCD) started going back through things in my life that "proved" that I wasn't really a Christian, for instance, sometimes not having the desire to go to church at 8 a.m. on Sundays! I'd rather sleep! OCD tried to make that "lack of desire" as proof for me not really being saved.

I was so scared that I was abandoning everything I'd ever valued - my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, and so on. In my mind there was no difference between me and an athiest who believed in the exact opposite of what I'd believed my entire belief. It's so disheartening, and scary. All you want is feelings of assurance that you are saved, and loved by God.

During that time, praying and reading the Bible only made things worse, so I decided to do a few things. One, if there was going to be any prayer that I could pray, it would be a simple one: Lord, please hold on to me. Keep a firm grip on my heart. Forgive me of my sins. Amen. Anything more just started a whole slew of spikes and doubts, fears and bad feelings. I had to trust that God knew my heart and knew what I wanted (even though I couldn't FEEL it).

Going to church would spike me, especially as we recited the Apostle's creed and I would have all sorts of thoughts like I didn't really believe it and the Bible is just a fairytale - even this morning I had those thoughts! But you know what they are? Just thoughts. I can think the moon is made of cheese but does that mean it really is? No. We OCD'ers take our feelings and thoughts as the truth when we shouldn't.

I'm praying for God to change me to someone who loves him and desires him again. Am I doing something wrong that God won't answer? Maybe I'm not sincere enough about following Him? Help if you can

Give God time. If anything I was wondering if God wanted me to have a faith not based on feelings but on trust in Him. Throughout my whole life, faith has been a feeling when it is, truly, NOT a feeling. If we put our faith in having the right feelings, we will surely fail. I used to repeat my prayers over and over again until I felt "sincere" enough or "sorry" enough for my sins. Nowhere in the Bible does it say "you're only forgiven if you feel sorry enough!" Nowhere in the Bible does it say "you're only saved if you feel like you are!"

when you get these scary thoughts about not being saved, say to yourself "that's fine, brain, if you want to think that. But I would much rather watch Monday Night Football right now!" Pigeon hole your thoughts. Put them in a mental "OCD box" and tell yourself you'll attend to them at a later time. It's just the first step in recovery, but I know you will get there. I have been where you are - word for word. It can get better!

 

[QUannie]

Hey Kickcer, I prayed for you! I am so sorry you are going through that, it is aweful!
If you are into reading there is a great book, "Why Grace Changes Everything" by Chuck Smith.
You can even find it on-line as an e-book! Very fast read, very simple, Jesus does it all...i think sometimes we feel like we need to do something or we are not doing enough, but the first step is realizing, there is not one thing we can do to add to His free gift! All we can do is trust Him, what He did......even if we were to go back and fix all our sins, make them right, it would not change the fact that we did them in the first place. Jesus actually took our sins to the cross! TOOK them! Wiped our slate clean, took our sins and gave us His perfect record! Just trust Him and allow the Holy Spirit to begin to change you and don't ever compare yourself to someone else..... He is your personal Savior James, for the sins you've committed.....He took your sins and has made you clean! You may be faster or slower than others in spiritual matters but it makes no difference to Him, there are no favorites, we are all the same, clean, forgiven, saved! As you trust Him the Holy Spirit will begin to make changes in you....you can not change your self, oh you may change something for a bit, but when we rely on Him, no matter how slow the process comes, it will be the right kind of change, because it is of the Spirit not your flesh! And it is not easy to do even though it is so simple!

take care,
Q

 

[RachelZ]

Hey James, so sorry you're suffering so much...please God may He bring you some relief soon! I know all the well the "I'm different to everyone else on here" syndrome...the bottom line is you have OCD. If God had meant that we would need to feel and do things perfectly to be saved then He wouldn't have had to sacrifice His son. It's by faith not feelings that we're saved and sometimes faith may be more about grit determination and less about nice feelings of closeness to God...I know that's the case for me. But the trouble is, no reasurance from me will help you in the long run...all I can say is if you can, hand all the responsiblity for your salvation over to God and then try and deal with the OCD. When you feel more well and less terrified, that's the time to see if there are any issues you and God need to work on! I know for me that when I feel better I can find it hard to even understand why I felt so horrendous. I hope something of that may help...I feel for you, I really do...and d'you know what? God does too! Please take care of yourself...and allow God to take care of you and your soul...He's the only one we can trust with our souls...not even we are totally trustworthy with them...hoping you're feeling at least a bit better...Rachel

 

[BeccaLynn]

I could write that I understand repeatedly to what you are saying. There were nights, and nights were always much worse for me, that I was so terrified that Jesus was going to return. I was so afraid of my husband going without me. My heart would pound so hard that I don't know how it could've beat any faster or harder. It is such a terrifying experience. I will say again what others have posted . . . ocd and the enemy want you to think that everyone else truly is okay, but not you. That is a lie that a large percentage of us have probably already dealt with. It wasn't until about a year ago that I began getting better. I still struggle in ways, don't get me wrong about that. But, I had dealt with this thing since I was a young child. It only got worse it seemed with age. God is not what ocd tells us He is. He is not abandoning us. As has been said before, but our feelings tell us so much the opposite and try to demand our attention, it is ocd. I must go for now, but I will be praying for you.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[Jpark]

hi kicker

God hears all prayers according to His will (1 John 4:14, 15, Is. 59:1)

And what is His will? His will is indentified by Paul as sanctification (1 Thess. 4:3-6) and thanksgiving (1 Thess. 5:18). His will is identified by Jesus as everlasting life (John 6:40). His will is identified by Peter as salvation (2 Pet. 3:9)

Pray in the name of the Lord JESUS (John 14:12-14)

Pray with persistance so God will answer your prayer (Luke 11:5-10)

Have faith (Heb. 11:6, 2 Cor. 5:7)

Prayer without faith is described (James 1:6, 8)

James 1:5 says if any of you lacks wisdom concerning trials, let him ask of God

James 1:13 God does not send you temptations

James 5:16 encourages praying for one another

Paul encourages praying for your enemies (Rom. 12:9-21)

Please continue to pray to God. You are in my prayers.

 

[pjspara]

hey james.... i tried to reply back to your private message but it wouldnt let me post it... i hope you are doing ok i can answer your questions on here if you want me to, but i just didnt know.... these people on here are great and i hope you and i can get to where some of them are!! i am so glad to have people that can relate...

 

[Jpark]

kicker, how are you today? can you inform us?

 

[kicker]

Hey yall. I have had a few really bad days but I am trying a new med so I hope it helps. These feelings and thoughts of turning away and quitting have been horendous and they are keeping me terribly anxious. I'm so afraid of turning against what I know is the truth. How can I be sure I won't give up. It is as if something in me is compelling me to quit but somewhere inside me I don't want to. I'm just so tired of fighting. Please pray for me that these feelings will back off some. Thanks everyone

 

[Ariel]

Hello kicker.

It helps me when I'm like that to resist the thoughts that don't make sense. I just tell myself that I'm not going to entertain them. I even tell them to go away! Then I get busy with something else--I play piano, or talk with someone, or read my Bible.

God is so good. He knows your struggle and He will keep you even if you think you can't keep yourself. You are His, you are precious to Him. He will never leave you or forsake you, Hebrews 13:5. So don't be afraid, because fear is not God's will for you. Doesn't it say He has given you love, power and a sound mind? 2 Timothy 1:7. You are His. He is keeping you.

I love this promise, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You," Isaiah 26:3. "Fix your eyes on Jesus," Hebrews 12:2 (NIV) counsels. If you fix your eyes on Jesus--focusing your attention on Him, going after Him, reading His Word--perfect peace does follow. God will help you, He will uphold you with His righteous right hand, Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

I am praying for you, that you will know God's perfect peace.

Peace, my brother--you can get well.