Anxiety In Prayer

[RachelZ]

Hi all...well, it happened again today and just wondered if anyone had any good ideas. It seems so often when I determine to have a good chat with God that anxiety steps in. I'll be praying, get a thought that maybe something in my life isn't right and then get anxious wondering if it was from God or not and if so it usually means me doing something really difficult. Today it was doubt about my therapist being the right person to see. This would be a hideous time for me to call it all off but then if it's God speaking I shouldn't ignore it. The result? Bang goes the really good chat with God cos I'm too busy worrying. I just don't know how to determine what is me and what is God speaking. I tried to think well I'll trust God to make Himself heard but if I harden my heart then will He? It happens when I read the bible as well. The end result is I pray and read the bible less cos I can't be doing with the resulting anxiety. I often seem to be waiting for God to whap me round the back of the head which makes a relationship with Him very hard. Any ideas gratefully received and hope you're all doing OK...take care, Rachel

 

[kaykay9.0]

Oh, Rachel, I totally identify with what you wrote. When my OCD is really spiking, it is very difficult for me to pray. Like you said, I will try but will get off on my "obsession du jour."

You wrote something to me one time and I can't say it quite as eloquently as you did, but the gist of it was that God knows our heart. He knows we struggle with OCD and that therefore, we have difficulty identifying His voice from our feelings and fears. You assured me that therefore, He also knows that we are willing to obey Him if it's difficult if we were reasonably certain it was indeed Him directing, not our OCD.

My counselor had said almost the same thing, but for some reason when you reiterated that, it really spoke to me and I try to recall it when I'm struggling in that way. And it helps. Please try to take your own advice here.

Also, I think about something Dr. James Dobson wrote in one of his books (he does not have OCD!) that one time he said to God that he was willing to do anything, absolutely anything, the Lord asked, with the proviso that the Lord somehow managed to make it clear that it was indeed Him speaking. He said He believed the Lord had honored that in his lifetime.

I don't know if any of this helps, but just try to take your own advice...which I know is harder to do in our OWN life. I think during prayer might be a good time to use seajoy's advice to just say "oh, well" to such thoughts till we finish our prayer time.

 

[seajoy]

Hi all...well, it happened again today and just wondered if anyone had any good ideas. It seems so often when I determine to have a good chat with God that anxiety steps in. I'll be praying, get a thought that maybe something in my life isn't right and then get anxious wondering if it was from God or not and if so it usually means me doing something really difficult. Today it was doubt about my therapist being the right person to see. This would be a hideous time for me to call it all off but then if it's God speaking I shouldn't ignore it. The result? Bang goes the really good chat with God cos I'm too busy worrying. I just don't know how to determine what is me and what is God speaking. I tried to think well I'll trust God to make Himself heard but if I harden my heart then will He? It happens when I read the bible as well. The end result is I pray and read the bible less cos I can't be doing with the resulting anxiety. I often seem to be waiting for God to whap me round the back of the head which makes a relationship with Him very hard. Any ideas gratefully received and hope you're all doing OK...take care, Rachel

Keep reading and praying through the anxiety. It takes a lot of practice, but don't stop. I used to have the exact thing you are talking about happen to me. Just pray your way through your wandering thoughts. God has no problem hearing your heart's prayer...remember, He understands OCD.

 

[QUannie]

Rachel, i totally understand what you are saying!
I will have a thought and think it may be God and it is usually telling me to do something VERY difficult. I even have thoughts, when i am relying on God's promises, that I am making excuses for my sin or i am fooling myself. I have stepped out at times and done these VERY difficult things and it changed nothing really, at times caused another obsession. I have no answers! I hate it!

Q

 

[keryakos]

Hi all...well, it happened again today and just wondered if anyone had any good ideas. It seems so often when I determine to have a good chat with God that anxiety steps in. I'll be praying, get a thought that maybe something in my life isn't right and then get anxious wondering if it was from God or not and if so it usually means me doing something really difficult. Today it was doubt about my therapist being the right person to see. This would be a hideous time for me to call it all off but then if it's God speaking I shouldn't ignore it. The result? Bang goes the really good chat with God cos I'm too busy worrying. I just don't know how to determine what is me and what is God speaking. I tried to think well I'll trust God to make Himself heard but if I harden my heart then will He? It happens when I read the bible as well. The end result is I pray and read the bible less cos I can't be doing with the resulting anxiety. I often seem to be waiting for God to whap me round the back of the head which makes a relationship with Him very hard. Any ideas gratefully received and hope you're all doing OK...take care, Rachel

Rachel you are one of the most humble and compassionate people i have talked with online ..you have a very sweet disposition ..

the only thing i know of is to stop and come back to it because God knows youre heart ..and he isnt going to punish you if you make a mistake about his voice ..

 

[BeccaLynn]

I know where you're coming from Rachel. I've been looking back recently over things that I've done that I've thought God has wanted me to do, and things that I've done that I've thought He's not wanted me to do. Actually, some of the things that I thought were His bidding are things that I would look back and change now. They were difficult things that I didn't want to do, but I was afraid not to do if it was really Him directing me that way. I won't go into details, but I'm still suffering the effects from them and so is my family. Maybe I do need to give one example to clarify the kinds of things I'm talking about.

I wanted to stay home with my child and not depend on my in-laws to watch him so I could work. My husband and I needed the money and I didn't "feel" that God wanted me to quit my job. In fact, I panicked about quitting because I felt so strongly that God didn't want me to. I felt that if I did, something terrible would happen. So, my in-laws watched my son and I went back to work. I still regret that decision. It's brought on a lot of heartache in many ways due to a lot of unresolved issues.

I always have a tendency to think that if it's something I want, that God is disciplining me in trying to let me know that I don't need my way and to just trust Him. But, then, when I've felt it was Him and haven't listened, when things go wrong I feel it's a consequence of me being disobedient and not "listening" to Him. It's hard to feel as if I've won in any of this, and I've definitely seemed to not draw closer to God through the "pains" I"ve taken when I thought I was listening to Him. I'm talking about the big issues in my life when I say this.

I'm not telling anyone by any means to disobey God. I am saying that I understand the wondering about what is ocd and what is actually God trying to speak. I don't want to hand everything over that I don't want to do and blame ocd, yet it does have a tendency I think to entice us into thinking that some things are from God that actually aren't. I thought for a long time that God didn't want me on any medicine, that it was just an excuse, and that if I got my spiritual life in order that I wouldn't be having the problems I was having. That "Godly" way of thinking kept me from seeking much needed help for many years.

I hope this makes sense to you. But even if it doesn't, hugs to you.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[RachelZ]

Hey thank you so much to everyone who's replied...I am so sorry I haven't thanked you before!! I feel bad when I don't get to respond quickly cos it looks like I'm not that bothered about any replies I get but the exact opposite is true! You have no idea how much I appreciate your honesty, empathy and words of wisdom! It is so helpful that others can relate to what I'm saying!

Yes Rebecca what you've said does make sense. In fact your experience is all too familiar to me and you describe my way of thinking so well...thank you for that!

Thanks Keryakos...I don't know about sweet and hiumble but it's kind of you too say so. I agree that I should be bale to think well God won't punish me for not hearing right...the trouble is I think I don't trust myself! I think well maybe I HAVE heard Him and am in denial! But I totally agree with your perspective on this...I guess I need to trust God's mercy more than His judgement!

Thanks Seajoy...for understanding and for the wisdom to keep preaying and reading anyway...I will try!

Hey QUannie...it sucks doesn't it! Thanks for sharing your experience...yes it is usually the really difficult stuff that causes the problems isn't it?! Maybe it's cos they're most likely to bring on a sense of apprehension even in a person without OCD so for us it's fulll on fear!?

Thank you so much KayKay...it's so comforting to know you understand! I'm glad what I said helped...I guess like I said earlier I have difficulty thinking well what if I HAVE heard Him?! Oh it just gets all difficult and horrible but I guess you know that all too well!

Thanks again to you all...sorry I replied in reverse order...it seemed easier but isn't a reflection on my appreciation of your responses! I'd really value your prayers at the mo...I don't really want to go into it on-line but I've been through a really difficult time recently...not OCD for once...don't faint with shock! LOL But seriously, I am hoping the rest of 2009 isn't has horrible! Please pray I'd regain some faith in praying cos I'm really struggling to see what difference my prayers make. I also feel like it's harder to deal with on top of the OCD anxiety as well. Anyway...thanks ever so much and take care...hope you're all doing well...Rachel