Anxious over my marriage

[tryphena rose]

I come from a rough background, with a rough childhood and lots of traumas. I dealt with anxiety for a large portion of my life. Until I met my husband, became a Christian, left atheism. I felt healed in so many areas and was very secure in faith and in my marriage. Now my husband has come to believe having multiple wives (polygyny) is biblically permissible and he has said several things that make me scared of him trying to take a 2nd wife in the future. He's been looking at a site called biblical families, where believers are in polygamous relationships and the various revelations they have on marriage. He told me today he looks at other women with lust, and that all men do and it's natural, even when married - polygamy being the natural thing for a man. I feel so heartbroken. I lost control today and hit him twice and I feel so ashamed and like my world is spiraling out of control. I've never imagined hitting him or about divorcing him, but these thoughts are creeping in my mind now. I just don't understand why I alone am not good enough for him. That's just how this feels.

I want to be a good wife, have always tried my best to be one and to live biblically. But he makes it seem as if I don't want to be in a polygamous marriage, that I'm not subjected to him enough - that I'm not a biblical wife. He uses a lot of scripture, so I see why he's come to the conclusions he has, which hurts me even more and is making me question my faith.

I'm also 3 months postpartum, after being pregnant for practically 2 years in a row. My son is 14 months, my daughter 3 months. I'm just scared right now and feel so far from God. Please pray for me.

We haven't been to church in 2 years, so I feel I have no one to talk to or confide in - no Christian community to help me.

 

[Petros2015]

We haven't been to church in 2 years, so I feel I have no one to talk to or confide in - no Christian community to help me.

Now my husband has come to believe having multiple wives (polygyny) is biblically permissible and he has said several things that make me scared of him trying to take a 2nd wife in the future. He's been looking at a site called biblical families, where believers are in polygamous relationships and the various revelations they have on marriage.

If you had been to church, pretty much any or all of them with the exception of the ones your husband has cherry-picked to win his argument with you would condemn what he is doing.

I want to be a good wife, have always tried my best to be one and to live biblically. But he makes it seem as if I don't want to be in a polygamous marriage, that I'm not subjected to him enough - that I'm not a biblical wife.

You are. He's not a biblical husband, just someone using scripture to control you and justify getting what he wants.

I just don't understand why I alone am not good enough for him.

Because selfishness always wants more for itself to the detriment of others and it will use any justification to get it;
this is an extreme example of it.

Faithfulness *is* something that men often have to work on to achieve. Those that do so do it for love of their wives and Christ and because they desire a holy spirit and not an unholy one.

Your husband is working on Unfaithfulness.
That's a lot easier to achieve, and done for different reasons.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I come from a rough background, with a rough childhood and lots of traumas. I dealt with anxiety for a large portion of my life. Until I met my husband, became a Christian, left atheism. I felt healed in so many areas and was very secure in faith and in my marriage. Now my husband has come to believe having multiple wives (polygyny) is biblically permissible and he has said several things that make me scared of him trying to take a 2nd wife in the future. He's been looking at a site called biblical families, where believers are in polygamous relationships and the various revelations they have on marriage. He told me today he looks at other women with lust, and that all men do and it's natural, even when married - polygamy being the natural thing for a man. I feel so heartbroken. I lost control today and hit him twice and I feel so ashamed and like my world is spiraling out of control. I've never imagined hitting him or about divorcing him, but these thoughts are creeping in my mind now. I just don't understand why I alone am not good enough for him. That's just how this feels.

I want to be a good wife, have always tried my best to be one and to live biblically. But he makes it seem as if I don't want to be in a polygamous marriage, that I'm not subjected to him enough - that I'm not a biblical wife. He uses a lot of scripture, so I see why he's come to the conclusions he has, which hurts me even more and is making me question my faith.

I'm also 3 months postpartum, after being pregnant for practically 2 years in a row. My son is 14 months, my daughter 3 months. I'm just scared right now and feel so far from God. Please pray for me.

We haven't been to church in 2 years, so I feel I have no one to talk to or confide in - no Christian community to help me.

Don't be affraid and equip yourself with scripture refuting his evil idea. The law in Idaho is on your side and punishable by imprisonment. Stay calm, pray for strength through His Holy Spirit. He will guild you into all truth.
Be blessed.

 

[tryphena rose]

If you had been to church, pretty much any or all of them with the exception of the ones your husband has cherry-picked to win his argument with you would condemn what he is doing.

You are. He's not a biblical husband, just someone using scripture to control you and justify getting what he wants.

Because selfishness always wants more for itself to the detriment of others and it will use any justification to get it;
this is an extreme example of it.

Faithfulness *is* something that men often have to work on to achieve. Those that do so do it for love of their wives and Christ and because they desire a holy spirit and not an unholy one.

Your husband is working on Unfaithfulness.
That's a lot easier to achieve, and done for different reasons.

And the difficult thing for me has been, that it doesn't feel like he's cherry picking verses, but is using so much of the Bible against me. Leading to the whole, "you're not biblical enough" type statements. Examples such as, God Himself being married or in covenant with both Israel and Judah, Jesus "referring to Himself as a polygamous man" in the parable of the ten bridesmaids, not to mention Jesus not condoning polygamy in that parable at all, all the righteous men of the bible who were in plural marriages, even God's issue with David not being necessarily for taking Bathsheba as one of his many wives, but that he had killed Uriah - God even stating that if he hadn't killed Uriah, He would have given him more - wives seemingly included.

“And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things.” 2 Samuel 12:8

And these are just a few things he's brought up. One thing I've always admired about my husband is his pursuit for truth and wanting to be biblical and have good doctrine, but this is too hard for me to swallow emotionally and mentally. I don't know if I can refute this.

I think God's ideal design for marriage is between one man and one woman, as was His perfect creation in the garden. Yet my husband says, "it's an assumption that it's ideal, and marriage is honorable in all, as long as it's between husband and wife/wives." But polygamy seems to have too many issues that come along with the package. When I look at the forums he's been looking at, I can't help but see all of these women who are in this situation, and how much they are struggling, feeling like they're enemies to another woman in their own home as they have to fight over the affection of one man. This is what makes it feel so unnatural to me and like it isn't what God intended for marriage, but instead allowed in a sinful and fallen world. But I have no scripture on my side and am feeling like biblically, women are kind of like cattle.

Also to note, my husband and I literally had little to no issues before this started coming up. We were very happy together for a very long time. But I feel so emotional over this, like I can't get a grip and am feeling like he's my enemy. This is all very hard for me. And I don't want to break up our household because we have small children and I know how important a father is in their lives. I wouldn't divorce him, unless he brought home another woman. I just couldn't live like that. It feels like it goes against my entire conscience.

 

[tryphena rose]

Don't be affraid and equip yourself with scripture refuting his evil idea. The law in Idaho is on your side and punishable by imprisonment. Stay calm, pray for strength through His Holy Spirit. He will guild you into all truth.
Be blessed.

Thank you for your reply sister.

I have tried, but he's refuted every point I've made so far. I too brought up how polygamy is illegal in the united states, and how biblically it would be wrong to not obey our laws. He says "having two marriage certificates is illegal" and that you can "spiritually marry another" which God would honor. Also stating that marriage is not a lawful institution, but a biblical and spiritual one and you don't need a marriage certificate for God to see two people as being married.

I'm looking for the scripture where is states marriage is between one man and one woman, or that it is God's ideal, but cannot find it.

 

[Blade]

When I was growing up my dad (step dad) did not believe in Jesus and my mom when to Church no matter what he thought and he was mean yet she went any way. At first he would not let me go with her yet she and the Church kept praying and out of no where he just let me go. Read Luke 11:13. Just do what He said Act the asked those that were saved have you received the holy spirit since you believe. Now my mom if my dad had said this stuff she would never put up with it.

If you simple search on what you were asking this gives you a few verses What Does the Bible Say About Marriage One Man One Woman?

But know this... you are not alone. He your Father Christ and the sweet sweet holy Spirit are with you "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?". No matter how you feel KNOW He is with you and KNOW he will help you. Sometimes doing what might seem silly is when hes not home and its your home also just open that door and kick out what ever He brings to your mind. Then say "But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” Josh 24:15

Your not alone I will be on of those praying for you.

 

[eleos1954]

I come from a rough background, with a rough childhood and lots of traumas. I dealt with anxiety for a large portion of my life. Until I met my husband, became a Christian, left atheism. I felt healed in so many areas and was very secure in faith and in my marriage. Now my husband has come to believe having multiple wives (polygyny) is biblically permissible and he has said several things that make me scared of him trying to take a 2nd wife in the future. He's been looking at a site called biblical families, where believers are in polygamous relationships and the various revelations they have on marriage. He told me today he looks at other women with lust, and that all men do and it's natural, even when married - polygamy being the natural thing for a man. I feel so heartbroken. I lost control today and hit him twice and I feel so ashamed and like my world is spiraling out of control. I've never imagined hitting him or about divorcing him, but these thoughts are creeping in my mind now. I just don't understand why I alone am not good enough for him. That's just how this feels.

I want to be a good wife, have always tried my best to be one and to live biblically. But he makes it seem as if I don't want to be in a polygamous marriage, that I'm not subjected to him enough - that I'm not a biblical wife. He uses a lot of scripture, so I see why he's come to the conclusions he has, which hurts me even more and is making me question my faith.

I'm also 3 months postpartum, after being pregnant for practically 2 years in a row. My son is 14 months, my daughter 3 months. I'm just scared right now and feel so far from God. Please pray for me.

We haven't been to church in 2 years, so I feel I have no one to talk to or confide in - no Christian community to help me.

Am sorry to hear you are faced with this .... it is so difficult when someone close to us wounds us.

God created to be one man to have one wife. It is true that polygamy occurred in biblical history but it was not as God created to be that way by God ..... polygamy was/is man's idea ... not God's.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Wife ... singular .... not plural (wives)

Ephesians 5:31 — The New King James Version (NKJV)​

31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

TWO .... not more than TWO

Hold him up in prayer and ask Him to give your husband understanding.

May you be comforted by the Lord during this difficult time. Amen

 

[Lost Witness]

And the difficult thing for me has been, that it doesn't feel like he's cherry picking verses, but is using so much of the Bible against me. Leading to the whole, "you're not biblical enough" type statements. Examples such as, God Himself being married or in covenant with both Israel and Judah, Jesus "referring to Himself as a polygamous man" in the parable of the ten bridesmaids, not to mention Jesus not condoning polygamy in that parable at all, all the righteous men of the bible who were in plural marriages, even God's issue with David not being necessarily for taking Bathsheba as one of his many wives, but that he had killed Uriah - God even stating that if he hadn't killed Uriah, He would have given him more - wives seemingly included.

“And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things.” 2 Samuel 12:8

And these are just a few things he's brought up. One thing I've always admired about my husband is his pursuit for truth and wanting to be biblical and have good doctrine, but this is too hard for me to swallow emotionally and mentally. I don't know if I can refute this.

I think God's ideal design for marriage is between one man and one woman, as was His perfect creation in the garden. Yet my husband says, "it's an assumption that it's ideal, and marriage is honorable in all, as long as it's between husband and wife/wives." But polygamy seems to have too many issues that come along with the package. When I look at the forums he's been looking at, I can't help but see all of these women who are in this situation, and how much they are struggling, feeling like they're enemies to another woman in their own home as they have to fight over the affection of one man. This is what makes it feel so unnatural to me and like it isn't what God intended for marriage, but instead allowed in a sinful and fallen world. But I have no scripture on my side and am feeling like biblically, women are kind of like cattle.

Also to note, my husband and I literally had little to no issues before this started coming up. We were very happy together for a very long time. But I feel so emotional over this, like I can't get a grip and am feeling like he's my enemy. This is all very hard for me. And I don't want to break up our household because we have small children and I know how important a father is in their lives. I wouldn't divorce him, unless he brought home another woman. I just couldn't live like that. It feels like it goes against my entire conscience.

Remember No matter what happens GOD IS GOOD,
Keep your eyes on the LORD and Lean on Him for His Strength,
Be the strength that your husband lacks and the light in the darkness that has come into your lives,
Remember To Pray without Ceasing and Know The LORD Loves You, Sister and is with you always

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Thank you for your reply sister.

I have tried, but he's refuted every point I've made so far. I too brought up how polygamy is illegal in the united states, and how biblically it would be wrong to not obey our laws. He says "having two marriage certificates is illegal" and that you can "spiritually marry another" which God would honor. Also stating that marriage is not a lawful institution, but a biblical and spiritual one and you don't need a marriage certificate for God to see two people as being married.

I'm looking for the scripture where is states marriage is between one man and one woman, or that it is God's ideal, but cannot find it.

It was from the beginning. One flesh. There is no plurality.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

 

[tryphena rose]

Thank you all for your prayers, from the bottom of my heart. We had a much needed heart to heart tonight, with many tears shed on both ends. This is rare to see in my husband. But I'm very thankful to God for this wonderful man He's placed in my life, and am very thankful to you all who prayed for us and our marriage. God bless you all in the mighty name of Jesus! He is good!

 

[StillGods]

if he ever wants to be an elder the stipulation is having one wife.

prayers for you and your husband.

 

[LizaMarie]

First of all, prayers for you and your marriage.
Maria Billingsly has it correct.
Second, it is important for you and your husband be part of a church family, to attend a church that is Biblically based. I'm sorry, but e are not meant to be lone ranger Christians, we are meant to go to church and have a church community.
YOur pastor and other members would correct him on this error, and could council you both in this area. I know you have small children and it's hard to take them to church at those ages, but it is so worth it. For the children as well. some children have nursery that will watch the chldren during the service.
Jesus reinstituted marriage in the New Testament as being between one man and one woman for life.
There are many verses supporting this.

 

[thomasbile]

I'm genuinely sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've always believed that relationships are based on mutual understanding and consent. If polygyny isn't something both partners are comfortable with, it can create issues, as you're experiencing now. It's crucial to communicate with your husband about your feelings and concerns. There may be an underlying issue related to his desire for a second wife.

A few years back, my boyfriend and I (both of us are Christians) faced challenges in our relationship. We believe love is love, regardless of gender, and our bond aligns with our faith. We decided to go to LGBT couples counseling, which truly helped us. We learned the importance of communication, trust, and understanding each other's perspectives, solidifying our relationship further.

Seeking therapy might offer you and your husband insights and tools to navigate through these complex emotions. Sending prayers and strength your way.

 

[Diamond72]

I'm looking for the scripture where is states marriage is between one man and one woman, or that it is God's ideal, but cannot find it.

We reads about this in Matthew 19:8 "Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." We see God's plan and purpose for Adam and Eve. It was not Adam but Eve who was deceived. 1 Timothy 2:14 "For Adam was formed first, and then Eve. 14 And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman who was deceived and fell into transgression."

It does amaze me that so little is understood about God's plan for marriage. It is almost as if the parents have to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the children. They are the real losers if a marriage fails. In the case of David and Bathsheba they lost their first child. Then their second child: Solomon ended up with 700 wives and 300 concubines. He is the one that tells us.

Proverbs 15:17 "Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred."

Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife."

Proverbs 17:1 "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."

Yes David and Solomon had multiple wives but that was NEVER God plan for them and they paid a price for that. We still pay a heavy price today for Abrahams marital unfaithfulness, even it was Sarah's suggestion. As you say through Christ we are delivered from all of that and restored to God's plan and purpose for us.