Answers for Inquisitive Kids

[Redguard]

You've all been there.

You're at the mall, or at the park, and suddenly somebody walks by your child. There's something different about them and your child takes notice. They're either in a wheel-chair, or they walk with a certain limp, or they just plain look different as a result of an accident or genetic disorder.

So, out of curiosity, your child asks aloud, "Why does that person look..." or "Why is that person in...", etc.

Now... in considering the way of answering the question, are you okay with suggesting that your child follow you to that person so that they can ask the question to that person directly for a more upfront "straight-from-the-horses-mouth" sort of answer (which can be very educational) or do you see that as being rude?

 

[CelticRose]

Not necessarily rude but invasive of personal space. I used to get people coming up to me a lot when my twins were little but it made a real drama out of a quick trip to the shops. I used to appreciate their concern & curiosity but I didn't appreciate the amount of time it consumed. You just never know where people are at, what their day's been like, if they really need some quiet & space & for those reasons alone I wouldn't intrude no matter how *educational* the experience would be...but then we have always known a number of families with people with disabilities & my kids just accepted that as normal. I can't ever remember getting the question you refer to.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

My brother has a prosthetic and while you can't tell from the outside he does sometimes have a slight limp or he has needed to sit in a wheel chair. Having a child he didn't know come up to him would make him very uncomfortable. I think it's best to expalin things yourself. Putting that pressure on someone else is intimidating for them.

They would probably feel that their privacy was invaded, they may not like answering questions about it, or they may not be sure how much information you want your child to have.

Now, if you know the person well it's different but walking up to a complete stranger to ask about something so personal is out of line IMO.

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

yeah, I tend to agree it may be borderline rude, too many what-if's...
I think I'd answer the question in a simple straightforward way, if perhaps, the person overheard and we made eye contact and they seemed interested and open then maybe we could speak to them... but I'd lean toward minding my own business!

 

[heart of peace]

Not necessarily rude but invasive of personal space. You just never know where people are at, what their day's been like, if they really need some quiet & space & for those reasons alone I wouldn't intrude no matter how *educational* the experience would be...but then we have always known a number of families with people with disabilities & my kids just accepted that as normal.

Yeah that^^^

 

[jgonz]

I think I'd answer the question in a simple straightforward way, if perhaps, the person overheard and we made eye contact and they seemed interested and open then maybe we could speak to them... but I'd lean toward minding my own business!

This is very similar to what I do.

 

[HeatherJay]

I think my approach has been to try to teach my girls that no one likes to be stared at or pointed at or put on the spot for being different. So, if they do have questions about a person who looks different, my approach has been to teach them to be polite and ask me about it quietly when their question won't hurt anyone's feelings.

 

[GolfingMom]

I think my approach has been to try to teach my girls that no one likes to be stared at or pointed at or put on the spot for being different. So, if they do have questions about a person who looks different, my approach has been to teach them to be polite and ask me about it quietly when their question won't hurt anyone's feelings.

That's what we've done.

If my kiddo's see someone 'different' they know to either wait until we get into the car or until we have some bit of privacy to ask me quietly. I do my best to answer their question.

 

[lucypevensie]

I'd not encourage posing those kinds of questions to complete strangers. True, probably some of them wouldn't mind, but I think many of them would.

I think every parent has been in the awkward situation where their child very boldly yet innocently asked "Mom, why does that man have _____________(whatever)!?" Makes you want to crawl under a rug.

 

[GolfingMom]

I'd not encourage posing those kinds of questions to complete strangers. True, probably some of them wouldn't mind, but I think many of them would.

I think every parent has been in the awkward situation where their child very boldly yet innocently asked "Mom, why does that man have _____________(whatever)!?" Makes you want to crawl under a rug.

My friends child did this and she was so embarrassed and the lady he asked the questions about was very upset. When she told me I knew I needed to work on DS's before they did it. Every time we went to the store I told them that if they had a question while shopping they can wait or whisper it to me etc and it's worked every time...so far

 

[marezee]

You've all been there.

You're at the mall, or at the park, and suddenly somebody walks by your child. There's something different about them and your child takes notice. They're either in a wheel-chair, or they walk with a certain limp, or they just plain look different as a result of an accident or genetic disorder.

So, out of curiosity, your child asks aloud, "Why does that person look..." or "Why is that person in...", etc.

Now... in considering the way of answering the question, are you okay with suggesting that your child follow you to that person so that they can ask the question to that person directly for a more upfront "straight-from-the-horses-mouth" sort of answer (which can be very educational) or do you see that as being rude?

I don't think I would do that...it is rather rude to invade someone's space like that. I have been on both sides of the fence. When i was in middle/high school, i wore a back brace because i had scoliosis. I would get a lot of stares. but the worst was when someone i didn't know came up to me and asked "what happened to your neck?" or some other wise crack. no, i would just tell my child that it is impolite to stare and that God made them that way. If they knew the person, then perhaps they could ask them when they were alone together. not in public for everyone to hear.

 

[lucypevensie]

My friends child did this and she was so embarrassed and the lady he asked the questions about was very upset. When she told me I knew I needed to work on DS's before they did it. Every time we went to the store I told them that if they had a question while shopping they can wait or whisper it to me etc and it's worked every time...so far

You're more prepared than me. Who'd've thought that the man coming to lay carpet on our stairs was missing his right hand? My kids were about 3 and 4 years old, and they had never seen such a thing, and they weren't very quiet about it either.

 

[GolfingMom]

You're more prepared than me. Who'd've thought that the man coming to lay carpet on our stairs was missing his right hand? My kids were about 3 and 4 years old, and they had never seen such a thing, and they weren't very quiet about it either.

 

[£amb]

My best friend has a mentally handicapped brother. Growing up, people constantly asked us what was wrong with him when we were out with him. After awhile you get tired of it. So when people kept approaching, we would start getting upset and people took it that we were offended....which was not true...just ticked off. When it concerns my own boys wondering...I just tell my boys that the person has a physical condition and leave it as that.

I know many parents want their children to have a healthy curiosity and to encourage them to ask questions instead of stare. That's okay, but my personal opinion is sometimes it's best to just leave it be because it may be a very sensitive subject to the person or family members and they'd rather not discuss it to strangers.

 

[lucypevensie]

My best friend has a mentally handicapped brother. Growing up, people constantly asked us what was wrong with him when we were out with him. After awhile you get tired of it. So when people kept approaching, we would start getting upset and people took it that we were offended....which was not true...just ticked off. When it concerns my own boys wondering...I just tell my boys that the person has a physical condition and leave it as that.

I know many parents want their children to have a healthy curiosity and to encourage them to ask questions instead of stare. That's okay, but my personal opinion is sometimes it's best to just leave it be because it may be a very sensitive subject to the person or family members and they'd rather not discuss it to strangers.

Good post.

There are some things that are just plain none of our business to ask about. Curiosity is a good thing but we also need to learn to be content to not know all the details about everything.

 

[Darkhorse]

Actually, I came across this very situation this Labor Day weekend at a camp my family was visiting. A large man walked into the men's restroom walking on one artificial leg. My son and I were in there brushing our teeth. My son asked me "Dad, how well does that artificial leg work?" I suggested that he ask he man wearing it, who was very friendly about describing all the things he could do, how it was much better than a wheelchair, and how he had lost his natural leg. It was a very positive experience, I think largely due to the open and "festive" atmosphere of the camp. If we had been at a mall, I might not have given my son the same answer.

By the way, we were at a nudist camp.

 

[Rebekka]

I think my approach has been to try to teach my girls that no one likes to be stared at or pointed at or put on the spot for being different. So, if they do have questions about a person who looks different, my approach has been to teach them to be polite and ask me about it quietly when their question won't hurt anyone's feelings.

That's a very good approach IMO, as it teaches children to be sensitive of other people's feelings while still taking their questions seriously.

My mother's disabled, and while she is very patient with children's questions (sometimes asked nicely, but often rude) it does get tiresome sometimes. I agree with lucypevensie:

There are some things that are just plain none of our business to ask about. Curiosity is a good thing but we also need to learn to be content to not know all the details about everything.

In some situations the person in question will not mind, but then there will be an indication of that (e.g. him/her overhearing you whispering to your child - but then he/she will probably make the first move).