Everything that happens is God's will. The question is, is it God's sovereign will (that is, what God does) or is it God's permissive will (that is, what God does not do, but allows to happen).
I would think that sovereign will precludes permissive will from being then anything more than God's plan to play chess on the board of his creation. With we the pawns, while he is the back row and the rule book, if I am to see God in your way.
Especially as a woman.
Ephesians 1:11 (ESV)
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will.
Job 42:2 (ESV)
I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
Again as I see it, if all things work according to the council of God's will, it's either all or nothing. Even what is said to be permitted by his will, it is first, because God is sovereign, appointed as that what is working as having been predestined according to the purpose of his sovereign will.
In the case of your girlfriend, since death is not of God, we must conclude that, while not God's sovereign will, it is God's permissive will.
God let her baby die, because that spontaneous abortion was predestined according to the purpose of him that works all things according to the council of his will.
Both myself and her husband comforted her, even in our arms, for days while she tried to understand the loss of her baby.
I respect that that's how you see her suffering. However, I know her.
Also, if all things are created of God then so too even is death in any way one may read it described in the scriptures.
In the case of the victims of abortion, we know that this is not God's sovereign will because the authority to take life does not belong to man.
It rather resides in God's sovereign authority then?
As when, in various accounts througout the old testament, God ordained that man should take the life of other men, so as to further his agenda for his chosen people.
Or as when God slaughtered the first born of every Egyptian family in Egypt so as to prove his sovereignty unto Pagan Egypt and supplant their false Gods?
What then of Harrod and his decree in the new testament well after that, when he ordained the first born of every Jewish house should be put to death to insure God born as Messiah would not come to life?
The difference is one of a naturally occurring event and a murder.
Here I am reminded of the Declaration of Independence. Specifically it's reference to nature and nature's God. As I am reminded when people say America was founded as a Christian nation.
I would think when God is sovereign, Ephesians 1:1 works out even as he is responsible for letting murder happen.
Have you ever wondered about the verse in Genesis 2:7? When God breathed into the nostrils of Adam and he became a living soul? Abiding then in the temple of the flesh wherein the NT says God's kingdom dwells.
When Adam became a living soul then, what was the soul prior to living there, according to God's sovereign will?